"You're cute! BUT Dang..your hair!

[silenttullip]

SO has said some things about how much he dislikes natural hair
"he doesn't mind the 3b and under but yea so usually around the
house I just rock a scarf I know its sad and he means no harm BUT
if I were a man who likes straight hair when my girl straightened it
I'd be full of compliments to motivate her to keep it that way... he says
NOTHING which is why it's staying natural. He doesn't care for braids
and says twists is cute on me but whatever... It hurts cause I miss enjoying
my hair and I can when I'm around other people just not him.

 

[Prudent1]

If he calls your hair nappy he was an idiot anyway lol

Okayyy... I have had some BM co-workers ask / make a few random comments about my natural hair but I usually reply to the effect "If we're both natural and my hair is nappy, what is yours?" Then when I flat iron it those same ppl want to pay compliments and touch my hair go to lunch. PLEASE.

Oh wow, I didn't realize comments (both negative and positive)from SO's played such an emphasized role in our hair As for myself, back in the day I used to ask my SO what he thought of my hair after I got it done, and most of his replies would be "it's str8" or "it's alright" or w.e. I just got to a point where I wouldn't ask him anything about my hair anymore, and things have been great ever since . I stretch for as long as I want/need without thinking twice about what he has to say. That's just me though.....*shrug*

Yeah, they do but there's a balance to anything. It is normal for you to want to know SO or DH thinks you are beautiful from head to toe but, when you start to obsess or do a complete 180 from what really makes you 'you', you need to check yourself (did I really just use you 3 times?). TBH, I'm the same way. I like knowing that SO looks good. I'm not angry that other women find him attractive cause I know I do. In the beginning of my HHJ he asked a few questions. They weren't too outlandish cause he knows me. I just told him to give me 6 months then compare my hair to the female of his choice. Oh now he all like "Yeah Prudent1 is all natural and takes such good care of her hair!" (to all of his sisters and female acquaintances)

@lamorenita02907,- I'm sure ppl likely look at me with my natural tresses and think negative stuff all of the times. I don't care. The proof is in the pudding. Whether it's curly or straight, it is healthy and shinny. I flip it or shake it, pray for 'em (for real), and KIM.

 

[Vashti]

Comments like these in the past used to hurt my feelings. Now? Any man stupid enough to say something like that to me better look like he just dropped from heaven. And even then he ain't gettin' away with Foot-In-The-Mouth disease around me.

 

[empressri]

Whooee I have a harsh mouth. I'm quick to flip at ANYONE, male or female that says some backhanded sh*t to me.

"Am I sleeping with you? Last time I checked I wasn't so get the **** out of my face."

Folks have no tact anymore so I'm going to give them what they give me right back. They usually shut up after that and just keep it moving. I had to train one dude at work this way that kept making comments and asking me questions.

 

[SLOGRO]

I remember high school where most of the girls worn weaves etc. I rock my pony most days, I guys would say can't you do anything else with your hair, why u always have it n a ponytail. I would just turn around and smack the fool who had the nerve to comment on my hair. I got the nickname "Man Beater". I've found a man that appreciates my hair and glorifies in his DD natural hair especially when she wears it out flying all over the place lookin all crazy he loves it.

 

[empressri]

I have been ps'ing in wigs lately but decided to wear my 'fro' a few days ago.

My mentor ( an older man), looks at me and says, "What is going on with your hair?" I responded with 'this is the hair that God gave me, which promptly shut him up.

I hate to throw the race card out there, but threads like this seriously make me wonder if women of other races catch this much flack about their hair. I mean really, if a bleached blonde woman's roots start to show, does she receive 'put downs' from random men? I'd really like to know.

yeah they do cause ive heard plenty of stories.

ignorance has no color, it's across the board. there are TONS of folks with no tact whatsoever and they come in all colors.

 

[nappystorm]

I got a bunch of "you used to be so fine" when I BC'ed

 

[EllePixie]

I can't honestly can't deal with it anymore and refuse to indulge men in these petty a$$ games with their backhanded compliments like they think it's cute. When I first BC'ed, I was one of those ladies who would run to the board with a thread like, "I can't believe he said that!!! OMG!!!" Not that there is anything wrong with those threads (I enjoy them), but now I don't even give it additional energy. If a guy says something negative about my hair, he gets a lip sneer, a side eye, and "K, bye." If we were flirting and/or "talking," we are now done. If you are my friend, you can sit in the corner until you come up with a proper apology. Nobody asked you a dang thing, so keep it seated and there won't be none.

 

[SmilingElephant]

I don't even acknowledge the comments anymore verbally. I tend to give a quick pause and a weird look and change the conversation. Besides I've had worse comments said to me in my life about the bmark on my face.

This one dude in high school told me I would be cute if it wasn't for that "thing" on my face and I needed to get it removed.

I mean I have also gotten compliments on my bmark....but I figure bc they way I carry myself...ppl kinda figure out quickly it doesn't matter what they say about the way I look. I'm a showstopper regardless.

 

[MsPlatinumbsf]

Well actually just yesterday my friend (he) told me to do something with my cousins in the back of my head they acting wild and he knows I know how to tame them. I was done did not even make a comment but I did go straigthen them up a bit because he was right they were wild....but he is my friend and he only means well. And I do not need to be walking around with my cousins acting a fool behind me LMAO am 13wks and look like 26 already but loving my new growth.

If it was a stranger I would have put them in they place then go fix it LOL.

 

[HauteHippie]

Whooee I have a harsh mouth. I'm quick to flip at ANYONE, male or female that says some backhanded sh*t to me.

"Am I sleeping with you? Last time I checked I wasn't so get the **** out of my face."

Folks have no tact anymore so I'm going to give them what they give me right back. They usually shut up after that and just keep it moving. I had to train one dude at work this way that kept making comments and asking me questions.

Same here, you get what you give!

If the person speaking is a stranger, I'll stop, fix my clothing, extend my hand and say, "Hi, my name is _____. I don't believe we've met."
Typically, they'll get the point and stammeringly apologize.

Or, I'll feign stupidity--especially if there's a backhanded compliment involved. "I'm sorry, I don't understand. Can you please better explain what you mean?" b/c hellz no. If someone-- especially a male-- is going to insult me, I want him to grow a pair and just say it. Don't give me an insult cloaked in a compliment; that's just too easy. Once he says what he really means, then we can talk. And he'll get what he gave, plus a little extra for memory's sake.

If I'm busy, in a rush or just all talked out for the day, they get the blank face. -_-

 

[Janet']

When I was transitioning and when I was wearing my hair in puffy rollersets, the guy that I was dealing with at the time was like, "you are gorgeous, but can't you do something else to your head?" Yeah...needless to say, he didn't last too long...