Why don't we share? (a little long)

[JewelleNY]

I love this community because it invloves a large group of women of color who share ideas, emotions, and even photos of themsleves to help each other and receive help in return.

However, in the world outside of the net I find the reverse to be true. When I moved to NY 4 years ago I was in need of a relaxer and had no idea where to go. I asked so many women where did they get their hair done and I kept getting the run around. A few kept acting like they had to check and would never get back with me (who doesn't know their stylist ) Some would say their stylist doesn't make appointments with just anyone . Unfortunately, my roots were wild so I stopped at a place where the lady was standing out front with coupons (should have been a sign ) Of course she burns my scalp so bad I was in tears and it wasn't even straight when she was done. She didn't even have the nerve to charge me (that's how bad it looked ). My hair slowly broke off all over and eventually my sis told me about this board.

Back to the present. About a month ago, I met a new friend at my internship. She confided in me that her hair was shedding like crazy and commented on how thick my hair was I immediately told her about LHCF even though ladies in the past were very uninterested. The next week she came in with bantu knots to air dry and had bought some new items she had read about on the board It was too cute. A couple weeks later she told me how she had told her girlfriends how I had recommended this site and said they thought I was really nice to share this with her because Black women don't share things like that I was led to believe that this statement is somewhat true because of what I had experienced before.

So, I pose the question, why is it that we don't share in real life? Have any of you ladies experienced this at all? Is it more than just hair? Where is the love and sense of community in this? Am I just too idealistic?

 

[shiningstar84]

I don't share either...Some of the things I do sound crazy...Like pouring cooking oil on my head at night and sleeping with a shower cap Not combing my hair. It took me a few months just to try this. Doing protein treatments on my own even though the bottle says loud and clear Professional Use Only. And let's not even talk about the eggs, mtg, or the 9 vitamins a day....

 

[gymfreak336]

I share. My sisters have started taking some of my advice but for some things I do, I don't even mention. I have kinda figured out how much I can tell each person without getting funny looks and such. But when they see how far I have come, they ask me more questions. It is easier for me to tell then about things like over night oiling, prepoos, essential oils, washing twice a week and what not when they ask me for help. Although I did me a girl at my job and we started talking and before I knew it we where talking about hair vitamins, breakthru shampoo and trying to figure out where to get mtg. I gave her this sites info and I am going to try to help her join.

 

[*Frisky*]

I just think it different strokes for different folks..we as women have so many different personalities and up bringings. You just have to feel a person out. Some people like to share and others don't. Some of it can be just selfishness and stand offish. I tend to think if a person doesn't want to share a simple thing about hair with you then that is just how they are in general about everything. I really wouldn't take it personally....

 

[lexi08]

I share. I really don't use any unconventional products or practices, so there is not much for me to keep secret, LOL. I have had various women in the past ask me who my stylist was and I glady gave them her name and number. I maintain my own hair in between salon visits,so I have recommened products also. I don't mind at all. This is how I found my current stylist when I moved by asking a girl whose hair always looked nice and healthy who her stylist was.

 

[B_Phlyy]

I sometimes don't share because I know how a person will react and I don't see the point of wasting my time. And for the most part, people just want to know what I do to get certain styles, they hardly care if it's for the health of the hair.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I'll share if you ask- and that even depends on WHAT you ask.

If you ask me, "Oooh how you get your hair so straight?" Or some other aesthetic question, I will share, but I am not coughing up my LHCF. Especially if you don't seem to be interested in hair healthy only aesthetics. I would be wasting my time giving this sight up and we are not all about just looking good. Unfort. I don't encounter many black women who care about hair health (only looks) with the exception of my sister. So she is the only one who I told.

 

[crlsweetie912]

I share all the time. But I think a better question would be, why don't we use some of the advice that's shared?

People never listen to the advice I share.(Momma I am calling you out! )

 

[myco]

I share all the time. But I think a better question would be, why don't we use some of the advice that's shared?

People never listen to the advice I share.(Momma I am calling you out! )

This is so true. I have a friend who asks every 3 months like clockwork what she can do for/to her hair. It's too dry and itchy. Honestly, I get tired of repeating myself when I know it's going in one ear and out the other. I can give her a big regimen or a pared down version, she won't stick to it.

 

[sassygurl]

I sometimes don't share because I know how a person will react and I don't see the point of wasting my time. And for the most part, people just want to know what I do to get certain styles, they hardly care if it's for the health of the hair.

I agree with you.

 

[ThickHair]

I have shared in the past and I don't do that any more. Most people want a quick fix. Like other's have said they are only concerned with the look and not the health. It is like I have brastrap hair but I still don't know what I am talking about. It takes time to have "Good Hair" you can't get "Good Hair" via a quick fix. KWIM

 

[dlewis]

I share, most times only if asked (unless it's a really close freind then I tend to tell it all).

I have a freind that I would tell her things to help her hair but she would always asked the same questions so now I just listen and I don't offer advice at all. I believe some people just like to hear themselves talk.

 

[Precious_1]

I do not share, please see my quote at the bottom. I just dont like talking about it. I have learned alot here and what i have learned is invaluable but unless we are really really close, i dont say a word. I started a post like this a few weeks ago it was called Confession about LHCF. see the responses

 

[JLove74]

If someone asks for advice or info, I'll share. Because you guys shared with me, right?

 

[Cichelle]

I am open to sharing what I have learned and etc. But, as has been said before, people rarely listen and/or they are not willing to really put in the time and energy to learn how to treat their hair properly. It's fun when someone DOES listen and you see their improvement, though.

I'll be honest that I will rarely ask anyone for hair advice in r/l. I don't know. I don't often get the vibe that people will be open to sharing their tips....almost like I am invading their privacy. Perhaps that feeling is wrong, but it's just the impression that I've gotten over the years and seeing how people react to others who dare rolleyes to cross that line. There have been times that I have felt very free to ask and received a lot of info. I wish there were more times like that.

But this kind of behavior goes beyond hair care. At one of my old jobs, it was like people didn't want to tell others how to do certain things or share ideas that would help others out. As a manager, I was always puzzled why staff did not want to help each other out like that. But I guess it goes back to some sort of competitive thing.

 

[JLove74]

I am open to sharing what I have learned and etc. But, as has been said before, people rarely listen and/or they are not willing to really put in the time and energy to learn how to treat their hair properly. It's fun when someone DOES listen and you see their improvement, though.

I'll be honest that I will rarely ask anyone for hair advice in r/l. I don't know. I don't often get the vibe that people will be open to sharing their tips....almost like I am invading their privacy. Perhaps that feeling is wrong, but it's just the impression that I've gotten over the years and seeing how people react to others who dare rolleyes to cross that line. There have been times that I have felt very free to ask and received a lot of info. I wish there were more times like that.

But this kind of behavior goes beyond hair care. At one of my old jobs, it was like people didn't want to tell others how to do certain things or share ideas that would help others out. As a manager, I was always puzzled why staff did not want to help each other out like that. But I guess it goes back to some sort of competitive thing.

Some folk call is Job Security....

 

[JewelleNY]

For those that don't share, what about a referral to a stylist? What if you were in the other person's shoes and needed help, would you feel bad if no one shared their ideas with you? I want to see more women of color take better care of their hair and see the full potential of their hair.

 

[dlewis]

I would recommend a stylist if I were asked. But I have not had a good track record with stylists.

 

[BrownBetty]

For those that don't share, what about a referral to a stylist? What if you were in the other person's shoes and needed help, would you feel bad if no one shared their ideas with you? I want to see more women of color take better care of their hair and see the full potential of their hair.

I share all the time. If it is a stylist I will tell you where I go. If you need product advice and you hair is similar to mine I am giving up the info. I've lived in my town for a while so I've been to a couple of stylist and I will give people my honest opinion. I share product suggestions and everything. Now if you are comfortable with dry shedding hair then I mind my business.

I can relate with your first post Jewelle when I came to undergrad it took me 3 year and a lot of damaged hair to find a stylist. People were just real shady when it came to giving up info about their hairdresser. I can't understand why.

 

[JazzyDez]

I was wondering the same thing also. People dont really ask me questions about hair since I rarely wear my hair out. Even still I do have a long way to go. But it is healthier than it has ever been.

Would you ladies offer advice to those who dont necessarily ask but obviously could benefit from it?

 

[FunkyDiva]

I don't share the board but I will recommend a good stylist and I will and have also shared techniques and other things I learned from the board. I never give away my sources I am always telling people what to do with their hair to make it healthier so it can grow but that's about all!

 

[rootdeep]

I share information that I've leared since being on the boards BUT my mom and aunt think I'm lying or hiding something because they dont get the results that I get. I'll give you a couple examples. When my hair started growing and getting a natural sheen my mom said I'm a HAIRHATER and that I didnt want her hair to grow. Your hair will grow if you stop perming it EVERY 4 weeks and dying it EVERY other month. Did I mention she curls it daily. Some people just dont like to listen.

I DO NOT...I REPEAT do NOT share my stylist!! Thats my homie for life! I've been going to the same salon for 6 years now and we are like FAMILY. We really bonded over this past year when I vowed to finally take her advice on my hair and get serious about growing. I told ONE person in Grad school about my stylist not knowing any better and the OWNER of the shop told me not to bring over anymore psychotic grad students so that was a WRAP for that! LOL

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

I've tried sharing, but once some women look at my hair, they assume I just got that kind of hair that will grow long/healthy.
Because of this and other reasons, I have given up on sharing, unless the women seem very interested.

 

[tenderheaded]

I share all the time. If it is a stylist I will tell you where I go. If you need product advice and you hair is similar to mine I am giving up the info. I've lived in my town for a while so I've been to a couple of stylist and I will give people my honest opinion. I share product suggestions and everything. Now if you are comfortable with dry shedding hair then I mind my business.

I can relate with your first post Jewelle when I came to undergrad it took me 3 year and a lot of damaged hair to find a stylist. People were just real shady when it came to giving up info about their hairdresser. I can't understand why.

I asked a relative with bsl hair a few years ago about her stylist. She gave me this long drawn out story about the lady having moved, and she had a hard time finding her But now her hair was done by this lady, and she couldn't direct me there
I will tell anyone who asks about my products and I will refer them to a LHCF stylist, LHCF is only for those willing to put in some serious effort!

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Women do not ask me for advice. Probably because there aren't too many around. But if a woman did ask me a question, it would be an HONOR to tell her the name of my stylist or suggest a few products/methods. I would do it in a heartbeat. But i WOULD NOT give them LHCF only because i chat online here so much that I would hate for someone who barely knows me to 'think' that they know me because of a few posts i have made. But in the past i have suggested products that work and i always get 'oh i've used that before'. but what they fail to realize is that u can't use it once or twice and expect it to work...u gotta use it consistently. duh!

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Women do not ask me for advice. Probably because there aren't too many around. But if a woman did ask me a question, it would be an HONOR to tell her the name of my stylist or suggest a few products/methods. I would do it in a heartbeat. But i WOULD NOT give them LHCF only because i chat online here so much that I would hate for someone who barely knows me to 'think' that they know me because of a few posts i have made. But in the past i have suggested products that work and i always get 'oh i've used that before'. but what they fail to realize is that u can't use it once or twice and expect it to work...u gotta use it consistently. duh!

 

[JewelleNY]

Ok, I do have to admit that sometimes I can be a little uncomfortable sharing my hair care tips because people often think it is weird and don't seem to understand the process Like, I tried to explain that I put honey and EVOO in my conditioners, I get really odd looks. My whole detangling and drying process is ver challenging to explain but I will usually give it a try but sometimes I just don't have the energy.

 

[Crissi]

i tell people, and they come to me for advice now that they see that what i do it working. Im the hair expert lol, im yet to see someone reject it... but thats only because they see how quick my hair grows, and how soft thick and fluffy it is

 

[Crissi]

I share all the time. If it is a stylist I will tell you where I go. If you need product advice and you hair is similar to mine I am giving up the info. I've lived in my town for a while so I've been to a couple of stylist and I will give people my honest opinion. I share product suggestions and everything. Now if you are comfortable with dry shedding hair then I mind my business.

I can relate with your first post Jewelle when I came to undergrad it took me 3 year and a lot of damaged hair to find a stylist. People were just real shady when it came to giving up info about their hairdresser. I can't understand why.

I think its because us black have "bad" hair that can't grow, and when some find a stylist that works for them, and helps them, or when they figure out what makes their hair long and healthy they wanna keep it a secret, because they want all the attention, they don't want anyone to look as good as them.......... something like that youladies get my drift right?

ETA: or it could also be, theywant everyone to look at them, whistthey look like "the star"

 

[baby42]

i told my family and now her hair is growing really good told two of them and they are doing better then me lol but my day will come i donot care about shareing why not because if someone donot share with me somebody will come along and help me much more it always happend to me like that