what if your husband don't like your hair?

[Spongebob]

Ever since I shaved my head 2 years ago, i put it heat on it only once. that was a couple of weeks ago. and that was only to see what it would look like straight. even then I only did half of my head, as I regretted putting heat on it.

this is quite a sensitive question, but what if your husband doesn't like your hair? When I say don't like your hair, I don't mean your hair type. But the fact that you don't put heat/damaging products on it to make it look good.

I really look after my hair, and my routine usually means that I'm only after the health of my hair, not the beauty. I keep telling myself that i'll sacrifice beauty for now, so that I can have beauty later. as in, when it gets longer I'll straighten it and wear it the way I really want it.

But the problem is, you want to look good for only person, but what if you can't do that at the moment? I really really really don't want to damage my hair or put heat on it.

 

[Radianthealth]

Is there some type of compromise u could make with your hubby maybe a style that he finds attractive that is also healthy

Braids or a weave maybe

Are u natural I can't tell from my phone

 

[allmundjoi]

I am assuming you are natural. So you don't think your hair looks good now? That it only will look good straightened? Have you tried natural styles-twist outs, braid outs, flat twists, wash n go, etc? Is it you or DH that has a problem with the beauty of your hair? What has he said?

Eta: hunny, be careful with what you tell us he said. Girls will be in here telling you he is an arse and to divorce him asap for not loving your natural beauty. Lol.

 

[Geminigirl]

I'm confused as to why you have to sacrafice the beauty of your hair? I agree is there a style you can do that's low maintenance and nice. There are plenty of PS.

excuse my typos i hate it as much as you.

 

[hair4romheaven]

Does he like wigs or weaves? Maybe you can get a straight style with fake hair while still keeping your hair protected.
A lot of women here will say forget that its my hair take it or leave it..Blah blah blah but in reality when you are married it is a compromise. Men do have the right to an opinion when it comes to hair and some men like straight hair. It doesn't mean he loves the woman any less.

 

[Geminigirl]

Yea that's true I guess but to me its weird for a black man to favor straight hair when our hair doesn't grow like that. If your lady is choosing to go on another journey they should compromise just as much. I just had to say that not sure what race a OP husband is. Its 2011 women are educating themselves and choosing not to melt their scalps off with poison. No offense to those who relax correctly,but most don't.

excuse my typos i hate it as much as you.

 

[Spongebob]

radiant health, yes i'm natural. He doesn't mind braids or any other way that i do my hair, but what he likes and i can really tell is when I've straightened my hair.

almundjoi lol i like my hair straightened too, but despite that in over 2 years and more i only straightened it once. the 1st reason i did that was to prevent damage, but i have admit it's also so that i don't see what it looks like straight, and so that he doesn't see it either, otherwise i'll want to have it that way each day

gemini, i tried twist outs and braid outs, but my hair turns into a bush in less than a few hours, so i learned my lesson and just do braid/twist outs when i'm at home. but as i said i like it straight, and unfortunately i can't do that right now

hairfromheaven i really agree with you. when you have to live with someone, there is nothing you can hide, and you just want to look good. i don't like weaves it makes me itch like mad and gives me headache

 

[Tiye]

Are you saying your husband doesn't like the hair seen in your siggy? I like weaves and wigs myself for the sake of creativity, but I draw the line at telling someone to cover their head with someone else's hair to save a marriage. Any kind of hair can get boring if you don't try different styles sometimes. If you're not doing much with your hair, maybe explore natural hair sites and youtube together, educate yourselves about options and agree on something that looks nice.

 

[MsLi@512]

I'm just surprised that you and your DH didn't have this discussion prior to you shaving your head and going natural. I always talk to my hubbie about my choices that I think will impact him because...well... he matters! And I certainly want him to find me attractive from head to toe.

 

[Solitude]

Congrats on your retention. You have great growth for two years. I would suggest a weave if neither of you are opposed to it, or you could wear it straight for special occasions like his birthday and Valentine's day.

If your braidouts and twistouts are turning into a bush, you might want to try different holding products. I'm sure naturals could give you great suggestions for products that can improve your natural styles.

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

Does your hair HAVE to be straight? Can't you do some nice no-heat styles? I use heat 4 times a year but I'm always doing some nice no heat styles. I'll post a pic of a few.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Have a serious talk with him about the damaging effects of heat. And compromise maybe by straightening a little more often. I'm not sure if your husband is Black but as I've said in other threads, Black men are definitely less receptive to natural hair. But I would also think he would be excited about the lovely growth you've had since I'm sure it's exciting for you.


In the end, I think you two should work out a compromise but not a compromise that will sacrifice the health of your hair. I find it hard to believe he would be happy with you having burned out, straggly straight hair as opposed to your thick, healthy curly hair.

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

Here are a few styles. Sorry if they're big. I'm nursing at the keyboard (NAK).

This is a mohawk variation

3 Flat twists. Nothing special but it looks neat, sleek and clean. And it's a protective style.

When I want my hair down I wear a braidout or twist out. This is a braidout. I've yet to get a twistout on photo.

This is a twistout puff.

I also do cornrowed frohawks and full head flat twist styles. You don't have to use heat to have your hair look good.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I'm just surprised that you and your DH didn't have this discussion prior to you shaving your head and going natural. I always talk to my hubbie about my choices that I think will impact him because...well... he matters! And I certainly want him to find me attractive from head to toe.

Im not married, but honestly there are just some things I would do regardless of what any husband of mine would think. I went natural because relaxers were tearing my scalp to pieces. Married or not, I would go natural even if he thought it was the ugliest thing in the world because I don't believe beauty should be painful or unhealthy. this natural hair journey is something where I don't think Black women can always depend on Black men to be supportive. If he is, great. Even better. But the benefits are so great it's not worth the misery of relaxers.

 

[AHeadOfCoils]

GaiasDaughter24
Your hair is so pretty!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I think you need to learn how to improve your braid and twist outs. They should not be turning into a bush after a few hours. Also have you considered banding to stretch? Bantus for a nice curly look? Roller setting? There are many ways to style your hair without heat that are very beautiful. Your hair is lovely op. no need to wait to have a little hair fun.

 

[Tamster]

GaiasDaughter24 your hair is very pretty! I'm glad you said that you dont have to wear your straight to look good... cause the OP made it sound like they didn't think natural could be beautiful erplexed

Spongebob Maybe you just need to switch it up? Try different styles (they still dont need heat) just to spice it up a little? Do you crave straight hair at all? If so, try a nice wig. If not, maybe just try some diff styles?

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

AHeadOfCoils - Thank you!

 

[MsLi@512]

Im not married, but honestly there are just some things I would do regardless of what any husband of mine would think. I went natural because relaxers were tearing my scalp to pieces. Married or not, I would go natural even if he thought it was the ugliest thing in the world because I don't believe beauty should be painful or unhealthy. this natural hair journey is something where I don't think Black women can always depend on Black men to be supportive. If he is, great. Even better. But the benefits are so great it's not worth the misery of relaxers.

I guess my point was that if a discussion was had prior to the process of going natural as well as discussions on how I would wear my hair on a daily basis with my natural hair, then he would have known what to expect and there would be no surprises. That would also be a good time to make compromises regarding times I would wear my hair straight etc. etc. Not in the middle of my process, and find him dissatisfied.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

GaiasDaughter24
Your hair is so pretty!

I second that!!!


over those styles!

 

[Kimgirl50]

Attractive Natural Styles:
Twist out, Curlformers, puffs, buns, braids, bantu knot outs


Maybe you can rollerset, get a wig or get a sew in




OT GaiasDaughter24 did that Labret piercing hurt/healing time? I thinking of getting spiderbites. dem babies are gorgeous.

 

[Guitarhero]

Ever since I shaved my head 2 years ago, i put it heat on it only once. that was a couple of weeks ago. and that was only to see what it would look like straight. even then I only did half of my head, as I regretted putting heat on it.

this is quite a sensitive question, but what if your husband doesn't like your hair? When I say don't like your hair, I don't mean your hair type. But the fact that you don't put heat/damaging products on it to make it look good.

I really look after my hair, and my routine usually means that I'm only after the health of my hair, not the beauty. I keep telling myself that i'll sacrifice beauty for now, so that I can have beauty later. as in, when it gets longer I'll straighten it and wear it the way I really want it.

But the problem is, you want to look good for only person, but what if you can't do that at the moment? I really really really don't want to damage my hair or put heat on it.

OP, you're confusing "straight" hair for "beautiful" hair. And if he doesn't like your hair non-straight, then he's not liking your hair type. There's a lot of conflict in your description of the "problem." Is he nagging you to put heat in your hair? It's YOUR hair. Can you get some pretty accessories? If you are not grooming your hair, I'd understand but he doesn't have the right to force nor nag you to change your hair for his likes. I mean, couples will consider their partners' feelings but ...um, straight doesn't mean "pretty."

 

[Geminigirl]

radiant health, yes i'm natural. He doesn't mind braids or any other way that i do my hair, but what he likes and i can really tell is when I've straightened my hair.

almundjoi lol i like my hair straightened too, but despite that in over 2 years and more i only straightened it once. the 1st reason i did that was to prevent damage, but i have admit it's also so that i don't see what it looks like straight, and so that he doesn't see it either, otherwise i'll want to have it that way each day

gemini, i tried twist outs and braid outs, but my hair turns into a bush in less than a few hours, so i learned my lesson and just do braid/twist outs when i'm at home. but as i said i like it straight, and unfortunately i can't do that right now

hairfromheaven i really agree with you. when you have to live with someone, there is nothing you can hide, and you just want to look good. i don't like weaves it makes me itch like mad and gives me headache

oh ok, you like it straight. Gotcha. Well I learned that with braid outs it's trial and error for me. I am not that good at twistouts I prefer braid outs. I like to co wash my hair and leave a little condtioner in. Seal with an oil and braid. i allow them to airdry. Then everynight I rebraid them up. If I am lazy I'll twist. I use all kinds of things for my braidouts. Sometimes Cantu Shea butter, i am love Curl Enhancing Smoothie by Shea moisture right now, If I want shine and more hold I will use FOTE Aloe Gel or some Eco gel. Anyways with braid outs it takes trial and error to see what your hair likes and you always can turn a fluffy poof into a puff or another style.

 

[Geminigirl]

Here are a few styles. Sorry if they're big. I'm nursing at the keyboard (NAK).

This is a mohawk variation

3 Flat twists. Nothing special but it looks neat, sleek and clean. And it's a protective style.

When I want my hair down I wear a braidout or twist out. This is a braidout. I've yet to get a twistout on photo.

This is a twistout puff.

I also do cornrowed frohawks and full head flat twist styles. You don't have to use heat to have your hair look good.

OMG look at those healthy cute babies!!!!! Ok to your hair. i like the styles and your edges are so healthy and smooth.

 

[MzSwift]

Is it that he/you prefer the straight hair b/c it shows the length? (since you said it wasn't the texture) It seems that sometimes those complaining would like to see the length more often and not necessarily straight hair.

IA w/finding no heat or non direct heat ways of showing length.

GL!

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

Thanks ladies!!

Kimgirl50 - I've had my labret for 6 years. I don't remember it hurting that much. I do remember my lip swelling and liking it because I have thin lips LOL It didn 't take too long to heal. My dentist hates it because it eats away at my gums but I switched it out for a shorter one and it doesn't rub against my gums as much. It didn't really hurt. Stretching my ears to 1/2 was about the only thing that hurt. Everything else was tolerable. I'm a piercing junkie.

 

[Natty_Virgo]

Is rollersetting bad for ur hair? Maybe u can try that?

I talked to dh in great length before I went natural and even showed him pics of what it will prob look like to make sure we are on the same page.

Eta: I still would have went natural but I would have tried to create styles he liked.
Sent from my DROID3 using DROID3

 

[Evolving78]

not married anymore, but pick your battles. my ex-huband and i fought so hard over my hair. i believe it was a power struggle. it caused a lot of drama in our relationship. i am currently involved with a wonderful man that just adores me. i was natural when we got together and he didn't have a problem with it. now that i am relaxed, he told me straight up that he doesn't like weaves or wigs, and he prefers it straight.

i told him that wearing by hair straight right now isn't such a good thing for me. i explained my hair goals and what i was trying to accomplish. i roller set my hair and wear it curly. he knows i like to dc a lot too, so i stay with a baggy on my head! but once i stated my case, he told me, do what i gotta do!

plus, i included him in my hair goal! i told him about my idea of wearing my hair down and straight, with a sexy dress on for his birthday or for mine. oh and i told him about having a long ponytail and allowing him to pull on it! so he is just as excited as i am!

 

[Crystal22]

Most black men have been around women who have permed or pressed their hair all their lives and hear us women talk about naps/ kinks good hair, etc. etc. needing to get our "hair done" when its time for a perm and seeing us come out of the beauty salons done up, with a fresh perem etc... they equate straight permed hair with beauty because we told them thats what it was. It's no surprise that our husbands/bf's think and feel this way with their wives/gf's? I'm surprised that other people think this wouldn't be the case.

Not to mention the media...I won't even go there but its also sooo surprising to me that so many black men hate weaves/wigs but the number one chicks on their list all wear them everyday. This just tells me that men don't know what they want. We have to tell them.