"ya'll Are Just Nappy Headed And Ugly..." -- Vent

TinyBlu

TinyBlu

Well-Known Member
Yep, that's what a coworker of mine said today to our small group of resident sistas.

I work in a rather small organization, and of the nine women of color on staff, seven of us are natural. I myself have been natural for over 10 years and love it, but I don't judge women that still choose to relax. Different strokes for different folks.

I do, however, take issue with women that judge (i.e. say our hair is ugly) naturals for not chemically straightening their hair. This particular coworker has been ranting and raving for months over what to do with her very damaged hair (it's bleached and permed on a 4 week rotation :eek::eek::eek:).

The "naturals" have rallied around her in an effort to help her because she stated that her husband does not like short hair and she wanted to grow hers out. In the past three months she has had kinky twists, small individual box braids, and now crochet braids -- all of which she takes out in a few weeks because she says they hurt her head.

As much as we've tried not to get involved, she's quite the attention seeker and makes it a point to be in the center. Her disrespectful comment today came after she stated that her head was really sore from the crochet braid installation (ummm... you just GOT them) and that she just had to get them out and put the "creamy crack" in her head. :badidea::badidea: We advised her to give her hair a break between removing the braids (her cornrows are WAY too tight... red bumps and all) and putting in a perm... advice to which she heavily protested and then stated that she would NEVER walk around looking like "us"... with brillo pad hair and ended with the sentence in the title :bricks::bricks:

I was actually shocked at how irritated her comment made me, but I just let it go.

Her final thought... I'm going to be bald headed anyway, but I'd rather my hair be straight in the process.

Looks like her hubby won't get that long hair... not even weave because she can't take the braiding underneath and refuses to wear a wig until she's actually bald enough to need one (her words). That won't take as long as she thinks... WOWSA!!!
 
Her struggle is her own. Her words are out of frustration for not being able to deal with her own hair. Natural hair isn't attractive to her and that's fine. And she probably thinks it will be even more unattractive on her. So what? Leave her alone to lose all her hair. I would. And I wouldn't talk hair with her at all anymore. She's on her own.
 
Report her to HR. Throw her under the bus where she belongs. :look:

She's probably just jealous that you guys have the confidence to wear your own hair out and she doesn't. Deep down she probably feels ugly and like she has no choice but to relax her "Brillo pad" hair.

I rent a house that I share with three other girls- 2 Italians (well 1 Italian and 1 Rachel Dolezal:look:) and an African American girl. One of the Italians complimented my curls (wash and goes) and that I need to wear my hair down more since I have such pretty hair. The AA girl pipes in that she has hair like mine, too, but she has to relax it because it's hard to comb, knotty, dry and unpresentable (essentially implying my hair is, too). I said that if that's how her hair is then it's nothing like mine. It's annoying when self-loathing people insist on dragging others down with them. If you insist you can't wear your hair natural because you're hair is "ugly" and you think straight hair is supreme, fine. Just don't go around insulting other people's hair, too.
 
The sometimes-I-get-too-invested side of me had the thought, "One of the sisters in your group with long hair should wear it to work all flat-ironed and flowing down her back one day and say, 'Yeah, I love the versatility and health and length I get with my natural hair.'"

But then thoughts along those of KammyGirl's came to mind. I'd probably say something like, "Me and the men in my life love my hair, and it's working for me. I hope your hair plans work out for you." And then I'd try to just put her in the "we-don't-talk-about-hair" category and keep rockin' my gorgeous coils.
 
I just re read my post and it comes off a bit snarky. That wasn't my intent at all though. It was more like "so what you don't like your hair lady, go over there somewhere" LOL People like this annoy me and after being on this hair journey for this long I really try to avoid and ignore. I used to want to help but I was done when one bank teller chick I was trying to help flat out started dissing our hair after telling me mine was pretty and laughing with her white co worker. Her exact words after I gave her some tips were "I have that slave hair!" :eek: And then her and her white coworkers laughed it up like it was the joke of the century. Girl bye! I was like give me my money so I can get out of here. I aint got time for you and your kind. Take your slave hair and go on somewhere with that mess.

Eta: My boss has been saying diss all day and it's rubbing off. LOL
 
thats awful!
where are you geographically...? out of curiosity?

i feel like with the natural hair movement the people around me in NY have done a 360- the people who urged me to transition were dominican hair stylists meanwhile as i was growing up the dominicans would say such mean things about my hair - nowadays people compliment me like crazy if im wearing a twistout and i get no attention with straightened hair ....

I'm so glad things are changing. slowly but surely.
 
KammyGirl said:
I just re read my post and it comes off a bit snarky. That wasn't my intent at all though. It was more like "so what you don't like your hair lady, go over there somewhere" LOL People like this annoy me and after being on this hair journey for this long I really try to avoid and ignore. I used to want to help but I was done when one bank teller chick I was trying to help flat out started dissing our hair after telling me mine was pretty and laughing with her white co worker. Her exact words after I gave her some tips were "I have that slave hair!" :eek: And then her and her white coworkers laughed it up like it was the joke of the century. Girl bye! I was like give me my money so I can get out of here. I aint got time for you and your kind. Take your slave hair and go on somewhere with that mess.

Eta: My boss has been saying diss all day and it's rubbing off. LOL
Click to expand...

slave hair???!!
and then white people laughing??!!
what is wrong with people????

giphy.gif
 
How long is her hair?

What she said is extremely offensive but also quite ridiculous. I'm sure the complements you group of seven lovely naturals get outweigh the one comment this woman said. And I'm sure you all are beautiful. I would feel sorry for her. She is frustrated and saying things that don't make sense.
 
KammyGirl said:
Her struggle is her own. Her words are out of frustration for not being able to deal with her own hair. Natural hair isn't attractive to her and that's fine. And she probably thinks it will be even more unattractive on her. So what? Leave her alone to lose all her hair. I would. And I wouldn't talk hair with her at all anymore. She's on her own.
Click to expand...
^This. I would've stopped giving her advice a loooong time ago. I don't have time to talk to people who don't wanna listen. Aint got enough time in the day.
 
I don't even know where to start, except that I'm probably the person who would have been hauled into HR that day. And I'm actually normally the HR person who deals with things like that. LOL!

I wouldn't even speak to this (give me a second, I need to breathe) sorry, low self-esteem having idiot. Her problem is her problem. But to be ashamed of what she was born with, so sad for her. To add more insult to injury, she would rather do damaging things because she let the wrong person touch her head. Who is putting in these tight cornrows and why?

She can still relax her hair and grow it, but is she willing to move to healthier practices to do it. If it were me, that woman wouldn't even get a 'hello' anymore. I don't take insults well, especially because of someone's own issues. Bye!
 
sharifeh said:
thats awful!
where are you geographically...? out of curiosity?

i feel like with the natural hair movement the people around me in NY have done a 360- the people who urged me to transition were dominican hair stylists meanwhile as i was growing up the dominicans would say such mean things about my hair - nowadays people compliment me like crazy if im wearing a twistout and i get no attention with straightened hair ....

I'm so glad things are changing. slowly but surely.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately, I'm in the SOUTH... the mentality here among our own moves slower than I feel it should sometimes... sigh
 
Bunnyhaslonghair said:
How long is her hair?

What she said is extremely offensive but also quite ridiculous. I'm sure the complements you group of seven lovely naturals get outweigh the one comment this woman said. And I'm sure you all are beautiful. I would feel sorry for her. She is frustrated and saying things that don't make sense.
Click to expand...

Well, she could roll her hair with rice...:lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
meka72 said:
She might be frustrated with her hair but that gives her no right to insult y'all, especially when y'all were rallying around her.

I would not speak to her again until she apologized to the group.
Click to expand...

Yes, she is frustrated. We can all tell, and I have decided not to give any more input, even when asked. It's just sad that she feels the need to comment so negatively when someone chooses to do something different. We haven't judged her use of chemicals, but get called ugly?!?!

Her attitude is ugly...
 
TinyBlu said:
Yep, that's what a coworker of mine said today to our small group of resident sistas.

I work in a rather small organization, and of the nine women of color on staff, seven of us are natural. I myself have been natural for over 10 years and love it, but I don't judge women that still choose to relax. Different strokes for different folks.

I do, however, take issue with women that judge (i.e. say our hair is ugly) naturals for not chemically straightening their hair. This particular coworker has been ranting and raving for months over what to do with her very damaged hair (it's bleached and permed on a 4 week rotation :eek::eek::eek:).

The "naturals" have rallied around her in an effort to help her because she stated that her husband does not like short hair and she wanted to grow hers out. In the past three months she has had kinky twists, small individual box braids, and now crochet braids -- all of which she takes out in a few weeks because she says they hurt her head.

As much as we've tried not to get involved, she's quite the attention seeker and makes it a point to be in the center. Her disrespectful comment today came after she stated that her head was really sore from the crochet braid installation (ummm... you just GOT them) and that she just had to get them out and put the "creamy crack" in her head. :badidea::badidea: We advised her to give her hair a break between removing the braids (her cornrows are WAY too tight... red bumps and all) and putting in a perm... advice to which she heavily protested and then stated that she would NEVER walk around looking like "us"... with brillo pad hair and ended with the sentence in the title :bricks::bricks:

I was actually shocked at how irritated her comment made me, but I just let it go.

Her final thought... I'm going to be bald headed anyway, but I'd rather my hair be straight in the process.

Looks like her hubby won't get that long hair... not even weave because she can't take the braiding underneath and refuses to wear a wig until she's actually bald enough to need one (her words). That won't take as long as she thinks... WOWSA!!!
Click to expand...
Wow. Just wow.

Girl... Wow.
 
I have been here where I had to make a decision to keep helping or walk away.
Black women are undergoing a beautiful but long awaited journey now.
Debunking YEARS of White supremacist ideas of anti-Black beauty and now accepting and actually LOVING who we are and what we look like.

She is trying but she's caught in the vortex that many of us go through before we reach Nirvana.
It doesn't help that she goes home to more anti-Black beauty propaganda.

BUT... part of you progressing in your journey is knowing when to let go of people who bring negative and destructive vibrations.

There is someone I work with who every now and then will ask about my hair oils and how I maintain my hair and I am at the point of ignoring her or changing the subject because it's the same ole mess. After explaining everything she will without fail say some mess, like why do I make these women believe they can get hair like mine because I have good hair. :rolleyes:
Even when she tries to get hair oil out of me to help with her edges I direct her to the health food store.

And I like the girl, she and I talk all the time, but I can't let her make me feel bad about something that means so much to me.
 
Your coworker sounds like she has low self esteem, but not because she wants a relaxer. Some people prefer straight hair and that is her prerogative. If she wants to abuse her hair with tight braids, weave, relaxer, etc then oh well.

But the overall tone of this post sounded negative and anti- relaxer. I know you said that you don't judge, but your post came off very judgmental and nasty to me. That creamy Crack term is just as offensive and her calling you nappy.
 
Leave her and her poor hair practices alone. Her hair will be short no matter what she does because she's not willing to put in the work it takes to get it.

The healthy hair (relaxed hair included) movement is alive and well in our community. Don't worry.
 
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