Young Girls and Damaged Hair:WARNING this may be controversial

[NinasLongAmbition]

I thinks lots of them know that their hair is becomming damaged but are not willing to sacrifice style for healthy hair. In school if you do a style that is not straigt ot is made to promote health instead of fashion you may be picked on

ITA! I have two cousins 16 and 17 who used to have apl hair or maybe even longer when they were younger. Now that their in highschool one is sl and the other above sl...they love "gettin their hurr done"(tight braids, sew ins,glue ins etc) they dont give their hair a break nor do they care to. They have to have their hair done constantly so they can fit in (their opinion).I tell them about this board and how to take of their hair and their response is "when im out of highschool, i'll start taking care of my hair"

 

[JustKiya]

I think it's lack of knowledge, as well as a general - hopelessness?

If you look around you, and all of the women who have 'tight' hair, are buying it, and the stuff that grows out of their scalp looks like who did what and why - would you even be encouraged to give a damn about your hair? Why? It's gonna look nasty and broken off (as proven by every woman in your family, at the grocery store/post office/etc - and the rare one who has that 'good' hair might look better, but that's only cuz she got indian in her family ) so why even BOTHER trying to take care of it?

It's a twisted sort of logic. And we can all remember, I'm sure, how crucial it was to 'fit in' as a teenager. So - we've got a lack of belief that it can be any different, and a lack of desire to be different, and you've got the same ish, different generation.

 

[lilsparkle825]

ITA with lack of knowledge - someone else said their mom doesnt touch her head (stylists do it) and my mom was the same way. after she lost her really good paying job if she didnt have the money to get her hair done it just wouldnt get done. then me and my sister came along and since she didnt take care of her hair it just kinda got passed to us...i know we were looking crazy, LOL

even now that i am at school most of the year i come home and see my sister with some 3 or 4 week old cornrows that have not been moisturized or washed since the day they were put in and i hang my head. she told me on several occasions over the phone that someone at school said something negative about her hair. so...when i got home i began damage control mode. me doing simple stuff like washing their hair, saying "you gotta put somethin in your hair, ma" and being here to show my sis what she needs to do is gonna have more impact than anything. now people are telling her how nice her hair looks instead of telling her "you need a perm". (she's natural 4b)

 

[laurend]

Everyone is talking about the problem and not coming up with a solution. I use to work in the local school system and I witnessed the neglect and lack of basic haircare skills; so, this fall I will be organizing a couple of free hair workshops for ages 12 to 18 in my community. Ladies we have the knowledge why don't we volunteer a few hours a year to devote to our youth.

 

[Eisani]

But I don't understand the lack of knowledge thing. Isn't it incumbent on mothers to comb, wash, and take care of their daughters hair? Redo their braids and hair, make sure there's no lint and dirt. No little girl (of any race) is born knowing how to take care of themselves as far as I know. Isn't it part of caring for your daughter to do these simple things for her? In fact, a lot of members on here long for the hair they had when they were young (myself included). So, is this a lack of knowledge on the mother's part rather than the daughter's part? And what does lack of knowledge have to do with washing hair when it's dirty, or picking lint out, or redoing hair, or not pulling a baby's hair so tight that there are red spots on the scalp?

My 3B mom had not a clue what to do with my 4B/zzz hair. But she never let me walk out looking a mess ... ever. When she couldn't do it, she let one of my daddy's sisters (I get my hair from that side of the family) do it. Or she paid for someone to braid it. And she always washed my hair, always made sure it was clean, ends were tucked in, etc. Her daughter (me) was a reflection of her. What happened to that part of it?

Please don't take offense to anything I said. I am just writing my opinion.

While many of us would consider what your mother and our mothers did the "norm", normal is very relative and for some of these little girls, they don't have the luxury of an adult figure that cares enough, or has enough info to make sure they look neat at all times, hair included. My mother wasn't having it, sounds like yours wasn't either, and I'm damn sure not having it w/mine. Taking into consideration the age range given by the OP (9-16), most girls are still in the care of adults and even if she wants to do her hair herself, it's always better when there's some type of guidance from an informed adult. Notice I didn't say mother cuz it ain't always the momma that knows what to do, or gives a darn for that matter . My friend had a foster child who was 16 and I really tried to help her but she was NOT hearing anything I had to say so her hair ended up a rust-water color, hard, heat-meiser-lookin mess on her head. Outside of this instance, when a child's appearance isn't good, I automatically wonder about the parents/guardians. You can't blame the child. At least not til they're older.

 

[JustKiya]

Everyone is talking about the problem and not coming up with a solution. I use to work in the local school system and I witnessed the neglect and lack of basic haircare skills; so, this fall I will be organizing a couple of free hair workshops for ages 12 to 18 in my community. Ladies we have the knowledge why don't we volunteer a few hours a year to devote to our youth.

That's a wonderful idea! I hope that it helps - a lot.

 

[Enchantmt]

I haven't read all the posts. Forgive me if I'm repeating someone.

I think its a combination of things. When I was growing up, at that age, most young girls had med-long hair, healthy and thick. It wasn until kids got "grown" enough for chemcials that they ended up with broken and damaged hair. Women/mothers wore wigs, not weaves for the most part, and stuff like that had its place amongst certain age groups.

Lack of knowledge is certainly key, and you also have women having children at younger and younger ages. We have 16 yr olds are giving birth who cant take care of their own hair, and when they get to be maybe 20-24 or younger with a child 4-8 they are treating their kids hair the best way they know how with what they know about...weaves and chemicals, looking good over health of hair. In fact they think looking good = healthy hair. (Not that this is a young trait, there is a lack of knowledge in general about our hair.)

Also, there was a certain pride the older generations had. We didnt leave the house any ole way. My mom would make me mad on a number of occasions when she would stop me when I only had 30 seconds to spare to point out a string, a spot or scuff. We went one summer fighting daily cuz I played in the pool all day while she was at work and she had to comb my hair to get it presentable. (Thinking back I drove her nuts that summer. Sorry Mom. I know better now. ) Now, now only do folx not care, they dont recognize there is a problem because its all they know or they've tuned it out because for whatever reason they dont think they can do better with what they have.

 

[LaPetiteCoquette]

While many of us would consider what your mother and our mothers did the "norm", normal is very relative and for some of these little girls, they don't have the luxury of an adult figure that cares enough, or has enough info to make sure they look neat at all times, hair included. My mother wasn't having it, sounds like yours wasn't either, and I'm damn sure not having it w/mine. Taking into consideration the age range given by the OP (9-16), most girls are still in the care of adults and even if she wants to do her hair herself, it's always better when there's some type of guidance from an informed adult. Notice I didn't say mother cuz it ain't always the momma that knows what to do, or gives a darn for that matter . My friend had a foster child who was 16 and I really tried to help her but she was NOT hearing anything I had to say so her hair ended up a rust-water color, hard, heat-meiser-lookin mess on her head. Outside of this instance, when a child's appearance isn't good, I automatically wonder about the parents/guardians. You can't blame the child. At least not til they're older.

I totally hear you and agree with what you said. Great post.

 

[ladylibra]

Everyone is talking about the problem and not coming up with a solution. I use to work in the local school system and I witnessed the neglect and lack of basic haircare skills; so, this fall I will be organizing a couple of free hair workshops for ages 12 to 18 in my community. Ladies we have the knowledge why don't we volunteer a few hours a year to devote to our youth.

THANK YOU!

 

[PanamasOwn]

IMO most of it is lack of knowledge. I did some pretty damaging things to my hair too before truly understanding the nature of haircare. So many of them are probably being told that their hair can't/won't grow so they do what they have to do in order to get the look they want.

I would have to agree.. I know that for a long time, I would overlap my relaxers on top of already relaxed hair. I don't know how I had any hair left on my head! But because that was how I was taught to do it, I always did it that way, until I got here

 

[Missi]

That's a wonderful idea! I hope that it helps - a lot.

thats a great idea: my question is: how do you get the girls to come out w/o feeling embarrassed or ashamed that they can't take care of their own hair? The AKA's on my campus had a discussion on hair and the girls who didn't have "healthy or nice looking" hair didn't show up.

 

[JustKiya]

thats a great idea: my question is: how do you get the girls to come out w/o feeling embarrassed or ashamed that they can't take care of their own hair? The AKA's on my campus had a discussion on hair and the girls who didn't have "healthy or nice looking" hair didn't show up.

Also, how do you inspire the patience that's required? In this - "I want it, and I want it now" society, how do you teach value for what is authentic and true (because despite all the talk about 'keeping it real', truth is in the red, and has been for YEARS) instead of what's fast and easy and fake? *sigh*

I think that having workshops are a fabulous idea, I really do.......but I think what these young girls REALLY need to learn goes way beyond just hair.

 

[hairoffire]

i'm probably repeating what others have already said, but i gotta speak my peace. it's a combo of alot of thing. we as a culture are so absorbed in having our hair look a certain way rather than focus on the health. we see these celebrities with their hair tight, and they try to do the same. not knowing that these celebs have stylists to make sure not a hair is out of place, or they're wearing a weave to keep all the styling changes from damaging their hair.

i admit that i have the same problem with my daughter who's 13. she is way more concerned with her hair being styled than healthy. she's just now coming around to the idea of maintaining healthly hair. and it's due to seeing my hair flourish, and seeing the fotkis of members of this board. she was under the impression that in order to have waist length, you had to have "good hair". showing her the lovely locks of women who are not only older, but also with different texture than hers made her change her thinking. i came home from work the other day to see her chillin on the sofa with her hair tied up in a scarf in 2 ponytails in baggies. i was like, "where'd you get an idea like that?" & she said all sly like & smiley "i don't know, someone told me it's good for your ends" with a big koolaid smile on her face. finally someone is listening! educating our ladies, one person at a time!

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

thats a great idea: my question is: how do you get the girls to come out w/o feeling embarrassed or ashamed that they can't take care of their own hair? The AKA's on my campus had a discussion on hair and the girls who didn't have "healthy or nice looking" hair didn't show up.

The AKAs on my campus had a meeting like this too...no one showed up hardly Knowing that we need it the most!

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Everyone is talking about the problem and not coming up with a solution. I use to work in the local school system and I witnessed the neglect and lack of basic haircare skills; so, this fall I will be organizing a couple of free hair workshops for ages 12 to 18 in my community. Ladies we have the knowledge why don't we volunteer a few hours a year to devote to our youth.

I AM LOVING THIS IDEA!! Just as soon as my hair gets APL, gets cut into a nice style to get all the nasty raggedy endz off, and I get a black rinse LOL I will do this seriously. I'm a RA so I'll probably just do a program on it

 

[Riverwalk]

HOLD UP....that bun is HOT! How you do it?

Thanks I will PM you!

 

[Seraphina]

Ladies,
I wanted to post a thread on the number of young girls (9-16) who are walking around with no hairline or girls walking around with little to no hair at all due to poor styling choices like tight weaves and braids. What's worse is seeing these girls walk around with their hair wrapped or in those fake louis vuitton scarveserplexed Do these girls know how tacky they look? What about self-esteem and image? Why do many -I'm especially citing women of color here- allow themselves to look so raggety????? Is it lack of knowledge about hair care? Is it parental neglect??? What's your opinion on this issue?

This is the case with my niece. She's been here for about 2 weeks from out-of-state and her hair is a MESS. I always thought that it was simply neglect because my SIL is super low-maintenance and just can't be bothered, but I'm starting to think it's a combination with lack of knowledge. My niece is 8 yo and about a year ago had hair just past her shoulders. It's now barely ear-length and her hairline all the way around is extremely short and damaged...like low-fade length. My niece told me that her hair broke off from swimming. So while she was visiting I did a bunch of DCs and cowashes. Do you know that she didn't know what conditioner was? Everyday after swimming her mother has been shampooing her hair with a swimmers shampoo and then just lets her airdry! Of course it broke off. I was so embarrassed for the girl. As for my opinion? I don't know. I understand sometimes her hair will look less than perfect, but it was really ridiculous. Parents need to keep up their children's appearances...and I don't find that superficial, but all girls need to feel pretty and confident. It's not right to force your child to endure dirty looks and ridicule.

 

[Choclatcotton]

I think about this as I work in public schools and see all kinds of hair atrocities. Some girls wear the weave so long and come but to school with twa and you can see the lack of self esteem. Pretty girls bald headed its just so sad.

I think we should start a nationwide work shops on black hair. THe southern cities like Atlanta, Northern Like Detriot, Eastern like New York and Mid west and Western Wher all ladies wear is braids and extension with the heat and dry weather. We should conduct all day work shops in all major cities on How to care for black relaxed, texlaxed, natural, braids, etc... But I wouldnt know the first how to get this revolution started.

 

[soonergirl]

I agree... Its starts with each one of us... I have given each of my friends who have witnessed my hair thriving hair tips and a whole bunch of my condishes in an effort to get them started.. They never heard of dominican products, aveda, protein and moisture treatments etc., all the stuff I learned here.... I also have them started on wearing protective styles... A few have given me glazed over looks, however the others hair is thriving and they cannot believe it... Also relaxer stretching, who knew????

 

[anon123]

Everyone is talking about the problem and not coming up with a solution. I use to work in the local school system and I witnessed the neglect and lack of basic haircare skills; so, this fall I will be organizing a couple of free hair workshops for ages 12 to 18 in my community. Ladies we have the knowledge why don't we volunteer a few hours a year to devote to our youth.

This is such a good idea. I'm terrible at organizing anything (if only 2 people showed up to something I organized, I'd know why: because I organized it), but I could volunteer what I know. Not sure I'd feel totally confident about my hair care knowledge, but I'd be willing to try.

 

[edijana]

But I don't understand the lack of knowledge thing. Isn't it incumbent on mothers to comb, wash, and take care of their daughters hair? Redo their braids and hair, make sure there's no lint and dirt. No little girl (of any race) is born knowing how to take care of themselves as far as I know. Isn't it part of caring for your daughter to do these simple things for her? In fact, a lot of members on here long for the hair they had when they were young (myself included). So, is this a lack of knowledge on the mother's part rather than the daughter's part? And what does lack of knowledge have to do with washing hair when it's dirty, or picking lint out, or redoing hair, or not pulling a baby's hair so tight that there are red spots on the scalp?

My 3B mom had not a clue what to do with my 4B/zzz hair. But she never let me walk out looking a mess ... ever. When she couldn't do it, she let one of my daddy's sisters (I get my hair from that side of the family) do it. Or she paid for someone to braid it. And she always washed my hair, always made sure it was clean, ends were tucked in, etc. Her daughter (me) was a reflection of her. What happened to that part of it?

Please don't take offense to anything I said. I am just writing my opinion.

I am with LPC on this one.

I have a daughter and she has very fine hair - really fine hardly any - you know the sort - the kind the wind blows and it parts?? Yes that kind. (The fruit should have fallen far from the tree preferably the tree on the other continent!! - we have fine scanty hair on both sides of the family - hell she could have taken after my sister, my mum, her dad or any one of her uncles, but NO she had to get two doses from me and her maternal GM!! ) but, I do make sure that she does not leave the house looking a mess, and it often means that I have to wash and braid it more than once a week to keep it tidy, because it is a reflection on me and as an African you can be sure there will be those lovely sarcastic remarks to boot -("Oh dear I hear congenital blindness runs in the family, maybe the child isn't hers" and other such utterances which I probably cannot repeat on this forum) . As for the scarves etc IMHO that is a moot point.

 

[delitefulmane]

Everyone is talking about the problem and not coming up with a solution. I use to work in the local school system and I witnessed the neglect and lack of basic haircare skills; so, this fall I will be organizing a couple of free hair workshops for ages 12 to 18 in my community. Ladies we have the knowledge why don't we volunteer a few hours a year to devote to our youth.

I TOTALLY AGREE!! I pondered this same conclusion. I mean I have been on here watching all of you ladies' heads thrive but what about educating others? W.E.B. Du Bois talks about the "talented ten", the top ten % of the educated will pull out the masses, well I feel like you ladies on here are the TALENTED TENTH!! You all know so much about obtaining healthy hair!! I guess I said all this to say why not start with the schools, colleges and/ or universitities around your area and host A "LONG HAIR CARE FORUM." I think the name is catchy enough, why do you think I came here

 

[ricochet]

I have to go back and read the entire thread so I am sure I am in repetition with a lot of the women who have already posted. We are seeing these girls with hair like this because of our microwave society, the "my hair won't do this or that" mentality (that sadly and mainly comes from Mom, Grandma and peers w/"good" hair), etc. In my former work environment, I was able to pass on a lot of information on a daily basis about general hair care...and while sometimes I got the looks and blank stares, other times I got a lot of genuine questions.

A little history...In my previous job, there were pretty much nothing but black women there. A few asians and latinas were sprinkled in, but mostly black women. For the most part, the asians and latinas all head healthy hair, whether they relaxed, colored, etc. Once again, we all know that many times this comes from their hair already being somewhat "healthy", in a since, because they don't use a curling iron or flat iron everyday (because many of the latinas wore their natural curl and the asians hair was naturally straight), they don't pull it back in tight, gelled up ponytails to where their are bumps in their hairline, etc. As we all know, we as black women, do TOO MUCH to our hair. Enough said.

As for the young girls, I have a niece by marriage who is all of what you all described. She is 16 years old, and EVERY TIME I see her, which is about once to twice a week, she has her hair in some kind of "new" braided or weaved hairstyle. She lives with her Dad, and just in case there are questions about Mom...she is nowhere in the picture, if you get my meaning. Anywhoo, when she 1st moved here, she was 11 yrs old and had a nice, healthy head of shoulder length, relaxed hair. I would wash it and condition it for her and tell her to make sure to wear it up sometimes, condition it after washing, don't get retouches too often, I would trim her ends for her, etc. Well, I doubt her 11 year old mind was listening at the time because she had just been through the foster care system, the last thing on her mind was probably hair, there was no money or time to be doing all the things that black women do to their hair, etc. For the most part, her hair was taken care of in a very simple and low maintenance way, which is why it was in such good condition back then.

Today, she is 16 years old and is the typical girl I see walking around this city on a daily basis when there are no cornrows, braids/twists, or a weave in...ponytail looks like a roosters cockscomb, her hair is a broken off around the edges and back, gelled up to submission, dry, damaged, chewed up looking mess. When she doesn't have her "hair did", she's sitting all up in the house in the dark, talking about she can't go out with her hair like this, etc. When her hair is "done", she thinks it's all good because is LOOKS good. No realizing it is still being damaged silently because I am sure hardly anyone outside of this board and growafrohair long, know anything about the chemicals that are used in that .99cent and 1.99 pack "hair" that the beauty supplies sell that we use for braids/cornrows/twists and know NOTHING about removing that alkaline base before we just throw it up in our hair.

Can't you all tell that I am super perturbed about all of this? I have to go to work, but I will be back to the board later. I am with you all on this. I would love to start some kind of workshop to help these sistas shake this mentality that only those with "good hair" can grow healthy or long hair, only "mixed" or white folks can grow long hair, impatience has no place in the haircare realm, the "I want my hair to go from ear length to shoulder length to *** length overnight" attitude has to come to a screeching halt, unless you are one of those people who care nothing about what your real hair looks like and are content with wearing wigs, weave and extensions and throwing hard earned money out the window. Speak on ladies, let's keep this going!