Look what she did to my baby's hair.....cry, mad, angry!! I NEED HELP!!!

[GETHEALTHY]

OOOOMMMMMGGGGGG!!! Girl my heart goes out to you!!!

i had the same experience except it was my daughter's father's girlfriend!!! Thank God her hair didn't break off as bad but it was still badly broken. My daughter had very nice natural even coils, when streached they were BSL. OMG! when my baby came back for the summer her hair was straight and SL! I was BEYOND PISSED I wanted to both that chick and him!

I kept her hair braided and conditioned weekly. The downside is that her natural coils are now long gone. Even after transitioning her for the past year she only has a subtle wave. I don't think i've ripped into anyone quite that bad since then.....

Do you think you can send someone money to make sure your daughter's hair gets washed and braided every week or two till you return?

 

[nicki6]

OK...I've gone back and read more...and I'm even ANGRIER at the grandmother and father

Please take the LHCF sisters up on the ofer to help your baby. When you come back in November, start legal proceedings to get her OUT of your house. If you didnt have to return to Iraq, I would seriously encourage you to file NEGLECT charges on that *****!!

I will pray for you and this situation because I'd be frantic trying to figure out a gameplan before I left again.

 

[Tylove101]

Sorry she didn't take care of your daughter's hair. That's messed up!! A similar situation just happened with one of my friends... her daughter went to stay with her father for Spring Break (1 week).. She sent her daughter with freshly braided hair and asked them (dad and new wife) not to take the braids out and give her a perm... guess what!!!! Her daughter was dropped off 30 minutes ago with no braids and a fresh bone straight perm!!! That's just wrong.

 

[hopeful]

OOOOMMMMMGGGGGG!!! Girl my heart goes out to you!!!

i had the same experience except it was my daughter's father's girlfriend!!! Thank God her hair didn't break off as bad but it was still badly broken. My daughter had very nice natural even coils, when streached they were BSL. OMG! when my baby came back for the summer her hair was straight and SL! I was BEYOND PISSED I wanted to both that chick and him!

I kept her hair braided and conditioned weekly. The downside is that her natural coils are now long gone. Even after transitioning her for the past year she only has a subtle wave. I don't think i've ripped into anyone quite that bad since then.....

Do you think you can send someone money to make sure your daughter's hair gets washed and braided every week or two till you return?

Don't give up, they may come back eventually. After years of a relaxer, portions of my hair were always wavy but overtime without a relaxer my hair became coilier again. I'm so sorry you guys had to go through this. It's very sad and shameful.

SpicedTee, my heart breaks over your story.

 

[hopeful]

Sorry she didn't take care of your daughter's hair. That's messed up!! A similar situation just happened with one of my friends... her daughter went to stay with her father for Spring Break (1 week).. She sent her daughter with freshly braided hair and asked them (dad and new wife) not to take the braids out and give her a perm... guess what!!!! Her daughter was dropped off 30 minutes ago with no braids and a fresh bone straight perm!!! That's just wrong.

This would make me want to kill somebody. They couldn't stand her braids for 1 week? What is wrong with some people?

 

[Cien]

OMG!!!!!

my mouth is literally wide open!


gurl...I AM SO SORRY that your cousin allowed this to happen!!!! I am TOO pissed off!!!

I don't know your cousin---but I feel the need to drop kick her *** in the neck!!!
I am sad and wanna cry right along with you!!

 

[shocol]

I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.

A little background info on the family situation:

1. She is a cousin by marriage, meaning she is my husband's cousin. She fell on hard times in 2006 and she, and her two children, have lived in MY home since then.

2. I am divorcing her cousin, my husband. He no longer lives in the home. But his cousin does. I consider her family, despite the fact that we are a few months away from not being "related".

3. She lives bill and rent free. I pay everything from the mortgage down to the trash bill. Her contribution to this household is that she mind my children. That is our agreement.

4. She wants for NOTHING. If she calls me and says that she broke a nail, then I pay for it to be fixed (not literally, but close). She does not spend a dime of her own money towards the upkeep of the house or cars. I don't even expect it. I have left her with my most prized "possessions", my CHILDREN.

5. I am discovering as time goes on, that the more I GIVE, the LESS she does. I sense that somehow she may think that I owe her more than what she provides. Hmmmmm.....I need to think on that.

6. When I left last October, my Mother made a BIG OLE DEAL about how she would come out to my house once a week to help out with her grandchildren, make sure that the house was being taken care of properly, etc. I left for Iraq, on the pretense that I had FULL family support in all matters. She has been to my house twice since last November. Once to pick up a check because she was borrowing money from me.

7. I was home from May 2007 until October 2007 and I spent that time nursing her hair. She was pulling her perm (boxed no-lye) to the ends on top of bleached blond hair. She was gluing in tracks with that black bond stuff. She was washing her hair with White Rain, no conditioner to be found. She was spraying her bonded weave down with Aquanet. I introduced her to the hair boards. Along with me and my daughter, Saturday became the wash day for all of us in the house. By the time I left, I was SURE that she was clear on healthy hair practices. I had spent five months with her as she watched me do my and my daughter's hair. I even done her hair. By the time I left, I had trimmed her broken blond ends off, had her doing sew-in weaves as a protective style rather than glue, had her using MTG as a growth aid, had her using Dominican conditioners, along with Mizani lye relaxers and other quality products. I was certain that she had it right and was well on her way to being MORE than able to take care of both her hair and my daughter's hair.

8. What pisses me off the most is that I would ASK her "How is your hair doing? What's going on with the baby's hair?" When she said that Naiomi's hair took too much time in the morning, I directed her to a braider that works out of a salon ten minutes away. I'd ask her "Hey did you get Naiomi's hair braided?" And she always was like "we had to reschedule" or "the braider cancelled". I thought it was odd, because this woman was always pretty reliable for me, but I didn't question it.

9. She NEVER said that Naiomi's hair was a problem. Never. She never asked me for help, or gave the impression that she was overwhelmed. I truly thought that she was on auto-pilot and that everything was fine.

10. Ya'll are right, there are other things that are terribly wrong. She has no respect or regard for my personal property. She is STILL wearing my clothes, although I have told her that my belongings were off limits. My house was in complete disarray...but I don't want to veer to far off subject.

Just came back to read the rest of the thread. This is about more than your daughter's hair or your cousin being a leach. She lied to you about your baby, your pride and joy. She is not to be trusted.

 

[_belle]

def not reading 25 pages. . . but im so sorry to hear that. u are on here, u know exactly what to do lady. u can even get your daughter in the swing of things. when mommy does her hair, daughter does her too. make it fun, spend time together, all of that good stuff. but i am not sure if anyone else has said it, but I would take special care not to show that u don't like it and that it is messed up in front of her. . . wouldn't want little sunshine to get all self-conscious and/or think she is ugly or anything.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

Okay, so after reading this I wonder...what did your husband have to say about your daughter's hair? Did he notice that it had been relaxed?

Also, I wonder how she was caring for your child in general. How was she eating? How was she talking to her? Why didn't she take her to the braider? Did she get money for the braider? If so, what did she do with it?

Is she resentful that you're divorcing from her cousin?

IMay God bless and keep you.

this concerns me also, i dont know if im readin too much into it but in the pics with the broken hair your dd isnt smiling and she looks sad i wonder if the mistreatment doesnt extend to other areas? can you set up an appointment with her school teacher just to find out how she has been at school and how her whole demeanour has been? I really feel for you girl and getting an au pair who is accountable to look after your daughter is a better bet than your cousin and also one of these lovely ladies who are close to u can take care of her hair..tell that 'cousin' to get gone

 

[StarFish106]

SpicedTee,

First, I am glad that you are back here (if only for a minute) safe and sound. You know we will be praying for you to always return to use safe and whole.

Second...as you already know your daughter is adorable!!! and yes her hair will grow back with love and patience.

Now to the meat of the issue.

On another board I have been known to run what I call the Hummer To Hell franchise. Folks who need to either be dropped off at the sulfur gates or just need a all around azzkicking are my speciality. :hardslap:

Since you are doing your duty to protect and serve I feel the need to punish and swerve on your cousin. Any ladies that are on the EC that want to do a drive by w/me are more than welcome to come. Not only will we give her a stealth type *** kicking, we will also evict her and hers from your house, make sure it is clean and ALL your stuff is still there. You have 2 LHCF members that are more than willing to take up your child's hair maintenence so please use them! You have enough to worry about while you are in Iraq and don't need to worry about your baby.

Seriously, if there is anyone that can start eviction process while you are gone for you please look into that if you can. I would hate for you to come home and have to deal with more stress once you return again. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.


I have a chainsaw and a shovel...i doubt anyone would miss her..

 

[MzOptimistic]

As some of you ladies know, I work in Iraq. I left last October and I am home for vacation. When I walked in my door, and my eight year old daughter jumped in my arms, my heart damn near stopped. My baby's hair was stick straight, standing on her head like a "I-don't-have-the-WORDS-to-say-what-it-looked-like". The pictures below explain it ALL.

This is what my daughter's hair looked like when I left. I had blown it out and slightly bumped it for her school pictures:

This is what it looked like when I came home! My cousin PERMED IT!!! BONE STRAIGHT!!! OH MY GOD!!!

It has taken me DAYS to get over the shock of this. I am so beyond angry and so disappointed. I asked her to PLEASE, just wash it once a week, deep condition it, and I left her DETAILED instructions on how to care for Naiomi's (that's my daughter's name) hair. All of the moisturizing shampoo, conditioners, hair accessories, etc, that I told her to use are sitting up in the bathroom UNUSED. She has been putting RUBBER BANDS and those ponytail holders with the METAL on them, in her hair. It was greasy and dirty, and jelled up like she's some type of damn orphan, with no body who gives a care for her appearance. I CRIED my butt off, and it told my cousin OFF. How dare she do this!!??? I EXPLICITLY told her to not ever put a perm in my daughter's hair. What REALLY takes the cake, is that her own daughter, who is bi-racial with a totally different type of hair than my daughter, was sitting up their perfectly coiffed. I was like WTF is this.

I don't know what to do. I leave in one week, and I have NEVER dealt with hair this damaged before. Please help, 'cause I don't even know where to start. I am so afraid that when I come home in November that my daughter will be completely BALD.

HELP!!!!

Awww, I feel your pain{{{hugs}}}I would put it in braids, since you can't tend to her hair yourself and show your daughter how to spray her hair with the braid spray to keep it moisturized.

 

[gymfreak336]

SpicedTee,

First, I am glad that you are back here (if only for a minute) safe and sound. You know we will be praying for you to always return to use safe and whole.

Second...as you already know your daughter is adorable!!! and yes her hair will grow back with love and patience.

Now to the meat of the issue.

On another board I have been known to run what I call the Hummer To Hell franchise. Folks who need to either be dropped off at the sulfur gates or just need a all around azzkicking are my speciality. :hardslap:

Since you are doing your duty to protect and serve I feel the need to punish and swerve on your cousin. Any ladies that are on the EC that want to do a drive by w/me are more than welcome to come. Not only will we give her a stealth type *** kicking, we will also evict her and hers from your house, make sure it is clean and ALL your stuff is still there. You have 2 LHCF members that are more than willing to take up your child's hair maintenence so please use them! You have enough to worry about while you are in Iraq and don't need to worry about your baby.

Seriously, if there is anyone that can start eviction process while you are gone for you please look into that if you can. I would hate for you to come home and have to deal with more stress once you return again. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.


I have a chainsaw and a shovel...i doubt anyone would miss her..

I'll bring the lime

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I am so sorry you had to come home to this, I truly feel your pain. I have a 7 yr old DD and I have vowed to never relax her hair, and I fear that while in someone elses care they will too do something as retarded as this. My DD father called me a week ago and asked if DD could spend the summer in Texas with her grandparents, and I agreed. However I told him in the very next breath that his mother nor his sisters are to relax my babies hair by no means. He has 3 sisters and all 3 including mom are snatched bald from inproper care after relaxing. DD has very thick 4a natural hair that is very hard to manage and being that I have been the only one to do her hair her entire life I know how to handle it. Of course he said he would never let them do that, but I stated your not gonna be there with her the entire 2 months, so please let them know not to $%& with her hair or it will be some slow singing and flower bringing come August . Aside from the overall issue with your cousin, I think that relaxers have always been the answer to all of our hair woes. But with the knowledge we all have gained from this forum we now know better, but there are still far too many women still in the dark about this matter at hand. Your cousin is clearly clueless as to what it takes to deal with 4 texured hair because her DD doesnt have it and she didnt have to deal with it prior to your DD. So being that so many women equate relaxer with better hair manageability she probably thought she was doing the right thing, or simply didnt care because the bottom line is it would make it easier for her.

I agree with what the other ladies have suggested regarding what to do from this point on. It can be fixed by taking the proper steps from here on. Your return home should have been filled with relaxation and enjoyment with your children not this traumatizing event which I'm sure has placed a funk in your home and tension between you and your cousin. I just ask that you try to reassure DD that everything will be alright and that she is still as beautiful as ever, because I'm sure your reaction to this has her a bit upset and confused about her hair. Teaching her the right things to do from now on will be her best tools for the future.

I know thats right! When my dd goes to her dads house for the weekend this has been a concern for me too. That is why usually I send her in twists because I don't want them up in her hair. They comb too roughly, tight ponytails, all that and i'm not having it. This chile best not EVA come here with a perm or there will be a ww3 up in this ****

 

[naturalgurl]

I can feel your pain through this thread.

 

[MrsQueeny]

I know thats right! When my dd goes to her dads house for the weekend this has been a concern for me too. That is why usually I send her in twists because I don't want them up in her hair. They comb too roughly, tight ponytails, all that and i'm not having it. This chile best not EVA come here with a perm or there will be a ww3 up in this ****

Girl I almost peeped myself at the slow singing and flower bringing comment. Trust me, I understand. Q

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Girl I almost peeped myself at the slow singing and flower bringing comment. Trust me, I understand. Q

I know. her comment was about the only thing funny in this thread. I hope she comes back and updates us on what she is going to do with this cousin. I have a few ideas...

 

[scorpian]

Wow....just Wow....I haven't read all of the posts but I screamed out loud when I saw the pics

Hugs to you

 

[cupcakes]

OMG!!! im soo mad for you girlIf i was you I would have . You definitly need to take your daugther to the africans and get her some braids, to last until you get back. or take up one of the lhcf sister on there offers

im sooo mad right now lol

 

[Ms Lala]

OMG that made me so angry when I saw the pics so I can only imagine how you feel. THe ladies here have already given you great advice so no need posting the same thing over again. I seriously would try to find stylist and if you have funds to leave behind for her to get her hair done that might be best. What would make her think she had the right to put chemicals in your child's head? THat's crazy.

 

[blazingthru]

How about I mad as H###!!!! I can't believe this, her hair was soooo thick and beautiful b4 you left. This crazy!!!! Does Naiomi realize what has been done to her hair??? how did she react???? is she okay??????

OT: You daughter i a doll!!!............

OMG I was totally floored, I can't imagine what I would do, had I came home to this. I agree with the braids and have someone else take care of her hair while you are gone. Poor baby, Her hair was so thick and pretty, it will come back.

 

[Transformer]

I have one more question!

Did the cousin perm the little girl's hair "the moment" she left for Iraq. I don't have any experience with relaxers on people under the age of 16....but that's a hell of lot of damage in a few months....especially considering her hair was so healthy.

What I'm asking is "was the young "%&*%$" planning on doing this all along? Were her actions "premeditated."

 

[sylver2]

I looked at those pics with shock & disbelief!!! It would have gotten physical btween me & the cousin.
Unfortunately that cannot be salvaged. U will have to cut & start all over. Keep it in braids!!! I really feel your pain :-(

 

[Starian]

I have never been so upset over something a stranger has done. Never in my life. My blood pressure rose when I saw the pictures.

I cannot add any advice because the ladies here have covered everything.

God bless you, Tee. You are risking life and limb and you can't depend on some mofos you are supposed be able to trust to do the simplest ****.

All I have to say as I have never understand why a person would think it was okay to permanently alter someone else's child's hair without permission. The thought process behind that kind of gall...would probably fill a ton of psychology books.

She is a beautiful child, before and after. It'll work out. Take up some of these ladies on their offers of help. Obviously, family cannot be trusted.

 

[mytia]

OMG! I am so sorry for you and your daughter and that cousin of yours was just wrong. But I do believe with alot of TLC (a trim, protein treatment and condition, condition, condition) your daughters hair will turn around. You should definitely find someone else to care for your daughters hair and make sure that they're going to follow your directions. It will be okay and your daughter's still beautiful!

 

[trini_rican]

this concerns me also, i dont know if im readin too much into it but in the pics with the broken hair your dd isnt smiling and she looks sad i wonder if the mistreatment doesnt extend to other areas? can you set up an appointment with her school teacher just to find out how she has been at school and how her whole demeanour has been? I really feel for you girl and getting an au pair who is accountable to look after your daughter is a better bet than your cousin and also one of these lovely ladies who are close to u can take care of her hair..tell that 'cousin' to get gone

Wow we're on the same wave-length. I was thinking the same thing.

 

[bellebebe]

I WOULD GO APE ON HER!!! I'M SO SORRY MAMA, IT's okay though, at least you now know not to trust her with hair.

 

[lovelymissyoli]

I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.

SpicedTee,

Please send me a PM if you're looking for someone to do your daughter's hair. I live an hour from Victorville, but I go to school about 25 minutes away from there and I wouldn't mind making a visit for anything that you might need.

Futhermore, should you decide you want to braid her hair, my braider --- who's been doing my hair for 5+ years --- lives right outside of Victorville. Just say the word and she can do her hair! Her children are living proof that she knows what she is doing.

 

[JsBecca]

Thank you, Ladies so much for rallying your support. Thank you for the compliments too for little Naiomi, she is my little doll. She is smart as a whip and so sweet and polite. I have never had a problem out of her, so of course, I dote on her something terrible!

Me and the cousin situation....sigh. I don't even know if the girl is daft or what...I left very detailed instructions. I am a product junkie, and believe me when I say that EVERYTHING that could ever be needed for Naiomi's hair was in my bathroom...Boundless Tresses, Mizani Botanifying Shampoo, Mizani Moisturefuse Conditioner, and ORS Carrot Oil.

Simple instructions for Saturday morning:

Wash, condition, detangle (and yes, with the Jilbere shower comb).
Towel dry, part into four sections.
Put generous amount of ORS on each section, put into ponytail with Goody No-Snag ponytail holders, twist hair and tuck.
Let it dry. No heat. No pressing comb.
Put BT on scalp twice a week.
Change pattern of hair daily.
Tie up with scarf at night.

What's so DAMN hard about that???

That's a perfect and easy to follow regimen. Even my 10 yr old DD could follow this. Your cousin is a jealous, conniving idiot.

 

[*Luscious*Locked*Doc]

Wow this is horrifying. I mean really really horrifying. Not because of the hair so much as the malice and intent I think was behind these actions. I can't imagine what other type of misguided behavior your cousin was enacting while you've been away in terms of your daughter's day to day care. I am concerned beyond the hair that this may not be the best place for your child's well being. I say first make sure that everything is fine - school counselers and some simple questions directed at your daughter. If she is living with your cousin I would suggest a rapid move pending the answers. Secondly, I would find someone else to care for your daughter's hair because this woman clearly didn't give a d***m what you wanted for your daughter or for you. I had some problems like this when I was young like 7-8th grade. What saved my hair? DC and protein treatments and then I kept my hair in and out of braids for the next year or so and in the end had SL hair when pressed out. This is what i suggest you try for your daughter. Unfortunately you really need to have those damaged areas chopped off and evened out before braiding. I'm sorry that this happened to you and best of luck....

 

[mnemosyne]

Wow this is horrifying. I mean really really horrifying. Not because of the hair so much as the malice and intent I think was behind these actions. I can't imagine what other type of misguided behavior your cousin was enacting while you've been away in terms of your daughter's day to day care. I am concerned beyond the hair that this may not be the best place for your child's well being. I say first make sure that everything is fine - school counselers and some simple questions directed at your daughter. If she is living with your cousin I would suggest a rapid move pending the answers. Secondly, I would find someone else to care for your daughter's hair because this woman clearly didn't give a d***m what you wanted for your daughter or for you. I had some problems like this when I was young like 7-8th grade. What saved my hair? DC and protein treatments and then I kept my hair in and out of braids for the next year or so and in the end had SL hair when pressed out. This is what i suggest you try for your daughter. Unfortunately you really need to have those damaged areas chopped off and evened out before braiding. I'm sorry that this happened to you and best of luck....

The problem with this is that her cousin is living in HER home... not the other way around.