tailormade84
New Member
...he were cheating on you?
And if yes (or no), how could you justify it biblically?
And if yes (or no), how could you justify it biblically?
Would you divorce your husband if...
- Thread starter tailormade84
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BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
I would say yes.
Matthew 5:27
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’a 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
And Matthew 19:9 says the same thing.
Matthew 5:27
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’a 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
And Matthew 19:9 says the same thing.
Yes and I did.
I struggled with my decision because of the bible and Christianity. As for "justifying it biblically" I always thought that adultery was the one thing someone could divorce their spouses over.
Other than that, I find it hard to believe that God would want me to endure a marriage where the husband is adulterous. I prayed about it for over a year while separated from my ex. People thought I was all kinds of crazy for even considering reconciliation.
Anyway, I don't know if it was God's will or not. But I'm no longer married and I'm pleased with my decision.
I struggled with my decision because of the bible and Christianity. As for "justifying it biblically" I always thought that adultery was the one thing someone could divorce their spouses over.
Other than that, I find it hard to believe that God would want me to endure a marriage where the husband is adulterous. I prayed about it for over a year while separated from my ex. People thought I was all kinds of crazy for even considering reconciliation.
Anyway, I don't know if it was God's will or not. But I'm no longer married and I'm pleased with my decision.
yup....in a minute!
mscocoface
Well-Known Member
I would and I did.
Supergirl
With Love & Silk
I always say it is difficult to predict what you would really do in a situation if you haven't actually experienced it.
I can imagine that I would be hurt beyond belief and would want to be up and out immediately. But I would hope that I would at least try some Christian marital counseling. I would hope that if my husband is repentant and willing to work to re-establish trust that I would give him another chance. If he were not willing to change, then I believe there are biblical grounds for divorce.
I can imagine that I would be hurt beyond belief and would want to be up and out immediately. But I would hope that I would at least try some Christian marital counseling. I would hope that if my husband is repentant and willing to work to re-establish trust that I would give him another chance. If he were not willing to change, then I believe there are biblical grounds for divorce.
CoilyFields
Well-Known Member
Right. Adultery and an unbelieveing spouse who chooses to leave are the reasons the Bible gives for a permissible divorce.
But remember God still hates divorce so I think it would be imperative to do all that you could to save your marriage even in these circumstances.
But remember God still hates divorce so I think it would be imperative to do all that you could to save your marriage even in these circumstances.
blazingthru
Well-Known Member
I agree wholeheartly, supergirl, some woman can not live with a man who has been unfaithful and God totally understands that but we are still required to forgive. Its not required that we remain in the marriage. but its good to try and work through the faults and move on. Some women or men can not do this and if they feel this is the case they can divorce. God judges our hearts and our actions. We can't up and throw in the towel it has to be sincere. We always have to examine our thoughts before we submit to anything and see if its an alignment with the will of God. I studied this out for many years as I wanted to divorce my husband ( but he was not unfaithful, He was cruel) until I studied out forgiveness and knew that even if he cheated I probably would forgive that and continue to work on the marriage. But he left on his own and eventually did cheat and gave me the choice of filing for divorce myself. I just wanted to make sure my heart was in the right place. Thought I had forgiven him. Only to discovered that I had not that I hated him and I had to work on it first. Still working on it. He denies to having had cheated on me still to this day. that was five years ago. We are still married. I am still faithful.
Chrissy811
Well-Known Member
Yep that is a deal breaker for me...I'm not living through what I saw many of the women in my family deal with. 
MoniintheMiddle
Well-Known Member
I have never been in the situation to my knowledge but it is much easier to say what you will and will not do if you have never been confronted with the circumstance, my honest answer is that i reallty don't know. I know what the scriptures say regarding adultery and divorce and I still don't know....and I pray that I never have to find out
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
Yes, I would. He did not honor his marriage vows.
tailormade84
New Member
Thanks for the responses ladies - i appreciate your honesty and openness, but my question still remains...why is the biblical justification for divorce that YOU would stand on (i.e. what scriptures in the bible do you think would support your decision?)
mscocoface
Well-Known Member
There is a BIG difference in FORGIVING someone who has had an affair or in some cases a lengthy relationship outside of the marriage and being able to trust them that they will NEVER do it again, when they have been caught and exposed.
The two are MUTUALLY exclusive.
The two are MUTUALLY exclusive.
blazingthru
Well-Known Member
I think if God can forgive me for my horrible sins and see I have repented then I should be able to forgive others for their horrible sins even if they do not repent.
shinyblackhair
Well-Known Member
I don't know if I would. I pray I never have to make that decision. I can see why some say try and work it out, but how do you work it out with someone who obviously has found something else with someone else? Wow...this is a tough one...I really don't know...
Prudent1
Well-Known Member
I was trying to quote Pretty's post but for some reason could not... Anyway she listed some scriptures in her post from the bible. I think they state pretty clearly that under the circumstance of adultery divorce is permitted. God clearly hates divorce. He clearly hates adultery and all of the fallout associated with it. He clearly wants us to forgive others but as someone else here has already said some women choose and are able to forgive and reconcile while for others they forgive, divorce, and move on. The danger is in not seeking God and handling individual situations according to what he says.
BullGirl2010
New Member
Absolutely and am in the process of doing just that. 
erplexed
erplexed
Guitarhero
New Member
Luke 16:18
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
Also, if there were trickery at the time of the marriage by any party, it's not a marriage. Whatever the case, there should be intimate separation. STD's make the bed crowded. It's not worth dying for.
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luthiengirlie
Well-Known Member
Bull Girl.. I will pray you are one of my buddiesAbsolutely and am in the process of doing just that.
Lucie
Dancin' on sunshine!
Well, I was (past-tense) an adulteress, and I am praying and believing for the total restoration of our marriage. I know what the Bible says, but I think that marital unfaithfulness has to do with an adulterer that is unrepentant. If you look at Ephesians 5:22-33, it tells husbands to love their wives, as He has loved the church. If you look at church there are: liars, thieves, adulterers, gossipers, and the like to name a few. Also, Jesus was brought an adulteress caught in the act and he told her, "Go away and sin NO more!" God does not view sin as we do. I do not condone cheating, and know firsthand the damage it causes to God, myself and the convenant I have with my husband.
I have read a few of you that have divorced your husbands for cheating and I do not judge you for it. Everyone is different. Even if I found out my husband had cheated on me, it would hurt and hurt. But the more I walk with the Lord, I finally see that the love I have for my DH is no longer conditional (like it used to be) and that I will love and honor him no matter what. I am not attempting to sign up for all sorts of nonsense and abuse, but the thing about marriage IMHO is that it is forever. I truly, truly believe 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Love never fails.
BTW, I am so sorry to those of you that have been cheated on. It is truly one of the worst things a spouse can do to another. And I am blessed to read those of you that have persevered. Before I married, I never thought I could stay with a man that cheated on me. I never forgot arguing with my dad and uncle about how despicable President Clinton was for doing what he did to Hillary. I guess that was my lesson to learn about being judgmental. God bless you all ladies. (((HUGS)))
I have read a few of you that have divorced your husbands for cheating and I do not judge you for it. Everyone is different. Even if I found out my husband had cheated on me, it would hurt and hurt. But the more I walk with the Lord, I finally see that the love I have for my DH is no longer conditional (like it used to be) and that I will love and honor him no matter what. I am not attempting to sign up for all sorts of nonsense and abuse, but the thing about marriage IMHO is that it is forever. I truly, truly believe 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Love never fails.
BTW, I am so sorry to those of you that have been cheated on. It is truly one of the worst things a spouse can do to another. And I am blessed to read those of you that have persevered. Before I married, I never thought I could stay with a man that cheated on me. I never forgot arguing with my dad and uncle about how despicable President Clinton was for doing what he did to Hillary. I guess that was my lesson to learn about being judgmental. God bless you all ladies. (((HUGS)))
Guitarhero
New Member
Don't beat yourself up, Lucie. G-d hears your heart. Well, sometimes, there is a situation where trickery was there from the beginning...not necessarily saying cheating, but ulterior motives or a badly formed union and mine was religious. That scripture is not talking about repentant or not, but the very act that had been committed. It broke the contract. It's a long story but mine was invalid from the start in the eyes of the Church. I wasn't religious, he wasn't, was a converted Jew (by force in his country...whole family) but was baptized and knows Jesus. Soooo, I can say that in my case, to the red-bolded, I had to love ME as G-d saw me and it was G-d who told me to move on. I'm grateful my life didn't end through violence or AIDS.
It does hurt to be cheated on and there can be forgiveness and return but sometimes we just have to face our crimes. The murderer doesn't get off even though remorseful and repentant, even if forgiven. My ex is going to have to live with himself and all that he has done and is still doing.
). I do hope that you and yours can work things out.
But I wasn't willing to lose my life just to save face in that community. It wasn't worth it at all. My life is just that important and so is my happiness and peace and I praise G-d every day for sparing me and alerting me to cut off intimacy when I did. And I also pray that this pain that G-d allowed to happen in my life makes a true marriage all the more sweet. We cannot always see what is ahead in the road. Actually, none of us can. We can just follow the rules and drive within the law but the accident waiting to happen is not under our control.
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Lucie
Dancin' on sunshine!
Don't beat yourself up, Lucie. G-d hears your heart. Well, sometimes, there is a situation where trickery was there from the beginning...not necessarily saying cheating, but ulterior motives or a badly formed union and mine was religious. That scripture is not talking about repentant or not, but the very act that had been committed. It broke the contract. It's a long story but mine was invalid from the start in the eyes of the Church. I wasn't religious, he wasn't, was a converted Jew (by force in his country...whole family) but was baptized and knows Jesus. Soooo, I can say that in my case, to the red-bolded, I had to love ME as G-d saw me and it was G-d who told me to move on. I'm grateful my life didn't end through violence or AIDS.
It does hurt to be cheated on and there can be forgiveness and return but sometimes we just have to face our crimes. The murderer doesn't get off even though remorseful and repentant, even if forgiven. My ex is going to have to live with himself and all that he has done and is still doing.Ehh. Every situation is different (found out that one person he was doing went back home to die
I do hope that you and yours can work things out.
That is very true. I never looked at it like that. I pray that you do find happiness and that all that has happened will only make a true marriage all the more sweet like you said. (((HUGS)))
Your "Light" is shining so brightly. The word of God says,
"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"
Isaiah 52:7 ...
The ministry of God is full blown within you and what has seemed impossible will not only be possible, but a reality and a testimony to those looking up towards a mountain, which seems unable for them to climb. Yet you have made there, steady, strong, reaching down to pull others up who didn't think they'd ever make it.
Precious Lucie....look at the beautiful Bride you are... 'again'. :Rose:
Ladybelle
New Member
Don't beat yourself up, Lucie. G-d hears your heart. Well, sometimes, there is a situation where trickery was there from the beginning...not necessarily saying cheating, but ulterior motives or a badly formed union and mine was religious. That scripture is not talking about repentant or not, but the very act that had been committed. It broke the contract. It's a long story but mine was invalid from the start in the eyes of the Church. I wasn't religious, he wasn't, was a converted Jew (by force in his country...whole family) but was baptized and knows Jesus. Soooo, I can say that in my case, to the red-bolded, I had to love ME as G-d saw me and it was G-d who told me to move on. I'm grateful my life didn't end through violence or AIDS.
It does hurt to be cheated on and there can be forgiveness and return but sometimes we just have to face our crimes. The murderer doesn't get off even though remorseful and repentant, even if forgiven. My ex is going to have to live with himself and all that he has done and is still doing.Ehh. Every situation is different (found out that one person he was doing went back home to die
I do hope that you and yours can work things out.
Let me preface all of this by saying: every situation & every marriage is different, and the answer to the OP's question can vary from marriage to marriage.
But, at the bolded- I think we have to seperate the natural from the spirtual. In God's eyes a murderer is no longer a murder. That might be hard to fathom, but it's true.When we are forgiven by God, we are redeemed from the curse of the law and made free from any past mistakes.
2 Cor 5:17 :Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
And, God does forget our sins to remember them no more.
Isaiah 43:25 I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.
So, purely from the spiritual perspective when a person truly repents and changes- he is no longer what he/she was in God's eyes. It is natural people who keep the labels on us. In a marriage if we learn to love each other as God has called us to, we would do the same thing Christ does. We would forgive & forget.It's a very difficult thing to do. But who we were is not always who we are.
In a marriage where the cheating spouse is truly repentent ( and with repentence there is a change of heart, a renewed mind, a confession of the offense & a innate will to sin no more), then I find it very reasonable for a couple to stay married.
Another thing I felt inclined to point out (no offense to anyone) is that divorcing is a choice, one of the key elements of the scriptures that talk about divorce is the word "IF" "if a man divorce..... let it be for ... " God does not mandate us to divorce when adultery arises, but he does give us the option and I think the decision to divorce or not should be based on whether or not our spouses were truly repentent or not.
I've also found in my studies that adultery isn't the only reason to divorce, there are others but I won't start a bible class here. Every person is to search the scriptures themselves to know the word of God.
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Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
I have never been married, but I have thought about this scripture and how people say divorce=adultery. Well, I am starting to see things differently...
You know how the bible says "WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE"...
...and then the proceeding verses say, "but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery"...
Well I think this means if you divorce your wife WITHOUT A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCEMENT except for the reason of unchastity it makes her commit adultery. In other words, if you are separated and not yet officially divorced and the wife cheats on her separated husband with other men, then that's when adultery comes into play. I think the divorce needs to be solid and final in order for the woman to avoid adultery. She would also have to refrain from lust and fornication as well.
I could be wrong... it was just a thought I had over the past couple of months.
You know how the bible says "WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE"...
...and then the proceeding verses say, "but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery"...
Well I think this means if you divorce your wife WITHOUT A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCEMENT except for the reason of unchastity it makes her commit adultery. In other words, if you are separated and not yet officially divorced and the wife cheats on her separated husband with other men, then that's when adultery comes into play. I think the divorce needs to be solid and final in order for the woman to avoid adultery. She would also have to refrain from lust and fornication as well.
I could be wrong... it was just a thought I had over the past couple of months.
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Guitarhero
New Member
You might have something there because to remarry in my church, you must have it proven that the first was ill-formed (just saying "I do" isn't it) and then get an annulment. You must have that document to remarry. I never quite thought of it that way.
Mamita
Back to basics
nope i sure wouldn't. Separate for a time probably, but divorce? never and my reason is
Matthew 19:8 Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
i mean it says right here if one of us remarries we'd be adulterers, us and the other person... don't anybody see that? written right there?
Fornication and adultery is not the same, fornication is between 2 SINGLE PEOPLE BOTH are single. Adultery is when at least one is married.
U have the title husband and wife before you're even married. So if they cheat on you while you're engaged, before you're married THEN you can put them aside.
Once you're married that's it, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder
let no man put asunder is no person put asunder EVEN the person who slept with your spouse ! there's 1 and there's 2. maybe the word vow is not clear, or the word one i don't know.
TheEphesianMarriage – Fornication vs Adultery Part 1 (Updated)
Matthew 19:8 Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
i mean it says right here if one of us remarries we'd be adulterers, us and the other person... don't anybody see that? written right there?
Fornication and adultery is not the same, fornication is between 2 SINGLE PEOPLE BOTH are single. Adultery is when at least one is married.
U have the title husband and wife before you're even married. So if they cheat on you while you're engaged, before you're married THEN you can put them aside.
Once you're married that's it, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder
let no man put asunder is no person put asunder EVEN the person who slept with your spouse ! there's 1 and there's 2. maybe the word vow is not clear, or the word one i don't know.
TheEphesianMarriage – Fornication vs Adultery Part 1 (Updated)
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