Why do guys immeadiatley try to put me on lock??

[Teja]

Hey guys,

So here is the deal, I recently got out of a really bad relationship and I am very HAPPY about it too!It's been about three weeks and I have been starting to go out and kind out enjoy my single life(I have not been single in five years), but it seems like all guys that I speak too all try to put me in the relationship category ....I don't want a relationship!
Is it to bad for a woman to just go on a couple dates without having to feel like she is going to commit to something ??
Guys do this all the time, I am not saying that I am looking to get layed, its just the feeling of freedom, do whatever you feel like.
This guy who I went on a couple dates with has been giving me the whole feelings smack already!!!!
Am I sending the wrong signals??
Can anyone relate to this?

 

[Ladybelle]

Hey guys,

So here is the deal, I recently got out of a really bad relationship and I am very HAPPY about it too!It's been about three weeks and I have been starting to go out and kind out enjoy my single life(I have not been single in five years), but it seems like all guys that I speak too all try to put me in the relationship category ....I don't want a relationship!
Is it to bad for a woman to just go on a couple dates without having to feel like she is going to commit to something ??
Guys do this all the time, I am not saying that I am looking to get layed, its just the feeling of freedom, do whatever you feel like.
This guy who I went on a couple dates with has been giving me the whole feelings smack already!!!!
Am I sending the wrong signals??
Can anyone relate to this?

On the contrary, I don't think you are sending the wrong signals. (depending on what you're looking for) it sounds like you are sending the right ones!!

Men immediately categorize women - there are really only two main categories:

1)wifey/girlfriend material
or
2) NOT.

So, IMHO - you probably carry yourself very lady like and men recognize that instantly so they treat you accordingly. They realize you are classy and know they have to come with it to get it!!

In this instance, you have to choose what you really want- it won't take you to much effort to move over into category two. It's just much harder to go from category two back over to category one.

That's all just my opinion though.

Good luck!!

 

[SvelteVelvet]

My goodness girl, I have this same problem, I definately relate. They don't give me time to assess them to make sure they are right for me. Just immediate suffocation. I agree with asuperwoman assessment. You are everything a man can ask for that's all. But when a man wants to immediately do the clink clink, it's because he knows you are out of his league. This gets dangerous because this makes him feel insecure about hisself, so he will try to turn the table on you mentally and emotionally so that you see HIM as the prize instead of the reality that YOU are the prize.

Oh and when you try to break it off with them or simply tell them you don't want to be in a relationship, be prepared to be called crazy..lol.

 

[Sosa]

My goodness girl, I have this same problem, I definately relate. They don't give me time to assess them to make sure they are right for me. Just immediate suffocation. I agree with asuperwoman assessment. You are everything a man can ask for that's all. But when a man wants to immediately do the clink clink, it's because he knows you are out of his league. This gets dangerous because this makes him feel insecure about hisself, so he will try to turn the table on you mentally and emotionally so that you see HIM as the prize instead of the reality that YOU are the prize.

Oh and when you try to break it off with them or simply tell them you don't want to be in a relationship, be prepared to be called crazy..lol.

or heartless, cold as ice etc etc

I can relate to this too. This one guy even brainwashed me into thinking I was sooooooooo lucky to be with him (I was much younger, he was my first "love"). My friends tried to tell me otherwise, but I didn't believe them. He was incredibly jealous and had my self-esteem below zero. So you can imagine my shock when I finally broke it off with him and he started bawling like somebody done shot his momma . How do girls find a man crying to be sexy, is it a snot fetish?*shrug* anyway....

Now I'm leery of men who are so quick to commit and just break it off if I know it's not right. If I'd rather be single or have to convince myself every night that I should give him a chance cuz he is a "good man", I just say no to the relationship offer and/or walk away. Life's too short and I can't have him blocking me from a man I'd rather be with.

 

[Teja]

Thanks ladies bumpinf for more

 

[LoveLiLi]

I have this 'problem'. Men want to take vacations and introduce me to their family after a couple of dates. I like knowing that men see me as someone they're serious about, but I don't like being rushed into a relationship when there's more that I need to learn about them. Some men get pissy and say I have to be their girlfriend or nothing at all. Well, it was nice knowing ya .

SvelteVelvet is right - yes, they really lose it when you try to break things off. Suddenly you're cold, heartless and you never cared about them.

I recently broke it off with a guy I was seeing. Horrible. Tears, threatening suicide, said he'd go to counseling to be the man I need (after calling me every name in the book on my voicemail) . You had a year to show me what you were about and I'm not satisfied, k.i.m.

He immediately went into stalker mode and I had to block him and change my number.

I don't understand these men.

 

[ChanelNo5]

This just means you are a great catch .

The same thing happened to me. I was in a four year relationship and when it ended I was so excited about the possibilities.

I didn't make it to the end of the block

I did allow myself time to heal, and enjoy solitude.

But an exceptional man meets and exceptional woman...and well..I made an exception.

 

[Filmatic]

Enjoy your single time. This is the exact reason I went celibate. Men kept trying to gf/wife me. I am honest from jump and say what I am looking for. They look me in the face and agree.

Next thing I know they're talking about future this, we do this, be this, etc. Then I'm . Then when I tell them they aren't future material, all hell breaks loose. The last dude turned stalker.

I have been told I am a good catch. I'm just not looking to be caught right now.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

or heartless, cold as ice etc etc

I can relate to this too. This one guy even brainwashed me into thinking I was sooooooooo lucky to be with him (I was much younger, he was my first "love"). My friends tried to tell me otherwise, but I didn't believe them. He was incredibly jealous and had my self-esteem below zero. So you can imagine my shock when I finally broke it off with him and he started bawling like somebody done shot his momma . How do girls find a man crying to be sexy, is it a snot fetish?*shrug* anyway....

Now I'm leery of men who are so quick to commit and just break it off if I know it's not right. If I'd rather be single or have to convince myself every night that I should give him a chance cuz he is a "good man", I just say no to the relationship offer and/or walk away. Life's too short and I can't have him blocking me from a man I'd rather be with.

And that my dear, is what it's all about. Well said.

 

[CarLiTa]

hm i need to go out and date more... like, i really want to
weird when it's the guys you never really want that go all out like that
b/c if it were guys that we felt totally compatible with, this wouldn't be an issue at all

 

[AstroQueen77]

Great thread OP. I don't want anything serious now...I just want to date and have fun, which I really never got a chance to do. All of the relationships that I have had have been serious. I have been running into men who are looking for a mother, are in a hurry to have kids...Im like WTF? Just when you decided you don't want something, the universe is rushing to give it to you, huh?
Anyone have any tips on how to just be a single girl? I've never really been that before.....

 

[lexi08]

Where do you ladies live The only guys I meet have girlfriends, wives or are anti commitment I can never find a nice single relationship/married minded men. I need to move not just for career purposes, there are no men here

 

[Vinillablue]

Your such a wonderful person....DO YOU!!!!....HAVE FUN!!!....for awhile and don't ;et them get you all twisted up AGAIN!!!!!!....
Live and LOVE LIFE!!!!!
Hugs!!!

 

[cocopuff]

I have dated men that didn't want to date me anymore because they were not ready to get serious and I have dated men who wanted to date me because they were ready to get married. I once dated a guy that told me after a few dates that he wasn't trying to play games, he was ready to tie the knot... I ran like hell! I also only went on one date with a guy/ talked on the phone and he proceeded to call me 6 times a day- sometimes to just hold the phone and hear me breathe. My main problem right now is just trying to find someone who is willing to go at a steady pace; not too slow, not too fast and I definately don't want any more stalkers!

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[natural in ATL]

I have dated men that didn't want to date me anymore because they were not ready to get serious and I have dated men who wanted to date me because they were ready to get married. I once dated a guy that told me after a few dates that he wasn't trying to play games, he was ready to tie the knot... I ran like hell! I also only went on one date with a guy/ talked on the phone and he proceeded to call me 6 times a day- sometimes to just hold the phone and hear me breathe. My main problem right now is just trying to find someone who is willing to go at a steady pace; not too slow, not too fast and I definately don't want any more stalkers!

I have had all of the same experiences you've described. I'm waiting patiently to find someone who is comfortable with the same pace that I am. I totally agree about "not too slow, not too fast". But lately I've been meeting a lot of "too fast" men who want all of my time right away or are talking about love after knowing me for 2 weeks. I run from those types because I'm not ready for all of that, but at the same time I've been a little concerned b/c I feel like I've let a few good men go because we weren't on the same relationship timeline. Oh well, I know when it's right and in God's will everything will fall into place -- including the timing.