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One Mad CurlyGirl (semi-long vent)

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tatiana

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Ever since I chopped off my relaxed hair, I, all of of sudden, have people commenting on my hair from family to complete strangers.

My hair is 90% 3c with a dash of 3b and 4a in certain sections. My hair is also fine/thin and wispy.

I am getting questions like "did set your hair on small rollers" or "did you get a straw set". That annoyed me but I could see why they thought that.

I sometimes get the "Why did I get a relaxer in the first place?" That question stump me but I could easily place blame on my mother who put one in my hair when I was 10 or 11. I also believe my mother did not know how to take care of my hair and thought relaxer fixes everything.

As a newly natural and product junkie, I have spent my summer trying different products from Curls to SCurl to Noodlehead and when I mess up I have to hear about from my black male co-worker who states loudly that I "use too much Jheri Curl Juice in my hair". It is embarrassing. He is so loud. In some ways I view as an insult. Everyday he looks closely at my hair especially at the roots. One day he asked me if I got "my hair did" which I took it as did I get a touch-up. In reality after weeks of using Noodlehead, I decided to use Miss Jessie Curl Pudding which made my hair look different.

On Friday I reached my boiling point, my white co-worker pets my hair asking me why my hair isn't frizzy. I told her that I didn't brush my hair. I felt like she wanted to say something else but didn't know how to say it. She made me feel like a pet. After she left my cube, I suddenly remebered that she doesn't always washes her hands after she uses the bathroom and, on top of that, she runs a kennel for homeless and abused animals in her free time. I went to complain to my black female co-worker about the incident just to find out that my white co-worker has been pumping her for information on why my hair curly and if I have a Jheri Curl.

I have been mad ever since. Am I being petty? I don't understand why my hair is fascination among certain people. To me, my hair does not look like a Jheri Curl, it looks similar to Gloria Ruben or Cree Summer's hair. I don't want to disrespect anyone here on the board but I truly believe that my co-workers think I have chemical services because I am brown. I fear what stupid comments I will get when my hair gets longer. If I am overracting, please let me know. Does anyone have any advice on how to to handle those annoying comments and the hair petters? Because I am not use to it.
 
I don't think you're being petty. I get that sometimes and it can be annoying. I just tell them the truth: I wash it, apply some gel and let it airdry. It's so hard for some people to believe that "black" hair can have such a texture naturally. One woman in particular asked me a few times, as if she didn't believe my answer the first time. I've known this woman for about three years, all during my transition to natural, yet she'll ask me if I did a particular set to obtain my curls/waves. Your curl pattern sounds similar to mine, except that my texture is medium/coarse. I prefer that folks ask me about it, rather than assume that it's a weave, wig or curly set. At least that way I have a chance to educate them.
 
Why don't you just make a sign and put it up in your office:

To those so interested in my hair:

-NO I do not have a Jherri Curl or any chemical service on my tresses.

-Just because you have not had the experience of being around anyone with textured hair LIKE MINE, please don't embarrass yourself by showing your ignorance to me or to others.

-I am not your pet, so don't touch my hair!

Thank You and Have a Nice Day!
 
I'm sorry that I don't quite feel your pain about your natural hair. The thing that would piss me off is that woman coming over and petting your head without permission. I would have blown a gasket.
 
Why don't you just make a sign and put it up in your office:

To those so interested in my hair:

-NO I do not have a Jherri Curl or any chemical service on my tresses.

-Just because you have not had the experience of being around anyone with textured hair LIKE MINE, please don't embarrass yourself by showing your ignorance to me or to others.

-I am not your pet, so don't touch my hair!

Thank You and Have a Nice Day!

:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
I've had a couple of Caucasian women at my job ask if "that's your hair?" or "is that your natural curl?" or "how do you get your hair like that?" At first it was annoying because I thought to myself "yes, it is my hair and my natural curl and why are you so amazed about it?" But then I learned to turn it into a positive. Now I just feel blessed to have the hair type I have (after spending so many years of my life wishing for straighter hair.) So now when they ask, I politely say yes, it's my natural curl then I take a look in the mirror and say "thank you Lord for making me who I am!"
 
I'm having the same problem...every since I started using Garnier Fructis Curl and Shine folks think I went and got a jheri curl :perplexed my childhood girlfriend of 38 years swears up and down that I'm lying as if it's impossible for me to have shiny curly hair. :rolleyes:

Cabellera I need that message on a t-shirt. :grin: :yep:
 
I like the sign suggestion, I know the lady petting your hair, that would have push me over the edge and I would have been looking for another job.
 

I agree with the sign. but then you will just be the angry black woman. You can't win with people. But that whole petting thing, next time she does it stop her dead in her tracks and tell her don't you ever in your life touch my hair again, Got it! I have people that ask me if I have one of those kits in my head or do I have a texturizer. At first it was cool, but I'm kinda getting tired of it.
 
If this really bothered you, send an email to that co-worker saying very politely that you find the petting of your hair very offensive. If she does it again, you will have evidence you did address the issue and then file a complaint with HR or whoever you would report it to in your company. Don't get into an argument with a co-worker because it may backfire if you really lose your temper.
 
Why don't you just make a sign and put it up in your office:

To those so interested in my hair:

-NO I do not have a Jherri Curl or any chemical service on my tresses.

-Just because you have not had the experience of being around anyone with textured hair LIKE MINE, please don't embarrass yourself by showing your ignorance to me or to others.

-I am not your pet, so don't touch my hair!

Thank You and Have a Nice Day!

This is so awesome!:lachen:
 
You're not being petty.
I was texlaxed when I was 17, and I worked in a drive-thru at McDonald's and someone made a rude comment about my hair being a jheri curl when it clearly wasn't. Some people are ignorant.

I've learned to ignore people. As a person of color it's expected for you to have nasty or horrible hair unless it's chemically altered.

Now that I'm natural and learning, I have my good and bad days, but for the most part, I refuse to be swayed by the negativity of others!

Lauryn
 
Man, I'm mad for you, I get that from people all the time,m but i chalk it up to they are ignorant and they don't know better. Most people assumne if your borwn ur hair is permed if not, big frizzy mess. Jus ignore them and let them know not to touch your hair. No point in explaining, you'll jus frustrate urself.
 
I'd tell them they need to "BACK THE **CK UP!!" How dare anyone touch your hair, sometimes the white folks don't know a thing about boundaries. And your black male co- worker sounds jealous because his hair isn't as PRETTY!!! People need to learn some etiquette.
 
When it comes to your hair, do what makes you happy. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. I know from experience this is hard to do.

As for the co-worker touching your hair, tell her politely not to touch your hair.

Also, being in such a situation at work can be extremely stressful. Maybe God is giving you a sign that it is time to make changes in your career.
 
Jerri curls are juicy and dripping everywhere. so, if your hair isn't like that then that man just doesn't know that black people can have 2c hair.
 
I just started wearing my (3C) hair curly this summer. At least three people (including my own mother!!) have asked me if my ponytail was "a clip in or a weave". So I feel your pain. I have noticed people are fascinated with my "new" curly hair. I take it as a compliment.

Like you I am still experimenting with different products/methods to see what works for me - to avoid hair disasters/negative comments I try to do this on the weekend.
 
I would file a complaint for work place harassment, no seriously, we dont go around petting Euro hair and making bold statements and demands on their hair regimens.:nono:
 
I've had a couple of Caucasian women at my job ask if "that's your hair?" or "is that your natural curl?" or "how do you get your hair like that?" At first it was annoying because I thought to myself "yes, it is my hair and my natural curl and why are you so amazed about it?" But then I learned to turn it into a positive. Now I just feel blessed to have the hair type I have (after spending so many years of my life wishing for straighter hair.) So now when they ask, I politely say yes, it's my natural curl then I take a look in the mirror and say "thank you Lord for making me who I am!"

Surprise them: Say: "Yes, thank you..I guess I lucked out!" and smile broadly. Then say, "but it makes me very uncomfortable being petted on the head, why would people do that?!....and look troubled. That should leave them scratching their heads! bonjour.
 
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I'm sorry that I don't quite feel your pain about your natural hair. The thing that would piss me off is that woman coming over and petting your head without permission. I would have blown a gasket.

I could care less about someone thinking I have a jheri curl, etc. (although nobody asks ME that :lol:) because you have very little control over what people think or even say but you should have control of your personal space, you must be clear: "Do not touch my hair." Period, that's it. Otherwise, just figure out a quick pat answer to all of the questions and focus on growing your beautiful natural hair. When you are newly natural it can be overwhelming, over time people will be less annoying. Personally I used to hate people touching my hair (relaxed or natural), but lately I have actually told people I know and like who seem curious to go ahead and touch it because I'm so proud of how healthy and soft it is and I enjoy sharing that with people now. But still, only touch it, if I invite you to or give you permission.
 
Ever since I chopped off my relaxed hair, I, all of of sudden, have people commenting on my hair from family to complete strangers.

My hair is 90% 3c with a dash of 3b and 4a in certain sections. My hair is also fine/thin and wispy.

I am getting questions like "did set your hair on small rollers" or "did you get a straw set". That annoyed me but I could see why they thought that.

I have been mad ever since. Am I being petty? I don't understand why my hair is fascination among certain people. To me, my hair does not look like a Jheri Curl, it looks similar to Gloria Ruben or Cree Summer's hair. I don't want to disrespect anyone here on the board but I truly believe that my co-workers think I have chemical services because I am brown. I fear what stupid comments I will get when my hair gets longer. If I am overracting, please let me know. Does anyone have any advice on how to to handle those annoying comments and the hair petters? Because I am not use to it.

I understand. And no I don't think you're being petty. I get the same kinds of questions especially when I wear a wash and go. When I went to the African Braid Shop to get my weave done once the woman (who had been doing my hair for the past yr or so but I was relaxed for most of that time) asked did I have twists in my hair and take them out. I told her no. All I had done to my hair was wash it and apply a leave in. It had been smushed under my wig all day until it dried. Another woman recently stopped me on the subway and told my hair looked really good. Then she asked was it a twist out. When I told her no, I just wash it and put conditioner and gel in it she was like OHHHHH! And made this face like she was shocked. I assumed she was natural but I didn't really know because she had braids. But nobody in real life outside of the hair boards ever says "twist out".

I've even had people here on the board tell me my twist out looked good when it was in fact a wash and go. Or have had people ask me if I have something in my hair to "soften" it. I used to get mad at first but not so much now. It still bothers me but I guess it comes with the territory. :ohwell: The only thing that really bothers me is the petting. WTF!!?!?! :wallbash: I am not a dog! I can imagine that it's going to really get out of control once my hair gets long.
 
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seems like your co-workers are coming across as being ignorant because they are not educated on what you have done to your hair :nono:
 
I don't think you're being petty. I get that sometimes and it can be annoying. I just tell them the truth: I wash it, apply some gel and let it airdry. It's so hard for some people to believe that "black" hair can have such a texture naturally. One woman in particular asked me a few times, as if she didn't believe my answer the first time. I've known this woman for about three years, all during my transition to natural, yet she'll ask me if I did a particular set to obtain my curls/waves. Your curl pattern sounds similar to mine, except that my texture is medium/coarse. I prefer that folks ask me about it, rather than assume that it's a weave, wig or curly set. At least that way I have a chance to educate them.

I agree. People are so ignorant in terms of what they think of Black hair, including and unfortunately some Black people. Our hair has as much variety as our skin tones, and not everyone realizes this!
 
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