Why must I cry?! No seriously, the Transitioning ? is matter of life or death...

[AnjelLuvs]

of me... Its like I want to go natural, but want to go back to textlaxing... The decision shouldn't be that/this hard BUT TO MMEEE... IT IS... erplexed

I was on verge of going to get relaxed today after 21 weeks, but apart of me is scared, do I want to go back to the scalp burns (yuppers no matter how mild the relaxer/texturizer I still burn... I mentioned before that one of the burns caused a slight bald spot in front of scalp, noticeable when wearing pony tails...

the biggest reason I want to go back is 1. my hooded blow dryer went out on me... 2. It takes to longgggg to handle... 3. you cant run a comb thru it...

BUT, I hate flat hair, I have fine hair so it is going to look thin no matter what when permed, yup came to terms with that, no matter how much JBCO/Olive oil/Scalp massage my shaft is not getting any thicker...

Sorry for rant, but until I come to a final decision I may be posting like this often... erplexed...

any advice/and or encouragement...

 

[JudithO]

Hugs OP.... Given your issues with relaxers (burning, bald spot etc).... and the fact that you are struggling with transitioning, I'd suggest that you go ahead and BC.... It will be MUCH MUCH easier for you to deal with one texture only... + you get to meet your natural hair sooner.... So sorry for the day you had... No need to be feeling like this at all....

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

Don't do it. Scalp burns?! Nope. Don't do it. Thin hair while relaxed?! Nope. Don't do it. Bald spots?! Nope. Don't do it. Lifeless relaxed hair?! Nope. Don't do it. Do you see any red flags in my post?

 

[caliscurls]

I feel ya, my two cents: at minimum wait it out. It doesn't sound like your scalp is up to relaxing so natural may be the way to go. Maybe you can protective style under a wig for a while to take your mind off of things. I announced I was transitioning in February only to texlax in March because I was frustrated now I'm over it and really transitioning. I'm certain it's the right choice for me now, sometimes it just takes time for us to come around..,so if nothing else just wait until you feel comfortable with whatever direction you choose.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

ok I am going to go home, wash, give self a nice oil treatment deep con with some giovanni/blow dry and then flat iron as tomorrow is my bday so I want it to look nice... would set but no freaking dryer, going to treat self to a sit under dryer..

Like how I be scared to even texturize... I just brought a new container so thats got me as well.... I seriously be prepping to get relaxer as I know it will burn...

Thanks for advice, as I am very conflicted and post because I dont want to relax and regret....

I sort of feel I am not going to be pretty with natural hair, although a lot of black men are encouraging it, not so much the TWA, but natural hair and I always see fly women with greta looking styles...

Its crazy I love thick hair, prefer natural straight over permed straight...

I know its such like a contradiction hence my why cry over the topness...

 

[Amarilles]

1. Why does it take long to handle, is it tangling or..?
2. Why do you want a comb through it?

It seems to me like you haven't found go-to styles yet. Also, a comb through hair that is not wet is asking for frizz and a disrupted pattern no matter what the hair type. What's wrong with styling with your hands or a baby brush?

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Lol, Amarilles, you dont have to make sooo much sense... I always go back to the comb as that is what I know... as i sit hair, I massage roots, I love the texture, not the permed flat lifeless hair .. I think I need to change my thought process...

It takes long, umm, partially no completely my fault... when trying to wash/oil treat/con/blow dry/flat iron all in one day and not starting until 8pm or later yea on shouldnt really complain... erplexed...

 

[LaToya28]

I was in this same position last week. 21 weeks post and agonizing over whether to continue transitioning or return to the relaxer. I made my decision and haven't looked back once, and I hope you are able to find a decision that you are happy with. I have a very sensitive scalp as well and sensitive scalp relaxers work well for me. Have you tried one of those?

 

[geejay]

1. Why does it take long to handle, is it tangling or..?
2. Why do you want a comb through it?

It seems to me like you haven't found go-to styles yet. Also, a comb through hair that is not wet is asking for frizz and a disrupted pattern no matter what the hair type. What's wrong with styling with your hands or a baby brush?

That jumped out at me too. I bought all these seamless combs for my hair journey and barely use them. I just assumed...combs, I'll always need them...and then learned natural hair ain't got no time for combs...

AnjelLuvsUBabe Whatever you decide, it's going to be ok. It's called a journey for a reason...it takes you through some things!

 

[AnjelLuvs]

LaToya28, what was your decision?

 

[PureSilver]

I am glad you decided to go home. I have made so many mistakes with urges to relax in preparation for a big day such as bdays or events, i always regret my decision to relax during those urges. I too have fine strands and battled very flat/thin hair on every touch up, my solution to that after joining this board was to relax only 3-4 times per year 90% straight and it helped greatly with thickness.

Now i'm currently 3 yrs + natural and i must admit my natural hair is sometimes frustrating to deal with but it has been the best 3 years of my natural hair life. Whatever you decide i hope your hair remains healthy and manageable for your lifestyle. I suggest you wait it out and try not to be too impulsive, lest you regret it. HHG

 

[AnjelLuvs]

My whole front portion is a mess still, picture taken a couple odd weeks ago, I think 18 which is why I wait, to make sure fully healed and ready for burn, yea I know sad..

Sent from My Galaxy

 

[whiteoleander91]

what kind of comb have you been using? only type of comb that works on my hair is wide-tooth! and I have to use conditioner that has tons of slip to detangle, not just any condish will do! :3

like the other ladies said, wait it out. don't do anything impulsive until you've had time to really think it over.

 

[whiteoleander91]

There were many times while I was transitioning that I was tempted to relax. I've been natural for 2 years and relaxer-free for 3, and I am so glad that I waited it out.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Do you have any transitioning inspirations? Maybe looking at their journeys will give you more positivity and patience. Also maybe the way you are thinking about the journey is getting in the way of progress.

I haven't transitioned before, but I have texlaxed a few times when I got to that difficult in between stage that I hate and I regret that. Just ended up in set backs. If I would have kept patient and left my hair alone I'd be waistlength natural by now.

Doing much better this time though.

 

[classoohfive]

Chile, I'm *checks calendar next to me* 58 weeks post tomorrow and I'm still not sure if I'm going to go natural or texlax. Just 2 weeks ago I was seriously debating between taking the scissors and BCing (I don't recommend, I've heard too many stories about people BC when they weren't ready so they ended up going back to relaxing only to regret that and transition again until truly ready) or texlaxing. I'm glad I didn't do either.


I know you said your hair is fine, but are there any protective styles that are low-man that you could pull off without causing any issues? That way you won't have to fuss over your hair as much, at least for a bit. I was doing twists for a while. They don't last long because my texlaxed ends start to untwist, yet it was a nice break from my hair. I just moisturized, re-twisted when needed, and continued to wash/DC... And they made washing and detangling easier since the hair was already in a bunch of small sections for me.


Is this your longest stretch in recent years? You may have to learn some new ways to handle your hair as your new growth increases. There's certain things I just can't do anymore. I have 3 seamless combs (different sizes) that were wonderful a year ago, I hardly use them. I learned that I HAVE to finger detangle in small sections. I also have issues detangling in the shower, which used to be my go to method. I detangle on dry (but moisturized) hair with my fingers, then I wash. I just figured that last one out last week. I'm just saying, you should step back from your hair before you make a choice, and then when you're in a better mood to deal with it try out some new methods and techniques.

 

[LaToya28]

LaToya28, what was your decision?

I texlaxed with Design Essentials sensitive scalp relaxer.

 

[myronnie]

AnjelLuvsUBabe

I've been in a similar situation to you!! It's so difficult dealing with two textures.
I think you should try to do braidouts, braid up your hair under a wig, and try to change your detangling method. When I was transitioning, I could barely comb my hair and had to really finger comb before I tried to comb it.

Working with the texture will put you more at ease. If you try to work against the texture it will make you upset! I remember when I was at 40+weeks and it wasn't pretty. It does get better though. When I went fully natural, it was so easy for me to comb with the right products + finger combing before!! It wasn't a chore anymore! So please don't psych yourself out and take a breath

 

[southerncitygirl]

@AnjelLuvsUBabe
you should get the design essential amino acid treatment @chanjune80 loves it and it helps her to detangle, she's completely natural now. @Brittster may do it as well and @ackee walk has done it as well. you have fine strands, think this treatment would give you a strengthening boost and natural hair would give you illusion of more fullness, especially if you do curly/wavy textured styles as opposed to straight. Its not bkt!

 

[havilland]

I understand your frustration.


Truly....

I have fine hair. I am transitioning. I get sick of the "work" it takes to deal with my hair.

Take your time and don't make any decisions you can't come back from.

Clearly you need to stop using chemicals. You have burns and bald spots....I mean that should be enough to get you to stop. However....I understand because sometimes you just want to go for what you know....( I know I do)

Hang in there. You don't always have to be happy about going natural. Even if it is the best choice for your hair.

IMHO.....

 

[Britt]

Don't do it. Scalp burns?! Nope. Don't do it. Thin hair while relaxed?! Nope. Don't do it. Bald spots?! Nope. Don't do it. Lifeless relaxed hair?! Nope. Don't do it. Do you see any red flags in my post?

ok I am going to go home, wash, give self a nice oil treatment deep con with some giovanni/blow dry and then flat iron as tomorrow is my bday so I want it to look nice... would set but no freaking dryer, going to treat self to a sit under dryer..

Like how I be scared to even texturize... I just brought a new container so thats got me as well.... I seriously be prepping to get relaxer as I know it will burn...

Thanks for advice, as I am very conflicted and post because I dont want to relax and regret....

I sort of feel I am not going to be pretty with natural hair, although a lot of black men are encouraging it, not so much the TWA, but natural hair and I always see fly women with greta looking styles...

Its crazy I love thick hair, prefer natural straight over permed straight...

I know its such like a contradiction hence my why cry over the topness...

I understand your frustration.


Truly....

I have fine hair. I am transitioning. I get sick of the "work" it takes to deal with my hair.

Take your time and don't make any decisions you can't come back from.

Clearly you need to stop using chemicals. You have burns and bald spots....I mean that should be enough to get you to stop. However....I understand because sometimes you just want to go for what you know....( I know I do)

Hang in there. You don't always have to be happy about going natural. Even if it is the best choice for your hair.

IMHO.....

hey AnjelLuvsUBabe I agree with the advice given in this thread. Initially when I read the thread my knee jerk response is to stop relaxing. You have fine hair and you're not a fan of straight lifeless hair. At the same time, I totally feel you about not wanting a twa. How about a long term transtion? If you're able to deal with your transitioning hair, I suggest you grow it out and slowly start cutting off the ends. Since i would not want a twa for myself, I'd prob get my hair rod set to give the illusion of a cute 'style'. Also make friends with twist outs and bantu knots during this time. Since you're hair is fine, that would be more incentive imo to slowly cut off the ends so that your braid outs/twist outs/bantu knots look better. That's my opinion though, if I keep stretching my relaxer that's exacly what I plan on doing, slowly but surely cutting the relaxed ends. I don't want long relaxed hair and a whole lot of roots. I just cut off about 2 inches the other day and I'm glad I did that.

I completely understand about not wanting a twa, you have to really want that and be comfortable and confident enough to rock it. I see very few people with it that are fierce with it. Also when it starts to grow out it has that awkward stage that doesn't look too good . Perhaps the rod sets would def come in handy then and look super cute when fluffed out. Just thinking all out loud here.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Update... So I washed with some keratin shampoo, then a did oil treatment, coated in Giovanni conditioner over night... Yesterday my bday I wolfed it in a blowout and just now started a crappy flay iron in an attempt to go out, yea I stopped though lol... Why must i attempt to do hair at last minute....

Wet hair!!!

Can you even tell the difference! Blow dry on left! FI on right

Length Pic... (i shouldnt have pinned up sections) erplexed

​

 

[havilland]

Update... So I washed with some keratin shampoo, then a did oil treatment, coated in Giovanni conditioner over night... Yesterday my bday I wolfed it in a blowout and just now started a crappy flay iron in an attempt to go out, yea I stopped though lol... Why must i attempt to do hair at last minute....

Wet hair!!!

Can you even tell the difference! Blow dry on left! FI on right

Length Pic... (i shouldnt have pinned up sections) erplexed

​

your hair is prettier than you think it is.....it's just tired of you messing with it.

let her rest and treat her with some care. hide her for awhile in some buns or whatever protective style you choose. let her thicken up and rest and heal. she will respond better to all your efforts to make her styled if you give her a break. stopping chemicals would probably be a good choice for you at this point but you have to take your own path. it was a good choice for me and I WISH someone had at least planted the seed in my mind to go natural when i started my hair journey in 2007. I would be further along if i knew the chemicals were destroying my progress.

it took me 2 years to CONSIDER going natural once i started thinking about it and now i have been transitioning for 2 years.......i SWEAR i wish i had stopped sooner. my hair would be down to my butt instead of me having to make progress and then suffer setbacks every year from my fine strands just giving up on me.

good luck with whatever you decide

 

[Britt]

your hair is prettier than you think it is.....it's just tired of you messing with it.

let her rest and treat her with some care. hide her for awhile in some buns or whatever protective style you choose. let her thicken up and rest and heal. she will respond better to all your efforts to make her styled if you give her a break. stopping chemicals would probably be a good choice for you at this point but you have to take your own path. it was a good choice for me and I WISH someone had at least planted the seed in my mind to go natural when i started my hair journey in 2007. I would be further along if i knew the chemicals were destroying my progress.

it took me 2 years to CONSIDER going natural once i started thinking about it and now i have been transitioning for 2 years.......i SWEAR i wish i had stopped sooner. my hair would be down to my butt instead of me having to make progress and then suffer setbacks every year from my fine strands just giving up on me.

good luck with whatever you decide

Agreed with all of this.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[tarheelgurl]

Around the 6 month mark transitioning got VERY hard....it last until about 9-10 months then it got easier again. I know exactly how you feel right now.

 

[SEMO]

I understand your frustration. During my first transition I made it about 9-10 months I think before I relaxed my hair because I didn't know what to do with it.

The second time around wearing buns (a lot) and doing styles that camouflaged the two textures (straw sets) really helped. And all of the frustration was worth it when I finally had my relaxed ends cut off and only had one texture (mostly - my curl pattern isn't the same all over).

The second time around I personally decided to only transition long enough so that I could put my hair in a ponytail after BCing. During my first transition I had no goal and no plan. I was just winging it. And I also used LHCF during my second transition for ideas and encouragement.

Failing at my first transition attempt was just part of my hair journey, but I think you'll be happier in the long run if you can persevere through these rough patches. I too got scalp burns when relaxed (even using mild relaxers) and am so happy that I don't have to endure that anymore.

 

[BostonMaria]

I always say that transitioning is not for the faint of heart. I did it for 10 months and it drove me batty LOL I even gained weight because I was so depressed.

Maybe you should consider cutting your hair. Just a thought. Oh and my transitioning hair didn't hold a curl either. My hair is very curly now, but Back then the relaxed hair was weighing down my hair and no twist out, braid out, etc could help it curl.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[AnjelLuvs]

BostonMaria, I am just realizing that, Lol... With this blow out/flat iron, the curls vanish almost immediately... Been debating cutting...

 

[AFashionSlave]

Chill out sis. I know it seems like life or death, but it really isn't.
I found this board 10 years ago while looking for a natural way to texturize my hair, so I've been in your shoes.

You may need to change up your routine, and take a good luck as the positives and negatives about being natural. Everything is a trade off. Maybe your natural hair takes longer to style, but you don't have to worry about retouching or burns.

Chill out...and research new ways to take care of your natural hair.

You also may want to take a deep look at your reasons for wanting to texturize. Is it really ease of styling, or is it the way your hair looks to you? For example: I have a friend who has not accepted her nappy hair. She takes 2 hours every night twisting or roller setting her hair up, so that it looks curly every morning. She wants a texturizer to achieve an every day curly look without twisting. She tells me that she wants one for ease of styling, but I know that she really wants a texturizer for another reason. She doesn't like her naps and she wants curls instead.

disclaimer: I don't know if nap acceptance is your issue. I have not taken the time to read through this whole thread. I was just throwing that info out there.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

AFashionSlave, lol... I be telling myself that now... Like no matter what I do I am always going to complain... Now its hot so I feel that the blow dry was done in vain...

But ya know what keeps me from relaxing... a quick visit to youtube, this board, ya know that members section at bottom with pictures and just random pictures when i google different styles...

It doesnt help that I have a fresh new container of texturizer right on my product shelf... erplexed