Would you marry a man, if you're....?

[ocean74]

Marry a man you love dearly, is very financially stable, treat your kids as his own, yet you're no longer physically nor sexually attracted to?

My sister is going through this and she don't know what to do...
They was together for about 5 years, they broke up for about 7mths. Now they're back together, but she's not attracted to him anymore physically or sexually, yet he's ready to marry her.

I told her to tell him...She said she didn't know howerplexed bc he loves her soooo much and she's scared of what his reaction will be.

 

[ocean74]

Wow! No response huh? Thanks anyway

 

[drasgrl]

If he had money hell yeah! I'm talking Fortune 100 owner of the company money not 250k a year money. Stranger things have happened. Marriage is not for looks sure it helps to desire someone you want to marry but you have to look at other things as well. If it's a deal breaker for her and she must have toe curling lust for the guy then I'd tell her not to do it. Sounds like she doesn't want him anymore leave him to someone who will truly love and appreciate him it's not fair to him and she will just be forced to live an unhappy lie.

 

[Highly Favored8]

Oh do not feel that way! I hope this helps. I feel the same way your sister does on a different level. That I been engaged for 4 years however, I am tried of the Name calling at times! By my FH however, That is why I am still engaged for 4 years. All I can do is pray, pray, and pray! I make power moves. I would not marry a man that I no longer feel passionate about!. Your sister must examine her own true feelings! Good Post though! I hope you get so more responses!

 

[Highly Favored8]

If he had money hell yeah! I'm talking Fortune 100 owner of the company money not 250k a year money. Stranger things have happened. Marriage is not for looks sure it helps to desire someone you want to marry but you have to look at other things as well. If it's a deal breaker for her and she must have toe curling lust for the guy then I'd tell her not to do it. Sounds like she doesn't want him anymore leave him to someone who will truly love and appreciate him it's not fair to him and she will just be forced to live an unhappy lie.

Yes, Money does make the world go around However, it is more than that. A person has to be Passionate about the person they are with! I mean how is this guy really treating her! I know that if she is not passionate about him any longer then God will just allow another person to come up on the scene and appericate this man! IMHO, it really depends on how he is really treating her.
I can make my own money. I just want to be passionate about someone.

marriage is very serious and it is not for the Meek. That is why I am re-evaluating my situation as we speak!

 

[WomanlyCharm]

If she's lukewarm about him now, she'll be ice cold about him later.
She'd be lying when she told the preacher she would LOVE honor and cherish this man.
God forbid they have any kids.

I could not marry a man I wasn't mentally and physically attracted to...why just settle?

 

[treybaby2005]

I don't know about this one.They say looks and all that she doesn't like about him now will change at some point and its the commitment and dedication you have for your relationship that will keep you together but I guess since they aren't married yet,she can go out and see what else is out there in the meantime, but they have been together for 5yrs prior to the 7mo breakup,he was something at some point.
Money does make things look better sometimes!

 

[Moonxyz]

yes

physical attraction comes and goes.

If it was their it can come back. Maybe the guy workout more or change his wardrobe etc...

IMO there are far more important things than looks.

Its not like you found him ugl; in this case she found something attractive in him.

Its unrealistic to expect someone to look like Brad Pitt forever.

But in her case she should leave; for the guy's sake; but i think she will regret it.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

At my age ...no I wouldn't...why settle? erplexed This means I would have to live another 40 years or so being repulsed at the person Im sleeping with...or going 40 years without having sex at all and hoping that he's okay with it. I personally would be heated if I knew my DH to be had no interest in having intercourse or thought I was attractive. I would then question him as to why he bothered marrying me?

 

[junipertree]

Marry a man you love dearly, is very financially stable, treat your kids as his own, yet you're no longer physically nor sexually attracted to?

My sister is going through this and she don't know what to do...
They was together for about 5 years, they broke up for about 7mths. Now they're back together, but she's not attracted to him anymore physically or sexually, yet he's ready to marry her.

I told her to tell him...She said she didn't know howerplexed bc he loves her soooo much and she's scared of what his reaction will be.

That's a tough one. I want to say that if she loves him then that's all that matters and the physical/sexual attraction CAN come and go but that would only matter to me if they were married already. The fact that they are not married and there is no guarantee that it will come back (the physical/sexual attraction) makes me say DON'T DO IT!!. At least that's how I would feel because physical/sexual attraction is very important to me in a relationship and I could not enter into a serious commitment knowing it is not there. However, I would not leave my marriage for that reason.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[ThickHair]

Sounds like she just doesn't want to be alone. I think she should let him go, how friggin selfish.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Marry a man you love dearly, is very financially stable, treat your kids as his own, yet you're no longer physically nor sexually attracted to?

My sister is going through this and she don't know what to do...
They was together for about 5 years, they broke up for about 7mths. Now they're back together, but she's not attracted to him anymore physically or sexually, yet he's ready to marry her.

I told her to tell him...She said she didn't know howerplexed bc he loves her soooo much and she's scared of what his reaction will be.

Well something kept them together for 5 years and brought them back together. My question is why didn't they get married during the first 5 years. Is he only proposing becuase they broke up. She may have gotten tired of waiting and moved on emotionally.

Money, fame and fortune can all be lost in the blink of an eye. But if she is still not feeling him even on a benevolent level I would say no. I mean if all that he does and how he treats her does not matter than they should both move on.

This is why I'm not in favor of long drawn out courtships. I was in a relationship for ten years with someone I wanted to marry. He just wasn't ready. The day I told him to kick rocks he comes up with a "I just can't live without you" Well.....die. I mean dang you put my life on hold for ten years, while you were getting there, now if you can't have me no one else will. I don't think so.

See that is probably where your sister is....building a brownstone called resentment. That will take the flavor of a man from your mouth asap. He should have stepped up and made his intentions clear long before now.

That said, the complicated part. You say she loves him dearly. How's that? Because if they both love each other and have a stable environment for her kids, good financially, yada yada yada. Then she should take a step back and find out what is blocking her physical attraction from him. Is it someone else? That is usually the case. If not, go on a couple's retreat and let Stella get her groove back...for him.

You babysit.

 

[treybaby2005]

Well something kept them together for 5 years and brought them back together. My question is why didn't they get married during the first 5 years. Is he only proposing becuase they broke up. She may have gotten tired of waiting and moved on emotionally.

Money, fame and fortune can all be lost in the blink of an eye. But if she is still not feeling him even on a benevolent level I would say no. I mean if all that he does and how he treats her does not matter than they should both move on.

This is why I'm not in favor of long drawn out courtships. I was in a relationship for ten years with someone I wanted to marry. He just wasn't ready. The day I told him to kick rocks he comes up with a "I just can't live without you" Well.....die. I mean dang you put my life on hold for ten years, while you were getting there, now if you can't have me no one else will. I don't think so.

See that is probably where your sister is....building a brownstone called resentment. That will take the flavor of a man from your mouth asap. He should have stepped up and made his intentions clear long before now.

That said, the complicated part. You say she loves him dearly. How's that? Because if they both love each other and have a stable environment for her kids, good financially, yada yada yada. Then she should take a step back and find out what is blocking her physical attraction from him. Is it someone else? That is usually the case. If not, go on a couple's retreat and let Stella get her groove back...for him.

You babysit.

This is an excellent post.

 

[MizAvalon]

No, I definitely wouldn't.

Though I wasn't about to get married, I have been in the position of no longer being physically attracted to someone that I was with. It's very difficult, especially when you eventually have to hurt their feelings.

 

[MizAvalon]

If she's lukewarm about him now, she'll be ice cold about him later.
She'd be lying when she told the preacher she would LOVE honor and cherish this man.
God forbid they have any kids.

I could not marry a man I wasn't mentally and physically attracted to...why just settle?

Agreed. There is much more to relationships than just the physical but if I am repulsed by the thought of him touching me, then how I can live with that for 50 years? I would end up hating him and myself.

 

[aqualung]

Yes. I want to be in a power couple above all else.
I didn't realize it until I quit dating broke pretty boys in favor of men with money. The optimal situation would be pretty men with money, but I'm not holding my breath.

 

[asubeauty]

I wouldn't marry a man I wasn't physically or emotionally attracted to. I feel that the emotional attraction is more important because looks can change, but if you have neither, then .

I my mind, marriage is FOREVER. I would never marry anyone unless I really liked the idea of sleeping next to him for the rest of my life and rolling over and seeing eye boogers and sleep lines in his face and still loving him and being attracted.

And as a previous poster stated, $$ and "success" can be lost. If the attraction is based on that, what is left? You aren't truly there "for better or for worse." You married for the "better."

 

[Mena]

Great thread. This thread made me realize I need to permanetly cut my ex out of my life. He is a great guy but I am not attracted to him. I can not get with him and be repulsed by the thought of having sex with him for the next 50 years. He loves me to death but oh well. I need to hold out for a relationship like the Obamas have. You can tell they are attracted to each other in various ways. I am sure they piss off each other at times but their love is strong.

 

[locabouthair]

If she's lukewarm about him now, she'll be ice cold about him later.
She'd be lying when she told the preacher she would LOVE honor and cherish this man.
God forbid they have any kids.

I could not marry a man I wasn't mentally and physically attracted to...why just settle?

I agree.

If she's not attracted to him, then she's not gonna wanna sleep with him, and sex is an important part of marriage.

Bottom line, if she's not feeling him like that, I dont think it's gonna work.

 

[Son26]

They was together for about 5 years, they broke up for about 7mths. Now they're back together, but she's not attracted to him anymore physically or sexually, yet he's ready to marry her.

Wow. I'm going through the exact same thing right now.

I told him I just want to be friends. He's not okay with it. He wants us to get married, but I cannot see myself married to someone I'm not attracted to. I'm not in love with him. During the six or seven months we spent apart I realized he wasn't the one for me. She should tell him she just wants to be friends.

 

[Mena]

Great thread. This thread made me realize I need to permanetly cut my ex out of my life. He is a great guy but I am not attracted to him. I can not get with him and be repulsed by the thought of having sex with him for the next 50 years. He loves me to death but oh well. I need to hold out for a relationship like the Obamas have. You can tell they are attracted to each other in various ways. I am sure they piss off each other at times but their love is strong.

I still have not cut this guy off. Whenever, I get annoyed by my other friends I call him. I tell him all my business. Still not attracted to him. I think he still likes me a bit. What to do?