So I weave checked my little cousin last night...

[softblackcotton]

So I weave checked my 17 year old cousin last night when she came to my house for a get-together. She walked in shiny, beautiful, stick straight BSL hair and I thought she has tracks in. She usually wears alot of weaves and half-wigs. She has been completely natural for the past 2 years. She has 3 b/c hair and now due to her fast, healthy growth I also believe she is thick-stranded (with medium density).

All the women were in the living room when all of the sudden the conversation came to natural hair. My aunt says "look at your cousin's hair, look how long it is, and she's only been natural for 2 years. you should press yours out I bet it is to your waist." I was so shocked to find out that it was all my cousin's hair, I acutally started to flip through it with my hands when I know I hate when people even look like they are going to touch my hair . I would have understood if she slapped my hands off!

I find out that everyone believes my hair must waist-length now since I have been natural the longest in my family. Mind you I am famous for wearing shrunken styles mostly to hid my severe unevenness . My 4a/b hair was in a roller set that looked to be about 3 inches long. My hair is only a few inches past CBL when stretched so I am always when people think my hair is longer because I've been natural for so long -11 years to be exact. And BOY was I when they asked me to stretch it and they saw how FAAAAARRRR from waist-length my hair really was.

I got to almost apl one time, but that didn't last but 4 months. I've been on LHCF for almost 2 years and my hair has failed to make much progress. I started at exactly SL and now I am only a little past CBL. That is sad because my cousin knows nothing about DCing, Co-washing, vitamins, hair forums and yet her hair is already at BSL after only 2 years.
I not going to lie, I am a tad bit envious.

 

[glamazon386]

Why did you weave check her? That was rude.

 

[Naveah2050]

LOL i didn't mean to laugh but the way you wrote this is kinda funny. Anyway dont worry you will get there - is there anything in particular that you think is retarding your hair length? For me and my natural hair i know its heat but I just cant give it up unless I put my hair away in a weave.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Why did you weave check her? That was rude.

That's all the advice you have to give? That seems rude to me

OP don't be envious because you too can find a regimen that will have your hair thriving. You have been here for a while but some people take longer than others to get there reggie down. All that stuff you mentioned (DCing, co-washing, hair vitamins especially) are just extra things that are not absolutely necessary to growing your hair. So what exactly have you been doing to your hair the past few years? Products? Is your hair fine? Daily styles? If you are unhappy with your retention, then you need to do something about it. Weave checking someone else won't grow your hair

 

[softblackcotton]

Why did you weave check her? That was rude.

I weave checked her because she usually wears weaves and half-wigs. Also, because I didn't want to believe her hair could already be at BSL. She doesn't even know what a hair forum is.

 

[lovegymnasts]

I got to almost apl one time, but that didn't last but 4 months. I've been on LHCF for almost 2 years and my hair has failed to make much progress. I started at exactly SL and now I am only a little past CBL. That is sad because my cousin knows nothing about DCing, Co-washing, vitamins, hair forums and yet her hair is already at BSL after only 2 years.
I not going to lie, I am a tad bit envious.

Protective style
low manipulation
comb gently (I prefer wet, conditioned hair)

 

[LilMissRed]

so do u think her PS is what helped her hair grow?? or did u ask here if shes taking any supplements or anything? I wudve been asking her all kinds of questions

Dont be discouraged OP... everyones hair grows at diff rates.. just UP ur reggie and u'll reach ur goal in no time

PS: I prob wudve weave checked her too

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

so do u think her PS is what helped her hair grow?? or did u ask here if shes taking any supplements or anything? I wudve been asking her all kinds of questions

Dont be discouraged OP... everyones hair grows at diff rates.. just UP ur reggie and u'll reach ur goal in no time

PS: I prob wudve weave checked her too

lol I know I would have lol but I nor anyone I know are uptight about touching hair....unless it's a total stranger...then it get's kind of weird

 

[Solitude]

I think it's perfectly fine to weave-check your cousin...I have mostly male cousins and they weave-check me every time they see me because my hair keeps getting longer. They've known me all of my life and it hasn't been this long since I was a little girl. Then again, I guess it depends on what kind of relationship y'all have.

Anyway, OP, retention is your issue. There has to be something you're doing or something you're lacking. When you wear protective styles, is your hair properly moisturized? Tucked away ends that are dry only break off faster from my experience.

Also, heat and stretched-out styles seem to help some naturals avoid those SSKs, tangling, and other issues that cause breakage. Perhaps that is your cousin's "secret."

 

[softblackcotton]

That's all the advice you have to give? That seems rude to me

OP don't be envious because you too can find a regimen that will have your hair thriving. You have been here for a while but some people take longer than others to get there reggie down. All that stuff you mentioned (DCing, co-washing, hair vitamins especially) are just extra things that are not absolutely necessary to growing your hair. So what exactly have you been doing to your hair the past few years? Products? Is your hair fine? Daily styles? If you are unhappy with your retention, then you need to do something about it. Weave checking someone else won't grow your hair

For the first 9 years of being natural, I didn't have a regimen at all. I would just wear braids for 2-3 months (sometimes 4 months ) at a time. Only wash (no DC) between a new set braids, so I was only washing my hair every 2-3 months (sometimes 4 ). My mom and braiders would detangle my hair very rough with small toothed, sharp combs (hair snapping was normal thing to hear). Heavy grease was the ONLY moisturizer. Use a pressing comb to detangle also. Never trimmed splits (and still don't) because the splits were always so FAR up almost the entire length of the hair.

For the past two years, my regimen has been a little inconsisent, I am still trying to find my way. For the past year, I co-washed about twice a month, DCed with various conditioners, and moisturized everyday with SCURL and wore mainly gel-set wash and go curls. It worked so well for my hair during the summer and fall, but I got alot of breakage when I continued that regimen throughout the winter. So I changed my regimen again. For the past few months, I have gotten a more consistent regimen, co-wash, DC, been detangling with TT , and roller set my hair. I am seeing ALOT less breakage and shedding than I did during the winter, however, I still have alot of damage throughout my hair - mainly mid-stranded splits (that was even before I started using TT).

 

[softblackcotton]

Protective style
low manipulation
comb gently (I prefer wet, conditioned hair)

I tried combing in the shower with a Jilbere shower comb while my hair was soaking wet with condition. TONS of BREAKAGE. I know I don't shed that much.

Protective styles - I haven't found one that looks good enough on my hair for me to wear consistently. My hair is EXTREMELY uneven. You'll be frightened to know how uneven it is. I will have to shave my head to get my hair all even, so protective styles (twists, bantu knots, etc) look horrible and show my true unevenness. I also kind of hate wigs. The only thing I could think of is braids, but I am ashamed to have anyone in my hair due to the unevenness. People can't tell when I wear shrunken styles.

 

[glamazon386]

That's all the advice you have to give? That seems rude to me

OP don't be envious because you too can find a regimen that will have your hair thriving. You have been here for a while but some people take longer than others to get there reggie down. All that stuff you mentioned (DCing, co-washing, hair vitamins especially) are just extra things that are not absolutely necessary to growing your hair. So what exactly have you been doing to your hair the past few years? Products? Is your hair fine? Daily styles? If you are unhappy with your retention, then you need to do something about it. Weave checking someone else won't grow your hair

People post threads all the time about how they're offended because somebody weave checked them. OP has been here long enough to know that's a nono. I find it interesting that she did it anyway and then posts that she's envious about the person's hair she weave checked. And you're gonna tell me I'm rude. I just said what other people were already thinking.

What advice could she possibly want? Somebody to hold her hand? She clearly has access to the wealth of information on this board. Why not just create a thread asking for help with your regimen? OP didn't ask for advice in her post. Why post a story about weave checking your relative. I would suggest you hit up the search feature, OP and start building a consistent regimen for your hair texture and type.

 

[softblackcotton]

My hair strands are fine. My density is High. Or at least I guess so because everyone is always saying my hair is so thick. I don't think it is thick because it is VERY uneven and the strands break easily. I have mostly 4b with a bit of 4a in the back.

 

[thenimblelife22]

Hey OP,

I can absolutely relate to this. I went natural 7 years ago, but I've only been able to retain significant length in the last 2 years. I have been on and off of the LCHF boards for the entire 7 years. I was so happy to be natural when I finally cut the last of my relaxed ends off that I spent all of my time wearing creative, big, *out* styles. I also colored my hair ALOT, which I thought I could do just because I didn't have a relaxer in.

During that time, my hair never made it much past my shoulders—the same length I was when relaxed—even though I had been natural a long time. I remember coming home from college and visiting a guy I used to date in high school, and he was all "Ooh, you've been natural for so long now, I bet your hair is down to your back..." He then proceeded to pull a strand and *womp, womp, womp*...my hair was barely off my shoulders.

Fast forward to now, my hair is a little past APL. I wear twists as my protective style, I reserve "out" styles for the weekend with my beau, and I keep my hair moisturized by never going more than 3-4 days without adding water to it. My hair has really thrived and my ends are still pretty even. OP, you just have to "get in your groove" and find a system that works for you. Vitamins, special hair products and all that jazz truly are extra. At the end of the day, if you give your hair what it needs and focus on retaining your ends, with time your hair will get longer.

HTH

 

[Evolving78]

would u consider hiding your hair for awhile or getting a cut? you could get braid extensions or Senegalese twists to help. i think the shrunken styles are the cause of the retention issues. can you wear head wraps and scarfs daily? i would get a trim, get it cornrowed, and rock some wraps for six months, so you could give your hair a break. i am rocking my wrap today!

oh but don't keep the cornrows in for a month at least 4-6 weeks, getting it deep conditioned and rebraided.

 

[havilland]

i feel your pain. i for one appreciate you sharing this story with us becuase it takes courage to admit negative emotions like envy. it's good that you felt you could share this story with your "hair sisters". the fact that you were so honest about how you were affected, your disappointment and your weave check, is refreshing to me.

when we hold things inside they fester and come out in other ways, so it's not healthy to hide your emotions.

what i got from this story is that your family is extremely supportive of natural hair which is a RARITY. i also took from this story that you are happy for your cousin, but honest with your own disappointment in your personal hair growth.

take heart....my best friend doesn't take care of her hair at all and her hair never breaks and has grown to the same length as mine in about the same amount of time. i work hard for every inch. she sleeps on cotton pillow cases with no scarf. relaxes every 3 weeks and never even thought to deep condition.

my sister start her hair journey 2 years AFTER i did with neck length hair and her hair is longer than mine.

i have learned that each person is different. we have to try appreciate our own journey and not compare ourselves to others. even though, on some days, that can be difficult.

happy hair growing and thanks for sharing this!

 

[softblackcotton]

People post threads all the time about how they're offended because somebody weave checked them. OP has been here long enough to know that's a nono. I find it interesting that she did it anyway and then posts that she's envious about the person's hair she weave checked. And you're gonna tell me I'm rude. I just said what other people were already thinking.

What advice could she possibly want? Somebody to hold her hand? She clearly has access to the wealth of information on this board. Why not just create a thread asking for help with your regimen? OP didn't ask for advice in her post. Why post a story about weave checking your relative. I would suggest you hit up the search feature, OP and start building a consistent regimen for your hair texture and type.

OK, I know that people only seem get offended by being weave checked. I believe they only act offended on the surface, however, not so deep down inside they are flattered that their hair looks nice enough that some people may think it is weave. I believe that is the MAIN reason that people even post about being "weave-checked" so that they could boast that they their hair looks so long and nice, it looks too good to be true. That is also similar to those threads about people asking if they are mixed, saying that they have "good" hair, etc. People only pretend to be offended, but they are really flattered by it.

As you can see, I am using the wealth of info on the board to help build a consisent regimen. However, I am going through alot of trail and error. The point of this post wasn't really to find a regimen, because I could and do use the search tool for that. This post was really more a rant.

 

[RubyWoo]

would u consider hiding your hair for awhile or getting a cut? you could get braid extensions or Senegalese twists to help. i think the shrunken styles are the cause of the retention issues. can you wear head wraps and scarfs daily? i would get a trim, get it cornrowed, and rock some wraps for six months, so you could give your hair a break. i am rocking my wrap today!

oh but don't keep the cornrows in for a month at least 4-6 weeks, getting it deep conditioned and rebraided.

ITA! I also strongly recommend getting your cut/evened up so that you can start fresh and get rid of the damage/splits. I honestly can't see your hair thriving if you have splits up the shafts of your strands and have never trimmed (as you stated previously). Then you should proceed with protective styling whether it is with braid extensions or twists. Just make sure to keep you hair moisturized/conditioned.

 

[Guitarhero]

OP, I understand your comical post. Plus, this was a cousin and you don't mean this as a serious post. Press yours out and come to the truth. It just might be a lot longer than you realized. And when you see that fulness, it'll be encouragement to be consistent with your treatments and care. You'll get there faster when you are consistently on your game. I don't find you rude, it was family and you all were openly discussing it. Folks, don't come down so harshly, lighten up.

 

[Skyfall]

Like seriously you expect her cousin to slap her or something, OP I don't even know why you felt the need to explain yourself.

Just take this as a wake up call to start getting serious about your hair's length.

 

[ms-gg]

OK, I know that people only seem get offended by being weave checked. I believe they only act offended on the surface, however, not so deep down inside they are flattered that their hair looks nice enough that some people may think it is weave. I believe that is the MAIN reason that people even post about being "weave-checked" so that they could boast that they their hair looks so long and nice, it looks too good to be true. That is also similar to those threads about people asking if they are mixed, saying that they have "good" hair, etc. People only pretend to be offended, but they are really flattered by it.

As you can see, I am using the wealth of info on the board to help build a consisent regimen. However, I am going through alot of trail and error. The point of this post wasn't really to find a regimen, because I could and do use the search tool for that. This post was really more a rant.

Not true. It ticks me off when people call me a liar to my face. If I told you my hair is real, then don't ask me again and again if I am wearing a weave. It is not flattering or a compliment. It is rude.


Other than that, that is why this thing is called a "hair journey" because no two people will have the same path, and that is okay. I know it sucks that you have to work a little bit harder than other people who seem to retain hair effortlessly, but to put it bluntly, that's life unfortunately. I am always envious of people who can eat like a pig and still be as skinny as a rail naturally because of their high metabolism. But if I just breathe in fumes from a fast food restaurant I gain 10 lbs. I just have to work a little bit harder for something that comes naturally for them.

If you keep working at it, you will get a routine down that will work for you, but you have to work at it. Good luck

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Not true. It ticks me off when people call me a liar to my face. If I told you my hair is real, then don't ask me again and again if I am wearing a weave. It is not flattering or a compliment. It is rude.


Other than that, that is why this thing is called a "hair journey" because no two people will have the same path, and that is okay. I know it sucks that you have to work a little bit harder than other people who seem to retain hair effortlessly, but to put it bluntly, that's life unfortunately. I am always envious of people who can eat like a pig and still be as skinny as a rail naturally because of their high metabolism. But if I just breathe in fumes from a fast food restaurant I gain 10 lbs. I just have to work a little bit harder for something that comes naturally for them.

If you keep working at it, you will get a routine down that will work for you, but you have to work at it. Good luck

@ the bold.

I guess I'm in the minority, but I've never felt that being weave-checked is a compliment. If anything it's a backhanded compliment.

 

[glamazon386]

Not true. It ticks me off when people call me a liar to my face. If I told you my hair is real, then don't ask me again and again if I am wearing a weave. It is not flattering or a compliment. It is rude.
If you keep working at it, you will get a routine down that will work for you, but you have to work at it. Good luck

@ the bold.

I guess I'm in the minority, but I've never felt that being weave-checked is a compliment. If anything it's a backhanded compliment.

Thank you! I had a lady in the beauty supply swear up and down my puff was fake and basically call me a liar. She questioned why my slicked down hair looked black yet my actual puff looked brown. Heifer it's called gel! It always looks darker when it's wet. My hair is dark brown. She shut up when I took it down and showed her it was all my hair. I had a member here PM me asking was my puff fake and demand to know where I purchased it. When I told her it was my real hair and that I was offended by her backhanded compliment she called me insecure. Most of my encounters have not been positive whether I was wearing a weave or not. And I do wear them periodically. I've never had anybody actually run their hand up the back of my head but the constant questions can be quite annoying. Don't get me wrong, I do realize some people genuinely want to know but there's a way to go about doing it and it certainly isn't by insulting me, touching me, or calling me a liar.

 

[PraisedBeauty]

People post threads all the time about how they're offended because somebody weave checked them. OP has been here long enough to know that's a nono. I find it interesting that she did it anyway and then posts that she's envious about the person's hair she weave checked. And you're gonna tell me I'm rude. I just said what other people were already thinking.

What advice could she possibly want? Somebody to hold her hand? She clearly has access to the wealth of information on this board. Why not just create a thread asking for help with your regimen? OP didn't ask for advice in her post. Why post a story about weave checking your relative. I would suggest you hit up the search feature, OP and start building a consistent regimen for your hair texture and type.

 

[softblackcotton]

Not true. It ticks me off when people call me a liar to my face. If I told you my hair is real, then don't ask me again and again if I am wearing a weave. It is not flattering or a compliment. It is rude.


Other than that, that is why this thing is called a "hair journey" because no two people will have the same path, and that is okay. I know it sucks that you have to work a little bit harder than other people who seem to retain hair effortlessly, but to put it bluntly, that's life unfortunately. I am always envious of people who can eat like a pig and still be as skinny as a rail naturally because of their high metabolism. But if I just breathe in fumes from a fast food restaurant I gain 10 lbs. I just have to work a little bit harder for something that comes naturally for them.

If you keep working at it, you will get a routine down that will work for you, but you have to work at it. Good luck

I do agree that is rude to weave-checking someone over AND OVER again after they verify that their hair is real the first time. That means they think you are liar everytime they see you. I understand how that is offensive. Now that I know it's my cousin's hair, I will never weave check her again. I only weave-checked her because I couldn't believe her progress. A year ago, when I saw her hair straight, it was touching shoulder length, shorter than mines. I am really not one to think every black woman with long, healthy hair has a weave/wig by default. Ever since I've been on this board I assume that many black woman with long healthy hair has her own hair until I realize that it is not. Believe it or not, I have bave been wig-checked before, even with my own damaged, shrunken hair. The man couldn't believe someone of my blackness could have culy hair. I was wearing a wash and go with gel defined curls.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

It was her cousin though, not some random stranger. It really isn't that serious.

 

[kellistarr]

OP, I understand what you are going through and what your hair has been through. Based on what you've said, I don't think youlr hair is going to get better until you consider getting it cut off, gradually, of course. Meanwhie, you need to take care of it in it's shrunken style. I hope that you are moisturizing and detangling that shrunken style on a regular basis. Can you pull it into a bun sometimes?

Please give up the braids, weaves, and the straightening comb. Those methods aren't working for you. People believe that natural hair means easy care or no care with long hair results, but that is not the case, So, it doesn't surprise me that your people would expect that you have this extra long hair.

 

[appplecidder]

most of the time it is easy for type 3 hair to retain more length than type 4... Due to the fact that type 4 curl pattern is tighter and easier to break.. I still don't quite understand why you felt the need to weave check her..

Sent from my MB200 using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[DrC]

It was her cousin though, not some random stranger. It really isn't that serious.

Yeah, it is. Otherwise OP wouldn't be making a thread about it and how envious she is.


Before LHCF, when I was natural, and wore my hair in a big fro, my cousins would put their hands in my head on purpose and tell me I NEED to go back to relaxing. No "Hey how are you" just run up and touch my hair.
Not only to remind you that these are from the same cousins with chewed up broken off hair and edges...who are beauticians
Now, maybe OP's cousin was okay ( or not okay) with her touching her hair,
but for certain people Cousins are not excused from the "Weave Check" factor neither.

We may have the same bloodline but we don't have the same hair (and mannerisms at times) and not everyone is cool with their relatives like that....well I know I'm not

 

[SuchaLady]

Dont feel discouraged! The abundance of knowledge you have here will get you through! But I think sometimes LHCF members get a jaded view of reality. The ladies on LHCF and other forums are just a drop in the bucket of ethnic ladies. There are tons of women that keep hair that is indeed healthy by doing the uncommon common things that are often given the sideeye on here. But now that you realize that what you are doing is not working stop and analyze