Wrong to be Permanently Single?

[loolalooh]

Is it wrong to be permanently single for reasons other than God calling you to be single?

For example, the woman who has been hurt a lot in the past and chooses to remain single for the rest of her life?

Or the 45-yr-old lady who figures since she hasn't met her husband by now, she will enter permanent singlehood?

I'm leaning towards yes, but I'd like to hear your responses supported by Scripture. Thanks.

 

[Renovating]

I think the wrongdoing lies in the bitterness (about past hurts) and not trusting God (if you've reached a certain age and given up on love), not in remaining single.

 

[loolalooh]

I think the wrongdoing lies in the bitterness (about past hurts) and not trusting God (if you've reached a certain age and given up on love), not in remaining single.

This is what I was thinking. Thanks.

 

[Bunny77]

Ooh, good thread...

I struggle with this sometimes because I really don't think there's anything wrong with being single. As much as I talk about marriage, I'm not anti-singleness either!

At the same time, I think about how much I rail against men who are staying single, not because they are working in service to the Lord, but because they "aren't ready" -- which usually means they want to play around more and have their "freedom."

But does the Lord call us to being "free and independent" just for the sake of it? And if I'm hard on the men for that reason, then what of the women who say they want to be single because they don't want to be bothered by having to deal with "some man?" Is that really what God had in mind? Stay single because you don't want to have to deal with being a helpmeet to a man?

Those questions are rhetorical and me just thinking out loud... but these are things that make me think sometimes!

 

[loolalooh]

Ooh, good thread...

I struggle with this sometimes because I really don't think there's anything wrong with being single. As much as I talk about marriage, I'm not anti-singleness either!

This is what got me thinking. Then I considered reasons why one would want to be single outside of God calling him/her to be single ... and if those reasons were "wrong". I guess what got me really thinking was one pastor's implication that it is natural for us to want to be in community. I know that community is not limited to marriage ... that one can have community outside of marriage, but I started wondering why one would write off marriage ... erplexed

At the same time, I think about how much I rail against men who are staying single, not because they are working in service to the Lord, but because they "aren't ready" -- which usually means they want to play around more and have their "freedom."

But does the Lord call us to being "free and independent" just for the sake of it? And if I'm hard on the men for that reason, then what of the women who say they want to be single because they don't want to be bothered by having to deal with "some man?" Is that really what God had in mind? Stay single because you don't want to have to deal with being a helpmeet to a man?

Those questions are rhetorical and me just thinking out loud... but these are things that make me think sometimes!

Good point. I really don't know. These things make me think too. Lol.

 

[Laela]

Great thread! I believe God does want Marriage for Man but that Singleness in God is foremost. Man certainly has his contingencies concerning Marriage, as is very clear in Matthew 19 is where Jesus explains this to the Pharisees:

1 And it came to pass, that when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee, and came into the coasts of Judaea beyond Jordan;
2 And great multitudes followed him; and he healed them there.
3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
11But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

 

[loolalooh]

Great thread! I believe God does want Marriage for Man but that Singleness in God is foremost. Man certainly has his contingencies concerning Marriage, as is very clear in Matthew 19 is where Jesus explains this to the Pharisees:

1 And it came to pass, that when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee, and came into the coasts of Judaea beyond Jordan;
2 And great multitudes followed him; and he healed them there.
3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
11But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Thanks! I need to revisit this Scripture.

 

[blazingthru]

I agree with some of the post that there isn't anything really wrong with being single if your heart is focused on the Lord. People can do whatever they want for real we all have choices, but if your living your life to please God then all of your decisions regarding your life should be Godly based. I want to get married again, but right now I am just to lazy, I can't be bothered with a man, I am enjoying my life the way it is. I enjoy doing what I want to do without permission from a man. Paul says its better to be single then married for some. You can focuse all your attention on your relationship with God and not so much on your spouse as you would if you were married. My husband would have been such a burden on me with particpating in the many things I am involved in. I would be so down about it , but I dont' have those worries.
25 Now regarding your question about the young women who are not yet married. I do not have a command from the Lord for them. But the Lord in his mercy has given me wisdom that can be trusted, and I will share it with you. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain as you are. 27 If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married. 28 But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.
29 But let me say this, dear brothers and sisters: The time that remains is very short. So from now on, those with wives should not focus only on their marriage. 30 Those who weep or who rejoice or who buy things should not be absorbed by their weeping or their joy or their possessions. 31 Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away.
32 I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34 His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.
36 But if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It is not a sin. 37 But if he has decided firmly not to marry and there is no urgency and he can control his passion, he does well not to marry. 38 So the person who marries his fiancée does well, and the person who doesn’t marry does even better.

 

[Guitarhero]

I agree with some of the post that there isn't anything really wrong with being single if your heart is focused on the Lord. People can do whatever they want for real we all have choices, but if your living your life to please God then all of your decisions regarding your life should be Godly based.

Which bible translation do you use? It is very clear and modern.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I don't think it is wrong to be permanently single.

And even if a person's decision to remain single is not entirely based on God, I don't think that is wrong either. I know people heavily encourage marriage and quote scripture, but let's just be real. Many people who have a strong desire to get married want to do so for their own selfish reasons and desires, i.e. sex. They don't truly want to do it because they think it glorifies God or helps the kingdom. If that were the case, they would be happy to glorify God and help the kingdom while still single instead of moaning and complaining about why their spouse hasn't "arrived" yet. Prime example: this part of the LHCF is supposed to be about Christian discussions, but way too many threads are dedicated to talking about men instead of REALLY focusing on God.

I don't think I want to get married. It is partially because I want to remain devoted to God, but also because I DON'T want to take care of some man or be burdened in that manner. I don't like the emotional rollercoasters that men can cause with their actions. And I just like being independent and free. I want to have the opportunity to take care of myself without having to take care of another individual. And don't even bother trying to say that is selfish. No one knows what I have been through to make me feel that way. Marriage can be a blessing to those who desire it, but no one will ever convince me that God wants someone to get married if they do not wish to get married. I do not believe for one minute that He will be displeased or angry if someone chooses to remain unmarried.

 

[blazingthru]

Which bible translation do you use? It is very clear and modern.

I use I think about eight different translations. This one is the living bible.

 

[loolalooh]

I don't think it is wrong to be permanently single.

And even if a person's decision to remain single is not entirely based on God, I don't think that is wrong either. I know people heavily encourage marriage and quote scripture, but let's just be real. Many people who have a strong desire to get married want to do so for their own selfish reasons and desires, i.e. sex. They don't truly want to do it because they think it glorifies God or helps the kingdom.

The bolded is very true and unfortunate. Some people get married to "cure" loneliness, low self-esteem, emptiness, etc.

If that were the case, they would be happy to glorify God and help the kingdom while still single instead of moaning and complaining about why their spouse hasn't "arrived" yet. Prime example: this part of the LHCF is supposed to be about Christian discussions, but way too many threads are dedicated to talking about men instead of REALLY focusing on God.

I haven't noticed this ... maybe because I haven't been in this section long enough.

I don't think I want to get married. It is partially because I want to remain devoted to God, but also because I DON'T want to take care of some man or be burdened in that manner. I don't like the emotional rollercoasters that men can cause with their actions. And I just like being independent and free. I want to have the opportunity to take care of myself without having to take care of another individual. And don't even bother trying to say that is selfish. No one knows what I have been through to make me feel that way. Marriage can be a blessing to those who desire it, but no one will ever convince me that God wants someone to get married if they do not wish to get married. I do not believe for one minute that He will be displeased or angry if someone chooses to remain unmarried.

You are not wrong for not wanting to take care of a man. After all, He didn't intend for us to marry simply so we could take on a burden. If anything, marriage should introduce a partner and not a load - Adam needed a helper and God gave him Eve. (Marriages may have struggles and cut into time management but should not be a burden or load, imo.)

Like you said, you are independent and free by nature. Meanwhile, there are others who need a "helper" or "want to be a helper" by nature. Can it be argued that singleness is God's call on your life?

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I

haven't noticed this ... maybe because I haven't been in this section long enough.

I said that based on the titles and content of many of the threads.

Like you said, you are independent and free by nature. Meanwhile, there are others who need a "helper" or "want to be a helper" by nature. Can it be argued that singleness is God's call on your life?

I really think so. Of course that could change one day down the road, but right now it appears that way.