Why is expressing emotions immature?

[fluffylocks]

I am a person that if i get stressed or overwhelmed, or someone hurts me on purpose by disregarding my feelings or something- I will cry.

If someone does something like lie, cheat, steal- I will get angry and if you dont want to talk about it and answer my questions, there will be an arguement.

Its with the people i love, like SO, family...I feel its because I am a very considerate person when it comes to other people and especially those I love.

But these people tell me its immature.

Is this true?

What else do you do when its people you love/are connected to? If you cant express yourself....what is the point?

I feel like people in society feel like the best answer is to just worry about yourself, leave the people alone, dont think about it, do something else with your time, dont let people see your emotions keep it in, act unphased....

Why? Thoughts?

Should you have no expectations of people and just focus on yourself, or if people dont meet your expectations just forget about it...What is the deal.

 

[fluffylocks]

I think people say crying or arguing dont solve anything...

I think I will be one of the coldest people out there-no fun or anything, and I dont want to be that way If I just go through life making it be all about solutions and problem solving....

Because I feel like if you cant share your true emotions with a person and talk to solve problems, then you cant trust the person, rely on them, have fun with them....its all buisness.

Im really confused about this.

 

[Lady_q_tee]

Expressing emotions isn't immature, the way one EXPRESSES that emotion is what can be deemed as immature

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[fluffylocks]

Do you think verbal arguements or crying is immature?


ETA- Im thinking that alot of people really dont care about other peoples emotions at all. That alot of people are completly insensative to others and that this is normal and the way to be. Thats what I think sometimes.


ETAA- I guess I want to know if you are dealing with people that you love- SO, family- that dont seem to care about what you care about....
What do you do with that? What is the "mature" way to handle that?

 

[Strangefruittree]

emotions are beautiful but they need to be mastered. Look at the way children express their emotions and how a wise old person does. A child will cry when offended and hit if angry and run around in cirlcles yelling with happiness... this is beautiful but can be disruptive and bring about emotions from others- good and bad. We have to learn to control our emotions so that the outcomes of the situations are indeed what we intend to have. Its not cold, its control. If everytime something occurs and you cry for it, people will not pay much attention to your tears after a while. But if you exhibit control and hold tears and only shed them rarely- those occasions when you do will be looked at with far more attention and evoke an emotional response from another. too much emotional spillage is draining for you and the people around you. Be considerate.

Also when too much emotional things are occuring, it begs what progress is being made. i do not know too many people that operate effectively when expressing too much emotion- except an artist of some sort- maybe you need to be a writer or artist and define an outlet for yourself. the energy felt from emotion, for me, is converted to productive energy. And during my focus in production, I can sort out the causes of my emotions and create steps to stop it: if someone lied to me and upset me, do i need to have that person around, do i need to set new boundaries what should those be, how will i communicate this to the person so that it is clear and understood.... thats not cold- I am trying to determine how to keep this person in my life- crying and arguing will show emotion but it wont give me the result i want. i dont want a hug (as the final result), i dont want to make the other person cry i dont want to show them that their behavior is so powerful (particularly if its negative) that it will knock me off my balance. I want to be happy

 

[fluffylocks]

emotions are beautiful but they need to be mastered. Look at the way children express their emotions and how a wise old person does. A child will cry when offended and hit if angry and run around in cirlcles yelling with happiness... this is beautiful but can be disruptive and bring about emotions from others- good and bad. We have to learn to control our emotions so that the outcomes of the situations are indeed what we intend to have. Its not cold, its control. If everytime something occurs and you cry for it, people will not pay much attention to your tears after a while. But if you exhibit control and hold tears and only shed them rarely- those occasions when you do will be looked at with far more attention and evoke an emotional response from another. too much emotional spillage is draining for you and the people around you. Be considerate.

I see. I guess I just thought that when you love people things like that dont matter.

Im wondering if there are ever cases when a person is surrounded by alot of inconsiderate ruthless people.

ETA- Thanks alot for the additonal things you typed. I actually have always loved writing, and am now thinking about what kind of book I want to write...I know I want it to be something that deals with helping people with their life.

 

[hopeful]

Expressing your feelings with those who care about you is very healthy. If you can't cry, express frustration, etc. then IMO it's not a very deep relationship. I only share my feelings and emotions with people I trust, otherwise you are asking for trouble. Arguing is just arguing IMO, not necessarily mature or immature. Those close to you will care about your feelings and emotions, but most people don't like verbal arguments. You should be able to discuss most issues without it becoming an argument. Maybe you want more from the people around you than they are willing to give. Maybe you are picking fights instead of sharing your feelings, IDK. Maybe you aren't compatible with the people you associate with. It's hard to tell from what you wrote.

 

[Strangefruittree]

I see. I guess I just thought that when you love people things like that dont matter.

Im wondering if there are ever cases when a person is surrounded by alot of inconsiderate ruthless people.

ETA- Thanks alot for the additonal things you typed. I actually have always loved writing, and am now thinking about what kind of book I want to write...I know I want it to be something that deals with helping people with their life.

Well, it really depends on you and who you choose to love and be in love with right... We create the realities we want. Some people are very emotional and others are extremely doting and others still are just cold and almost lifeless with emotion. You may not be compatible with the person/ people you are with to be so intimate with them. i learned that i am not able to be as intimate as I would like with all of my family members- it doesnt mean that they love me less or i them... it just means that there are other aspects of our relationship that i appreciate and value tremendously. Its easier to love and appreciate what is there vs what is not. i have been blessed with outlets to get the intimate emotion out via something like sharing this sentiment with you or with my cooking or with new friends that stay or the ones that come and go or sometimes even a stranger in passing. you are gifted with these emotions and its up to you to see who or what is receptive in reflecting what it is that you need to get back from sharing them, you know.... I hope that helps more

 

[fluffylocks]

emotions are beautiful but they need to be mastered. Look at the way children express their emotions and how a wise old person does. A child will cry when offended and hit if angry and run around in cirlcles yelling with happiness... this is beautiful but can be disruptive and bring about emotions from others- good and bad. We have to learn to control our emotions so that the outcomes of the situations are indeed what we intend to have. Its not cold, its control. If everytime something occurs and you cry for it, people will not pay much attention to your tears after a while. But if you exhibit control and hold tears and only shed them rarely- those occasions when you do will be looked at with far more attention and evoke an emotional response from another. too much emotional spillage is draining for you and the people around you. Be considerate.

Also when too much emotional things are occuring, it begs what progress is being made. i do not know too many people that operate effectively when expressing too much emotion- except an artist of some sort- maybe you need to be a writer or artist and define an outlet for yourself. the energy felt from emotion, for me, is converted to productive energy. And during my focus in production, I can sort out the causes of my emotions and create steps to stop it: if someone lied to me and upset me, do i need to have that person around, do i need to set new boundaries what should those be, how will i communicate this to the person so that it is clear and understood.... thats not cold- I am trying to determine how to keep this person in my life- crying and arguing will show emotion but it wont give me the result i want. i dont want a hug (as the final result), i dont want to make the other person cry i dont want to show them that their behavior is so powerful (particularly if its negative) that it will knock me off my balance. I want to be happy

Oooh....I think I do like people that I love to know that their negative actions can "know me off my balance", and I always thought that they should care about that-and if they dont thats when the problems start....
Because me personally would do anything to make a person that I love feel better If I did anything to hurt or upset them.

 

[Strangefruittree]

Oooh....I think I do like people that I love to know that their negative actions can "know me off my balance", and I always thought that they should care about that-and if they dont thats when the problems start....
Because me personally would do anything to make a person that I love feel better If I did anything to hurt or upset them.

so you need to team up with folks that respond to that. I will not let anything negative knock me off my balance... I will show that negativity and the person bringing it i am powerful and a force to be reckoned with, their negative hits bounce off of me. and if they meant to hurt me they will be hurt by my lack of response. i prefer to remain stable and resolute depsite the issues of others... Ex. If my SO is going through it personally- and in his personal turmoil, lashes out at me in a fit of rage yelling and what not, is it fitting that I yell back and continue the argument to escalate to who knows where or to remain calm and un affected, knowing i have done nothing to deserve this, so i will not accept it. Calmly acknowledging that there is something different about our interaction, "are you okay, how can i help you"? This diffuses the situation helps me to help him fix him self and once he is balanced i can calmly communicate how his out lash has affected me and decide what can we do to prevent this... thats not cold and thats not ruthless... thats love, thats acknowledging your knowledge of another and your ability to be relied on and be helpful. This can only be used though when emotions are typically undercontrol. If a person is wilding out and crying and all over the place... I cant call it... i might straight up ignore them because I wont know how to read situations with them

 

[Syrah]

Reading your post, I immediately thought of NeNe (RHOA).

She expects others to talk about things on her terms, regardless of the time or the location. She rarely takes a moment to stop and consider how she may have contributed to outcomes. And she is quick to take a defensive attitude, always looking at what was done TO her and reacting to that rather than situations as a whole. Its a very ego-centric way to live, and low and behold, drama follows her where ever she goes. Rather than appearing assertive and confident, she comes off as insecure and selfish.

Expecting people to talk about something because you want to talk about it isn't necessarily immature but it is going to lead to arguments, more often than not.

Wanting to communicate is great. Just make sure you consider the message and the medium. If two-way communication is what you seek, maybe its time you tried changing your tactics.