How do you stand up for yourself in the Hair dressers??

[PeaceFlow]

I went to the hairdressers for the first time ever today to get cornrows. The woman was very nice and asked me quite a few times if my braids were too tight (I cidently they still are) but I have afro hair and she came at me with both a FINE,FINE,FINE(!!!) tooth comb and a hair brush, both of which I banned from my regimen from a long time ago.

I know Im not the only person who feels its hard to speak up when someone is doing their hair, the weird thing is Im not shy but I saw the ends of my napps falling off and didnt say zilch. Plus if my braids are too tight I could get bald spots in my fine areas.

Is it just me who has this problem..

 

[remnant]

ohhh <<<hugs>>>> I'm so sorry for you!
I'm a self-braider (growafrohairlong) and I don't go to hair stylist anymore but if I'm obliged to go I'll go with my brother who will defend my hair!

 

[BlueEra]

You are not the only one. Sometimes I dread going to the salon because the same thing happens every time: A few days before I go, I'll practice exactly what I'm going to say if she does something to my hair that I don't like, but as soon as I sit in the chair, I go mute. I get so angry with myself and I don't know why I do it. Yes, it's my hair and I should be able to stand up for what I want done, but it's so intimidating to try to tell someone who feels they know exactly what they are doing that they are wrong. Some get so offended or else make you feel like you're ignorant, even if you know what you are talking about. I try to avoid the salons as much as possible.

 

[Everything Zen]

Always remember you are paying them to do a service for you. They are not God no matter what they say. You are the one that has to go home and live with your hair not them. If they refuse a request you make for your hair then say "I'm sorry but I have to cancel this appointment right now" and leave. You are the main person most concerned about the health of your hair not them. To most of them you're just a walking paycheck.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

You have to grow some balls and man up, for real. You are not paying them to jack up your hair.

If you feel like you can't speak up, then learn to do it yourself.

 

[gone_fishing]

You have to grow some balls and man up, for real. You are not paying them to jack up your hair.

If you feel like you can't speak up, then learn to do it yourself.

I have this same problem. I go mute too.

I think it's because I don't want to offend her. She can do a "do" but she can't cut hair strait to save her life. Also, I wish she'd be more gentle when parting my hair. I don't like the way she tugs on it.

I'm always scared of subconscious "revenge" though.

 

[hOnii]

Yeah, I need to learn this as well. My stylist always combs through my hair sooo rough, and with a small toothed comb. I can hear the hairs breaking! Do you think it would be bad to bring in a comb and ask her to use it and be more gentle? lol..

But I can guarantee she doesn't comb her own hair like that... or even her daughter's hair, so I don't think that it's unfair for me to demand the same.

 

[MizAvalon]

I understand how you ladies feel. It can be very intimidating and scary. I know that when I sit in a hairdresser's chair I feel vulnerable. They have chemicals, hot appliances at their fingertips and you're sitting there facing away from them trusting them with your hair.

 

[**WonderWoman**]

My stylist is pretty intimidating as well, which was why I left her for a while. I mean she knows my hair & grew it out pretty well, but dang! She is mean. She actually yelled at me one day for having grease in my hair when I came to get a relaxer. And one time, a client came an 1 hour late for her appointment and she yelled at her infront of all of us and told her, "My time is money. I can't do your hair today. You're going to have to call me and re-schedule."

I was soooo embarrassed for the poor girl. She had to walk out the door with her tail behind her legs.

 

[luvmesumhair]

I feel the same way. A few months ago I went to get a weave put in and the lady who was going to do the actual weave had someone else braid my hair up. I was steadily telling her how to braid my hair, not to tight and so forth and I could tell she was making fun of me because there was a girl sitting in front of me looking at the girl braiding my hair (she was behind me) and smiling and laughing. I felt so humiliated! I could just imaging what faces she was making behind my back! Just for that, I said to myself that I was never going to that place again!

 

[Incredible1ne]

I don't know why braiders always want to come towards people's head with an itty bitty comb. The first time I got my hair cornrowed by a stylist I didn't say anything even though it hurt. The second time I brought in my own wide toothed comb and asked her to use that because the small comb hurt. She used my comb but parted with a rat tail one. Sometimes I think the stylist just doesn't know what they are doing is hurting the client.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

I'm honestly not trying to be me yall, I'm not. But you can't be paying someone to do your hair wrong/poorly. If you go to get your car painted, and the man says "oh I thought it would look better in blue than red," you'd be ready to cut someone. Use the same mentality.

TELL her to face you toward the mirror so you can see whats' going on. Tell her to show you how much she's going to cut before the siccors touch you. Ask to see all the products, relaxers, instruments and where they are kept and how they are cleaned. Preferably do this before that actual day of whatever procedure.

If she gets an attitude leave. Now don't be rude to her, but there's no reason you shouldn't be able to ask all those things and now get answers.

 

[Twisties]

Eventually, you'll do it because you don't want hair loss or pain.

I have had a braider switch because I told her she was doing it too tight. It went like this:

Me: Excuse me, you're pulling my hair and it hurts. Can you loosen your grip?

Her: I am NOT pulling your hair (very bad attitude)

Me: You are! and stop it.

Her: Speaking another language, walks away.

Me: mad:'Bout to leave with two rows of braided hair, owner comes and assigns new girl to finish my hair. The new girl didn't do them tight.

When you paying mula and threatening to walk out with said mula, they will most likely listen. If not, bounce out and find another shop.

The days of suffereing in silence ended a long time ago for me. One this that helps is to decide in advance, that you will walk out if the service is bad. Have a back up hair style plan so you won't be dependent on the stylist/braider etc. and feeling forced to sit through rough rude treatement.

 

[NuMe2004]

I've found that speaking to hairdressers/stylists prior to your appointment is the best way to go in terms of standing up for what you want.

I will ask for a consultation or have a conversation via phone about my hair, its texture, and its needs. I'll then ask the stylist what his or her methods are and let them know what has and has not worked for me in the past. That way, you both have agreed to what they're going to do to you before you even set foot in their shop.

It's easier to speak up if they don't provide the services you've agreed upon.

 

[neonbright]

I've found that speaking to hairdressers/stylists prior to your appointment is the best way to go in terms of standing up for what you want.

I will ask for a consultation or have a conversation via phone about my hair, its texture, and its needs. I'll then ask the stylist what his or her methods are and let them know what has and has not worked for me in the past. That way, you both have agreed to what they're going to do to you before you even set foot in their shop.

It's easier to speak up if they don't provide the services you've agreed upon.

Girl you said what I was thinking, but I was reading all the responses and you hit it right on head. I have to talk to every new stylist I get to not be so heavy handed with the oil that is put on my hair or I end up looking like I got an old school hot comb and curl with Curling Wax.

 

[Misseyl]

By not going to their establishments. Right now I'm in box braids and I'm the one who take all day to redo them. That's how I feel about beauticians. I don't want them to even touch my hair...

 

[schipperchow1]

I am sorry that you endured that, but you are the only one who can speak up for yourself.

I have spoken up to 2 former stylists..who either 1) tried to blame me for what they did or 2) try some way to go off saying that no matter what they do I am not happy & she got nervous whenever I was going to come in Why??? Because I have no problem specifying what I do & do not want done to my hair

Those stylist who are belittling are just bullying & powertripping...I will not pay anyone to abuse me verbally by criticizing my hair for not getting a relaxer or physically by messing up my hair with scissors or chemicals. If the stylist does not respect your wishes, they do not respect you.

 

[Dee_33]

My stylist is pretty intimidating as well, which was why I left her for a while. I mean she knows my hair & grew it out pretty well, but dang! She is mean. She actually yelled at me one day for having grease in my hair when I came to get a relaxer. And one time, a client came an 1 hour late for her appointment and she yelled at her infront of all of us and told her, "My time is money. I can't do your hair today. You're going to have to call me and re-schedule."

I was soooo embarrassed for the poor girl. She had to walk out the door with her tail behind her legs.

Which salon do you go to? I have spoken up to stylists before. I'm paying for a service so I should be able to ask for exactly what I want. I've been in salons where the stylist will try to "loud-talk" you hoping it'll embarass you, but it doesn't bother me, I know that a fine-tooth comb is not needed to style my hair so talking loud does nothing.

 

[vslady]

This is a very interesting post and I agree with most of the opinions expressed above but wanted to add another twist. The title of your post says a lot. I have found what works for me is to have conversations at the salon while I am in fact, standing rather than sitting. Before I let the wash ladies wash my hair, I speak with her standing because she is standing. I hand her my products and combs and explain what I need from her. She and I have to speak eye to eye and come to an agreement about how she is going to proceed before I will sit in her chair. If we can not, then I won't sit in her chair. I do the same with the stylist. We stand, speak and agree before I sit in her chair. This technique (part psychology/part body language) has served me well.

I think when you sit and the stylist is standing she is physically in a superior position and you have implicitly given your consent to let her make the decisions. I think if you stand you let the sylist know that you are equal decision makers (for the moment at least although you should always consider yourself in charge) in caring for your hair. You also put her on notice that you have not yet agreed to have her perform any services and will walk if you don't/can't agree.

Basically, I think from being children and students, we learn that someone standing while we are sitting is the teacher/leader/authority and this diminishes your own power. This happens in church, school and the workplace.

All that to say, STAND.
(This post reminds me of a great song by Sweet Honey In The Rock 'I'm Gonna Stand.")

 

[Poohbear]

How can you NOT stand up for yourself when dealing with hair-dressers?

And you know what's weird? I'm shy and the few times I've had my hair done at a salon, I always speak up about everything that I want done.

 

[RubyWoo]

This is a very interesting post and I agree with most of the opinions expressed above but wanted to add another twist. The title of your post says a lot. I have found what works for me is to have conversations at the salon while I am in fact, standing rather than sitting. Before I let the wash ladies wash my hair, I speak with her standing because she is standing. I hand her my products and combs and explain what I need from her. She and I have to speak eye to eye and come to an agreement about how she is going to proceed before I will sit in her chair. If we can not, then I won't sit in her chair. I do the same with the stylist. We stand, speak and agree before I sit in her chair. This technique (part psychology/part body language) has served me well.

I think when you sit and the stylist is standing she is physically in a superior position and you have implicitly given your consent to let her make the decisions. I think if you stand you let the sylist know that you are equal decision makers (for the moment at least although you should always consider yourself in charge) in caring for your hair. You also put her on notice that you have not yet agreed to have her perform any services and will walk if you don't/can't agree.

Basically, I think from being children and students, we learn that someone standing while we are sitting is the teacher/leader/authority and this diminishes your own power. This happens in church, school and the workplace.

All that to say, STAND.
(This post reminds me of a great song by Sweet Honey In The Rock 'I'm Gonna Stand.")

EXCELLENT advice!

 

[PeaceFlow]

^^Thank you for everyones advice and support particularly those who pointed out it is my damn money!! And I like the idea of standing up aswell, honestly I feel quite annoyed with this experience.

I can already do single braids but I am considering getting braids by breslin to learn everything myself, I cant stand this scalp ache any more

I have never stuck up for my hair throughout childhood, I read the book Tenderheaded not so long ago and there was one woman who suggested that someone who will sit through pain getting their hair done whilst others scream and shout denotes a particular type of personalityerplexed

Im not shy as I say, I was looking into the mirror as she was braiding and ever so often I would catch my expression in the mirror looking distressed and wincing. In my head Im think thinking "I can deal with this" but my face was a picture

 

[locabouthair]

I don't know why braiders always want to come towards people's head with an itty bitty comb. The first time I got my hair cornrowed by a stylist I didn't say anything even though it hurt. The second time I brought in my own wide toothed comb and asked her to use that because the small comb hurt. She used my comb but parted with a rat tail one. Sometimes I think the stylist just doesn't know what they are doing is hurting the client.

i dont get this either. when i was natural and got my hair braided regularly by friends they would always try to use a really small comb and then talk about how nappy my hair was and they could barely comb it. it used to piss me off. hello? you're using fine tooth comb what do you expect. i think that is the main reason people claim natural hair is unmanagable and hard to comb because they arent using the right combs. it's a shame people are still doing things like this and then wonder why black hair cant grow.

OP i would stop going to her. all your progress will be down the drain if she continues to do that. this is why i try to avoid salons as much as possible. if i didnt have to rely on them for relaxers i wouldn't.

 

[schipperchow1]

We stand, speak and agree before I sit in her chair. This technique (part psychology/part body language) has served me well.

I think if you stand you let the sylist know that you are equal decision makers (for the moment at least although you should always consider yourself in charge) in caring for your hair. You also put her on notice that you have not yet agreed to have her perform any services and will walk if you don't/can't agree.

I agree with this. it is great advice especially since so much of communication is non-verbal.

 

[DSP]

Stand! - By Sly & The Family Stone

Stand
In the end you'll still be you
One that's done all the things you set out to do

Stand
There's a cross for you to bear
Things to go through if you're going anywhere

Stand
For the things you know are right
It's the truth that the truth makes them so uptight

Stand
All the things you want are real
You have you to complete and there is no deal

Stand. stand, stand
Stand. stand, stand

Stand
You've been sitting much too long
There's a permanent crease in your right and wrong

Stand
There's a midget standing tall
And the giant beside him about to fall

Stand. stand, stand
Stand. stand, stand

Stand
They will try to make you crawl
And they know what you're saying makes sense and all

Stand
Don't you know that you are free
Well at least in your mind if you want to be

Everybody
Stand, stand, stand

 

[PapillionRouge]

The best time for me to go is when I am close to my period.. at this time I am BOLD, ruthless, and just WAITIN for an opportunity to show it off

Other than that, I can be one big pussycat... but at the end of the day u have to realize the hair is on YOUR head, not theirs.. so u really have to stand up for urself sometime.

I was proud of myself when I told a Dominican stylist NO, after she came at me with a curling iron to curl my tips, after blowing out my hair...

She looked confused and asked me why... I said "too much heat, no thank u "
The looks on the other client's face at the salon were priceless!
I was even more proud, when the lady being serviced next to me, also said NO to additional heat after overhearing what I said.

HTH

 

[Kacie]

I also had this problem before I joined the forum and started caring for my hair. Honestly, it was kinda shameful to speak up because some stylists have a way of making you feel bad about your hair if you complain. Now, since I've been taking care of my own hair, I wish somebody would try something dirty .

 

[DSP]

The best time for me to go is when I am close to my period.. at this time I am BOLD, ruthless, and just WAITIN for an opportunity to show it off

Other than that, I can be one big pussycat... but at the end of the day u have to realize the hair is on YOUR head, not theirs.. so u really have to stand up for urself sometime.

I was proud of myself when I told a Dominican stylist NO, after she came at me with a curling iron to curl my tips, after blowing out my hair...

She looked confused and asked me why... I said "too much heat, no thank u "
The looks on the other client's face at the salon were priceless!
I was even more proud, when the lady being serviced next to me, also said NO to additional heat after overhearing what I said.

HTH

I love it! You started a Salon Rebellion!

 

[balisi]

This is a very interesting post and I agree with most of the opinions expressed above but wanted to add another twist. The title of your post says a lot. I have found what works for me is to have conversations at the salon while I am in fact, standing rather than sitting. Before I let the wash ladies wash my hair, I speak with her standing because she is standing. I hand her my products and combs and explain what I need from her. She and I have to speak eye to eye and come to an agreement about how she is going to proceed before I will sit in her chair. If we can not, then I won't sit in her chair. I do the same with the stylist. We stand, speak and agree before I sit in her chair. This technique (part psychology/part body language) has served me well.

I think when you sit and the stylist is standing she is physically in a superior position and you have implicitly given your consent to let her make the decisions. I think if you stand you let the sylist know that you are equal decision makers (for the moment at least although you should always consider yourself in charge) in caring for your hair. You also put her on notice that you have not yet agreed to have her perform any services and will walk if you don't/can't agree.

Basically, I think from being children and students, we learn that someone standing while we are sitting is the teacher/leader/authority and this diminishes your own power. This happens in church, school and the workplace.

All that to say, STAND.

Bravo!!! This is wonderful advice.

 

[EMJazzy]

That is PRECISELY why I learned to do my own hair.