Ok,
I have a short story for you. My girlfriend who got married last year was broken up with her now DH for a month or so before they got back together and then got engaged. Why? Because she was upset that his spiritual life wasn't what she expected of a spiritual leader. She didn't think he "knew" enough. But this is coming from a person who loved to study theology. Apparently, they worked it out and are now happily married.
This is what I mean. Until recently I was in the process of becoming ordained. Near the beginning of that process, my pastor (male) said that there would always be a difference in the level of conviction I felt and that of my (future) spouse. I never quite figured out what that means practically. I think it can be easy for some to become overly-scrupulous about things that don't really have an impact on whether you can have a loving, Christian home.
Anyway, here are my must-haves/can't stands (in no particular order)--I find it very interesting the things that are important to different people:
Family...I must have someone who shares my desire to have and/or adopt children.
Parent care...I must have someone who is willing to help me care for my parents now or when the time comes.
Spirit of Volunteerism...I must have someone who shares my willingness to volunteer and support community/social causes.
Emotionally Generous...I must have a partner who enjoys people and is generous with his or her compassion, attention, sympathies and love.
Religious Practice...My partner must be committed to being an active member of a church or temple congregation.
Verbal Intimacy...I must know that my partner is sharing their deepest emotional thoughts and desires.
Style and Appearance...I must have someone who cares about the way they look and dress and has a sense of personal style.
Strong Character...I must have a partner who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing.
Chemistry...I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.
Fiscally Irresponsible...I can't stand someone who is incapable of managing their money.
Lying...I can't stand someone who lies to anyone--especially to me.
Dependence...I can't stand someone who bases their happiness on me.
Rude...I can't stand someone who is belittling, impatient, or hateful to people in any situation.
Extremely Shy...I can't stand someone who is so shy that they cannot open up and share with me.
Lazy...I can't stand someone who likes to spend excessive time sleeping, resting, or being a "couch potato."
Infidelity...I can't stand someone who engages in sex outside a committed relationship.
Mean Spirited...I can't stand someone who has a devious nature and is mean to others.
Denial...I can't stand someone who is unable to accept blame or see fault in their own actions.
Unhappy at Work...I can't stand someone who hates their job and complains about it all the time.
The only thing I'd add is Psalm 40:8--"I delight to do your will O Lord, and your law is written on my heart." He must live this!
I will not date a minister.
I also feel this way.