Why do men love painting their "ex" as a bad person?

[FtrDrO]

My ex did this to me; made me out to be this bad person to his ex and everyone else, knowing good and well that I was far from that and had his back through it all whether we were together or just friends. I'm a good person and I just hate when people try to paint a negative picture of me to anyone knowing that what they are saying is far from true. I find that men do this often; making their ex seem worse than they are to their new girl. Why do y'all think they do this?

 

[Demi27]

IMO it's because it makes them look better. They would never admit to you that they treated their girl wrong. So, it looks better for them to make the ex out to be the villain.

The bad thing for them (good for the woman) is that in the end, the woman always finds out (on her own) that the man was lying because he more than likely treats them the same way he treats the new woman.

Men are just silly sometimes.

 

[MissYocairis]

My ex did this to me; made me out to be this bad person to his ex and everyone else, knowing good and well that I was far from that and had his back through it all whether we were together or just friends. I'm a good person and I just hate when people try to paint a negative picture of me to anyone knowing that what they are saying is far from true. I find that men do this often; making their ex seem worse than they are to their new girl. Why do y'all think they do this?

Because it makes them look like the loyal, committed, considerate one....and they want to look good for the new lady. BUT...the smart woman knows that there are ALWAYS three sides to every story and likely she should understand that a lot of what he is telling her about you is an incomplete picture.

I don't like when men do this. It's like they take you for a chump or something. I don't mind them discussing what went wrong in the relationship but at least give it a balanced treatment. Admit where they went wrong as well if they are trying to share what they've learned from the experience.

 

[anon123]

I'm sorry he did this to you. There are two sides to every story.

But in my experience it's not only men who like to paint their ex as a bad person.

 

[FtrDrO]

IMO it's because it makes them look better. They would never admit to you that they treated their girl wrong. So, it looks better for them to make the ex out to be the villain.

The bad thing for them (good for the woman) is that in the end, the woman always finds out (on her own) that the man was lying because he more than likely treats them the same way he treats the new woman.

Men are just silly sometimes.

LOL, yeah that was my conclusion. They try to make us seem complicated, but they are very interesting creatures themselves

Because it makes them look like the loyal, committed, considerate one....and they want to look good for the new lady. BUT...the smart woman knows that there are ALWAYS three sides to every story and likely she should understand that a lot of what he is telling her about you is an incomplete picture.

I don't like when men do this. It's like they take you for a chump or something. I don't mind them discussing what went wrong in the relationship but at least give it a balanced treatment. Admit where they went wrong as well if they are trying to share what they've learned from the experience.

EXACTLY to the bolded. This is how I feel and what I try to do. I'm one of those people that everyone says tries to see the good in everyone. I don't like attacking or blaming people and if asked about our relationship or the end of our friendship, I always try to be as neutral as possible about it. It's everyone else who gets more angry for me. So it hurts to hear about the blatant lies he's fabricated about me to others (and things he said to me "anonymously"; that's another story ).

I'm sorry he did this to you. There are two sides to every story.
Thank you
But in my experience it's not only men who like to paint their ex as a bad person.

You're right. Both men and women do this. I just feel like men do it more often. But I guess I couldn't really know for sure

 

[Divine Inspiration]

IME, emotionally immature men do this. It's rooted in ego and face-saving which to a degree is understandable but does not excuse fabrication.

A man who insists that every woman from his past was dramatic, trifling, cold, or a witch is one I immediately get away from.

I know from personal experience that if he villifies them and paints himself harmless, he will do the same to you. After all, HE is the common denominator in all of his relationship. A man who cannot take responsibility in a truthful way is one I will not entertain.

 

[tiara76]

IME, emotionally immature men do this. It's rooted in ego and face-saving which to a degree is understandable but does not excuse fabrication.

A man who insists that every woman from his past was dramatic, trifling, cold, or a witch is one I immediately get away from.

I know from personal experience that if he villifies them and paints himself harmless, he will do the same to you. After all, HE is the common denominator in all of his relationship. A man who cannot take responsibility in a truthful way is one I will not entertain.

to add to that....

on top of distancing myself from him I thank him for letting me know what type of person he is....people are reflections in one or another of ourselves....if you always got something bad to say about others, that says alot about you.....

 

[daydreem2876]

In the case of my ex, I think it was easier to paint an ugly picture of me rather than take resposibility for his role in the break down of our relationship. When I found out the stories he told om me (i.e. I made him buy me a car and bounced out on him, when the truth was my parents had given me the car) , all I could do was laugh. After all was said and done, I decided that he can tell the story he wants to tell if that makes him feel better but he and I know what really happened

 

[BillsBackerz67]

IME, emotionally immature men do this. It's rooted in ego and face-saving which to a degree is understandable but does not excuse fabrication.

A man who insists that every woman from his past was dramatic, trifling, cold, or a witch is one I immediately get away from.

I know from personal experience that if he villifies them and paints himself harmless, he will do the same to you. After all, HE is the common denominator in all of his relationship. A man who cannot take responsibility in a truthful way is one I will not entertain.

ITA. oddly I am more secure with a guy who had an amicable breakup with an ex or says "she was great but it just didnt work out anymore"..and not get into the nitty gritty of what actually happened. Otherwise any guy who has that much dispise for his ex usally still has feelings for her and has not let go of what happened. I try to avoid men who fit this category like the plague.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

IME, emotionally immature men do this. It's rooted in ego and face-saving which to a degree is understandable but does not excuse fabrication.

A man who insists that every woman from his past was dramatic, trifling, cold, or a witch is one I immediately get away from.

I know from personal experience that if he villifies them and paints himself harmless, he will do the same to you. After all, HE is the common denominator in all of his relationship. A man who cannot take responsibility in a truthful way is one I will not entertain.

Ditto. This is an immediate red flag for me. If a man acts like this from jump, he gets cut off.

 

[FluffyRed]

yup. he still has feelings for her, IMO.

Men don't tend to take breaks between relationships, from what I've seen. They just bounce from one to the next.

 

[Sasha Fierce]

He could be going on the assumption that the woman is 'insecure' and coming with a story to downplay you off the bat. And he could be using this method to also mask any feelings that are still there so that the new girl wont see them.

 

[TayMac]

I don't know why they do it but it's tacky to me and a turn-off.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

this is why i always adsk how things ended with the ex, i dont ask for full details but just the basics i ask cause firstly i want to find how long its been and if im likely to be a rebound and also to gauge what type of a man he is by his responses if he takes no responsibility for the relationship going wrong then a red flag will go up