Awww come on lets finish the discussion! It was civil!

[Qualitee]

What I don't understand is, people are so outraged if someone relaxes a childs hair at ages 3-5 but if they're 6 or above it's somehow ok.

I dont believe any child should relax their hair. If a child's hair is relaxed its the mothers choice, not the child.

 

[msa]

Some people say they relax their hair to look more professional at their job. So curly hair= nonprofessional..........I think that is stupid.

According to a thread on the hair board the other day you need a relaxer just to get a job in the first place.

You also need one to be beautiful and be able to find a man (especially if you want a black one).

 

[basketballbabe03]

Some people say they relax their hair to look more professional at their job. So curly hair= nonprofessional..........I think that is stupid.

Yeah, I used to hear this from all my older relatives. My natural hair has never stopped me from getting a job. As long as it's neat, there shouldn't be a problem.

 

[Summer_Rain]

* Parents, friends etc around them telling them natural hair is ugly etc.
* Bad touch up experiences (I can remember a few - like being told my hair was "tough" because I'd been too lng without a relaxer)
* Possibly seeing girls with natural hair being treated in a negative way. Where I grew up, many girls with twas were clowned. I'm sure the shortness was an added factor though.

I think a lot of it is more so fear, as opposed to hate. Of course, I do agree that there are women who dont hate their natural hair even if they've never experienced it. It differ from person to person but I don't think you need to have experienced something directly in order to hate, dislike or fear it.

I suppose it's the same way I HATE liver though I've never let it touch my lips! I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it

I still don't believe the thought process is as deep as it's made out to be for majority of relaxing black women. They/we relax because it's what we've been doing our entire lives. But then again, I may just be internalizing, so I'll say that I relax because it's what I've done my entire life. Hair type or length isn't a stigma I feel plagued by.

Could the quest for long hair be viewed with the same suspicions as relaxing vs natural?

 

[Poranges]

Suppose someone looks better with straight hair? It fits my face more that's the only reason I relaxed, I know my natural hair because I was natural until age 16, had a big poofy, pretty afro, just didn't fit me and straightening constantly damaged the hair even more, so I relaxed.

 

[msa]

Hope I don't get in trouble , but I have seen some black women who look awkward with straight hair. Can't say for sure if it's relaxed or pressed, but the straight hair just doesn't seem to go with some black women.

Has anyone ever thought that?

I was one of those women. The last time I got my hair pressed I took my wrap down when I got home and I was like, you don't even look cute. Washed my hair ten minutes later, even though that was money down the drain.

If I were meant to have straight hair, it would have grown out of my head the way and I'm sure it would have looked good.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

The other thread about hairstyle options got locked?! How dreadful...

It only got locked b/c the OP requested that it be locked

 

[basketballbabe03]

Hope I don't get in trouble , but I have seen some black women who look awkward with straight hair. Can't say for sure if it's relaxed or pressed, but the straight hair just doesn't seem to go with some black women.

Has anyone ever thought that?

Yes! This thought has passed through my mind. I have a cousin who has a mix of 3b/3c hair. She has a pretty curl pattern but she insists on keeping it straight. IMO she looks better with some texture or a roller set instead of bone straight.

 

[Carrie A]

There is a really good piece by Bell Hooks in Tenderheaded: A Comb Bending Collection of Hair Stories. Dr. Hooks wears her hair in a natural, but she was writing about the struggle within herself, as a scholar of AA beauty choices and Eurocentric influences, not to press her hair. She really wanted to have her hair straightened for an event or something. There was an inner dialogue and a decision was made based on her desire to be authentic. She wanted her beliefs amd actions to align completely with her words.

So this hair thing runs deep...even in the minds of our great scholars.

 

[msa]

Could the quest for long hair be viewed with the same suspicions as relaxing vs natural?

Yes I think it can when people start doing things like using medication as a growth aid or other substances that can be harmful.

 

[Summer_Rain]

Yes I think it can when people start doing things like using medication as a growth aid or other substances that can be harmful.

I see your point MSA. We revere long hair and though terminal growth is shot down around here, there will clearly be a bulk of the women on this board who will never achieve their desired length no matter what they do or what process they go through.

 

[basketballbabe03]

I suppose it's the same way I HATE liver though I've never let it touch my lips! I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it

I still don't believe the thought process is as deep as it's made out to be for majority of relaxing black women. They/we relax because it's what we've been doing our entire lives. But then again, I may just be internalizing, so I'll say that I relax because it's what I've done my entire life. Hair type or length isn't a stigma I feel plagued by.

Could the quest for long hair be viewed with the same suspicions as relaxing vs natural?

I think it can be deep. I mean, look at some of those Tyra episodes with those people that hate being black. But then again, they just have issues.

 

[BKVincy]

Hope I don't get in trouble , but I have seen some black women who look awkward with straight hair. Can't say for sure if it's relaxed or pressed, but the straight hair just doesn't seem to go with some black women.

Has anyone ever thought that?

I think look horrible with my hair straight IMO people like it and give me compliments but I never feel like myself but thats just me I felt like that through the 8 years I had my hair permed as well

 

[LunadeMiel]

I see your point MSA. We revere long hair and though terminal growth is shot down around here, there will clearly be a bulk of the women on this board who will never achieve their desired length no matter what they do or what process they go through.

I'm always erplexed when I hear people deny the existence of terminal length. Just like when people say that it isn't genetic...

 

[Qualitee]

I'm alway erplexed when I hear people deny the existence of terminal length. Just like when people say that it isn't genetic...

I dont believe our hair from our scalp has a terminal length. But I do believe other hairy areas on our bodies do.

 

[hairsothick]

I'm alway erplexed when I hear people deny the existence of terminal length. Just like when people say that it isn't genetic...

I agree about genetics. It definitely plays a part, I don't care what anyone says. I'm not sure about the terminal length thing, but I can see how that would be true too.

 

[tocktick]

Hope I don't get in trouble , but I have seen some black women who look awkward with straight hair. Can't say for sure if it's relaxed or pressed, but the straight hair just doesn't seem to go with some black women.

Has anyone ever thought that?

Well, it didn't look good on me at all. For some reason, straight hanging hair doesn't work for me.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I dont believe our hair from our scalp has a terminal length. But I do believe other hairy areas on our bodies do.

If that were true then our hair would never shed... Shed hair is hair that is passed its growth cylce....

 

[msa]

I see your point MSA. We revere long hair and though terminal growth is shot down around here, there will clearly be a bulk of the women on this board who will never achieve their desired length no matter what they do or what process they go through.

That terminal length thing is so discouraging, but I know it's true. Growth phases are only so long (avg 2-6 years) and growth rates can only be so high (as determined by genetics and diet/health).

I just hope I'm not one of the people with a growth phase of 2 years and a growth rate of 1/4 of an inch a month. That means my hair would never be longer than it is right now, and that's sad. But I'm sure it's true for some people.

 

[CandiceC]

I see your point MSA. We revere long hair and though terminal growth is shot down around here, there will clearly be a bulk of the women on this board who will never achieve their desired length no matter what they do or what process they go through.

I agree with this.

 

[Summer_Rain]

I'm always erplexed when I hear people deny the existence of terminal length. Just like when people say that it isn't genetic...

That terminal length thing is so discouraging, but I know it's true. Growth phases are only so long (avg 2-6 years) and growth rates can only be so high (as determined by genetics and diet/health).

I just hope I'm not one of the people with a growth phase of 2 years and a growth rate of 1/4 of an inch a month. That means my hair would never be longer than it is right now, and that's sad. But I'm sure it's true for some people.

I agree. So do we tell ppl who refuse to accept this (disputed)fact that they should just be happy with whatever the heck grows out of their scalp?

 

[LisaLisa1908]

More power to anybody that does what they want with their hair.

It is not for me or anybody else to determine their motives for them.

 

[Ramya]

If that were true then our hair would never shed... Shed hair is hair that is passed it growth cylce....

really? my hair hasn't shed since my bc but it never shed a lot before. hmmm interesting

ETA: Transitioning can be hard for people with coily hair. That's one of the major reasons I chose not to transition. I will admit that it is initially shocking to cut all your hair off. I was a few inches below shoulder length, headed toward APL when I bc'd and I was stunned for the first week. Everybody around me was very supportive though so I think it helps to have people reinforcing the beauty of natural hair and baldness

 

[msa]

I agree. So do we tell ppl who refuse to accept this (disputed)fact that they should just be happy with whatever the heck grows out of their scalp?

Well here's the problem. Haircare/retention is the confounding variable. You can't really prove that someone has reached their terminal length if they have not had the retention regimen (and health) that is need for their hair and have been practicing it consistently for a few years.

So while terminal length is a fact, we can never really be 100% sure someone is that their terminal length because regimen and health play such a big part.

But, I do think people should be happy with what they have.

 

[Summer_Rain]

really? my hair hasn't shed since my bc but it never shed a lot before. hmmm interesting

How do you know it hasn't shed?

 

[msa]

really? my hair hasn't shed since my bc but it never shed a lot before. hmmm interesting

Ok, maybe you didn't notice the shed hairs but it definitely has shed. Every human being sheds hair. It may have been a little bit, but it definitely happened. Also, your shedding phase may be shorter than other people's and that could be another reason you didn't notice it.

It's like, when I was in high school, I'd go home with my white's classmates strands on my clothing. It was gross, but it's not like they did it on purpose. They obviously didn't notice that hair was falling out of their head, and how could they. It's not like it hurts or anything.

 

[tocktick]

I suppose it's the same way I HATE liver though I've never let it touch my lips! I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it

I still don't believe the thought process is as deep as it's made out to be for majority of relaxing black women. They/we relax because it's what we've been doing our entire lives. But then again, I may just be internalizing, so I'll say that I relax because it's what I've done my entire life. Hair type or length isn't a stigma I feel plagued by.

Could the quest for long hair be viewed with the same suspicions as relaxing vs natural?

But then does make one wonder why we've been doing it for "our entire lives"? Is it really just routine or something deeper? I suppose opinion is divided. My personal experiences and just reading about other women has swayed me to believe what keeps such large numbers of women going back to the relaxer is this idea of conformity, routine and an element of ignorance. Then a deep rooted sense of fear that many people don't address is also a factor. Obviously, I'm generalising a lot and I have already noted many women who relax don't do it because they hate natural hair.

As for long vs. short hair: it's quite clear that many do want longer hair because they've been socialised to believe long hair is better if you're a woman. It's undoubtedly tied to femininity in our society and many other societies. I think people question it less because with relax vs natural, people could presume you have something against your race or texture. In terms of hair length, the equivalent of wanting long hair is rejecting short hair. Men mainly have short hair...thus, it appears like a non-issue. Yet, I think when some people cut their hair really low, they suddenly face a crisis like many who first go natural do. I sure as heck went though it. I still don't like short hair on me. I feel like I want to cut my hair now but I can't do it because as much as my hair is frustrating me, I'm not dealing with short hair again unless absolutely necessary or in an unfortunate circumstance.

In a sense, it does make me feel more feminine. Yet it's also because I have a big ol' head and with my face shape, short hair didn't really work for me. Nor does that in-between thing. As my hair approaches APL, I think I look better.

 

[Ramya]

How do you know it hasn't shed?

When I comb my hair (once a week) nothing is on the floor, sink, denman or my clothes. It doesn't come out when I play in my hair either. It's weird, I was worried at first but I guess it's cool now. erplexed

Ok, maybe you didn't notice the shed hairs but it definitely has shed. Every human being sheds hair. It may have been a little bit, but it definitely happened. Also, your shedding phase may be shorter than other people's and that could be another reason you didn't notice it.

It's like, when I was in high school, I'd go home with my white's classmates strands on my clothing. It was gross, but it's not like they did it on purpose. They obviously didn't notice that hair was falling out of their head, and how could they. It's not like it hurts or anything.

I think it's my shed cycle is just short because even when my hair was longer it would shed a few strands a day but not a lot. The only time my hair sheds is when I'm sick. I have a white rug on the floor so if it's falling out I'd have to clean the rug by now.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Let's ask Mwedzi that question or any other natural with the the thickest and kinkiest of hair and see if they are in agreement...

There is a natural fairytale that once you free yourself from the chemicals that your hair will cause you less stress.



The act of pulling this into a puff took 15-20 minutes.

Pulling this into a ponytail takes about 15-20 seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~
I think that the overwhelming majority of black women relax because they have no idea how to maintain natural hair. And while we are on the subject, most times black women who are natural can't shed much more light on natural hair problems other than 'cut it'.

I know for myself that the only time I see myself going back to natural is when I'm in a place in my life where I'm content to wear a TWA. Because knots and knotting hair are not the bisness.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

really? my hair hasn't shed since my bc but it never shed a lot before. hmmm interesting

ETA: Transitioning can be hard for people with coily hair. That's one of the major reasons I chose not to transition. I will admit that it is initially shocking to cut all your hair off. I was a few inches below shoulder length, headed toward APL when I bc'd and I was stunned for the first week. Everybody around me was very supportive though so I think it helps to have people reinforcing the beauty of natural hair and baldness

Wow. You haven't shed in MONTHS? Amazing. You're the only person I know in the world that doesn't shed.