Who is or used to be shy around the menfolk?

[Glib Gurl]

If a dude tries to talk to me, I am all Not a good look. In addition to just generally working on my confidence level, how can I overcome my shyness with the fellas?

(This is really annoying to me because I'm generally a very outgoing person who can make conversation with anybody . . . but when it comes to potential date, I just look all my cool.)

 

[abbygirl]

you are not alone... am very shy around cute guys, i always look down or stare into space when they talk to me whick kinda puts them offerplexed which is why am still single

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I'm in the same boat but I come off as very aggressive.I have learned that because I don't believe I deserve a good man I come off very mean and spiteful even.I was told by this lady that calls herself the date diva off of youtube that I have to learn how to be more meek and mild for good men to approach and that will help with me being shy.My aggressiveness is like a cover up for my shy/scaredness

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Aww...yea I get the same way around certain guys...especially if I'm attracted to them.

I don't really know how to overcome this except maybe tell you that you almost have to see men as just regular human beings like yourself. Don't put anyone on a pedestal. That might help to overcome some of your nerves. I know when I get the most nervous/shy around people it's usually because I'm too busy worrying about what they think about me or if I'm saying the right thing, etc.

 

[CurliDiva]

Get a GAY friend!

You will get comfortable around "alpha" energy (this only works if the gay guy is not a flamer) while not having to worry about the sexual tension.

I have two gay friends - one is more masculine than the other, but BOTH treat me like a QUEEN. All the great, sincere MALE stuff like asking me out, open doors, sincere compliments, etc. - without the "I'M TRYING TO GET SOME" vibe.

Also, my gay friends (this may be a sterotype but its true for them) are FIERRCE, so it makes me up my IT GIRL attitude when I'm around them.

Not complaining about men.....not frumpy dressing.....or pig out sessions like when with some girl friends.

 

[Oasis]

I am. I'm terrible with men. I don't even have to be remotely interested in them. I just get nervous and jumpy around folks with penises.

 

[glam-]

I used to be shy around them, but that was a long time ago. Honestly, I guess I got over it when I got out of my other shyness- but also, by being around them more, on dates, etc. (I know that answer is basically no help, though). Just being around guys and seeing that they are just like us and rife with insecurities helped a bunch.

 

[Country gal]

I use to feel intimidated walking into a barber shop. I am over that now.

 

[MissJ]

I am so shy around guys I like. Nooooooo!

 

[phynestone]

I can be sometimes, especially on a date. I don't have problems talking to them, but I also can come off as aggressive.

 

[cutiepiebabygirl]

I agree with some other posters....when it's someone I'm interested in...I tend to get nervous. It's almost like I can't believe he approached me! Then after I get over that initial shock...I'm freaked out and under pressure to be "cool" and say all the right things!!

I try to realize that I need to be myself...because he needs to like me for me and vice versa.

Can't tell you how many times I swooned over a cutie..and when he started talking I was like WTF??

 

[laCriolla]

I'm shy around the ones i'm attracted to.

I saw a guy in the gym who looked like Shemar Moore. He walked past and said 'hi"
I said, "hosufoahifd'hnfaiojr/lenmalf"

 

[laCriolla]

try to speak to everyone, just say HI really chipper
so you'll grow accustomed

 

[inthepink]

I'm shy with the ones I find attractive but I'm generally just shy. However, I've learned to "mask" my shyness with conversation.

 

[Halana Malie]

Get a GAY friend!

You will get comfortable around "alpha" energy (this only works if the gay guy is not a flamer) while not having to worry about the sexual tension.

I have two gay friends - one is more masculine than the other, but BOTH treat me like a QUEEN. All the great, sincere MALE stuff like asking me out, open doors, sincere compliments, etc. - without the "I'M TRYING TO GET SOME" vibe.

Also, my gay friends (this may be a sterotype but its true for them) are FIERRCE, so it makes me up my IT GIRL attitude when I'm around them.

Not complaining about men.....not frumpy dressing.....or pig out sessions like when with some girl friends.

I totally agree. My gay friends are responsible for me getting over being so shy. They are also very quick to let me know when I'm falling off or not on my A game.

I keep telling other women gay males friends are (well most of them) great to have. About treating you like a queen, so true. They set a standard for how I should be treated by a potential. I love my friends.

 

[Theo]

I still get shy around guys.

Its laugh cuz its ridiculous. I have a lot of male friends, and am actually pretty flirtatious. But it usually happens when I'm around a guy I have a crush on, I just get all tongue-tied and I can never think of anything cute/witty to say.

Even with guys who I used to be cool with, let me start having feelings for them, and then I start acting so weird.

But I'll say this. If you have issues with shyness, play it up and make it cute or intriguing. Work with what you got. If you have nice eyes, you can kind of "talk" with them, and he'll think you're mysterious. Smile, but not TOO too much though. A little aloofness is good if you play it right. I think this works well if you're in a group convo and you have a chatterbox girlfriend who loves attention and is dominating the conversation(I speak from experience lol). If there's a dude you're sorta feeling in the group, lock eyes with him for a bit, kinda smile almost like the two of you have an inside joke, and look away. Do this a couple times, and 9/10 I bet you he comes over and asks you what you're thinking. I have a friend who is HELLA introverted but she is ALWAYS pulling guys. I picked up tips from her.

Or if its just you and him and you can't think of anything to say, just be cute lol. Smile a lot, laugh at his jokes, be ULTRA-feminine with your mannerisms, speak softly, etc. From what I've seen, most guys think its cute. As long as you respond to his questions, etc in a fairly articulate manner, you should be fine. I've seen it work on my male friends.

If you're shy, you may never be a big talker so your body language is important. Eye contact is your best friend if you're not great with verbal communication. Practice in the mirror with looking up through your eyelashes, side glances, shy smiles, flirty smiles, sexy smiles and feminine mannerisms. The more alpha male-ish he is, probably the more intrigued he is by femininity.

I'm a huge introvert (INFP) so shyness is something that I've dealt with my whole life. But it doesn't have to be a problem. I practiced most of this stuff on my platonic male friends that I wasn't attracted to and over time I've gotten much better.

 

[Jenibo]

I still get shy around guys.

Its laugh cuz its ridiculous. I have a lot of male friends, and am actually pretty flirtatious. But it usually happens when I'm around a guy I have a crush on, I just get all tongue-tied and I can never think of anything cute/witty to say.

Even with guys who I used to be cool with, let me start having feelings for them, and then I start acting so weird.

But I'll say this. If you have issues with shyness, play it up and make it cute or intriguing. Work with what you got. If you have nice eyes, you can kind of "talk" with them, and he'll think you're mysterious. Smile, but not TOO too much though. A little aloofness is good if you play it right. I think this works well if you're in a group convo and you have a chatterbox girlfriend who loves attention and is dominating the conversation(I speak from experience lol). If there's a dude you're sorta feeling in the group, lock eyes with him for a bit, kinda smile almost like the two of you have an inside joke, and look away. Do this a couple times, and 9/10 I bet you he comes over and asks you what you're thinking. I have a friend who is HELLA introverted but she is ALWAYS pulling guys. I picked up tips from her.

Or if its just you and him and you can't think of anything to say, just be cute lol. Smile a lot, laugh at his jokes, be ULTRA-feminine with your mannerisms, speak softly, etc. From what I've seen, most guys think its cute. As long as you respond to his questions, etc in a fairly articulate manner, you should be fine. I've seen it work on my male friends.

If you're shy, you may never be a big talker so your body language is important. Eye contact is your best friend if you're not great with verbal communication. Practice in the mirror with looking up through your eyelashes, side glances, shy smiles, flirty smiles, sexy smiles and feminine mannerisms. The more alpha male-ish he is, probably the more intrigued he is by femininity.

I'm a huge introvert (INFP) so shyness is something that I've dealt with my whole life. But it doesn't have to be a problem. I practiced most of this stuff on my platonic male friends that I wasn't attracted to and over time I've gotten much better.

If you haven't done so, please share those tips

I have two different personalities- easygoing comedienne and introvert to the 10th power.

I get shy and nervous around menfolk-regardless of if i like them or not. Some guys have told me I am mean and now that i think about it, i prolly use aggression as a defense mechanism

The sad thing is i'm attracted to guys with outgoing personalities, i don't think i can date someone like me so i need to find a way to come out of my shell

 

[inthepink]

I'm shy with the ones I find attractive but I'm generally just shy. However, I've learned to "mask" my shyness with conversation.

I should update this to say, in general, around boys. But on a date, I'm really nervous b/c I haven't had one in a while.

I think I would tend to talk TOO much b/c I've noticed I do this when I'm shy b/c I don't want someone to say "Are you shy?" (I mean, what type of question is that anyway??)

 

[Glib Gurl]

try to speak to everyone, just say HI really chipper
so you'll grow accustomed

That's what I'm thinking I am going to have to do. Here's hoping the Busters don't get the wrong idea and think this is a cue to start following me down the street. LOL!

 

[Duchesse]

It sucks because if I have zero interest in a man, I can be my funny and goofy self, or be able to have a decent conversation with him.

If I like him, I have to fight hard not to be a total socially awkward loser. This has worked against me in relationships, it takes a long time for me to be calm and open and really outwardly connect with a person if I'm interested. I once had someone who I was dating complain that when I was speaking with someone who I had zero interest in, that I was bubblier and more social with them than with him. That was a wake-up call that I really needed some changing.

It gets better with time and actively working on being more extroverted and less introverted with ones thinking and actions. I find that shyness occurs when you over think a situation. For example, when I become aware of that good ole' shy weirdness coming on and feel my tongue getting thick or an awkward silence approaching, I remind myself that a man is just another person, not some mythical creature to be feared or put on a pedestal.

 

[metro_qt]

Get a GAY friend!

You will get comfortable around "alpha" energy (this only works if the gay guy is not a flamer) while not having to worry about the sexual tension.

I have two gay friends - one is more masculine than the other, but BOTH treat me like a QUEEN. All the great, sincere MALE stuff like asking me out, open doors, sincere compliments, etc. - without the "I'M TRYING TO GET SOME" vibe.

Also, my gay friends (this may be a sterotype but its true for them) are FIERRCE, so it makes me up my IT GIRL attitude when I'm around them.

Not complaining about men.....not frumpy dressing.....or pig out sessions like when with some girl friends.

I think this is a great idea!
get more male energy in your life that's not family or a relative,
Have male friends, not only will they school you on what's up, but you can just be around them, observe them... and get used to them.


I think the ticket for me is that I now work in many male environments...Some times, when it's tip based industry, my pay depends on how I interact with *all* males, including the cute/attractive ones...

 

[maxineshaw]

I am so shy that my walk literally changes when I notice a man checking me out, and my mother makes fun of me for it all the time.

I can't control it though. Wish I could.

 

[Imani]

I am the exact opposite. I'm very introverted and somewhat shy around most people. i don't like to talk in class, business meetings, around groups of new people, etc. But get me alone with a cute guy....its OVER! I'm a huge flirt! I don't know why. I am comfortable chatting it up with just about any dude. One time I found myself flirting with a waiter while I was out with a guy friend of mine (he was a FWB) and he called me out. I wasn't really trying to, I couldn't help it, he was cute and had an accent and I started asking him where he was from. When I was in college, best believe if there was a guy I thought was hot, I was going to figure out a way to subtly make eye contact or start up a convo. I was a mess! lol. I've toned it down alot since then.

I think part of it is that I've always had more close male friends than female friends so I am more comfortable around men than women.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

This thread speaks to me. I turn into a totally shy goofball around men that I'm attracted to.

 

[brsugarbabe]

Girl I feel you. I use to runnnnn when a guy would try to talk to me. Cover my face if i went on a date when the person tried to kiss me, no eye contact at all.

Im not exactly like that anymore, I have gotten a bit better. I dont run anymore. But its still bad. I went on a date with a guy 2 weeks ago. He tried to kiss me and I was wiggling all around. I did not kiss him back(the kiss was great). I dont know how to kiss because I have been so shy all my life. Anyways, later that evening we got on the train and the train was packed. I saw multiple men staring at me and I told the guy I had to get off at the next stop. He kept asking what was wrong. I was so emarrassed.

Im 25 and I need to stop

 

[gabulldawg]

If a dude tries to talk to me, I am all Not a good look. In addition to just generally working on my confidence level, how can I overcome my shyness with the fellas?

(This is really annoying to me because I'm generally a very outgoing person who can make conversation with anybody . . . but when it comes to potential date, I just look all my cool.)

GG I have been dating someone for about 5 months now and STILL get shy around him! I don't know if that will ever change. I personally think that as long as you have strong feelings for someone they will always have you giddy inside. Of course those feelings will eventually decrease, but I think in some way they will always be there.

 

[Choclatcotton]

My old Pastor says that women used to be real shy "back in day" the guys used to have to figure out a way to befriend them. He pointed shyness out as a sign of virtue for a woman. He says now, not verbatim, They will call you and invite you out and be all up in a man's face.erplexed

 

[Jenibo]

^^^ true. it's funny- my lil sis always wears the pants in her relationships. I want someone who when truly is feeling me will take the initiative to get close to me... i'm old fashioned

 

[phynestone]

My old Pastor says that women used to be real shy "back in day" the guys used to have to figure out a way to befriend them. He pointed shyness out as a sign of virtue for a woman. He says now, not verbatim, They will call you and invite you out and be all up in a man's face.erplexed

That is so funny to me!

 

[rafikichick92]

GG I have been dating someone for about 5 months now and STILL get shy around him! I don't know if that will ever change. I personally think that as long as you have strong feelings for someone they will always have you giddy inside. Of course those feelings will eventually decrease, but I think in some way they will always be there.

I know! I'm still kind of awkward around my crush/best friend, especially like when he does something romantic. I'll want to reciprocate, but instead I'll act like I've been deprived of the ability to communicate in any fashion besides looking at the ground and mumbling thank you (when I get caught off guard and someone says something to me, my automatic response is thank you erplexed). But if we are talking on the phone, I can work it like no one's business. Strange, lol.