How Do You End the Cycle of Low Hair-Esteem in little Girls? Share Techniques!

[discodumpling]

One reason I went natural is because I was cognizant of the fact that I am the epitomy of WOMAN to my sons! I needed them to see, respect and appreciate what I grew up with. A Black woman who is comfortable in her own skin. I believe I am doing that and now GOD has blessed me with a babygirl...I casn't wait to pass on healthy hair habits to her!

 

[ceebee3]

IMO that's a really important factor. TV, videos, etc do not show the range of human appearance - not just for us - look at how mainstream entertainment shows the majority of White women as thin, tall, under 25, usually blonde. It contributes to the overemphasis on appearance that others have mentioned in this thread.

I know this is an "outside" suggestion, but how about turning off the TV sometime and looking at some African art? Expose kids' minds to a different way of looking at themselves and the world?

That's not an "outside" suggestion. That's how I was raised. My father was a little extreme, but he did it for a good reason.

I never grew up with a complex and was always taught that everything about me was beautiful.

I was surrounded by beautiful men and women who looked just like me and I didn't have toys that didn't look like me. My father actually wrote stories for me to read, he was that serious about the images that were presented to me.

I didn't even know what a relaxer was until junior high. My mother would have never thought to put that in my hair.

Me and my cousins all grew up natural and all of my children will also.

It's not easy but you have to reallly be conscious about the things that are allowed to enter your child's mind.

It's one of my hardest jobs as a parent.

 

[Marcus1977]

My wife just wrote and illustrated a book for young children (under 7) that deals directly with this issue. The name of the book is I Love My Cotton Candy Hair, and it just became available for purchase on Amazon.com. It's specifically about a young girl who loves her kinky hair, but also has a general message about being a kid and being comfortable and, more importantly, happy with the way God made you. It's cute and it's clever and it's perfect for not only young African American girls, but all children.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/05...ails?ie=UTF8&me=&qid=1253546454&sr=8-1&seller=
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0578029499/sr=8-1/qid=1253546454/

 

[Letta]

My wife just wrote and illustrated a book for young children (under 7) that deals directly with this issue. The name of the book is I Love My Cotton Candy Hair, and it just became available for purchase on Amazon.com. It's specifically about a young girl who loves her kinky hair, but also has a general message about being a kid and being comfortable and, more importantly, happy with the way God made you. It's cute and it's clever and it's perfect for not only young African American girls, but all children.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/05...ails?ie=UTF8&me=&qid=1253546454&sr=8-1&seller=

That is toooooooo cute. I think my godkids would love it. I think there needs to be more books out like this

 

[princessnad]

I tell my sisters how beautiful their hair is all the time (ages 7 and 9). Too bad I feel like everything I do gets negated by my mother. I say their curls are beautiful and I come back to visit and my mom has relaxed both of their hair!!

I just don't know what to do sometimes. I try to give the older one tips for taking care of her hair (simple stuff like spraying moisturizer on at night) but my Mom has convinced them that they "don't have time to care for their hair because it is too difficult".

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

My wife just wrote and illustrated a book for young children (under 7) that deals directly with this issue. The name of the book is I Love My Cotton Candy Hair, and it just became available for purchase on Amazon.com. It's specifically about a young girl who loves her kinky hair, but also has a general message about being a kid and being comfortable and, more importantly, happy with the way God made you. It's cute and it's clever and it's perfect for not only young African American girls, but all children.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/05...ails?ie=UTF8&me=&qid=1253546454&sr=8-1&seller=
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0578029499/sr=8-1/qid=1253546454/

That is just lovely!!!

 

[LatterGlory]

The main reason I am a member of LHCF was for the benefit of my daughter's 4a hair.

I have a post somewhere brb ...

..."The main reason I am here (LHCF) and started to really care about hair was because of love for my DD.

I could not stand to see her in discomfort when I was combing her changing 3c/4a hair and was determined to make sure she would love what she was blessed with.

I am from a VERY mixed family and except for one female cousin I have the darkest skin and curliest hair texture no one ( on my mother's side )had any idea what to do with my hair except to compare and sometimes disparage my afro textured hair ( hey if they gave my mom grief about her 2b/ 3a hair what do you think they would do to my 3c?).

So while my other dark female cousin was busy trying to fit in with literally hundreds to thousands of dollars worth of fake hair etc. I fought tooth and nail to love me from inside out, my personality, my complexion and my hair.

When I liked me, all natural me, I dared anyone in the family to come talk trash again without a prompt, polite but effective retort.

All of this was before I was even a teen.

I was not about to let this happen to my DD. "

We went to the library together and got books with pictures of little girls with her hair type (she loved it).

The only word she associates with her hair is beautiful... I know sooner or later she will run into some ignorant somebody but by that time she will be able to school him/her about good hair being healthy hair.

Start by making her confident on the inside and it will show and be appreciated on the outside.

In the words of VeggieTales " God made you special and He loves you very much."

Her hair is already BSL and we are just getting started.

P.S Thank you to all LHCF natural heads!

 

[missann]

While you lavish praise on natural hair, it's important not to ooh and ahh over straight/silky hair. This sends a contrasting message that girls pick up on.

 

[FluffyRed]

AWESOME thread, OP!

I grew up with a bunch of uncles with big, crooked cornel west fros, but they were also brilliant PhD professors, a nappy mom, grandma and cousins. I got a lot of flack for my reddish beady beads, but that family role modeling provided a strong fndtn.

I was also a bookish loner and I embrace that now. No need to "blend in"

I truly feel napp haters are the ones with the problem

ita with giving extra smiles and extra compliments to nappies and transitioning nappies, of all ages

eta, even tho there were other naturals in the fam, I was the nappiest, shortest-haired female child in the family. My grandmother did a lot with her words. You're *supposed* to have nappy hair. That's what your family has. If anyone has a problem with what's on top of your skull, tell them they should be concerned with what's *under* their skulls!

 

[AsianAfricanPrincess]

I tell my niece how talented, brilliant, and beautiful she is, every time we speak. She's now six years old and I've been telling her this for two years. Two years later and she's telling us all how smart she is and how well she can read. She says how fun and pretty her coils are. That's because she had an auntie in her life telling her that from the beginning, empowering her to own and define her beauty.

We don't realize how these simple gestures of love and affirmation can empower a child. This is SO IMPORTANT for our girls. I cannot state this enough.

 

[AsianAfricanPrincess]

I was also a bookish loner and I embrace that now. No need to "blend in"

ita with giving extra smiles and extra compliments to nappies and transitioning nappies, of all ages

I try to do this whenever I see a natural in the street, ESPECIALLY with my 4b sisters. I'll intercept her path to let her know how beautiful she looks. It's about US defining and affirming our OWN beauty.

And I do this whether or not I'm relaxed, natural, braided, or pondering some other switch. My sisters are beautiful, amazing women.

 

[andromeda]

Be a role model.

So with my kids, I'll instill in them that their hair is beautiful. Not "regardless of texture" (bc that statement is inherently an admission of accepted inferiority, IMO). Their texture itself is beautiful and so is the mass of hair it forms. Since it is theirs, they should take care of it like the rest of their body - pride and attentiveness, but no vanity. They will be defined by their thoughts, principles and actions so their hair will be a relatively minimal consideration in whether or not their deserving of esteem. However, I do realize that genuine pride in one's natural appearance is an integral component that should be built up in a child.

 

[almond eyes]

I also wanted to add that I was not allowed to watch a lot of t.v. but that was back in the day where music videos just started and those videos were so harmless as compared to today's stuff.

And I wanted to tell you ladies a sweet story, I was leaving my apartment last week Sunday and my neighbour's grand-daughter who is 5 years old (Croatian-American), said to me, "you look so beautiful today." My hair is natural and has no visible waves or curls unless worn down and my hair was in a high pony puff. That really warmed my heart it goes to show that children are so pure and innocent, they learn hate and low-self esteem.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[sunbubbles]

This is an awesome and inspiring thread OP!! Its great to see "HAIR UPDATES", but IMO, I wanna see more meaningful posts! Lol, Anyways to answer ur question, I'm always trying to think of different ways that I can tell little girls in general how beautiful they are, but ESPECIALLY when I see little girls who have the proverbial "BAD" hair. Its soooo important that we encourage little girls of color to appreciate how different and special their hair and texture is! I say "little girls of color" because unfortunately, although this is a MAJORITY black issue, its not an ONLY black issue. My missionary group is with a spanish congregation and u should hear some of the things that I've heard those little girls say about their hair! This issue crosses nationalities and borders, and its so sad because a lot of these little girls will never live up to their full potential, all because they are made to feel inadecuate from the very beginning!

 

[wild curls raquelle]

^^^^ sunbubbles I'm so glad you brought that up. It's not often talked about the hair issues that go on in the Hispanic community. And I can say from personal experience coming from a hispanic family it's bad. I see a lot of girls that get put through it myself included. I have had and still have family members who speak negatively of my natural hair because it's not straight or because my curls aren't 2/3a like most of my family.

I always compliment little girls on their hair. When I have children I plan to keep their hair braided. Out of sight out of mind. It's been my experience with friends who have daughters who braid their hair, they tend not to have those problems. I was one of those girls that when my mother did put my hair in pigtails I would take them down soon as I got to school so after a while I would just go week to week with a different style of cornrows.

 

[naijamerican]

This is such an awesome, heart-warming thread. I just wanted to share a story that I find so encouraging. There are two women I know at my Church who are Black (both married to African men). Their daughters are the same age, and both of them have natural hair - we'll call them Sally and Halle (Lol!! ). Sally had a texturizer when she was younger, but her mother stopped and now takes her to a salon to get her hair braided; the texturized part has been cut out. Halle has never had any chemicals in her hair, but she admires Sally and, for that reason, also keeps her hair braided. Imagine: both of them loving their hair the way it is.

What I'm trying to get at is to say, keep up the good work with your daughters and the strangers you encounter, and your other relatives. Your kind words not only affect those in your immediate circles; they also have an impact on those inhabiting your daughters' and sisters' and nieces' and cousins' respective spheres of influence, too.

And for the moms: when I cut my hair earlier this year, I asked a little Black girl at Church what she thought of it. She told me that she likes it because her mom has the same hair cut. I thought that was so cute and so telling of the role that parents play in shaping their children's notions of beauty.