MissJ
Well-Known Member
Historically, I’ve only heard the question “Where is this relationship going?” or the statement “I don’t know where this relationship is going” from women that can’t get a handle on what the guys in their lives are going to do in the future. I’ve never heard a guy say this about his girlfriend, and I wonder if there’s a reason for that….
Personally speaking, my relationships to women aren’t “going” anywhere at all. We like each other or we don’t. We hang out together or we don’t. We’re messing with each other or we’re not. That’s about the extent of “progress”. Unless she has some kind of drastic personality change which makes her so interesting that I want to spend time with her over and over, to the exclusion of other chicks, it is what it is. We’re having fun, expressing interest, sexuality, sensuality and mutual admiration, it starts when it starts.. it ends when it ends.. we pick it up again if we pick it up. C’est la vie.
I find it best to state these things up front. For me, it’s way easier to meet a new chick that’s interested than to extricate myself from a relationship with some disillusioned chick. This isn’t normally the pattern, though…
Unfortunately, a lot of gals don’t actually become authentically useful until they believe your relationship IS “going somewhere”. Until you give them a title, like girlfriend or fiancee, they want to front on what they REALLY want to do with you. Guys know this, because this is an ancient female tactic, so what they do is FAKE being in a relationship with chicks so they can get them to give it up proppah.
All of a sudden, your girl is akkin’ right. All of a sudden, she’s being all she can be. That’s all well and good, except for when it gets down the line and she starts wondering when the relationship’s going to escalate… because… she’s gonna be with you FOREVER, right?
Y’all are getting married and having kids, right? Guys are perfectly willing to let gals believe this up until the point where they’re pressed for the information about “Where is this relationship going?”.
In most cases, “this relationship” isn’t “going” ANYWHERE. It IS what it IS. The guy is perfectly content with how things are between you and isn’t thinking about adding titles that don’t have any bearing whatsoever on his personal satisfaction with you. Of course, this leads to another revolution of the cycle, because women figure this out and start holding out on sex and other benefits until they get some kind of action from the guy. She wants an engagement ring. She wants a date for the wedding. She wants to be actually married to you, etc etc etc.
The saying is “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”. For gals, this means to hold out on the milk in order to get the guy to buy the cow. For guys, this means don’t bother buying the cow, because you can get the milk and keep your wallet and freedom intact. This is also why a lot of women get cheated on, because they think the guy wants THEM when the guy wants SEX or some other thing you’re not providing. As soon as he gets what he wants from the next chick, you’re through.
I’ve always found it interesting that women are often clueless as to the state of their relationships. It’s like they don’t have enough information about their men or enough authentic communication with them to understand what’s currently going on, and that’s affecting their ability to attempt to predict the future. Without communication, you’re a back-seat driver. Go along for the ride or dive out of the car. The reason you don’t know where your relationship’s going is that you have ZERO say or control over where it’s going, and that’s the way YOU’VE allowed it to be.
Women seem to have a hard time reeling this situation back in. They get to a point where their curiosity about progression outweighs their ability to enjoy the ride from the back seat. The problem is, they don’t REALLY want the answer to their question, hahaha If they ask and he says “I have no intention of marrying you or having kids with you”, all of a sudden, she has to make the decision to remain in this relationship (which was ALWAYS this way, she’s just finding out NOW), or to bail out right now, and take her chances back out on the dating scene, now that she’s definitely older and potentially less attractive than she was when she started dating her soon-to-be ex.
Since neither situation is preferable, women are literally SCARED TO ASK, and keep going in these relationships that are never going to be different than they are right now. This is as good as it gets. Take it or leave it. Stay or bounce. It’s all in the game. Welcome to the real world, Neo.
Women are also pressurized by the progress of their girlfriends’ relationships. When your girl’s homegirls start getting married and having kids, WATCH OUT!!! HERE IT COMES!!! “What are we doing?” “Where is this going?” “Are we just wasting time together?” “Has this all been for NOTHING?” blah blah blah blah blah…
A typical defensive tactic for guys in this situation is to put the blame on the gal for the “breakdown” of the relationship. It’s pretty crafty, actually, haha… When she starts asking about relationship progression, the guy acts like all of a sudden, she’s given him all these things to think about that he can’t handle. This means that he needs to think about these “deep” questions that she’s asked him, which means what????? That’s right…. “I need some space”. “I need time to think about what you said”. “I need to figure out what I really want”. “It’s not you… it’s me”. “I don’t know if I’m ready to commit”… If what he’s saying is true, he wasn’t thinking about having a future with you in the first place. Either way, what it means is that you’ve just been demoted from exclusive girlfriend to “friend”.
There’s nothing you can say about it either, because YOU’RE the one that asked him all these questions that he’s admitting he has no answer for at this point in time. YOU’RE the one that introduced mental turmoil. You’re saying you aren’t satisfied with how the relationship currently is or that you want some sort of statement from him indicating that things will ever be different, and he can’t (or won’t) provide that, so the relationship necessarily has to stall until he can “figure it out”. Meanwhile, “figuring it out” often involves dating other women to be “sure that you’re the one”… Yeah. Right.
So this is why women are afraid to ask about the status of their relationships. They don’t want it to backfire on them, where they inadvertently end things instead of moving them towards the next level. At the same time, they don’t want to continue indefinitely in a relationship that might not end up with them getting titles, marriages, kids…. So it’s really a ‘lesser of the evils’ situation.
Meanwhile, it’s pretty simple for guys. You either have no girls, one girl or several girls. You’re having a good time or you’re not, and you’ll have a good time tomorrow or you won’t.. with the same gal or a different one. You’re messing with a particular chick or you’re not. You’re friends with a particular chick or you’re not. It’s pretty obvious whether she wants to be in a relationship with you or just hang out with you, and I think “Where is this relationship going?” rarely crosses our minds….. if EVER.
~Bill
Personally speaking, my relationships to women aren’t “going” anywhere at all. We like each other or we don’t. We hang out together or we don’t. We’re messing with each other or we’re not. That’s about the extent of “progress”. Unless she has some kind of drastic personality change which makes her so interesting that I want to spend time with her over and over, to the exclusion of other chicks, it is what it is. We’re having fun, expressing interest, sexuality, sensuality and mutual admiration, it starts when it starts.. it ends when it ends.. we pick it up again if we pick it up. C’est la vie.
I find it best to state these things up front. For me, it’s way easier to meet a new chick that’s interested than to extricate myself from a relationship with some disillusioned chick. This isn’t normally the pattern, though…
Unfortunately, a lot of gals don’t actually become authentically useful until they believe your relationship IS “going somewhere”. Until you give them a title, like girlfriend or fiancee, they want to front on what they REALLY want to do with you. Guys know this, because this is an ancient female tactic, so what they do is FAKE being in a relationship with chicks so they can get them to give it up proppah.
All of a sudden, your girl is akkin’ right. All of a sudden, she’s being all she can be. That’s all well and good, except for when it gets down the line and she starts wondering when the relationship’s going to escalate… because… she’s gonna be with you FOREVER, right?
Y’all are getting married and having kids, right? Guys are perfectly willing to let gals believe this up until the point where they’re pressed for the information about “Where is this relationship going?”.In most cases, “this relationship” isn’t “going” ANYWHERE. It IS what it IS. The guy is perfectly content with how things are between you and isn’t thinking about adding titles that don’t have any bearing whatsoever on his personal satisfaction with you. Of course, this leads to another revolution of the cycle, because women figure this out and start holding out on sex and other benefits until they get some kind of action from the guy. She wants an engagement ring. She wants a date for the wedding. She wants to be actually married to you, etc etc etc.
The saying is “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”. For gals, this means to hold out on the milk in order to get the guy to buy the cow. For guys, this means don’t bother buying the cow, because you can get the milk and keep your wallet and freedom intact. This is also why a lot of women get cheated on, because they think the guy wants THEM when the guy wants SEX or some other thing you’re not providing. As soon as he gets what he wants from the next chick, you’re through.
I’ve always found it interesting that women are often clueless as to the state of their relationships. It’s like they don’t have enough information about their men or enough authentic communication with them to understand what’s currently going on, and that’s affecting their ability to attempt to predict the future. Without communication, you’re a back-seat driver. Go along for the ride or dive out of the car. The reason you don’t know where your relationship’s going is that you have ZERO say or control over where it’s going, and that’s the way YOU’VE allowed it to be.
Women seem to have a hard time reeling this situation back in. They get to a point where their curiosity about progression outweighs their ability to enjoy the ride from the back seat. The problem is, they don’t REALLY want the answer to their question, hahaha
If they ask and he says “I have no intention of marrying you or having kids with you”, all of a sudden, she has to make the decision to remain in this relationship (which was ALWAYS this way, she’s just finding out NOW), or to bail out right now, and take her chances back out on the dating scene, now that she’s definitely older and potentially less attractive than she was when she started dating her soon-to-be ex.Since neither situation is preferable, women are literally SCARED TO ASK, and keep going in these relationships that are never going to be different than they are right now. This is as good as it gets. Take it or leave it. Stay or bounce. It’s all in the game. Welcome to the real world, Neo.
Women are also pressurized by the progress of their girlfriends’ relationships. When your girl’s homegirls start getting married and having kids, WATCH OUT!!!
HERE IT COMES!!! “What are we doing?” “Where is this going?” “Are we just wasting time together?” “Has this all been for NOTHING?” blah blah blah blah blah…A typical defensive tactic for guys in this situation is to put the blame on the gal for the “breakdown” of the relationship. It’s pretty crafty, actually, haha… When she starts asking about relationship progression, the guy acts like all of a sudden, she’s given him all these things to think about that he can’t handle. This means that he needs to think about these “deep” questions that she’s asked him, which means what?????
That’s right…. “I need some space”. “I need time to think about what you said”. “I need to figure out what I really want”. “It’s not you… it’s me”. “I don’t know if I’m ready to commit”… If what he’s saying is true, he wasn’t thinking about having a future with you in the first place. Either way, what it means is that you’ve just been demoted from exclusive girlfriend to “friend”.There’s nothing you can say about it either, because YOU’RE the one that asked him all these questions that he’s admitting he has no answer for at this point in time. YOU’RE the one that introduced mental turmoil. You’re saying you aren’t satisfied with how the relationship currently is or that you want some sort of statement from him indicating that things will ever be different, and he can’t (or won’t) provide that, so the relationship necessarily has to stall until he can “figure it out”. Meanwhile, “figuring it out” often involves dating other women to be “sure that you’re the one”… Yeah. Right.
So this is why women are afraid to ask about the status of their relationships. They don’t want it to backfire on them, where they inadvertently end things instead of moving them towards the next level. At the same time, they don’t want to continue indefinitely in a relationship that might not end up with them getting titles, marriages, kids…. So it’s really a ‘lesser of the evils’ situation.
Meanwhile, it’s pretty simple for guys. You either have no girls, one girl or several girls. You’re having a good time or you’re not, and you’ll have a good time tomorrow or you won’t.. with the same gal or a different one. You’re messing with a particular chick or you’re not. You’re friends with a particular chick or you’re not. It’s pretty obvious whether she wants to be in a relationship with you or just hang out with you, and I think “Where is this relationship going?” rarely crosses our minds….. if EVER.
~Bill
Well....not so fast. Not always. 
So sorry that you wen through something like this. 
I've learned my lesson with this. 
