Why do we get so passionate about Weaves?

E

Eyvonne7131

New Member
Hi ladies,

Just wanted to ask...I see alot of post that mention celebrities or every day people wearing weaves and women get real passionate about the issue. Ither you like them or hate them. I mean honestly, it is funny how alot of us feel celebrities are "flawless"...I mean why is it such a shock for some to find out stars wear weaves? Wigs and weaves obviously would be used to enhance a performers looks or style. But for some reason we as women often get into real debates about it. It is funny because stars White and Black wear weaves, falls, extensions, etc.....

Personally anything that you can utilize to enhance your beauty is a plus...that includes makeup, perfume, etc. That to me is what being a female is about. What do you think? /images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
Well I know I am sick of black women getting "dogged" because of wearing weaves or wigs in the media. Ms. Brittany Spears, Jennifer Lopez, Faith Hill etc. etc. always change their hair and for them it's just a "new look". lol

I love being about to switch up styles, sometimes people don't even recognize me. And it's fun. You're able to have different styles without damaging your real hair. /images/graemlins/smile.gif
 
i'm sorry but this very same issue pisses me off!!! I hate when we as black females get mocked for wearing weaves and everything else for that matter. It took Jennifer lopez to make the butt "accpetable", which i find very weird since black women have been made fun of for the same body part. Also, with white women and many white hispanics or even some mulattas (what my DR friend calls herself) the notion that they "naturally have long hair is what excuses them from the harsh commenst of many. Now you tell me in ONE video, how does J. ho, excuse, i meant J lo go from that slinky little ponytail while she's swimming in the blue bathing suit to all that hair in the fur shots????? duh!! its not hers, but its ok, b/c she's hispanic and They are all assumed to have long hair.. Its all bullcrap to me. I'm sick of all that hating. Maybe i got too emotional on this post, but i dont care. This has been getting on my nerves for a while, black women have hair too... plain and simple. and if it makesanyone feel better to get a weave, then do it. hey i want to wear wigs..... and yes my hair is quite long., but so what???? should i get played because i didn't wnat to spend hours washing and setting my own hair and glossing it up, when i could've just slapped on a wig???? hell no. I dare soemone try and play me..... /images/graemlins/mad.gif
.... okay now im calm
 
I don't get the big fuss either. As you guys have rightly pointed out, Jennifer Lopez, Christina, Britney, Shania, Mariah ALL add hair to achieve a certain look. When we do it we're trying to perpetrate (and notice how no one refers to our extensions as a 'fall'). If it makes a black woman feel beautiful, she should do it!!
 
I have to put my 2 cents in, it's ridiculous to be stigmatized if your a working Jane but to think that celebs hair can grow that fast, come on. Very few celebrities actually have healthy long hair and we could probably name them all on one hand (Alanis, Jane Seymour, Demi Moore, Brooke Sheilds, Stacy Dash etc..) just like the real world but they have access to stylists and supplies. Alot of latin women work the weave like you wouldn't beleive take it from me personally usually no one questions when I'm wearing a weave, especially the celebs. I think that it's a good idea to enhance your looks, I mean practically everyone wears make-up, polish on the nails etc... So we everyday women shouldn't get this negativity from haters if we are looking good whether it's our hair or we bought it.
 
It may stem from the early days of the weave. I remember those weaves being very detectable because of the different textures and the just the overall characteristics of those weaves being so different from one's own hair. Back in those days, we didn't know how to properly care for own hair and when someone got a weave, it was just soooo obvious and I think that's when the jokes started.

Today's weaves are of much better quality and can be applied so as not to be detectable. We also know how to care for our hair better. But the old jokes just won't die. Me thinks it has something to do with the false idea that black folks hair can't grow. Whether the old jokes were the catalyst or a contributor of that false idea, I don't know.

...and don't ask me how old I am. /images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />

So ummmm....


How old ARE you? hahahahahahahaha

[/ QUOTE ]


1385.gif
 
i think black guys are part of the problem. i've heard them say some pretty rude things about black women that wear weaves. criticism from black men tend to hurt more. some of them love to put sistas down. why is that? they don't have a problem with white or latino women that wear weaves.
 
keylargo,

It sounds as if you've been burned before. I think it would be quite naive of you to assume that many African-American males "love to put sistas down," as it's much safer to believe the opposite. There are some men that are hard on AA women in particular, but that is their prerogative. It's not for you to determine someone else's preference.

As is often the case, we find ourselves sticking our noses where they don't belong. Making broad, sweeping statements such as "they don't have a problem with White or Latino women that wear weaves" further shows your anger. If you're going to make any kind of a reasonable argument, I suggest you stray from taking all such remarks as a personal affront and allow any comments you hear to roll off your back. Regardless of whether or not said comments are directed towards you, you have no right maligning the character of the many men that are good.

<font color="green">Calista</font color>
 
well, i guess you told me....... /images/graemlins/grin.gif
notice i said "some of them" and my post was based on my own experiances. believe me, i'm not angry and i have a right to post my opinion just as you do. you are the one that appears to be angry. i do not care if you agree or even like what i post. i don't even know you.
 
not that i want to inflame this debate between Calista and Keylargo further, but i would have to agree that everyonme has the right to post their opinions.

I'm trying to mediate this squabble, not take sides. I know neither of you may care what i have to say, but i want this to be read.....
To Calista: I think that you were very offensive in tone to Keylargo, the use of the word "naive" and telling her that "As is often the case, we find ourselves sticking our noses where they don't belong." was simply uncalled for. Instead of blaming her with "male bashing" black men,and telling her she has "no right [to malign] the character" of many "good men", you need to take a close look at what YOU say, you bashed her! If you took any offense to her inital post, then yours was doubly offensive. I don't know you, but I dont have to know someone to tell them they were dead WRONG. You attacked her, it goes beyond posting personal opinions and views, you attacked her views and offered your own like yours was the Word of God. That takes nerve.

To Keylargo: I must say i'm equally as shocked as you. I've read many of your posts from the old boards and this new one, and you have made many great contributons. Please dont let what just happened stifle you, you opinions are just as valid, if not more so (if you have experienced ignorant comments from wearing a weave) anyone else's.
 
"I'm trying to mediate this squabble, not take sides?" Please, spare me your tripe.

Did you even READ anything you typed? You're so biased, it makes me sick. You have the right to your opinion as well, and if you think that I was offensive to keylargo, then that's your belief.

"As is often the case, we find ourselves sticking our noses where they don't belong" was NOT uncalled for, because I included MYSELF in the statement, not excluding myself from blame.

By the way, if YOU care to use quotation marks, beana3, be sure it's something I ACTUALLY said. I never accused her of "male bashing," nor was I bashing her. I took offense to her initial post on BEHALF of the men she was insulting.

"Dead WRONG?" "Word of God?" You ought to chill out with that kind of language. I did not attack her personally, I am against her method of argument and her problems with a few people to whose comments she's overreacted. If it "takes nerve" to respond appropriately to someone insulting a group of people that I feel needs defense, then so be it.

Before you respond, think about this:
Would you have been reacting like you had if she had spoken so broadly and negatively about African-American women?

Calista
 
I am a big fan of weaves myself. I have fine hair and whenever I grow it past shoulder length, it looks thin and stringy even when it is in perfect health. That is why I prefer the short cuts - it looks very full this way. When I do venture forth and grow it long, I always puff it up with a weave. What I dislike about the weaves that I see too many of are those unrealistic, synthetic, shiny, patent leather monstrosities that are so popular. They don't even look like hair that exists in reality on any race of people that I know of... If you are going to do it, do it well. If you require any type of "straightening agent" - perm, hot comb, whatever - then European silky is not your brand. You would most likely do better with Yaki or kinky straight. Even if you get your hair relaxed right before the weave gets put in, it won't be long (maybe a week or two) before that relaxer starts growing out and you end up with nappy roots and silky hair. Better to just start out with the coarser weave and you will spend most of the time at a perfect match. Just my ramblings...
 
calista, i don't think one has to be "personally burned" to know that black women are often made the butt of jokes for wearing weaves. black comedians do it. it's done in hip hop songs. it's out there. it may be "safer to believe the opposite," but it makes me wonder who's actually being naive...

i have NEVER, EVER seen a white comedian joke about britney spears or pamela anderson wearing weaves. have you? come to think of it, i've never seen a white comedian joke about black women wearing weaves. it's always black folks. hmmmm....

you don't have to agree with what keylargo posted, but disagreeing doesn't give you the right to straight up critique her expression of her feelings...

adrienne
 
Adrienne,

You're right in that disagreeing with her doesn't give me the right to critique her expression of her feelings but it does give me the right to critique her actual feelings themselves. That's what I was doing.

She was wrongfully criticizing a large group of people; it is incorrect for her to assume that many people feel the way she believes.

Do you know WHY you've never seen any White comedians criticizing Pamela Anderson or Britney Spears for wearing weaves? Because it's not as big a deal with them. Who CARES! They've got less trivial things to talk about than the physical appearance of celebrities.

Look I don't disagree that when comedians and other public figures ridicule AA women with weaves that they are hurling insult, but I do disagree that *I* ought to be the one thought naive because I'm defending a majority of the male AA population. Here's my drive-home point: It's "safer (and actually CORRECT) to believe" that most AA men don't ridicule AA women for wearing weaves. By maligning "most" within that group, she is doing herself and the good ones a great disservice.

For you to go further, Adrienne, and pretend curiosity as to why those same comedians have never criticizing AA women for wearing weaves is faulty at best: You know as well as I do that if any White comedian were to insult AA women in such a way, they'd be branded as racist and booed off of the stage.

Calista
 
posted by keylargo:
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
i think black guys are part of the problem. i've heard them say some pretty rude things about black women that wear weaves. criticism from black men tend to hurt more. some of them love to put sistas down. why is that? they don't have a problem with white or latino women that wear weaves.

[/ QUOTE ]

posted by Bubbly:
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I think it would be quite naive of you to assume that many African-American males "love to put sistas down,"...

[/ QUOTE ]

posted by Bubbly:
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
She was wrongfully criticizing a large group of people; it is incorrect for her to assume that many people feel the way she believes.

[/ QUOTE ]

Calista, where did keylargo say that many people feel the same way she believes? Where did she criticize a large group of people? I thought keylargo used the word "some" when referring the number of black men that love to put sistas down.

posted by Bubbly:
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
"As is often the case, we find ourselves sticking our noses where they don't belong" was NOT uncalled for, because I included MYSELF in the statement, not excluding myself from blame.

[/ QUOTE ]

Calista, I think keylargo excluded a large group of people when she wrote "some of them love to put sistas down". How many is some anyway? I think you're debating subjectives. What are your facts as to the number of "the many men that are good"?

Are you basing your comment " the many men that are good" on your personal experience just as keylargo did when she wrote "some of them love to put sistas down"?

posted by keylargo:
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
notice i said "some of them" and my post was based on my own experiances.

[/ QUOTE ]
 
Hair weaves per se don't bother me--be the wearer black or white or anything in between.
My 'thing' is when weaves and hair pieces, etc. are used in hair product ads. Unless it's a weave maintainence line, the advertisers need to hire women with their own healthy hair.
And also when hair mags give detailed instructions on how to achieve a particular hairstyle when a blind man facing the opposite direction blindfolded with a bag over his head can tell it's a weave! /images/graemlins/mad.gif
 
calista, feelings are a PERSONAL thing. in my opinion, you have even less right to critique actual feelings (than the expression of them) just because they don't coincide with your own. i know that i for one did not come to this board for that.

for the record, what kaylargo said was:

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
criticism from black men tend to hurt more. some of them love to put sistas down.

[/ QUOTE ]

THAT is not wrongfully criticizing a large group of people. i could even understand your point if she said 'most' or 'the majority'... it seems to me that the only one assuming here is you.

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
For you to go further, Adrienne, and pretend curiosity... is faulty at best:

[/ QUOTE ]

you seem hell bent on correcting people, but you need to check yourself. you don't know what i was thinking. i was not pretending curiosity. i was making an observation about the fact that black folks are the only ones that seem to have a problem with black women wearing weaves, and that was the original point of this entire thread.

"Who CARES!"?? based on some of the comments on this thread, i'd say WE do...

adrienne
 
Keylargo,

For the record, you didn't say anything that merited such a harsh and unfriendly response. You didn't personally attack a member of this forum, and you have the right to express your personal opinions, as do all of us, about anything we say here without being berated for it.
 
Wearing weaves, there's two sides of the story. You receive negative comments from men and woman alike. Females will snarl, males will joke. I was reading a book by an African-American woman, and one of the characters in the book had natural long hair. This character noticed that another woman was talking to her man, but she was referred as the "[censored] wearing the weave." Anyone notices a problem with this statement? Why couldn't she be just the "[censored]" or a "female" talking to her man. This was no need to add in that she was wearing a weave. Does that make the girl with the natural long hair better than the girl with the weave?

Here's my personal example. I used to wear weaves a couple of months back. My weaves were undetectable. Only people that would attempt to touch and run their fingers through my hair knew. Anyway, there's this guy in my neighborhood that "likes" me. Every time I would see him, he would always harass me. One day, I'm waiting for my elevator and he comes my way, I walk the other direction and continue to wait for my elevator. He tells me, "It's not even like that." Then he goes off the ramble that his girlfriend has longer hair than I without a weave and a phatter a$$ than me. Should I be impressed? Because I wear a weave does not mean that I'm bald underneath. Maybe it's a preference for me. Maybe I can achieve hairstyles that I like with a weave vs. my natural hair. Each time I would take out my weave, relatives that knew it was a weave would remark, "Why do you wear weaves, you have such pretty hair." To me, that's like saying, why do you change lipstick colors when the "red" looks nice on you. People enjoy change and diversity. It doesn't make me less of a person because a girl with long hair decides to wear her hair out while I decide to wear mines in a weave. What about women who opt to cut their hair. Are they jealous of women with long hair?

I have a friend, who's biracial, and she has "good hair" (notice the quotes), but she loves to wear her hair short. You couldn't pay her to grow her hair past 2". Does that make her less of a woman? Now, back to this guys remark to me. Now because his girlfriend has a phatter butt, and natural longer hair than mines, so. Yes, I'm slim, and I do have hair as well. Natural long hair as well as a phatt butt in my opinion, in the African-American community is viewed as a token. This guy didn't make reference to something positive his girlfriend was doing in life. And there were no positive comments on his behalf that I work full time a conglomerate Fortune 10 firm, I attend a prestigious university, I volunteer my services to a well respected foundation as well as running my own business on the side. The most important factor was the visual aspect and her token long hair. It just saddens me from my experience, living in the largest city in the world that this has an encounter of mine more than once. Not to generalize or stereotype anyone, but this is from "AmilLion's" experiences.
 
oh please calista... i won't even go there with you. I suppose you think your response was brilliant, but it lacks basic coherance. /images/graemlins/ooo.gif
you really decided to pick ONE incongruence in my quotations in order to stray from the arguement, a true genius indeed.
and to your question:
Before you respond, think about this:
Would you have been reacting like you had if she had spoken so broadly and negatively about African-American women?

Calista
a DUH this thread is NOT about AA women, or even the AA men, its about weaves. You took it there by making this a gender-based debate. You made soo many unfounded negative comments to keylargo, ow could one NOT interject??? Other than your nasty attitude, you are REALLY funny, i've gotten a few laughs out of your previous posts in this thread.
It really makes me wonder... why some people come to the boards and never post a thing except negative comments and critiques. What are their true motivations??? Next are you going to spell-check the threads and take issue with incorrectly spelled words???
 
I've noticed that some who comment on the wearing of weaves do so because they don't believe Black women can grow long healthy hair. Some comment because they're scared that people will continue to believe that Black women can't grow long hair even though they may not personally have a problem with weaves. There are a myriad of other reasons.

I also think that geography plays a part in this because in certain parts of the US many Black women have long hair so the reasoning as to why one is wearing a weave is different. Also White women have been wearing weaves for years , white men too - remember those wigs back in the day.

Leigh
 
/images/graemlins/mad.gif /images/graemlins/mad.gif /images/graemlins/mad.gif

I tried to FORCE myself not to jump in here, but I had to. And as ever on issues such as these my opinion will inlucde my experiences as shaped by ALL of my background - AA, Latino and Caucasian. (And as a side note I have to say I take SUCH exception to the way Latinas are dicsussed on this site - and many hair sites. Calling us HISPANICS, and "The Dominicans" and tearing to shreads everything Spanish really is not such a nice thing. Latinas are people too ya'll. Try to keep it together on this tip. I'm Latina and I'm offended alot by the way things are phrased on this site when it comes to women of other races. Women have so many things in common. being so hateful towards other women is uneccesary!)

My problem with this whole weave thing is this - we say that we don't care and are offended by the fact that AA women are ridiculed for wearing weaves. We say that we are accepting of the fact that many celebs wear weaves. But most of us are guilty of looking at a picture of a woman with long hair in a magazine, or on a video, and turning to our sisterfriends and whispering the ever predictable words : "Girl, do you think it's all hers...?" WE WOULD ALL BE LYING IF WE SAID WE NEVER ONCE DID THIS. And then we object to this very practice - when it's mostly US promulgating it! What's wrong with this picture....?

The point of this thread (in case it gets lost cuz I'm HEATED) is that these things we complain about HAVE TO BEGIN WITH OURSLEVES. We cannot demand that people treat us in a way that we REFUSE to treat ourselves.

Now some of us want to know " if it's real" because we harbor contempt and some of us want to know because we STILL wonder of the length is attainable for us (which is a self esteem issues - the bain of Black women's existence - understandablle - but true and needs to be recognized and healed before we can be the spirits we were meant to be). It's almost as if we are looking for excuses for ourselves as to why we aren't able (some of us) to achieve the length we desire of our own accord. It gives some of us an excuse to be lazy and careless about caring for ourselves. It gives a reason to remain resentful about the unfair shake we get in society on the issue of beauty. And it is unfair - but we BELIEVE the lies as evidenced by the fact that WE are the ones who don't believe it's possible for Black Women to grow hair - we are the ones who are incredulous. And that's OUR fault. Not white women. Not Spanish women. Not Black men. Most of the time they're not even THINKING about hair!
It's US.

The fact is - WE CARE. WE CARE if women have weaves. WHITE WOMEN are not disparaged for having weaves because WHITE WOMENdon't sit around whispering about whether or not Jennifer Aniston's instantaneous length is a weave or not! They admire (or dislike) her entire look overall.

Few Latina's, I can ASSURE you, care if J. Lo (and you know Beana - Nena, I'm suprised at you and your comment here on her. It's no big deal, you know I love you - but I'm saying - you don't KNOW this woman! She is a PERSON, she's a WOMAN like you - and you know NOTHING about her that would allow you to make accurate comments about her sexual practices. I mean you may not like her look, or think she's attractive, or see what all the hoopla is about - and I might even agree - but she's a WOMAN! You have that in common....I just don't get this....) has extensions or not. They may wonder how she achieved a certain look because they wonder if Ti Ti Maribel can recreate the look for them at home. But mostly, they support her because she is a Latina - punto finale. If they don't like her hair, they don't like her hair - but they do NOT sit around debating the possibility of her having a weave in the the exhaustive detail that we do as black women - (where the part is, if there's a part, the kind of part, her edges and the difference between that the length, the degree of shine and on and on and on...)

I'm rambling because I'm mad - so I apologize - but my point is:

Let's stop blaming everyone else, - black men, white women, the media - for this stuff. Do those sources play a role? ABSOLUTELY. But ultimately this "weave acceptance" thing is a BLACK WOMEN'S PROBLEM. First and foremost. Many times, we hate ourselves and we hate eachother. And that's OUR problem. No one else's.
 
Tracy. I am almost afraid to jump in here...but...As a weave-wearing, long haired girl... I AGREE WITH YOU. And your post was hilarious too.

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Ti Ti Maribel can recreate the look... at home


[/ QUOTE ]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Where the part is, if there's a part, the kind of part

[/ QUOTE ]

I am laughing and shaking my head, cuz I am guilty of this. I don't know what to say. I don't think I hate myself, or other black women. In coming to this site I believe that I celebrate even more the differences we share...
But I DO do that: inspect other black women and figure out what's going on (or not) with their hair....
 
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
as well as running my own business on the side

[/ QUOTE ]

AmilLion,

What type of business do you run on the side?
 
Keylargo,

Nothing specific to you, or anyone, Mamita. Just generally something I've felt for a while about the board re: the way we discuss other women. And hair boards in general. I wish I would get on the board and talk about AA stylists by referring to them as the "The Black Girls". Ya feel me? I felt your position was well stated and I understood where you were coming from completely tho. No worries. Diverstiy of opinion is something I cherish. I just wanted to present another view. That doesn't make yours any less valid.

I just feel that as Black women we overlook our own role in these things very easily - to hear us tell it we have no role in our own self-deprecation and it's all those other women and those horrible boys that "do it TO us". And while that's true to a certain extent - we'll never get the respect we deserve if we can't respect ourselves, our sisters and other women - whatever their race or ethnicity.

But I didn't mean you specifically, at all. Not at all. You've certainly have enough roughing up on this thread!

((keylargo)) /images/graemlins/smile.gif
 
Henrilou,

Don't be afraid to jump in girl! We all friends up in here. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

I agree with you - and you reminded me that there is just an element of curiousity sometimes (I lost that somewhere in my indignation /images/graemlins/laugh.gif ). I don't think ALL of us hate ourselves. But for some this "part" dialogue takes place not because we are curious, but because if we can prove, with our tireless investigation of "the part", that the sister in question indeed has a weave, for some of us that means she's not "as good" (another pathology that some black women have - Amillion touched on this - long hair or "good" hair sets you on a higher plane. We have to STOP this!) as she initially appeared to be.

She's a faker, a fraud, she doesn't REALLY live up to the stringent requirements that black folks have for beauty.

Her hair ain't that long --&gt; Her texture ain't that good --&gt;She ain't so hot--&gt; She's no better than me.....AND THIS part of the flow of logic is where I have a problem....

This, to me, is often what it's about.

You're right - some of us are just curious - but some of us are trying to prove that we don't fall as short (as compared to the person we are looking at and picking apart) as we thought we did when we thought SHE was "real". But she's a faker. So it's all good. We're all still on the same level. Nobody's got me beat. She cheated.

/images/graemlins/confused.gif This is sad. And it's there....still. :sigh:
 
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