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Am I alone in feeling this way?

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drappedup

drappedup

New Member
So, I'm asking because everyone always seems so optimistic and confident around these forums, but do you ever just feel like giving up? :ohwell: Maybe going back to your "old" hair ways? I guess just your hair past in general.

How do you overcome this? What do you do?

I'm feeling this way all weekend, and I figured it was more me letting something IRL cross over into unrelated things (i.e. hair being one), but it's Monday night and I'm still feeling this way, if not worse. I really just feel like giving up. It seems like so much for so little, you know? I don't know, it was just "easier" being clueless and ignorant, I think. Nothing hair-wise has really happened to suddenly make me feel this way (another reason I think I'm letting outside issues translate into frustration into areas like hair, zits, etc.), I just woke up feeling it the other day. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel better, I'm feeling even worse than initially, if anything.
 
I'm not sure if you're just talking about hair care or not, but to answer your question, I've felt like that in the past. In fact, I've spent a good portion of my life feeling that way in regards to my hair.

I was pretty much convinced that my hair could NOT grow, wasn't ever going to and that I just needed to get over it. I compensated by wearing weaves, and then really short hair cuts/styles.

Now that I've learned all this new info and these new techniques, I will admit that it IS more work caring for my hair, but I don't find it burdensome! I have spent so much time hating, and having no faith in my hair that it feels nice, refreshing even to be giving my hair another chance on ITS terms rather than my own.

Hang in there! Take a deep breath and give yourself a little more time. If you don't come out of your little funk within a few more days, take a break from it. Maybe think of something fun to do to take your mind off it and lift your spirits. If that doesn't work, then maybe going back to your old habits might be best for you. Ultimately, you have to be happy with the decisions you make and if you are not reaping any rewards from a new routine, then I don't see any harm in going back to what works for you!

Best wishes! I'm sure things will get better soon! :yep:
 
Sounds like hair depression! :-)

YES I've definiately felt this way. I'm sure most of us had. For me it was a mixture of frusteration (completely lack of growth, a set back, just not being satisfied) and being tired of trying.

Try a protective style that hides your hair for a while and makes you feel cute too...like a well done sew in, or braids. When you take your hair down and see that spurt of a inch or two your motivation might come back.

I always feel a SURGE of motivation when I see LENGTH and HEALTH. In fact, the healthier and nicer my hair gets, the most I looooovve pampering and taking care of it. It's a...upward spiral!

Best of LUCK!
 
Hey OP, you look somewhat new around here :wave:.

You know when I first started out I would get really frustrated, experimenting with different techniques, different products. It seemed like I was putting in a lot of time without seeing much results.

But it takes time. In time you'll figure out what works and in time you'll see growth. You just need to establish a routine that works for you and from there it'll be smooth sailing. At least it was for me.

I could understand feeling discouraged though. I'm approaching APL, the longest my hair has been in a long time, and had you asked me when I first started out here I woulda never thought it'd get here so soon.

Besides all that, hair could just be the 1st thing you think about when you get depressed. For me, it'd be like "this is going wrong, that's going wrong AND I'm fat!" Then I'd focus on my dissatisfaction with my body. I dunno if you could relate to that or not, but is that a pattern for you?
 
drappedup said:
So, I'm asking because everyone always seems so optimistic and confident around these forums, but do you ever just feel like giving up? :ohwell: Maybe going back to your "old" hair ways? I guess just your hair past in general.

How do you overcome this? What do you do?

I'm feeling this way all weekend, and I figured it was more me letting something IRL cross over into unrelated things (i.e. hair being one), but it's Monday night and I'm still feeling this way, if not worse. I really just feel like giving up. It seems like so much for so little, you know? I don't know, it was just "easier" being clueless and ignorant, I think. Nothing hair-wise has really happened to suddenly make me feel this way (another reason I think I'm letting outside issues translate into frustration into areas like hair, zits, etc.), I just woke up feeling it the other day. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel better, I'm feeling even worse than initially, if anything.
Click to expand...


I feel like this ALL the time. I know where you're coming from. I'm currently transitioning and I promised myself, that once I'm natural, I'm going to do what I think my hair likes and can handle. Little by little I'm going to try to inch away from this obsession I have with long hair. I've been on this hair journey for 2 years and I'm still reading forums and searching for products as if I were a newbie. I'm just tired. I don't care anymore. I mean I'm going to BC in September, so those 2 years of looking like a hot mess, wearing wash and goes, stretching, and protective styling was for NOTHING. I'm tired of following certain hair practices to a tee. I think reading stories about other people's setbacks frightens us from doing what we want to do with our hair. I was happier before I knew about all these healthy hair practices, my hair didn't concern me as much as it does now, it was more like an after thought, now I feel like its such a huge part of my life and I resent that. Sorry I've venting here lol. I would suggest trying not to put so much emphasis on your hair. Take the hair advice with a grain of salt, you don't have to be so militant in your hair routine, keep it simple, that way it won't feel like its occupying so much of your time, and at the end of the day if your hair still doesn't grow don't stress it, just think to yourself its just hair.
 
I'm going to say no. I never feel this way. I don't think my hair has grown uber-fast or anything, but I have seen enough progress to keep me going.

Perhaps your hair practices from the beginning were not as bad as mine. Before I found Ateyaaa, and through her other resources like this board, I was curling my hair one or more times a day with a flat iron and every morning having a shower of little broken hairs all over my clothes. My hair was dry, frizzy felt like straw, and it was breaking off more and more each year as I got "better" about getting regular relaxers and coloring at the salon to hide my gray.

The change to my hair, while not amazing growth, was instant. People who knew me for years noticed instantly that my hair was shinier and healthier. Again, perhaps your hair wasn't as bad off as mine was.

Sometimes I get discouraged and think my hair isn't growing. But all I have to do is look back at the first pictures and I can SEE that it has grown. Make sure you are not just taking pictures of the back. My back seemed to have only grown a little over a 2 month period from February to April, but then I had pictures of my sides, and I could see they had taken off where before they were lagging behind.

-I had to throw away my curling iron to stop using it. Now I don't really know how to use one anymore.

-I know what to do to give my hair movement if that's what I want.

-I get compliments on my hair now.

-When I used to go to the salon, the stylist would always tell me how damaged my hair was. Now when I go (once a month now and just for a flat ironing) my stylist talks about her other poor clients who have broken and damaged hair.

-I feel empowered not to "need" a relaxer anymore. I don't think there's anything wrong with relaxers. I think there's something wrong with "needing" one.

-My success and ability to stick with this lifestyle change (and I consider my hair my hobby now) gives me confidence that I can perhaps lose some pounds and keep them off.

-The pursuit of health hair means I am more likely to exercise, eat right, take my vitamins regularly. Weird that being healthy didn't inspire me for these things, but having swanging hair does!

There's no way I'm going back.
 
Girl yes. I felt this way just...3 weeks ago and I can admit the uber-positivity of the boards did nothing to help.

It was during a time when I was struggling with my hair, felt like I was putting in so much money and time and effort and getting nothing but broken hairs and stressed. I remembered the good ol days of weaves and just paying easy money to look gorgeous and wondered why I was even bothering - 'my' hair would never be as easy or pretty or effortless as what I bought in a pack.

I think it's healthy to experience this and to air out your feelings. I wrote down my feelings in my hair journal and looking back on it it's some pretty sad stuff but it felt good to get it out and not be dissuaded for a moment. Still time will pass regardless of what you do with your hair, since this time will be passing you have the option and freedom to do something positive or to simply stick with comfort.

I think choosing to seek improvement was better for me, it's tiresome now but in the long run I think I'll feel better that THAT'S what I spent my time on rather than ignoring the problem.
 
It's normal to feel a bit down sometimes. Persevere until you hit a major milestone then you'll see the reward for your diligence. In turn that will motivate you to stick with your routine (at least 80% of the time anyway).

Good luck. :up:
 
Op, I know exactly what you're going through, I'm experiencing the same thing. I have been so frustrated with my hair lately, so much so I've considered cutting it all off. I've been at the same length since 12/08. Every time I think I'm going to past APL, I get split ends and have to trim or I get a crazy amount of breakage. I don't know what to do.
 
Hey OP I've been there. It feels like you are doing all this stuff to your hair and not much to show for it. It can take some time. Take a break if you need to just try to do the basics; keep it moisturized and sleep with a scarf @ night. Or maybe try a wig or a sew in. A few months ago my hair became overly porous to the point where it wouldn't hold moisture at all no matter what I did with it. I was so fustrated.I just wanted to chop it all off. I was wearing wigs daily so not having to "see" my hair everyday really helped me while I fixed the problem.
 
I went thru something similar when I first decided to go natural.. there were days I'd just look in the mirror and ask my self what the heck I was thinking and what Xactly was I gonna do with my hair :perplexed , BUT yeah like others... I experimented ALOT (and still do except I no longer run out and buy every product I read about) and I have actually seen some improvement/change so... I just keep it moving.. keeping those things that work for me and ditchin the rest :yep:
 
I have never felt the need to give up. Whenever an obstacle was in my way I would search for the answer until I find it. Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

The ladies already gave you some sound advice. The ones that I follow are listed below.

1. protective style (Polyesterdiva)
This will help you to retain your growth.

2. patience (Eritreladiee)
Your hair is not going to be healthy over night. It took a period of time for the damage to occur and it is going to take sometime for your hair to recover from it.

3. simple regimen (*Beauty_Bandit)
Have a regimen that fits your lifestyle.

4. taking advice with a grain of salt (*Beauty_Bandit)
Just because it works for her doesn't mean it will work for you.

5. hair journal (LittleLuxe)
This will help you to remember the products and or ingredients that your hair likes or dislikes.


To drappedup and Shana' :hug3:, stay encouraged.
 
Abdijz said:
1. protective style (Polyesterdiva)
This will help you to retain your growth.

2. patience (Eritreladiee)
Your hair is not going to be healthy over night. It took a period of time for the damage to occur and it is going to take sometime for your hair to recover from it.

3. simple regimen (*Beauty_Bandit)
Have a regimen that fits your lifestyle.

4. taking advice with a grain of salt (*Beauty_Bandit)
Just because it works for her doesn't mean it will work for you.

5. hair journal (LittleLuxe)
This will help you to remember the products and or ingredients that your hair likes or dislikes.
Click to expand...

Persevere until you hit a major milestone then you'll see the reward for your diligence.
Click to expand...
Excellent summation, Abdijz! Miss*Tress offered a great tip as well. Last night I did a protein treatment. I had been co-washing daily (something I hadn't done since the summer), so I wanted to make sure my hair has the requisite amount of protein to avoid moisture overload. Well, normally I do a protein treatment every two weeks, but I couldn't remember when I did my last one. I checked my hair journal. Lo and behold, I had done one on last Sunday. Instead of closing the binder, I flipped back to the first calendar - from May of last year when I began my HHJ. I saw little notes about my hair loving oil when it's time to relax (it actually needed moisture not oil), how my hair loves protein (that is so true), and how too much heat breaks my hair (hence the "billions" of hairs on my clothes, floor, bathroom counter). I looked through the other months and stopped at November. I read through my notations regarding my relaxer process. I also wrote how my bangs were then below my eyebrows. This may not seem magnificent to anyone else, but to me it was a victory because when I started my bangs were maybe an inch or so in length. Fast forward to today, my bangs are below my bottom lip.

Take note of your hair's changes and when you have moments like this, you can have a comparison point. You'll be able to recognize that small victories allow you to win the bigger battles. Follow the advice given by these ladies and you'll find "moments of hair depression" will become part of the past. Good luck!
 
I haven't felt this way yet, but with the hair game, just like the game of life- there will be ups and downs...Don't let the down get you too down though. The ladies above me have given some great advice...just take things one day at a time...You know the best way to eat an elephant? One bite at a time! Focus on small victories and things will come around!
 
Thanks for this post OP! I feel like most of us go through this, esp. when transitioning. I keep a monthly blog on another site, and looking back at it really helps. It really comes in stages. I, for instance, was feeling exactly like you three months ago, so I put in a sew in to feel cute again. Then I came to resent having to do that, so I took it out. Lately I have been feeling really lame with wearing my bun (no curl definition, frizzy, two textures) because I work in a lounge where everyone is always cute. So that has motivated me to try to learn to do some styles. The point is, try to focus on something that will make you more motivated, be it a journal or an experiment. It will pass, love. Best of luck to you.
 
yep! sometimes i get the strong urge to lay the non ceramic curling iron barrel on my edges to get them to lay down when i'm trying to stretch. I remember how slick and shiny my hair was when i'd load it up with product and THEN apply hellacious amounts of heat to get it stick straight and stringy.

Then, oh man, when my hair needs to be washed but i don't feel like it, i try to rationalize how my hair survived all those years of only being washed once a month.

when the itch comes i remember sitting between my mothers knees while she scratched the crap outta my scalp, but it felt so good at the time. . .so what, it was raw and red. at least the itch was gone.

Then there are those days when i feel like greasing my scalp with some thick blue magic, just for old time sake.

then i think back to my jr high days when i'd wash it with super hot water, slather it in grease afterward, no conditioner though because we didn't need conditioner, that was for white people hair. lol but after it was all greased up, i'd brush it REAL hard back into a super tight pony and slather on some black gel and then tie it up with a scarf to the point that I got a headache, BUT the next morning when it was all dry, it'd be bone straight as though it had been relaxed. so what i couldn't see straight from the tension in the scarf. i was CUTE with my barely neck length 1.5" pony in the back. LOL

Once i finish thinking about all that. I usually snap out of it.
 
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Listen, if I showed you pics of my hair, after being a fiver year member, you all would crack up! LOL! I struggle with the "caring" vs. "not caring" cause of the lack of retention and my dreaded alopecia. I just want less caring, but in all of my 41 years of life, I haven't found a hairstyle for 4b that you can have and "not care" about. It's all work, dreads, braids, natural, relaxed, short, dyed, I've done it all and it all drives me nuts.

I'm now thinking, after reading this post, to go ahead and braid it up Senegalese style, like I used to in the early 90s. Totally protective and a style I don't have to fuss over. I need a break during the summer. I just want to take care of my scalp and new growth and go!
 
I know it's been mentioned already by a lot of other members but after reading their posts and recalling my own experience I have to stress again to keep a hair journal. When I first started I really thought I'd have no need for a journal and had no plans to keep one but simply in trying to keep my regime straight I unintentionally started one.

It's incredibly easy to feel like after months of effort you haven't gone far (believe me, I've been there) but the truth lies in the written word. My first couple of pages all read: "Lost a ton of hair in the shower, getting a lot of breakage, I hate my hair, I have no clue what I'm doing" but fast forward a few more weeks while my hair's not really any longer (I think) I'm suddenly reading: "That protein treatment worked really well, just getting breakage near my ends, I'm really proud of my hair". It's definitely motivating.

And if you have the ability you should also keep photo record of your hair growth. That way you can watch your damaged ends slowly disappear, the shine in your hair blossom, and the health start to grow".

It's incredibly helpful.
 
Hair depression is normal. I just got through it.

Basically, I thought about how my hair was after 20+ years of having a relaxer and although I under my mom's reason for putting on it, it basically killed my hair and scalp. I had dandruff, constant hair damage, broke because of dishing out 60 to get it done, chemical burns. I didn't want to go back to that.

So cons of not going back
- nothing I can't think of any

Pros of not going back
- 60 more dollars to go towards something else
- no more dandruff
- my hair is healthier and growing more faster
- My hair likes not having a relaxer
- I can go swimming and not worry about my relaxer being stripped.

So new goals are this
- Keep my eyes on the prize of having healthy long hair

Have fun with getting to your hair goals. Experiment when you can and keep looking towards the prize of longer, healthier, hair.
 
Americka and LittleLuxe, I love the way you ladies are using your journals.

Here is a video that really helped me to start my healthy hair journey.

Chapter 1
 
Cosign on taking pictures. Honestly, without keeping pics to track my progress I just wouldn't have been able to stay as motivated. The comparison pics are awesome.
 
I understand- I had this feeling like 2 weeks ago. But I went into a salon my husband was working on their floors-the Hispanic lady there asked me if that was all my hair. It was in a bun(I am BSL) I said yeah, she said "it is... wow you can tell you have a nice head of hair.
Another time I was around this Asian guy and and some white couples(I was the only black) we were talking about hair(my hair was in box braids at the time) He mentioned that he noticed that most black women have shorter hair-I proudly said well mine is about here(positioning hands at BSL) he looked surprised....
Both incidences showed me that alot of other races don't think we can grow hair but their response to mine gave me my motivation back-I mean look at where I started! That's why progress pics really make a difference-the pics dont lie-you do see your progress and you know it's working so you keep going. Don't give up!
 
some times i want to give up but i think my habits are engrained now, so really what i end up giving up is me obsessing over growth every single day...which works out nicely.
 
My hair is growing very well, AND I STILL GET IT.

I have it because I can't decide whether I want to stay relaxed or go natural.
I have it because it just doesn't seem like i'm getting to MBL fast enough (I'm comparing my hair to others, which is a :nono:).

I had a setback in November, and I start thinking about how long my hair would be right now if I hadn't had to cut it.

So OP, you're not alone in this. Just let some time pass, the depression will pass.
 
*CherryPie* said:
Exactly!:yep:

Ain't no turning back now :nono:. We have learned too much. The OLD way doesn't even make sense anymore. :sad:
Click to expand...

This!

No you definitely aren't alone OP. I have my days when I feel like I'm not making any growth progress. I have to keep in mind that I spent many years abusing my hair (and my health was bad for a while too) so it won't grow the way I want it to overnight. But I track my progress once a month and I can see the difference even though I wish it were faster, my hair is far healthier and a little longer than it was last year. There was once a time when my hair wasn't growing at all but that was because I had a lot of health issues and I was in a deep depression. Focus on the health of your body and your mental health and everything else (including your hair) will follow.
 
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When I started out - ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!! I thought if this is what I have to maintain to have long hair then I don't see myself doing this.

But it is as the ladies said, we learn a lot here and soon this knowledge becomes second hand to us. Once we nail down our regimen it easy.

Taking care of my hair now is way easier than its been at any other point in my life.
 
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