Wrestling With Our Long, Natural Hair: The Struggle Continues!...

[afiya27]

Greetings Ladies,

I just wanted to let you all know how wonderful the past few weeks of my membership here has been! This place and YouTube have been the most inspiring and empowering pages to explore with regards to learning about what grows out of my head! As I've mentioned elsewhere, the black female struggle to keep natural Afro-hair neat, clean, and healthy (and, if possible, LONG) is, in part, about more than "just hair". It's partially about accepting and asserting who we really are. It's making a statement that our genetic heritage is NOT a mistake in need or correction, and/or something that we should HAVE to hide/be ashamed of.

As a woman of African descent who, like most of you, grew up in the avalanche of White imagery in terms of what constitutes acceptable female-ness and/or beauty, I must say that to my CORE, I completely understand the thirst to prove (to ourselves and others) that our hair CAN grow long. But I struggle with the question of whether our hair is actually DESIGNED for that purpose. If not, why should we have to wrestle with it for hours on end to get it to do so? Part of me thinks that our hair was NOT meant to be naturally long. I must say that I HAVE seen it get to waist length through long hours, hard work, dedication, and PATIENCE thanks to this forum and YouTube (so I'm DEFINITELY not negating that possibility anymore). But the fact is, it's not cold in Africa. So we didn't need it to cover our ears etc like northerners did (ie Europeans and Asians). If anything, in the African context, it was probably a BLESSING that it grew slow, stuck out/up instead of annoyingly plastering to the sweat on our heads, and broke off when we manipulated it!...It was, in many regards, PERFECTLY suited for our situation!

In light of this, part of me then wants to keep my hair short and/or, if I want it long, to put it in locks. Another part wants to take advantage of modern technology/new available products just to see how long it gets...To make a statement of defiance directed to those who say that, because it's not long/straight, my hair isn't "good" (ie its "bad")...But our natural hair gets soooo big and tangled when it grows long though! It can be overwhelming and tiring even CONTEMPLATING wrestling with it. I guess I have to remember that the time put in can be well worth it in terms of pride in self, race, and appearance within the Western aesthetic...But this conflict/double-consciousness ultimately points to the tensions of being a black women in a Western oriented world. It's an alienation that we all have to figure out how to negotiate. I'm so grateful to support groups like this that offer a safe place to express ourselves...They didn't exist when I was growing up...

Overall, I'm personally starting to really question why "beautiful female" necessarily has to equal long hair. And for that matter, why MUST women be/attempt to be physically "beautiful" in order to be approved of in this society, while men tend to be, relatively speaking, let off the hook in this regard? It's not fair... When will women be judged by the content of their characters moreso than their looks?

Sigh...The struggle continues...

Can anyone relate? (sorry for the long message )

 

[msa]

To make a statement of defiance directed to those who say that, because it's not long/straight, my hair isn't "good" (ie its "bad")...

I try to do this all the time. My hair isn't long, but it's beautiful nonetheless. Even though I'm focused on retention because I do want long hair, I try to wear my hair out as much as possible to be an example to others that natural hair is beautiful no matter the texture or the length.

But, I think it's something that has to start within the individual and radiates out and affects others. I try to be a positive image/example for others.

But our natural hair gets soooo big and tangled when it grows long though! It can be overwhelming and tiring even CONTEMPLATING wrestling with it.

Personally, I think the idea that long natural hair is automatically difficult is not necessarily true. Granted, my hair isn't even full APL yet but I still don't think it will be as difficult as some people are making it out to be. I've noticed the complaints come from people who usually don't have long hair yet and are making their haircare difficult for themselves even with short hair.

I love big hair so I can't wait for mine to get bigger. I also know what to do to minimize tangles so I'm not worried about that. I don't think it's length that makes hair overwhelming and tiring, I think it's trying to do certain styles that require a person to "wrestle" with their hair. IMO, if you avoid that then there won't be a problem.

Anyway, just wanted to say I see what you're saying...I guess I'm just not that worried about it. I do my best to buy into what society says I should or shouldn't be and I try to be a good example for others. I have my own definition of beauty and that's what I try to follow. Doing anything else is too much work.

 

[afiya27]

Hi MSA,

Thanks for your response! Yeah, I guess I'm struggling with the fact that I don't like big hair. I just don't. It'll look scary on me (I already have a big head). Plus I have this fear that folks behind me in movie theaters etc will think my hair is obnoxious. Long hair is cool. But chemically straightened hair isn't an option for me. I won't even consider it. And I think that maintaining heat pressed hair is unhealthy given that you can't work out and still keep the style. I had locks for 10 years, but they started to feel like a burden. Now I have a very short TWA. But I bought all of these products in preparation for growing it out...I'm getting cold feet I guess. Looking at these YouTube videos is freaking me out! I think I need a break...erplexed

Peace.

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

Greetings Ladies,

I just wanted to let you all know how wonderful the past few weeks of my membership here has been! This place and YouTube have been the most inspiring and empowering pages to explore with regards to learning about what grows out of my head! As I've mentioned elsewhere, the black female struggle to keep natural Afro-hair neat, clean, and healthy (and, if possible, LONG) is, in part, about more than "just hair". It's partially about accepting and asserting who we really are. It's making a statement that our genetic heritage is NOT a mistake in need or correction, and/or something that we should HAVE to hide/be ashamed of.

As a woman of African descent who, like most of you, grew up in the avalanche of White imagery in terms of what constitutes acceptable female-ness and/or beauty, I must say that to my CORE, I completely understand the thirst to prove (to ourselves and others) that our hair CAN grow long. But I struggle with the question of whether our hair is actually DESIGNED for that purpose. If not, why should we have to wrestle with it for hours on end to get it to do so? Part of me thinks that our hair was NOT meant to be naturally long. I must say that I HAVE seen it get to waist length through long hours, hard work, dedication, and PATIENCE thanks to this forum and YouTube (so I'm DEFINITELY not negating that possibility anymore). But the fact is, it's not cold in Africa. So we didn't need it to cover our ears etc like northerners did (ie Europeans and Asians). If anything, in the African context, it was probably a BLESSING that it grew slow, stuck out/up instead of annoyingly plastering to the sweat on our heads, and broke off when we manipulated it!...It was, in many regards, PERFECTLY suited for our situation!

In light of this, part of me then wants to keep my hair short and/or, if I want it long, to put it in locks. Another part wants to take advantage of modern technology/new available products just to see how long it gets...To make a statement of defiance directed to those who say that, because it's not long/straight, my hair isn't "good" (ie its "bad")...But our natural hair gets soooo big and tangled when it grows long though! It can be overwhelming and tiring even CONTEMPLATING wrestling with it. I guess I have to remember that the time put in can be well worth it in terms of pride in self, race, and appearance within the Western aesthetic...But this conflict/double-consciousness ultimately points to the tensions of being a black women in a Western oriented world. It's an alienation that we all have to figure out how to negotiate. I'm so grateful to support groups like this that offer a safe place to express ourselves...They didn't exist when I was growing up...

Overall, I'm personally starting to really question why "beautiful female" necessarily has to equal long hair. And for that matter, why MUST women be/attempt to be physically "beautiful" in order to be approved of in this society, while men tend to be, relatively speaking, let off the hook in this regard? It's not fair... When will women be judged by the content of their characters moreso than their looks?

Sigh...The struggle continues...

Can anyone relate? (sorry for the long message )

Girl I have notice this too, I feel like society is being really picky when it comes to "the way a woman is suppose to look" I believe all women are beautiful regardless what shape, size, skin color, length of hair, etc. they have. I don't think long hair will make a woman beautiful, maybe it will make a guy turn his head, but it won't make him worship the ground any woman walks on......I have notice many men look any way they want, while if a woman is not nicely shape she's over looked by everyone....if she doesn't look like Beyonce....then she's a no no.....which bothers me.....because people still don't understand, God made all of us different for a reason.....I'm sitting here thinking what do I have to do to find a man.....and I Feel like something is wrong with me, but in reality nothing is wrong with me, men what these women who like these video girls, instead of dealing with reality......So this is something I have to deal with and have confidence in myself and keep a good self esteem......

As for hair.....I don't know I personally want to see if I can grow my hair to my waist and if I can't handle it I'm going to keep it at midback or bsl.....I love my African decent and I love the hair God gave me, even though I relax my hair, I just prefer to have it straight, it's my style of choice.....but all hair is beautiful, no matter what texture.....I hope what I'm saying is making sense.........

 

[msa]

Hi MSA,

Thanks for your response! Yeah, I guess I'm struggling with the fact that I don't like big hair. I just don't. It'll look scary on me (I already have a big head). Plus I have this fear that folks behind me in movie theaters etc will think my hair is obnoxious.

It sounds like to me that you need to learn to accept your hair for what it is. It can be a struggle though, but it's not like you're going wake up and have huge hair tomorrow so you have time to get used to it.

The fact of the matter is, depending on your texture and your hair's characteristics, your hair is likely to grow out and not down. Big hair is going to one aspect of what your hair can do, but there's so much more to it.

I can't wait for my hair to be big enough to be obnoxious somewhere. Lawd, that'll be the day!

Long hair is cool. But chemically straightened hair isn't an option for me. I won't even consider it. And I think that maintaining heat pressed hair is unhealthy given that you can't work out and still keep the style. I had locks for 10 years, but they started to feel like a burden. Now I have a very short TWA. But I bought all of these products in preparation for growing it out...I'm getting cold feet I guess. Looking at these YouTube videos is freaking me out! I think I need a break...erplexed

Peace.

There are sooooooo many styles that don't include locs, relaxers, or heat straightening. You can wear stretched styles as your hair gets longer that won't be "big" and will be stylish. Check out blackgirllonghair.blogspot.com for style ideas.

And stop borrowing worries from tomorrow. You have a TWA now, enjoy it! From what I hear it's easy and fun and all the long naturals love that stage and really miss it when their hair gets longer. As your hair grows you'll have time to get used ot it. Long hair isn't scary or difficult to deal with so don't freak yourself out for no reason.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

The biggest thing I have learned when it comes to hair (all hair) is you can not fight it. Hair does what it is supposed to do and damage occurs when you try to do things that change its nature.

if not, why should we have to wrestle with it for hours on end to get it to do so? Part of me thinks that our hair was NOT meant to be naturally long. I must say that I HAVE seen it get to waist length through long hours, hard work, dedication, and PATIENCE thanks to this forum and YouTube


But if you read this forum, you will find that low manipulation is the key (for most people) and goes along with what I just said. The less time you spend trying to stop your hair from doing what it is supposed to do: curl up itself, be the natural color it is, or the fact that, yes, it likes to tangle.

Now, I am not saying that people should stop doing things to change their hair. I just think overdoing it is what causes problem. Detangle, but if a couple of strands just won't, leave them be.

I find the more that I accept what my hair wants to do day to day (and Lord, let me tell you it can not make up it's mind), the better my hair is. I do not pour hours and hours a day into my hair. I co-wash and leave it be. At night, I baggy my hair.

And, that is why I hate comparisons to other races. From what I notice from most women of other races, they leave their hair alone. The ones that don't? Their hair is nasty looking. So, I just feel we as Black women, especially natural ladies need to just leave our hair alone and let it do its thing.***

And to me, it's freeing. Everyday, I think less about my hair. Today, I noticed that my hair is starting to hang in spots where it didn't before. I think that means it's growing. I have been doing less stuff to it lately.

***Bleh, and I contradicted myself here. What I was trying to say is most people will compare our hair to other races and say, "They don't have to do as much to their hair as we do to ours." And I feel like they are missing the point. Maybe it's the fact that they don't do as much that makes it easier for them to grow long hair.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

Oh, and from what I have read on this board, hair care gets easier as your hair gets longer.

 

[BostonMaria]

Oh, and from what I have read on this board, hair care gets easier as your hair gets longer.

From my personal experience, yes this is true. My hair is easier to deal with now that its longer.

I've always loved long hair. And long hair on a woman of color to me is just even more beautiful.

afiya27, I don't see my hair regimen as a struggle per say. I just see it as my hair needs extra TLC. I have Caucasian friends that pay hundreds of dollars a year on face creams, botox, all these funky lotions... in the meantime I do nothing but maybe add avocado butter to my face to keep it from getting dry. I couldn't do all that to my face, but they do. My friends enjoy paying that to keep their face looking great and they yell at me for being 38 and having the skin of a baby's butt LOL

 

[MAMATO]

Why dont you grow your hair between SL and APL and keep it that way. In reality the hottest black women I know of are SL at the most. The length is nice, but when you were born to kill, short hair or long hair don't matter

 

[africanviolet92]

Why dont you grow your hair between SL and APL and keep it that way. In reality the hottest black women I know of are SL at the most. The length is nice, but when you were born to kill, short hair or long hair don't matter

That's a hot statement. I completely agree. I've seen sistas with fades and bald heads that were absolutely stunning.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

Hell yeah! If long hair wasn't my life long dream, and I didn't have a big head, I would be rocking a bald head! I think bad heads look good on dark women.

That's a hot statement. I completely agree. I've seen sistas with fades and bald heads that were absolutely stunning.