When everybody thinks your hair is a mess?

[*Luscious*Locked*Doc]

Well here I am once again in a situation that bothers me. I never knew how to take care of my hair my entire life until I joined these boards - my hair has shown amazing progress and grown the longest it's ever grown thanks to all the tips (maybe 2 inches since november 19th). Yet here I am b/c I don't feel happy about it or at least I did until today. I went out to drinks with the girls tonight and they were like what have you been doing to your hair...you need to comb it every day (right now I'm very low manipulation I only comb when I wash it which is 2x a week and one is only a co-wash), you need a dominician blow out...you're washing your hair too much, and you should never ever let it air dry etc. I feel ugly b/c even though my hair is short (think V-beckham bob length) I want it to thrive to become healthy and long yet I feel like i can't let b/c people are constantly judging me. I don't flat iron my hair - i know it would look cute and I have a fhi but I'm determined not to use heat except when DCing and that's indirect. I'm about 1o weeks post relaxer...I know it doesn't look that great especially b/c it short but what do you do when people are constantly criticizing you about your hair? One of my friends has bra-strap length hair (doesn't really do anything to it just had it all her life) so she assumes her word is law. I guess I'm just tired of having all this judgment...does anyone have any suggestions on how I might make my hair look a little better or how to deal with this situation? Usually I will wear flexi-rod sets (but i just haven't had time recently to put them in when I wash...i mean I'm a student and time is always short).

 

[sherann]

I feel you girl. I try to put different things in my hair like flowers or scarves and wear makeup/nice earrings when my hair is not looking its best. Still my edges always look rough, I just accept it. Ignore them because if you listen to everyone's advice you'll have no hair on your head.

 

[poookie]

i get this all the time, too. i do low manipulation, and my family's always throwing comments at me like, "when's the last time you combed your hair?" and "why do you wash your hair so much? you aren't a white girl!" erplexed

just keep on doing whatever you need to to make sure you're hair's healthy. you'll have your ultimate revenge when you reach your goal length / health, and they won't be able to say a thing to you!

also, there are plenty of low-mani cute styles. like air-dried pin curls, bantu sets, braidouts, and just plain-old pinning your hair up with a cute clip. just because you're low mani doesn't mean your hair can't look cute!

 

[lboogie2679]

Since your hair is in a bob maybe you can try doing some styles like the half-wig or something. That way your hair won't be out for everyone to make comments and you can still get your grow on!

 

[krissynick]

Personally girl i feel that you DO need to comb your hair.. Not coming your hair for two weeks is not good in my opinion you hair gets more tangled and matted that way.. You dont have to comb often.. Once in the morning and once at night before you go to bed.. I really suggest buying a hooded dryer... and do roller sets ... i know its heat but its also indirect... I dont personally feel you gotta give up these things for you hair to thrive.. i havent and my hair is just fine... once again thats just my opinion

 

[*Luscious*Locked*Doc]

I do comb my hair - 2x a week and it's so short it's not like it tangles at all or get's matted...I mean there's hardly any point really in combing the back since it is so short I only detangle really to get out the shed hairs. I also do use a hooded drier for my DC's and when I dried my hair under it with my flexi rod set for the first time my hair was dry and ashy. I feel like my hair dries softer when I let it dry in the air under a satin scarf like more moisture is retained. The truth is as my nape grows out it just isn't pretty b/c it was very short originally and now all it looks like is NG NG NG. I noticed when I stopped combing my hair everyday it seemed to stop breaking a lot less. My hair is very fragile and i still have not completely worked out the moisture protein balance trick. Also my hair is too short for roller sets in the back...thats' the reason I do flexi's there just isn't enough back there to justify doing it let alone that it is too nappy to get set right maybe because I'm 10 weeks post? I'm not sure I have never stretched before...I might try the half wig suggestion. I am actually in the wig challenge but I had a small snafoo along the way. I mean no matter what I do I just feel like somebody always has something to say. I think more people need to mind there business especially when it concerned hair that isn't on there head but everybody is a critic. When I was thinking about transitioning to natural I told a girl I was thinking about BCing to a TWA and she said if I did she'd make fun of me b/c I would look like a boy....people in particular black women I noticed can't help but criticize my hair even when it looks decent somebody always has something to say

Personally girl i feel that you DO need to comb your hair.. Not coming your hair for two weeks is not good in my opinion you hair gets more tangled and matted that way.. You dont have to comb often.. Once in the morning and once at night before you go to bed.. I really suggest buying a hooded dryer... and do roller sets ... i know its heat but its also indirect... I dont personally feel you gotta give up these things for you hair to thrive.. i havent and my hair is just fine... once again thats just my opinion

 

[caramelcutieinva]

Do your friends know you are trying to grow your hair out?
Do they understand that you are using lo manipulation as a method

If friends or family members are used to seeing are hair a certain way and it looks different when they see you .... they will comment before even thinking about it........they may not have been trying to hurt your feelings

 

[Queen V]

I know how you feel. I'm 8 weeks post-relaxer, and doing the no direct heat/constant protective styles thing. I feel like a fuzzy mess. No one's made any snide comments to me yet, but I just feel so self-conscious about it! I know it'll be worth it, and that this temporary discomfort will be worthwhile once I make it through this annoying holding pattern between SL and APL.

 

[dillard]

you should check out some fotkis with ladies that have your length of hair, you can try this thread, there's a ton of advice there: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=88588

if it is at an awkward growing out stage you might consider braids or some protective styling while it grows out. but overall, you need to personally feel like you look good and that confidence will shine thru.

 

[krissynick]

Hmm... interesting.. We gonna have to fix this issue ? Got any pics for me to look at ?

 

[locabouthair]

Do you rollerset your hair when you wash it? You can pincurl it to maintain the look.

Don't tell your friends about your regimen. They wont understand and all thye will do is discourage you.

Is it the fact that your stretching thats making your look hair not look it's best?

 

[*Luscious*Locked*Doc]

Do you rollerset your hair when you wash it? You can pincurl it to maintain the look.

Don't tell your friends about your regimen. They wont understand and all thye will do is discourage you.

Is it the fact that your stretching thats making your look hair not look it's best?

YES! It is my nape....I can actually get my hair to lay down flat and smooth and then I put a cute scarf around it and keep it moving but there is no disguising that nape! It's just out of control with new growth. When I put the flexi's in it looks sooo cute and I get lots of compliments that is what i used to do all the time but I've been hit recently by a slew of exams and I just don't have the time to always put the rods in when I need to be studying. At night I pin the curls to my head so they last and then take them down with moisturizer and seal it. I think you are right about the regimen thing though, every time I say something they are always like you are CRAZY! All of them flat iron their hair straight after they wash it and they don't agree it needs to be washed more than 1x a week. I think that they mean well but it isn't coming off that way. They are like "gurl you need to come to the Dominican salon with me and we'll blow that hair out..." I just can't imagine doing that with my hair this short. My scalp is so sensitive to heat I can't imagine how much that would hurt. I think I'm gonna go to the BSS tomorrow and grab up a few wigs for when I can't hang with the flexi's and keep it moving. The truth is when your hair is short and you say strange things that you do with your hair people think "that's why your hair is short...cause you have no clue what you're doing". I don't even want to tell you the reaction I got when I said I CO wash my hair 1x a week ,

How do you load pictures on this thing?

 

[missty1029]

I comb my hair twice a week when I wash. Never dry hair. What I do is finger comb it. seperate it into sections and run my fingers through it then braid it up at night. Bun in the morning. This may still be considered manipulation but I rather have my hair in my fingers where I can feel the tangles and knots and adjust accordingly rather then racking with a comb.
I bought a doo rag to keep the front of my hair down when I slick it back. I bought the fantasia ic gel and that stuff is the bomb. My mini fro is contained. You can also try getting scarves to wrap around to keep your edges under cover and give it some pizazz. try braid outs and dont be afraid to have a messy do! Im tired of straight hair being hair that looks good. I tell people it may not look straight but its soft and getting healthy and wont break off in your hands!!! Do what makes you feel comfortable and never mind the haters. Educate and let them see from your success!!!!

 

[locabouthair]

YES! It is my nape....I can actually get my hair to lay down flat and smooth and then I put a cute scarf around it and keep it moving but there is no disguising that nape! It's just out of control with new growth. When I put the flexi's in it looks sooo cute and I get lots of compliments that is what i used to do all the time but I've been hit recently by a slew of exams and I just don't have the time to always put the rods in when I need to be studying. At night I pin the curls to my head so they last and then take them down with moisturizer and seal it. I think you are right about the regimen thing though, every time I say something they are always like you are CRAZY! All of them flat iron their hair straight after they wash it and they don't agree it needs to be washed more than 1x a week. I think that they mean well but it isn't coming off that way. They are like "gurl you need to come to the Dominican salon with me and we'll blow that hair out..." I just can't imagine doing that with my hair this short. My scalp is so sensitive to heat I can't imagine how much that would hurt. I think I'm gonna go to the BSS tomorrow and grab up a few wigs for when I can't hang with the flexi's and keep it moving. The truth is when your hair is short and you say strange things that you do with your hair people think "that's why your hair is short...cause you have no clue what you're doing". I don't even want to tell you the reaction I got when I said I CO wash my hair 1x a week ,

How do you load pictures on this thing?

Yeah that's why i dont talk to people about hair. I got a BAD reaction from y friends when they found out I used s curl. After that I said I will keep my hair reggie to myself.

About uploading pics, um When you upload them from your computer, you can create an account on photobucket. then upload the pic, and then it will give you the and you will see a box called IMG, copy and paste whats in the box and put it in your siggy.

 

[AsTheCurlzTurns]

I know ALL TOO WELL how you feel about the comments and such. When I cut all my relaxed ends off, it left me with 1/2-1 inch of new growth on my head, and so I put a texturizer in it 2 days later. Well upon my friends and family seeing me, they're all like "Why did you cut all your hair off?" and blah, blah, blah. Well currently I have a short do, which is the shortest it's ever been in my entire life, and I was a lil bold, but yet I liked it, and it didn't have a darn thang to do with them, since it was MY HAIR and not their's yanno. So it wasn't until I found this site, that I realized that I wanted to go natural, but I only BC'd just to start a fresh head of hair growing, like an experiment. Like you, I do no or low manipulation, since it's a lil too short to be trying to do much with it except a small TWA, and I'm satisfied with that. But I feel that my hair may look short and not worth much now, but then I think about what it will look like on down the line, and I KNOW they'll be then asking me how I got my hair to the point that it is, which will be healthy and growing. Will I divulge my secrets? Nope, I won't, because with LHCF beside me, I'll be at my bestest that I've ever been in my life. And they can throw all them comments at me all they want, but when their hair starts breaking or shedding so much, they better not DARE come to me. Becuz I WILL let them know what they said when they judged me and didn't know what the heck they were talking about at the time. So kudos to you gurlie for doing the darn thang and just be YOU! My nape area is the shortest also and I, too, have the NG bits creeping up in that area, but I just use the same method that missty1029 uses with the fantasia ic gel, just until it grows out, and I totally agree with her that it's the bomb! I just wished I'd known about this product when I went short years ago (Halle Berry, Toni Braxton era LOL) But I BC'd much shorter than that last year. But what I do now is, I purchased some of those headbands, that has the lil scarves hanging off the ends of the headbands, and I'll just slide the headband on and tie it up in the back, the scarves bit is just right and it does sometime hide my nape area depending on which way I tied it back there. Maybe you try some of those and see if it helps with the nape part, and just ignore the haters. HTH.

 

[Radianthealth]

YES! It is my nape....I can actually get my hair to lay down flat and smooth and then I put a cute scarf around it and keep it moving but there is no disguising that nape! It's just out of control with new growth. When I put the flexi's in it looks sooo cute and I get lots of compliments that is what i used to do all the time but I've been hit recently by a slew of exams and I just don't have the time to always put the rods in when I need to be studying. At night I pin the curls to my head so they last and then take them down with moisturizer and seal it. I think you are right about the regimen thing though, every time I say something they are always like you are CRAZY! All of them flat iron their hair straight after they wash it and they don't agree it needs to be washed more than 1x a week. I think that they mean well but it isn't coming off that way. They are like "gurl you need to come to the Dominican salon with me and we'll blow that hair out..." I just can't imagine doing that with my hair this short. My scalp is so sensitive to heat I can't imagine how much that would hurt. I think I'm gonna go to the BSS tomorrow and grab up a few wigs for when I can't hang with the flexi's and keep it moving. The truth is when your hair is short and you say strange things that you do with your hair people think "that's why your hair is short...cause you have no clue what you're doing". I don't even want to tell you the reaction I got when I said I CO wash my hair 1x a week ,

How do you load pictures on this thing?

I agree

I love to wear falls (1/2 or 3/4 wigs) as a protective style, they are more realistic than wigs.

I buy human hair falls and do my own rollerset on them to make them look more natural.
http://www.ebonyline.com/hawigquweeaw.html


Good Luck

 

[wannabelong]

Since your hair is in a bob maybe you can try doing some styles like the half-wig or something. That way your hair won't be out for everyone to make comments and you can still get your grow on!

My hair is super short and I use half wigs, they have been a life saver for me. I think you should try this option. There are so many cute ones that you can try. And don't worry about what your friends say, they'll be asking you how to take care of their hair once it falls out from all the flat ironing and blow outs.

 

[*Luscious*Locked*Doc]

Thank you so much ladies! Sometimes it just so frustrating seeing how people judge what they don't understand....people only want to see somebody with fresh straight hair all the time. I'm not saying I don't want to look cute but it just burns me up that the minute you expose a flaw people have something smart to say. They can't just leave you alone and let you do something that has zero to do with them. I think all of those girls have beautiful hair but I know for a fact that ironing my hair 2-3x a week is begging for trouble. I struggle enough trying to keep it moisturized and healthy. I'm proud right now b/c when I look at hairs that come out of my head lately they are all shed hairs....very few broken short hairs. It makes me happy b/c when I came to the board my hair was breaking off all over the place and super damaged. I cut it got a fresh relaxer and started working on my regimen. I probably won't even relax my hair again until april. I have an important interview coming up then.

I feel much better hearing about some of your experiences though b/c I do feel that having short hair makes people think your choices regarding haircare aren't worthwhile. Frankly, having someone tell me that airdrying your hair is the worst thing you can do for it is ridiculous. A ton of people on this board airdry. My hair feels softer than it's ever been because of that. When my friend touched my new growth she was amazed at how soft and kinkless it felt. She was like...it would still look nicer if you brushed it everyday or combed it everyday. Sigh...I'm gonna check out that fall website. I was supposed to go the BSS today but I got halfway there and realized I left my wallet at home. So one more day with it slicked back and then I'll head out to the shop. Does anyone know if that fantasia IC gel has alcohol in it? I really need to stick with non-drying products right now. S-curl has been the truth for my NG!

Thanks again ladies I always know the ladies on LHCF have my back!

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Since your hair is in a bob maybe you can try doing some styles like the half-wig or something. That way your hair won't be out for everyone to make comments and you can still get your grow on!

Agreed.

I would get all of the comments you have, but my hair is always THICKER than most people's who say it... and they have obligations to their hair that I don't... such as relaxing AND color.... or having WHACKED stylists!

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

And keep your reggie to yourself. I don't tell folks off the board what I do/what products I use because of the same-type comments.

And it does work! My daddy asked me over the holidays what I've been doing to get my hair growing. So folks will take notice.... like my sisters who always ask.... "You washing your hair? Again?"

 

[AsTheCurlzTurns]

Does anyone know if that fantasia IC gel has alcohol in it? I really need to stick with non-drying products right now. S-curl has been the truth for my NG!

Thanks again ladies I always know the ladies on LHCF have my back!

My 2 FAVE Products!!! AMEN! In answer to your question about the fantasia IC gel having alcohol in them, the answer is no, not from what I've seen. And I have the blue one, even though it's for color-treated hair, and I don't have color-treated hair, but it works GREAT for my hair. HTH!

 

[chicacanella]

Well here I am once again in a situation that bothers me. I never knew how to take care of my hair my entire life until I joined these boards - my hair has shown amazing progress and grown the longest it's ever grown thanks to all the tips (maybe 2 inches since november 19th). Yet here I am b/c I don't feel happy about it or at least I did until today. I went out to drinks with the girls tonight and they were like what have you been doing to your hair...you need to comb it every day (right now I'm very low manipulation I only comb when I wash it which is 2x a week and one is only a co-wash), you need a dominician blow out...you're washing your hair too much, and you should never ever let it air dry etc. I feel ugly b/c even though my hair is short (think V-beckham bob length) I want it to thrive to become healthy and long yet I feel like i can't let b/c people are constantly judging me. I don't flat iron my hair - i know it would look cute and I have a fhi but I'm determined not to use heat except when DCing and that's indirect. I'm about 1o weeks post relaxer...I know it doesn't look that great especially b/c it short but what do you do when people are constantly criticizing you about your hair? One of my friends has bra-strap length hair (doesn't really do anything to it just had it all her life) so she assumes her word is law. I guess I'm just tired of having all this judgment...does anyone have any suggestions on how I might make my hair look a little better or how to deal with this situation? Usually I will wear flexi-rod sets (but i just haven't had time recently to put them in when I wash...i mean I'm a student and time is always short).

Can you do rollersets?

Also, I went through the same thing and didn't know how to deal with it at first. I mean, the comments not that anyone was deterring me from my goal length cause comments can never get me off track like that. But just dealing with what people asked. You know, why don't you ever where your hair down and stuff like that.

My simple answer, "It's easier for me this way."