Is anyone else *afraid* to grow their hair longer?

[Crystalicequeen123]

Well....not "afraid" per se, but....you ladies who are growing your hair longer, or who used to have short hair and now have shoulder-length, BSL or longer hair... Was there ever a time when you felt kind of hesitant or self-conscious about growing your hair longer because you were afraid of what people would say/think about you?

Case in point.... I just had my relaxer touch-up, and I guess I must be doing something right because my hair is a lot longer than I thought it was going to be, and my hair is now about 3 inches from maybe grazing my bra-strap! YAY!!

But now that my hair is longer, I'm getting a lot of attention from others (especially women) and although most of that attention is good (nice compliments), in the back of my mind I feel like if my hair grows even longer, some women may start to think to themselves: "oh look at her, she thinks she's all that just because she has long hair." So now days, I'm feeling kind of self-conscious! It's the weirdest thing!

I feel like it's harder for women who perhaps had neck-length hair all their life to now be sporting bsl or longer hair. It's like people are okay with you if you ALWAYS had long hair, or if you're mixed and have long hair. But if you're not mixed, or if you're a darker-skinned sister and you used to have short short hair, but now have longer hair, it's like it messes with their mind or something, and they now start hating on you.

Has anyone gone through this?

PS-don't get me wrong, I'm going to grow my hair out as long as I can no matter what ANYONE else says/thinks....but in the back of my mind I just feel kind of hesitant. One night I was air-drying my hair after washing it, and my hair is now noticeably longer...but when I went downstairs, my mom didn't say anything, she just stared at my hair....not a peep. Then, on another occassion, she made some snide remark like: "Well, I'm not trying to grow my hair long like some of you are...so that's why I cut my hair on a regular basis."

 

[lurkersincejan]

No Im not afraid of it at all, hopefully they will just ask me how I achieved my length. I will be be more than happy to share. My sister noticed my hair on fathers day and asked me questions, i love to share the wealth...lol

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I understand how you feel. People how make comments or feel that way just dont believe they can grow their hair too. If you ever see an opportunity to give them motivation that you can too and I can show you how than take it. But if they just want to hate, there's nothing you can do about that. Most people are negative and "glass full empty" preceivers anyway.

Well....not "afraid" per se, but....you ladies who are growing your hair longer, or who used to have short hair and now have shoulder-length, BSL or longer hair... Was there ever a time when you felt kind of hesitant or self-conscious about growing your hair longer because you were afraid of what people would say/think about you?

Case in point.... I just had my relaxer touch-up, and I guess I must be doing something right because my hair is a lot longer than I thought it was going to be, and my hair is now about 3 inches from maybe grazing my bra-strap! YAY!!

But now that my hair is longer, I'm getting a lot of attention from others (especially women) and although most of that attention is good (nice compliments), in the back of my mind I feel like if my hair grows even longer, some women may start to think to themselves: "oh look at her, she thinks she's all that just because she has long hair." So now days, I'm feeling kind of self-conscious! It's the weirdest thing!

I feel like it's harder for women who perhaps had neck-length hair all their life to now be sporting bsl or longer hair. It's like people are okay with you if you ALWAYS had long hair, or if you're mixed and have long hair. But if you're not mixed, or if you're a darker-skinned sister and you used to have short short hair, but now have longer hair, it's like it messes with their mind or something, and they now start hating on you.

Has anyone gone through this?

PS-don't get me wrong, I'm going to grow my hair out as long as I can no matter what ANYONE else says/thinks....but in the back of my mind I just feel kind of hesitant. One night I was air-drying my hair after washing it, and my hair is now noticeably longer...but when I went downstairs, my mom didn't say anything, she just stared at my hair....not a peep. Then, on another occassion, she made some snide remark like: "Well, I'm not trying to grow my hair long like some of you are...so that's why I cut my hair on a regular basis."

 

[Caramela]

Um... no The more drastic growth the better.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Hmm...maybe it's just me and my own personal insecurity then.

I don't like to be the center of attention too much, and with this new "hair" I seem to be getting more attention than usual, and it's kind of putting me ill at ease. At least with family members. With my friends I don't feel that way at all. And with strangers I don't really feel self-conscious. But people that have known me for a while like co-workers, family members, and some in my congregation tend to make me more "nervous" about growing my hair long.

Just recently after my service on Sunday a sister in my congregation came around and put her hands through my hair saying: "Wow, your hair has gotten so long!" All loud and stuff!

It's flattering, but at the same time I'm worrying about what others may think. I feel like the majority of people are negative, and that even if you have something that's good...they feel the need knock you down a peg.

 

[chavascandy]

I also understand how you feel. Sometimes I just wonder,"What are people staring at." Then I realize that they are trying to figure out if my hair is real or a weave.

After that, I just take the long stares as a compliment.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Hmm...maybe it's just me and my own personal insecurity then.

I don't like to be the center of attention too much, and with this new "hair" I seem to be getting more attention than usual, and it's kind of putting me ill at ease. At least with family members. With my friends I don't feel that way at all. And with strangers I don't really feel self-conscious. But people that have known me for a while like co-workers, family members, and some in my congregation tend to make me more "nervous" about growing my hair long.

Just recently after my service on Sunday a sister in my congregation came around and put her hands through my hair saying: "Wow, your hair has gotten so long!" All loud and stuff!
It's flattering, but at the same time I'm worrying about what others may think. I feel like the majority of people are negative, and that even if you have something that's good...they feel the need knock you down a peg.

I have thought about the same thing although Im nowhere near your length. You just have to accept that some people may be jealous or think you have a weave.

At the end of the day most of the people who think bad things may want to have long hair themselves and seeing you may make them feel bad so theres no real reason to feel afraid. ITA you should help people if you can and don't break your back trying to read peoples minds.

 

[HoneyA]

I think I can understand how you feel. Not that I am afraid to grow my hair longer but I understand about the extra attention. Comments from people about the length and thickness and the stares when I wear it out. I always part it down the middle because it looks better that way and then it's also quite clear it's not a weave. I guess the longer your hair grows, the more comments and stares you should expect to attract. Comes with the territory I guess...

 

[LivingDoll]

No, I don't think I would say afraid...I've gotten lots of compliments when my hair is short too, so long hair compliments and attention wouldn't bother me...I welcome it. I'm most afraid of this stage that I'm in now but not because of others, but because I feel insecure that it doesn't look good. It's a horrible length to be at...in-between short and SL. I HATE it. Luckily, its summer so I can get away with phony ponying all the time and I don't have to see it.

 

[prospurr4]

Well....not "afraid" per se, but....you ladies who are growing your hair longer, or who used to have short hair and now have shoulder-length, BSL or longer hair... Was there ever a time when you felt kind of hesitant or self-conscious about growing your hair longer because you were afraid of what people would say/think about you?

Case in point.... I just had my relaxer touch-up, and I guess I must be doing something right because my hair is a lot longer than I thought it was going to be, and my hair is now about 3 inches from maybe grazing my bra-strap! YAY!!

But now that my hair is longer, I'm getting a lot of attention from others (especially women) and although most of that attention is good (nice compliments), in the back of my mind I feel like if my hair grows even longer, some women may start to think to themselves: "oh look at her, she thinks she's all that just because she has long hair." So now days, I'm feeling kind of self-conscious! It's the weirdest thing!

I feel like it's harder for women who perhaps had neck-length hair all their life to now be sporting bsl or longer hair. It's like people are okay with you if you ALWAYS had long hair, or if you're mixed and have long hair. But if you're not mixed, or if you're a darker-skinned sister and you used to have short short hair, but now have longer hair, it's like it messes with their mind or something, and they now start hating on you.

Has anyone gone through this?

PS-don't get me wrong, I'm going to grow my hair out as long as I can no matter what ANYONE else says/thinks....but in the back of my mind I just feel kind of hesitant. One night I was air-drying my hair after washing it, and my hair is now noticeably longer...but when I went downstairs, my mom didn't say anything, she just stared at my hair....not a peep. Then, on another occassion, she made some snide remark like: "Well, I'm not trying to grow my hair long like some of you are...so that's why I cut my hair on a regular basis."

I totally understand what you're saying. Most of my life, my hair was short (neck length), dry and damaged. So that's the "me" that people (particularly family) are used to seeing. Well, now my hair is about MBL, and I get lots of compliments. I must admit that I kinda like the extra attention I'm getting. However, some of my family can't deal with the "new me." Sometimes they just stare (especially the women) without saying a word. I usually do not care what other people think, because there will always be jealous/envious people around...I just roll with it. However, my mom (whose opinion is important to me) told me that "my face is too small to have that much hair." She also said almost the same thing as your mom...about cutting her hair on a regular basis to keep it short. She thinks that I should keep my hair short, as well...Ummm...I don't think so! My goal length is tailbone!

So, to answer your question: No, I'm not afraid of having long hair; I'm really enjoying it and looking forward to longer lengths. My hope is that someone will finally ask me what I'm doing so that I can help them grow long, healthy hair, too....I'm still waiting for that to happen....

I'm glad you've decided to not let the opinions of others deter you from your goals.

 

[naturalpride]

I can understand what you are saying because when I was relaxed and had short hair people didn't have anything to say but my hair looks nice, but when I decided to let my relaxed hair grow to a little pass my shoulders people began to treat me differently, like I think that I am all of that or something. So, I can relate to what you are saying. Right now I am natural TWA length since Nov. 2007. I am enjoing my new hair and will flat iron in about 3.5 years.

 

[LongiLox]

Hmm...maybe it's just me and my own personal insecurity then.

I don't like to be the center of attention too much, and with this new "hair" I seem to be getting more attention than usual, and it's kind of putting me ill at ease. At least with family members. With my friends I don't feel that way at all. And with strangers I don't really feel self-conscious. But people that have known me for a while like co-workers, family members, and some in my congregation tend to make me more "nervous" about growing my hair long.

Just recently after my service on Sunday a sister in my congregation came around and put her hands through my hair saying: "Wow, your hair has gotten so long!" All loud and stuff!

It's flattering, but at the same time I'm worrying about what others may think. I feel like the majority of people are negative, and that even if you have something that's good...they feel the need knock you down a peg.

You shouldn't care what they think. Your main focus should be on growing your hair as long as possible. Let them be negative; in one ear, out the other. When they come around and start being positive, then maybe you can show them how to grow their hair long too.

 

[locabouthair]

Nope. Aint no fear over here

But I understand what you mean. I dont like attention also but I'd be happy to receive those type of comments versus, the "your hair looks horrible" comments.

Congrats on the growth!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I totally understand what you're saying. Most of my life, my hair was short (neck length), dry and damaged. So that's the "me" that people (particularly family) are used to seeing. Well, now my hair is about MBL, and I get lots of compliments. I must admit that I kinda like the extra attention I'm getting. However, some of my family can't deal with the "new me." Sometimes they just stare (especially the women) without saying a word. I usually do not care what other people think, because there will always be jealous/envious people around...I just roll with it.

Right...this is what I mean! Sometimes people get so used to the "old you" that they don't think that you can change. And when you DO change, some people get a little uncomfortable about that.

I guess this is sort of how women feel if they were overweight all their lives, and then suddenly due to exercise and good eating habits they are now are losing weight, or have lost a LOT of weight. I can see how they could feel hesitation, or self-consciousness. Because now they're getting a lot more attention from women ("wow you've lost so much weight!!"), and perhaps more attention from guys, and so it might make them feel a little on the "spotlight". Not to add also that their women friends/co-workers/acquaintances who knew them when they were overweight and felt comfortable with that may now start to get jealous and negative towards the woman because she's losing weight, looking good, and getting more attention. ("Oh look, she thinks she's all that just because she's a size 10 now") This is sort of how I feel with the growing hair length...

I can understand what you are saying because when I was relaxed and had short hair people didn't have anything to say but my hair looks nice, but when I decided to let my relaxed hair grow to a little pass my shoulders people began to treat me differently, like I think that I am all of that or something. So, I can relate to what you are saying. Right now I am natural TWA length since Nov. 2007. I am enjoing my new hair and will flat iron in about 3.5 years.

Exactly! This is exactly what I was trying to say. Maybe it didn't come out right or something, but this is exactly what I meant. I don't think the added attention is a bad thing per se, but you know with positive attention always comes someone to put in the negative.

And these days I notice that when I wear my hair down, and it's longer than before...most women don't even say anything. They just stare...but don't say anything! Even some close acquaintances don't say anything either! They just stare! I'm like...."then why do all that staring and not say anything??" Even if it looks nice??

Just strange.... I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way though!

But overall, most of you are right....we shouldn't let anyone else dictate how long they think "our hair" should be or nice it should look. I'm not letting anyone discourage me from trying to grow my hair out. But the longer my hair gets the more conscious I become of certain things. I guess it's sort of how some women may feel about going to stylists. Some stylists just like to jack your hair up when they see that it's growing in nicely and long.

 

[leeshbeesh]

people i think are usually curious..especially those who have known you. i haven't felt too weird yet. if anything, i am *scared* of having to DEAL with all the length. shoot i already get annoyed with the tangles

 

[LunadeMiel]

This question is Blasphemy.....J/k

I can't wait for my hair to be down my butt so that I can swang it...

 

[Supergirl]

OP,

I kind of think I understand what you mean. When I wear my hair down in front of folks that usually see me with it up, I feel like I have to try extra hard to act "down", ya know?

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Yes, I do "fear" having my hair long! I think the example of a woman who loses weight is a great way to describe it.

My hair isn't really long right now, only APL, but I never wear it stretched, so people don't know the true length.

I strongly dislike being the center of attention. I get nervous when people are looking at me too tough. Sometimes when I'm out with DH I get nasty looks and comments for being with a Japanese man. I've also taken mountains of abuse for "acting white" and so when people are paying lots of attention to me, I kinda have to brace myself for an onslaught of BS, cuz I do get it from people.

So as my hair gets long, it's just adding one more thing to the list of stuff people feel free to share thier opinion on, KWIM? I don't like to draw people's attention at all. I'll probably keep my hair hidden in public 90% of the time.

 

[bermudabeauty]

You wouldn't be doing your job if people weren't hating.But seriously do with your hair as you feel you should. If you have gorgeous hair regardless the length people will have compliments to give you, and people will hate on you. I had long hair all my life and I the last few years I have enjoyed rocking sexy choppy hairstyles. I've recently started letting my hair grow out and people are saying comments like you just cut your hair and it has grown so much or you cut your hair today it will be the same length tomorrow. See a compliment and a hate remark back to back. I Just let my hair bang the way you want it to I suggest you do the same.

 

[ShiShiPooPoo]

Funny. My DH said to me the other day ,"The longer your hair gets, the more people are going to think you have a weave."erplexed

As my hair is gaining length, I am getting a lot more attention from men. I haven't noticed much from women... a lot of women here (ATL) have long hair be it natural or weaved up so you know it's no big deal to us but men just salivate over some hair.

I know that as my hair grows it will become the topic of conversation and such at some point. I don't like attention so this will be a challenge for me.

 

[JustKiya]

Just another reason to become most adept at fabulous updos and buns! Folx can't hate on what they can't see.....

 

[bellesocialite]

Funny. My DH said to me the other day ,"The longer your hair gets, the more people are going to think you have a weave."erplexed

My dad said something similar when I wore a rollerset. He said it looked really nice then mentioned, "You know, people are going to start thinking it's a wig." Huh?

But to the OP, I definitely get what you mean. I think the word "afraid" isn't the right word to describe it but I get the gist.

 

[locabouthair]

Just another reason to become most adept at fabulous updos and buns! Folx can't hate on what they can't see.....

That's true but us LHCFers put in a lot of hard work to get our hair length and long, so why hide it up just because of a few comments?

Plus you might even inspire someone with short damaged hair to get theirs on track. If you can be an inpiration to someone else, that's wonderful.

I know personally, I've been through too much drama with this hair of mine for me to care what people say when it gets long.

 

[Aveena]

I was thinking something similar this weekend and didn't know how to put it into words... but

Sometimes I get an urge to cover my head! Like muslims do? -and not for religious reasons... but for reasons similar to what youve stated.

It's almost like I feel like I'm exposing myself?????

I'll be wearing snoods come fall/winter and "show" my hair when I'm ready for the attention.

 

[sareca]

Nope! I'm growing it down to the floor and I dare somebody to step on it. But I understand how you feel.

 

[productjunkie814]

I'm not afraid to grow my hair long per se...what I am nervous about is getting used to longer natural hair care. I've had long relaxed hair, but natural hair with it's tangles and thickness will be a brand new ballgame for me. But I say, "Bring it on"!!!

 

[anon123]

You wouldn't be doing your job if people weren't hating.But seriously do with your hair as you feel you should. If you have gorgeous hair regardless the length people will have compliments to give you, and people will hate on you. I had long hair all my life and I the last few years I have enjoyed rocking sexy choppy hairstyles. I've recently started letting my hair grow out and people are saying comments like you just cut your hair and it has grown so much or you cut your hair today it will be the same length tomorrow. See a compliment and a hate remark back to back. I Just let my hair bang the way you want it to I suggest you do the same.

That's right. What, now I'm not going to wear a flattering pair of jeans cuz my booty hot? Cover up my face because it's pretty? Would you change the way you talk so people thought you weren't smart or educated and trying to be better than them? Why in the world should one have to apologize for looking good and being fabulous? I'm sorry you feel this way but I hope you can overcome it and enjoy what you're working for! Let other people's hang ups be their hang ups, don't make them your own.

 

[Aveena]

That's right. What, now I'm not going to wear a flattering pair of jeans cuz my booty hot? Cover up my face because it's pretty? Would you change the way you talk so people thought you weren't smart or educated and trying to be better than them? Why in the world should one have to apologize for looking good and being fabulous? I'm sorry you feel this way but I hope you can overcome it and enjoy what you're working for! Let other people's hang ups be their hang ups, don't make them your own.

For me my hair "out" gives off more sex apeal than I may want to show at times...

I not trying to make anyone other than myself more comfortable. For me it's more like descretion. I won't wear f me pumps to work (even though they look hot )

I won't show my cleavage everywhere (even tho they look good )

I don't wear my hair out everywhere... I agree with others who say the word afraid maybe what's throwing some people off?

I'm certainly not afraid of my assets.

eta:

I know you weren't addressing me personally I was just piggybacking off of that thought.

 

[JustKiya]

That's true but us LHCFers put in a lot of hard work to get our hair length and long, so why hide it up just because of a few comments?

Plus you might even inspire someone with short damaged hair to get theirs on track. If you can be an inpiration to someone else, that's wonderful.

I know personally, I've been through too much drama with this hair of mine for me to care what people say when it gets long.

For me my hair "out" gives off more sex apeal than I may want to show at times...

I not trying to make anyone other than myself more comfortable. For me it's more like descretion. I won't wear f me pumps to work (even though they look hot )

I won't show my cleavage everywhere (even tho they look good )

I don't wear my hair out everywhere... I agree with others who say the word afraid maybe what's throwing some people off?

I'm certainly not afraid of my assets.

eta:

I know you weren't addressing me personally I was just piggybacking off of that thought.

That's exactly what I'm thinking about.....it's not a matter of shame, it's a matter of distraction/attention. There are some places (and times) where no matter how good I might look in them, the hot booty jeans aren't getting pulled out - they are too distracting, and attract more attention than I'm looking for in that moment. Same with the hair - there are some times (and places) where wearing the hair all out & up (as mine doesn't go down) attracts more attention than I'm in the mood for - and that's when putting it up is a good option.

 

[nodisrespect]

I totally understand where you are coming from,and the weight loss comparison was a great way to put it.

For me, I'm not so much "afraid" as I would say I'm apprehensive... But I think that comes with any big change... The last time I had long hair, I was in elementary school (and even that wouldn't be considered long by the LHCF scale). I think for me it's all about some kind of long hair stereotype... that black women with long hair are automatically stuck up... I mean, hell, you can take a bald girl and give her a weave and 75% of the time she'll probably have a little extra attitude those 2 weeks ...

I'm not uncomfortable about it with my family because I know them, and I know they are probably bound to act stank about anything out of the norm... it's part of their flaws... er... charm... and I know they don't mean it personally, so at the end of the day I'm not going to lose sleep because I expect them to act in ways I don't like a lot of the time...

I think I'm more concerned with people thinking I've changed just because I have long hair... and the fact that I don't WANT to change just because I'll have long hair. It's like I don't wanna be the stuck up long hair girl but at the same time, c'mon, you know how hard it is to grow this junk, I'm gonna be proud that I achieved such a lofty goal, at least for me...

It makes me think about that quote from Akeelah and the Bee, something about the audacity of thinking you're fabulous... I just don't want people misinterpreting my fabulousness... don't think I'm stuck up if I have long hair, think I think highly enough of myself to put a lot of time and effort into my appearance... physical appearance is a direct correlation to self respect.

People don't like to think other people think they're better than them... so that's where the hating and jealousy comes from... and I'm lilke you, I don't automatically want to assume people are jealous of me, but f it, no one respects modesty and most of the time, people don't deserve the benefit of the doubt... I'm tired of holding myself back just so somebody else won't be offended that I like myself.