This is part vent, part asking for advice. Ive been feeling and looking like crap for a while, due to my hair. It's affecting my self-esteem. The issue is I work out a lot (in the morning) and my hair gets sweaty and frizzy. Then basically it's in a frizzy ponytail or wrapped and covered the rest of the day. I'm tired of looking a mess but I feel like I don't have a lot of options. Braids don't work because as soon as I workout my hair frizzes through the extensions. I've done crochet braids (actually have some in now) and u-part wigs every now and then but...and I'm really not trying to offend anyone...for some reason I feel like I "failed" when I wear weave. I don't know where this feeling came from because up until a few years ago I stayed in weave. It's almost like a feeling that I failed at wearing my real hair. Is this weird? How do I shake this feeling? I'm at the point where it's like what's the better choice, looking like crap but wearing my real hair or weaving it up, looking good but feeling like I somehow failed?
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Hair looks bad vs feeling I failed
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Rina88
Well-Known Member
I have no real advice cus I'm in the same predicament. I've recently decided that weaves/wigs are a reasonable option after years of avoiding them. Why should I look a mess all for the sake of this hair journey and what I've previously believed the best option to attain my goals? I may as well enjoy this ride and I'm hoping with all the information I've learned thus far I can still grow and retain while looking good. It may even make it easier and take my mind off of this whole hair growing thing.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
Time for a hairstyle change!
Foxglove
A drop of golden sun
I think part of the problem is people have been in weaves so long they forget how real hair looks like. It's ok if your hair isn't laid to the gawds 24/7. I recommend maybe wigging it up during work then when you're off in the evenings and weekends take that time to experiment with your hair and find something that compliments you and is actually doable. Instead of doing straight styles all the time maybe try braid outs so when your hair gets a little frizzy from working out it won't be so noticeable. Same with braids or twists with your own hair
I understand how you feel. Is this your first time natural in your adulthood? I ask because new naturals someone's feel like they have a responsibility to wear their hair out, rock v their natural texture etc. In real life, the only person that thinks that is you. Don't put any pressure on yourself. Do whatever makes you feel pretty... Weave, wig, relax... Anything to keep your self confidence high. Life is too short for all that.
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
You haven't failed.
It's okay to feel stuck everyone does at some point.
If you value your work outs, you can cut your hair into a short cut so that you can wash out all that sweat easily after your workout in the morning.
Or conversely, change your workouts to the evening and then rinse your hair in warm water afterwards and then put your leave ins.
Or you can still wear your wigs to the gym or a hair scarf and still rinse out later.
If you feel that your own hair isn't in good shape time to take a good hard look at what is going on. Braids and weaves can only hide so many problems and can take a toll on your hair. Weaves and extension braids can be a crutch and can prevent you from dealing with your own hair. I wore extension braids for a very long time back to back with no breaks and my hair grew reasonably well but never grew past APL but it really stressed my hair and damaged my texture a bit. So obviously when I would take them out my own hair always looked dry and frizzy.
I was determined during this transition not to allow myself to get reliant upon fake hair. So, I shaved my hair last May. Let me tell you it was heaven for those four months, just heaven. I looked fresh and I rinse my hair daily in the shower.
Now, months 4-8 have not been that easy because I can no longer just jump in the shower and go without mad manipulation or prior manipulation because I have fine hair and don't want the mechanical damage. But I can say that I am beginning to see what my own hair is going to look like as it starts to hang and it makes me happy and excited. I am very grateful at least that I have hair (and lots of it) with all of the braiding I had done in the past I could have a half chewed off hairline by now.
You just need to re-assess.
Best,
Almond Eyes
It's okay to feel stuck everyone does at some point.
If you value your work outs, you can cut your hair into a short cut so that you can wash out all that sweat easily after your workout in the morning.
Or conversely, change your workouts to the evening and then rinse your hair in warm water afterwards and then put your leave ins.
Or you can still wear your wigs to the gym or a hair scarf and still rinse out later.
If you feel that your own hair isn't in good shape time to take a good hard look at what is going on. Braids and weaves can only hide so many problems and can take a toll on your hair. Weaves and extension braids can be a crutch and can prevent you from dealing with your own hair. I wore extension braids for a very long time back to back with no breaks and my hair grew reasonably well but never grew past APL but it really stressed my hair and damaged my texture a bit. So obviously when I would take them out my own hair always looked dry and frizzy.
I was determined during this transition not to allow myself to get reliant upon fake hair. So, I shaved my hair last May. Let me tell you it was heaven for those four months, just heaven. I looked fresh and I rinse my hair daily in the shower.
Now, months 4-8 have not been that easy because I can no longer just jump in the shower and go without mad manipulation or prior manipulation because I have fine hair and don't want the mechanical damage. But I can say that I am beginning to see what my own hair is going to look like as it starts to hang and it makes me happy and excited. I am very grateful at least that I have hair (and lots of it) with all of the braiding I had done in the past I could have a half chewed off hairline by now.
You just need to re-assess.
Best,
Almond Eyes
afrofaithful
Well-Known Member
What length are you at? I work out and am able to wear my wng/twist out afterwards with strategic bunning lol.
My hair is relaxed and I think right above APL. I usually stretch for 14-16 weeks. My hair looks good as long as I wrap it after working out but then it takes too long to dry and I end up having to do a bun or ponytail. Working out in the morning is more convenient for me. I've tried braidouts and curly hair but my hair doesn't like it and once I workout it gets limp and frizzy anyway. My hair has been frizzy since the day i was born lol. In any case, I did some crochet braids yesterday and today I've felt beautiful again! But there's still that little feeling in the back of my head saying that I failed because I'm back to weave. I don't know.
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Rocky91
A work in progress
I have a few tips.
Try a good edge control for your ponytails and buns, a sleeker style will always look more polished.
Do roller sets or braidouts with a foam wrap or a product with hold so they will last.
Lastly, that's not an easy length for styling sometimes. It's too long to be short and too short to be long. I know cause I'm about there right now too. Do you have a nice cut? That always makes me feel better about my hair. Nice neat ends and maybe some long layering.
No, it's not that. I've worn weave maybe six times in the past 3 or 4 years. So I've definitely spent time getting to know my hair. But at the beginning I was flat ironing weekly and was able to wrap my hair and not go anywhere for hours while it dried. Now that I'm going for healthy hair, I can't do the heat all the time. And I don't have the time to wait for my wrap to dry. So those things lead to me looking like a wet puppy most days lol.
Prettymetty
Natural/4b/medium-coarse
Now that I wear my hair mostly straight things are different. I will reschedule my workout after a fresh blowout 
.
When I was wigging it I could give my all in the gym without sacrificing my looks. I have no shame...I will wear a full wig, lace wig, phony bun, etc. Wearing extensions to look presentable during a fitness regimen isn't failing. You are #winning!
. When I was wigging it I could give my all in the gym without sacrificing my looks. I have no shame...I will wear a full wig, lace wig, phony bun, etc. Wearing extensions to look presentable during a fitness regimen isn't failing. You are #winning!
Thanks! I don't know why I've never tried edge control. Yep, I agree with you about this length. Most people I know say it's long
but it still feels like it's too short to do anything. I got a cut about 4 months ago, will be going for a trim in a couple of weeks.Now that I wear my hair mostly straight things are different. I will reschedule my workout after a fresh blowout
When I was wigging it I could give my all in the gym without sacrificing my looks. I have no shame...I will wear a full wig, lace wig, phony bun, etc. Wearing extensions to look presentable during a fitness regimen isn't failing. You are #winning!
Yeah, that's what i want. To be able to go as hard as I want in the gym without having to worry about my hair. I just need to get over it and do my thing.
Lylddlebit
Well-Known Member
I have color coded my answers to match what I was responding to in your first post. This is what came to mind when I read this.
What about everything else? Hair is one small portion of a woman's beauty and I am sure you have other attributes that can be highlighted especially if you work out all the time. Whether my hair is straight nappy or anything in the in-between...whether it is freshly cut and healthy looking or begging for a trim, I make sure the other pieces of the package are just right. Example: a face with no makeup with perfectly threaded eyebrows and moisturized, a made up face blended to make you wonder is she wearing makeup or if her skin is really that perfect? Being sick and looking as sick as I feel but knowing when I laugh for a few seconds I won't look or feel sick. Suited and booted to feel good in my clothes. A well taken care of body that makes me remember that it doesn't matter what I'm wearing when it's perfection underneath. I am sure you have a list of beautiful things to notice.
Not conforming to the all natural + all your hair ideas doesn't determine success or failure to me. It's one of many options to enjoy your pretty. Sometimes you get to a point where you been there, tried that and just decided to discontinue it. Sometimes you try it, love it and keep it. Sometimes you see it on her people and never really want to try it. If you are enjoying it that is great but at some point it has to be worth it for you especially when it does take work, money, time etc. Otherwise you can just enjoy an alternative. I think once you examine why anything about you has an impact on your self-image you can use that to take action or gain perspective.
It is a little weird but it being important to you makes it matter. I think if you realize your pretty/beautiful/postive physical features it will be really easy to shake that feeling because things will be in proper perspective. I love my hair but it certainly isn't the most beautiful trait I own physically or otherwise. Some of the other traits I consider most beautiful about myself I have had naturally or developed for a much longer period than long hair and you can feel pretty when one trait that is not what you want stands next to countless others that are on point.
I really hope you get to a point where you feel great and look great.
HappilyLiberal
Well-Known Member
ajargon02
Well-Known Member
There's points in all of our hhj where we feel just like you. At least I KNOW I have. There's nothing wrong with wiggin or weaving it up. Take time in between those things to play with ur hair, get to know it. Take ur time with it. Only play in your real hair when you're ready. Not when you're tired or frustrated.
There's NOTHING wrong with how you feel, but you have to give yourself some slack.
I wish there was something I could say to encourage you, but just know you are NOT alone and this feeling will pass as you learn your hair.
overtherainbow
Well-Known Member
Disclaimer: I didn't read every post in their entirety lol.
I was an avid runner (and sweater) during my relaxed days. I would always run with my hair wrapped in a dubie, and keep it wrapped until after I showered/dressed. By then my hair was always dried and still "laid". Curly styles like twistouts and braidouts were immune to heavy frizz thanks too a solid hair gel and running in loose bantu knots. Even biking with a tight helmet is doable. Locsocs and silk bandanas are godsends for under helmet protection.
All of the ladies above are right. Our hair is naturally frizzy and poofy. Thats part of the beauty of our hair
I was an avid runner (and sweater) during my relaxed days. I would always run with my hair wrapped in a dubie, and keep it wrapped until after I showered/dressed. By then my hair was always dried and still "laid". Curly styles like twistouts and braidouts were immune to heavy frizz thanks too a solid hair gel and running in loose bantu knots. Even biking with a tight helmet is doable. Locsocs and silk bandanas are godsends for under helmet protection.
All of the ladies above are right. Our hair is naturally frizzy and poofy. Thats part of the beauty of our hair
Lylddlebit Thanks so much for this! You're so right. I know i have other "things" that are beautiful but the truth is if my hair looks a mess, it kind of throws everything else off. Like I don't even want to wear earrings, lipstick, mascara, nothing lol. But I'm gonna have to work on that. I've actually felt like my old self again these last couple of days. With the crochet braids, I feel like my hair isn't all over my head, so I've been back wearing jewelry, makeup, just feeling and looking good. I think I'm going to probably start a regimen where I wear my hair for the first 6 to 8 weeks after a touch up and then wig it for the 6 weeks after until my next touchup. Like you said, I need to enjoy my pretty. I like that!
HHSJ85
Regla degla shmegla girl from Jerz
This is me right now. You are not alone. I was transitioning for 1 year and some change and decided to get a relaxer last week. I just wasnt happy with the way my looked. I didnt feel good about it. At first it would be cute and then after a few hours at work i would glance in the mirror and say wth?? 
got a relaxer and in still not happy. We are just going to have to keep workin on it till we find what fits us!! Hope it works out for you Hhg
got a relaxer and in still not happy. We are just going to have to keep workin on it till we find what fits us!! Hope it works out for you Hhg
BeautyBlvd
Beauty Blvd.
What about working out in twists, small buns, or cornrows and then taking it out for a loose wave look?
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