"You're cute! BUT Dang..your hair!

[lamorenita02907]

As I remember in high school...sitting behind this kid in class .He turned around and said You're cute! but dang it just ur hair . I felt soo embarrased because I was long due for a relaxer..hair was super wavy at the root...must've had atleast and inch to an inch and a half of growth. I use to wear my hair down and gel it down in the front. So I understand how it would look a little akward. especially when everyone's wearing their hair super straight.

I was so embarrased to the point that I went to the salon got a relaxer and hair all blown out! I felt beautiful and everyone at school made such a big deal on how my then aplish hair looked so nice and silky.

Any one have any expeiences like this..Guys putting your hair down in any way? DH or SO? how did it make you feel?

 

[LadyPaniolo]

That guy is a jerk. He was giving you a backhanded compliment aka an insult. I would be sure to do the opposite of whatever such a spiteful jerk said to me.

eta: I have had male co-workers try to tell me something similar. For an immature and selfish guy with a messed up value system, that kind of comment seems innocuous. HE LIKES seeing you look at your "best" in his interpretation... ergo you should do whatever to look better TO HIM. It's basically a measure of trying to control you. In his mind you exist to be window dressing for his viewing enjoyment. D-bag.

 

[Oasis]

when i was in elementary school my hair was always flyin'. i can't even find any excuses for that mess.

i remember one day i was getting on the bus and Tyrone was behind me. i was soooo in love with Tyrone y'all. anyway he faux-whispered to his cousin "damn, finally she got something done to that ****."

i was crushed yet happy he noticed.

 

[lamorenita02907]

Yea I was young then I'm 25 now..and I regret doing that so much. I should've jus keep doing me and not worry about what anyone says..that's what I do now, even with my DH.He loves it straight..ill do it every once in a while to compromise but other that that...I do what I wanna do to my head sorry.

 

[lamorenita02907]

****."

i was crushed yet happy he noticed.

Too Cute!!! but it's a shame that people react this way!

 

[Hairsnob]

I posted before about how I was thinking I was all cute with my messy bun and this guy standing in line behind me asked me if I was having a hectic or bad day. I asked him why? He said because your hair is all over the place. He was probably just trying to mack but I still didn't appreciate it. My messy bun was cute no matter what he said.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I posted before about how I was thinking I was all cute with my messy bun and this guy standing in line behind me asked me if I was having a hectic or bad day. I asked him why? He said because your hair is all over the place. He was probably just trying to mack but I still didn't appreciate it. My messy bun was cute no matter what he said.

Beware of the man who tries to mack by insulting a woman OK, I'll not derail the thread any more. I just wish more women and especially young girls knew that when a guy does that, it comes from a bad place.

 

[CarmelCupcake]

I posted before about how I was thinking I was all cute with my messy bun and this guy standing in line behind me asked me if I was having a hectic or bad day. I asked him why? He said because your hair is all over the place. He was probably just trying to mack but I still didn't appreciate it. My messy bun was cute no matter what he said.

Yea that was pretty rude. It seems to sometimes be the case that non black girls can wear messy buns and get away with it, but when we wear messy buns, people say that we should fix our hair. Its almost like a double standard maybe.

 

[sylver2]

yes. during my 1 year stretch my militant, back to Africa, lecture at any moment on black history uncle asked me wth was going on with my hair and i needed to comb it

 

[Aviah]

A guy at work told me he didn't like my hair after I got it cut and flat ironed it (It was summer so it was usually in a WnG). I really didn't care- he's not SO- so I'm not checkin for him anyway. I liked it and that was that.

 

[Evolving78]

i thought i was cute yesterday and got called a treasure troll.... my hair was in a wild braid out. but he told me it looked very nice.

 

[Rina88]

Last month while hanging out with a white guy I just befriended (both new at work) told me "I have some hair glue that'll make your hair straight if you want to fix that" (looks up at hair). I was wearing AAMH Kinky Curly weave. Wow. I was PISSED. I told him clearly if I wanted straight hair I'd have straight hair, then he was like "ok but it's kinda crazy looking". Even if he was right that was just extra rude and unnecessary especially coming from a man, what does he even know or care about hair?

 

[alive]

Yea that was pretty rude. It seems to sometimes be the case that non black girls can wear messy buns and get away with it, but when we wear messy buns, people say that we should fix our hair. Its almost like a double standard maybe.

CarmelCupcake: just gotta say, your hair in your siggie is super nice! messy bun or not, whatever you're doing is obviously working

yes. during my 1 year stretch my militant, back to Africa, lecture at any moment on black history uncle asked me wth was going on with my hair and i needed to comb it

sylver2 you got me with that line about back to Africa. When my sister did her BC, one of my African aunts told her it looked bushy and she should go "fix" it. my awesomely hard headed sister just shrugged and is still natural 3 years later

Last month while hanging out with a white guy I just befriended (both new at work) told me "I have some hair glue that'll make your hair straight if you want to fix that" (looks up at hair). I was wearing AAMH Kinky Curly weave. Wow. I was PISSED. I told him clearly if I wanted straight hair I'd have straight hair, then he was like "ok but it's kinda crazy looking". Even if he was right that was just extra rude and unnecessary especially coming from a man, what does he even know or care about hair?

Rina88 ?? did he apologize?

 

[Rina88]

alive Nope. He thought he was helping me out.

 

[MRJ1972]

I posted before about how I was thinking I was all cute with my messy bun and this guy standing in line behind me asked me if I was having a hectic or bad day. I asked him why? He said because your hair is all over the place. He was probably just trying to mack but I still didn't appreciate it. My messy bun was cute no matter what he said.

Cant highlight from my phone- but that messy bun comment burns me up!!! Double standards for sure!!! Ugh

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

As I remember in high school...sitting behind this kid in class .He turned around and said You're cute! but dang it just ur hair . I felt soo embarrased because I was long due for a relaxer..hair was super wavy at the root...must've had atleast and inch to an inch and a half of growth. I use to wear my hair down and gel it down in the front. So I understand how it would look a little akward. especially when everyone's wearing their hair super straight.

I was so embarrased to the point that I went to the salon got a relaxer and hair all blown out! I felt beautiful and everyone at school made such a big deal on how my then aplish hair looked so nice and silky.

Any one have any expeiences like this..Guys putting your hair down in any way? DH or SO? how did it make you feel?

My DH hates my hair but I really dont care. I guess Im weird like that. So you know if he dont like it, you know how I feel about everybody else.

 

[RegaLady]

SMH, and these are one the the biggest reasons some women stay unhappy with their hair. Wearing their hair to appease men.

I think the only negative comments (to my face anyway) is when I wear a weave and think I look super cute and Dh tells me they look "unbecoming for my face"erplexed.

 

[dollface0023]

Smh...I wish a man would try to tell me about my hair. Messy or not...

 

[LovinLea]

Last month while hanging out with a white guy I just befriended (both new at work) told me "I have some hair glue that'll make your hair straight if you want to fix that" (looks up at hair). I was wearing AAMH Kinky Curly weave. Wow. I was PISSED. I told him clearly if I wanted straight hair I'd have straight hair, then he was like "ok but it's kinda crazy looking". Even if he was right that was just extra rude and unnecessary especially coming from a man, what does he even know or care about hair?

He needs to stay in his lane. I don't know how hair glue would straighten hair anyway.

 

[cheryl26]

my dh and i met and married back in 02 and i started flat ironing my hair in 09.anyways when my hair started breaking off like crazy last year i stopped flat ironing. one day before we went out i asked my dh how do i look? he said aren't you gonna fix your hair? you gonna straighten it? i said fix. this is how God made me and how you married me! fix your wrinkles!!! i'm so bad i played it off with a laugh but inside if really did hurt...

 

[Dposh167]

yea i hate to get any comments when i'm in the middle of a stretch.
For some strange reason i feel like people wouldn't notice but they do. I'll leave my house thinking it looks decent and my parents would be like "oooooooo hun u need a perm".

dang...i only stretch 12-17 weeks. it really doesn't look that bad to me

 

[sunnieb]

Ignore these types of comments, especially from random guys!

As women, we know when our hair is looking a bit, um

Only exception is when somebody tells me that a hairpin is playing peek-a-boo, my bun net is sagging, or other obvious hair malfunctions.

 

[kittikat24]

I was getting to know a guy and after communicating for a while he abruptly broke it offerplexed I found out from a friend that he couldn't be with a girl with 'nappy hair' I guess he decided he'd have to "change me" to continue the relationship
That just hurts though, that out of EVRYTHING...the deal breaker's my hair? nah son...

 

[CarmelCupcake]

]@[/B]CarmelCupcake: just gotta say, your hair in your siggie is super nice! messy bun or not, whatever you're doing is obviously working



@sylver2 you got me with that line about back to Africa. When my sister did her BC, one of my African aunts told her it looked bushy and she should go "fix" it. my awesomely hard headed sister just shrugged and is still natural 3 years later



@Rina88 ?? did he apologize?

Thank you girl. I appreciate it. Its all thanks to you guys on LHCF!

 

[HeavenlySkies]

I was getting to know a guy and after communicating for a while he abruptly broke it offerplexed I found out from a friend that he couldn't be with a girl with 'nappy hair' I guess he decided he'd have to "change me" to continue the relationship
That just hurts though, that out of EVRYTHING...the deal breaker's my hair? nah son...

If he calls your hair nappy he was an idiot anyway lol

 

[D.Lisha]

Oh wow, I didn't realize comments (both negative and positive)from SO's played such an emphasized role in our hair As for myself, back in the day I used to ask my SO what he thought of my hair after I got it done, and most of his replies would be "it's str8" or "it's alright" or w.e. I just got to a point where I wouldn't ask him anything about my hair anymore, and things have been great ever since . I stretch for as long as I want/need without thinking twice about what he has to say. That's just me though.....*shrug*

 

[Your Cheeziness]

A few years back I was going to class with a friend. Granted, I was wearing my old Army PT shirt, jeans, and flip-flops. I had my hair in a messy bun. When I came to the door, the first thing he said was: "See that's why you don't have a man"! Womp! LOL

 

[Love Always]

kittikat24, dude is whack and I think you're hair is very pretty .

 

[NicWhite]

I was getting to know a guy and after communicating for a while he abruptly broke it offerplexed I found out from a friend that he couldn't be with a girl with 'nappy hair' I guess he decided he'd have to "change me" to continue the relationship
That just hurts though, that out of EVRYTHING...the deal breaker's my hair? nah son...

@kittikat24, dude is whack and I think you're hair is very pretty .

@Love Always I was just about to say that.

If my hair looked like @kittikat24 hair, right now, I would think my hair was the bomb. Girl, your hair is beautiful. Clearly that guy is a moron.

 

[Chiquitita]

I have been ps'ing in wigs lately but decided to wear my 'fro' a few days ago.

My mentor ( an older man), looks at me and says, "What is going on with your hair?" I responded with 'this is the hair that God gave me, which promptly shut him up.

I hate to throw the race card out there, but threads like this seriously make me wonder if women of other races catch this much flack about their hair. I mean really, if a bleached blonde woman's roots start to show, does she receive 'put downs' from random men? I'd really like to know.