When natural hair is too much for you....

[TrinityRain]

What do you do?

I've been at this for 3 years and I can't find a regi that works (i.e. no splits and minimal damage).


Preface- I love my natural hair, but it is hatin me right now and I am at the end of my rope. Warning I know you guys have heard all this before...

BUT Even though it's currently flat ironed into submission. This is like my 3rd BC and I still have split ends. I do not use heat often and I love rockin puffs. I have very fine hair and micro braids have been known to shred it up. I do not frequent any salon. I do not sleep with a scarf. I do have a satin pillow case though. I use joico moisture line and the protein treatment I forget the names cuz I'm at work right now, nexxus humectress, HE, Aveda all the "good" brands and some cheapies, coconut oil, avocado oil etc. No pooing, pooing, periods of combing everday to finger combing. Twist do not look cute nor do they last long... I envy all the lovely natural styles I see. NOTHING is working out. I'm in the middle of a hair crisis. I don't prefer my hair straight but this was the only thing that keeps the breakage at bay. I miss being BSL length from my relaxed days and I'm starting to regret going natural... I am posting because I need some serious help and a sounding board. I work full time (nights), go to school (days) and on the weekend I'm home to visit my family b/c my mom is sick and recently quit her job.

Even if no responds I appreciated the space to vent. Yeah don't beat me I've been lurking here for a long time. Exhale I'm done...

 

[Fine 4s]

What do you do?

I've been at this for 3 years and I can't find a regi that works (i.e. no splits and minimal damage).


Preface- I love my natural hair, but it is hatin me right now and I am at the end of my rope. Warning I know you guys have heard all this before...

BUT Even though it's currently flat ironed into submission. This is like my 3rd BC and I still have split ends. I do not use heat often and I love rockin puffs. I have very fine hair and micro braids have been known to shred it up. I do not frequent any salon. I do not sleep with a scarf. I do have a satin pillow case though. I use joico moisture line and the protein treatment I forget the names cuz I'm at work right now, nexxus humectress, HE, Aveda all the "good" brands and some cheapies, coconut oil, avocado oil etc. No pooing, pooing, periods of combing everday to finger combing. Twist do not look cute nor do they last long... I envy all the lovely natural styles I see. NOTHING is working out. I'm in the middle of a hair crisis. I don't prefer my hair straight but this was the only thing that keeps the breakage at bay. I miss being BSL length from my relaxed days and I'm starting to regret going natural... I am posting because I need some serious help and a sounding board. I work full time (nights), go to school (days) and on the weekend I'm home to visit my family b/c my mom is sick and recently quit her job.

Even if no responds I appreciated the space to vent. Yeah don't beat me I've been lurking here for a long time. Exhale I'm done...

Do you have any pics?
I believe my splits are from the bad ends I need to trim off (the last of the heat stretching.) However I'm starting to accept that I will have splits AND continuous breakage (until I fing the miracle technique or product) Are you doing any protein treatments? What about using Roux Porosity control? Have you tried sealing your hair when you rinse with cool water?
We all have those days though...this too shall pass....

 

[cutenss]

Did you get it all out girl Sometimes you just need to get it out. I too am natural. I just did a BKT on Thursday, because I DO like the straight look. But I must say, I have some serious split ends. Its hard to tell when I leave my hair natural. I only flat iron for length checks, maybe once a month. I have tried almost everything suggested on this board. I am trying to tackle my hair health from the inside out, ie water, vitamins etc. I don't want to cut again either. I don't remember having this problem being relaxed. Maybe I did. I will just keep searching unitl I find a true regimen that works for me and my ends. I know I probably didn't help much. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this hair battle. :swordfigh

 

[TrinityRain]

Yeah all of this breakage is the worst... The hairdresser and his sidekick were laughing at me saying that I had rocked the **** outta my puff. Then he proceed to chop 3 inches off... How's that BKT working out for you? I just started working out and this whole straight hair thing is keeping me from the gym. Thank you lovey ladies for the replies...

Any tips on keeping tangles at bay?

 

[Crackers Phinn]

You mentioned that this is your third BC, may I ask what keeps bringing you back to natural hair?

I went through what you did and relaxed and haven't looked back. But it seems to me that something keeps drawing you back to natural hair.

BTW - It's my personal opinion that a satin pillow case plus loose hair may be adding to the split ends. You could try tying your hair back into a lose pony/bun, coating with some type of moisturizer and baggying overnight.

 

[testimony777]

I am sure many will disagree with me but I do not think it is possible for everyone to be completely split end (or even breakage) free. This has truly been the case for me. Reading your post I could so relate. I used to be so frustrated because it seemed like no matter what I did I always had split ends and breakage, not much but enough to be noticeable (to me) and to make me feel like I was always doing something wrong. Then one day I read a post on here from a natural whose hair I admired; she said that she still had some breakage and splits but that it had not impeded her progress. From that moment on I committed to continue taking the best possible care of my hair I could and to not measuring my progress by a few splits or breaks. I grew my hair to WL, cut it into a TWA in 2007 (I was bored) and am now just above BSL (less than an inch) on my way to WL again. My hair is healthy and it is strong and yes I do still have a few splits and some breakage every now and then.

One thing that has helped strengthen my hair has been Henna and regular deep conditioning (protien and moisture treatments). I have also found that braiding my hair at night and sleeping with a satin scarf helps keep my hair from forming knots at the ends. I no longer wear wash and gos as those also leads to knots (in my hair), and I only comb my hair once a week (on wash day in the shower smothered in conditioner). I have also completely given up using direct heat on my ends. On the rare occasion that I do straighten my hair I only apply direct heat to the roots (I straighten the length by banding or braiding my hair when wet). These things have greatly reduced the number of splits and the amount of breakage I have but they have not eliminated either problem. However, my hair is thick all the way down to the ends and my hair looks and feels healthy despite the few splits .

I know that it is frustrating to be natural and still have splits and breakage because I think there is a myth that natural hair that is well cared for should not have any problems. But for many of us with fine hair I just don't think this is the case . Sorry this is so long I just really related to your post and wanted to share my story :blush3:.

 

[TrinityRain]

Ok well, maybe not in the sense of a true BC but I find myself needing to cut off 3 to 4 inches of hair every 6-9 months. I have been natural for 3 years. It feels like a BC to me when I see all of my progress go down to drain. I currently wrap and put on a du rag cause it is flat ironed. I will try the moisture bun/baggying. That is one thing that I have not done consistently. Any reccommendations for moisturizers. My hair is very dry and brittle.

I try to use low manipulation so I can see my hair growing but it is not in a healthy state.

To Fine 4s I do use some protein and I've tried roux porosity control (PJ) to no avail.

 

[TrinityRain]

I am sure many will disagree with me but I do not think it is possible for everyone to be completely split end (or even breakage) free. This has truly been the case for me. Reading your post I could so relate. I used to be so frustrated because it seemed like no matter what I did I always had split ends and breakage, not much but enough to be noticeable (to me) and to make me feel like I was always doing something wrong. Then one day I read a post on here from a natural whose hair I admired; she said that she still had some breakage and splits but that it had not impeded her progress. From that moment on I committed to continue taking the best possible care of my hair I could and to not measuring my progress by a few splits or breaks. I grew my hair to WL, cut it into a TWA in 2007 (I was bored) and am now just above BSL (less than an inch) on my way to WL again. My hair is healthy and it is strong and yes I do still have a few splits and some breakage every now and then.

One thing that has helped strengthen my hair has been Henna and regular deep conditioning (protien and moisture treatments). I have also found that braiding my hair at night and sleeping with a satin scarf helps keep my hair from forming knots at the ends. I no longer wear wash and gos as those also leads to knots (in my hair), and I only comb my hair once a week (on wash day in the shower smothered in conditioner). I have also completely given up using direct heat on my ends. On the rare occasion that I do straighten my hair I only apply direct heat to the roots (I straighten the length by banding or braiding my hair when wet). These things have greatly reduced the number of splits and the amount of breakage I have but they have not eliminated either problem. However, my hair is thick all the way down to the ends and my hair looks and feels healthy despite the few splits .

I know that it is frustrating to be natural and still have splits and breakage because I think there is a myth that natural hair that is well cared for should not have any problems. But for many of us with fine hair I just don't think this is the case . Sorry this is so long I just really related to your post and wanted to share my story :blush3:.

Whoops didn't see your post. The bolded is really speaking to me. Even though its so easy I agree the wash and go's are a problem.

Thank you so much for your replies. I appreciate the advice and the shared experience. I will post pics later right now I am at work...

 

[testimony777]

Ok well, maybe not in the sense of a true BC but I find myself needing to cut off 3 to 4 inches of hair every 6-9 months. I have been natural for 3 years. It feels like a BC to me when I see all of my progress go down to drain. I currently wrap and put on a du rag cause it is flat ironed. I will try the moisture bun/baggying. That is one thing that I have not done consistently. Any reccommendations for moisturizers. My hair is very dry and brittle.

I try to use low manipulation so I can see my hair growing but it is not in a healthy state.

To Fine 4s I do use some protein and I've tried roux porosity control (PJ) to no avail.

I spray my hair every night before I go to bed with a water and glycerin mix that I make (one part glycerin to about four parts water). I know lots of people have problems with glycerin but it works for me. HTH

 

[cutenss]

Yeah all of this breakage is the worst... The hairdresser and his sidekick were laughing at me saying that I had rocked the **** outta my puff. Then he proceed to chop 3 inches off... How's that BKT working out for you? I just started working out and this whole straight hair thing is keeping me from the gym. Thank you lovey ladies for the replies...

Any tips on keeping tangles at bay?

So far BKT is FABULOUS! I post a link to what I did so you can see. Like I said, I have to do my first wash tomorrow. This process is the best of both worlds. Straight without chemicals, and without losing texture. Its something to think about. I will also post a link to my what my natural hair looks like, and just flat ironed.
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=358293
my natural hair

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=365479
My BKT hair

HTH

 

[honeisos]

see below.....

 

[honeisos]

Ive been natural for five years and it is not an easy journey . and im still learning . my hair tangles and hooks on to its self . causing knots and split ends . i have been between apl and bsl all that time . due to that and hair color . henna and tryin a new combin method has helped me a lot . i think i will be at mid back by the end of the year . hopefully i really understand where you are comin from . please just keep tryin healthy tips and it will come together eventually . you are in the right forum for sure .

 

[NikStarrr]

#1--get a satin scarf/pillow. It sounds like something small--but that's one of the major things of growing healthy hair!

 

[honeisos]

Sorry double post

 

[ladytea]

You are under a lot of stress (I am sorry to hear) and that affects hair health and hair maintenance. You've received a lot of good advice. I'll add that tying hair up helps me better than the satin pillow case. Also, you might try braids for the summer to give you a break from your hair while so much is going on. There are lots of great threads about caring for hair in braids. (mine likes protein/moisture/oil) Just remember before you remove braids to read threads on proper take down. I can't do micro braids on my fine 4a/b hair. My hair is healthy, but when I need a break, I tend to be rough with it. The hair vacation is my woo saaa.

The problems you are having with your hair may still be there when you properly take down the braids, but the time in braids may give you the time to come up with a good plan.

HTH

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I currently wrap and put on a du rag cause it is flat ironed.

Do you wrap the same way every night? This can cause the hair on the side of your head that you sleep on to break/thin out.

Moisturizers -Any leave in that you already have on hand should be fine. If you don't have any, Neutrogena Triple Moisture makes a leave in that's under $8 for the bottle.

 

[msa]

What do you do?

I've been at this for 3 years and I can't find a regi that works (i.e. no splits and minimal damage).


Preface- I love my natural hair, but it is hatin me right now and I am at the end of my rope. Warning I know you guys have heard all this before...

BUT Even though it's currently flat ironed into submission. This is like my 3rd BC and I still have split ends. I do not use heat often and I love rockin puffs. I have very fine hair and micro braids have been known to shred it up. I do not frequent any salon. I do not sleep with a scarf. I do have a satin pillow case though. I use joico moisture line and the protein treatment I forget the names cuz I'm at work right now, nexxus humectress, HE, Aveda all the "good" brands and some cheapies, coconut oil, avocado oil etc. No pooing, pooing, periods of combing everday to finger combing. Twist do not look cute nor do they last long... I envy all the lovely natural styles I see. NOTHING is working out. I'm in the middle of a hair crisis. I don't prefer my hair straight but this was the only thing that keeps the breakage at bay. I miss being BSL length from my relaxed days and I'm starting to regret going natural... I am posting because I need some serious help and a sounding board. I work full time (nights), go to school (days) and on the weekend I'm home to visit my family b/c my mom is sick and recently quit her job.

Even if no responds I appreciated the space to vent. Yeah don't beat me I've been lurking here for a long time. Exhale I'm done...

What got you to BSL before? Were you just rollersetting and leaving your hair alone? did you do more protective styling? dc'd more often?

Anyway, two things jumped out at me. Wearing puffs constantly is a recipe for ends problems. It's impossible to have zero splits/knots but letting your hair shrink up on a regular basis will only make it worse.

Second, you don't sleep with a scarf. I'm assuming you probably sleep with your hair loose as well. Frankly, doing that actually rubs my hair out even though I sleep on a satin pillowcase and sheets. And then the dry air in the room just cases breakage.


I don't know the details of your regimen but you need to make sure you're hair is strong and moisturized. You can do that through DCing, moisturizing, etc. etc. You'll have to figure out what works best for you and has been successful in the past.

Last, what have you tried as far as styling aside from puffs? Twists don't work for me either but I can do braidouts in order to have great wavy pinnned up styles. I also do bantu knot outs to make cute curly fros (and my hair doesn't get stressed out from shrinking up). This blog has lots of great natural style ideas.

If you want to straighten on a regular basis then make sure you're doing it in as healthy a way as possible. This thread has lots of advice for naturals that straighten their hair.

I personally don't recommend this, but you could consider using BKT or relaxing. Though, I think it's most important to get your regimen together and get your hair healthy before you start using chemicals again.

 

[757diva]

My hair is now somewhat similar in 2004 I cut my hair to a short halle berry and when it started growing back all my hair poofed and looked like tree branches not only on the ends but in the middle of my hair almost to the scalp...I was and still am using silk scarfs and everything. I did not have the serious breakage problem before I cut my hair off. I have been relaxer free since Feb 15, 2009 and I cut 2 inches of my ends off today and the hair is STILL poofy and break city.

It makes no sense that you cut off basically all your hair and when it starts to grow back a little bit it automatically starts breaking. My hair LOOKS thick but to the touch is it soft like stain and as soon as it gets wet and I go to pat it...It breaks. I do protein, moisture and everything. I didn't have this problem using relaxers. That is why I stay with weave in my hair now b/c any time it is touched just a little bit...It breaks. Even with aphogee, nexxus..everything. I'm gonna give it until Dec and if something doesn't give. I'm just gonna say f*** it.

I want my long BSL hair back...Even though I am transitioning now...I had less problems when I had my relaxer and I'm not talking style wise either...I'm talking about health wise. When I was relaxed suprisingly I had no breakage, no thin hair, my hair didn't break off or anything...This is very hard!

Sorry for thread jacking lol

 

[TrinityRain]

Today after cut flat ironed.

Last summer '08 after cut natural.


Anywho... Thank you so much for the rec.'s I guess this means 1. I'll have to get back to henna, 2. I need to stretch my hair, and 3. I have to use a scarf. Trust I am soaking up all of this good info. Thanks MSA for the links I'm getting some ideas. Thank you all for your support. I will let y'all know how it goes. Please share other stories... I need the encouragement, or for anyone else out there in cyberspace who can relate.

 

[TrinityRain]

I feel you 757diva... I think this stretching thing may work... Even since the cut I still see splits and knots. I guess that's what getting it right is all about- trial and error.

 

[honeisos]

My hair is now somewhat similar in 2004 I cut my hair to a short halle berry and when it started growing back all my hair poofed and looked like tree branches not only on the ends but in the middle of my hair almost to the scalp...I was and still am using silk scarfs and everything. I did not have the serious breakage problem before I cut my hair off. I have been relaxer free since Feb 15, 2009 and I cut 2 inches of my ends off today and the hair is STILL poofy and break city. It makes no sense that you cut off basically all your hair and when it starts to grow back a little bit it automatically starts breaking. My hair LOOKS thick but to the touch is it soft like stain and as soon as it gets wet and I go to pat it...It breaks. I do protein, moisture and everything. I didn't have this problem using relaxers. That is why I stay with weave in my hair now b/c any time it is touched just a little bit...It breaks. Even with aphogee, nexxus..everything. I'm gonna give it until Dec
holla diva im thinkin what you have may be what is called scab hair . the hair caught between your old relaxed and your new growth natural hair . try some acv rinses and co washin was a life savior for me when i trainsitioned .

 

[honeisos]

holla diva im thinkin what you have may be what is called scab hair . the hair caught between your old relaxed and your new growth natural hair . try some acv rinses and co washin was a life savior for me when i trainsitioned .

 

[naijamerican]

TrinityRain, I can really identify with what Testimony said because I, too, have been natural for a long time (over 9 years) and recently just BC'd out of sheer boredom. I love having short hair and I love getting to know my texture better. It's about half an inch long and it's so freeing! Plus, I look pretty darn good!

There are a couple of things I wanted to echo from what others have said. First of all, baggying is truly a must for natural hair - the more kinks and bends our coils have, the more essential it is to maintain a high level of moisture. On the other hand, secondly and particularly for fine hair, protein treatments are important (I have coarse 4A/B hair and even I try to make sure that I do protein treatments at least twice a month). Thirdly, along with the moisture issue that I mentioned before, deep conditioning is a must.

If you're on a natural kick (like I am) here are some great brands that you might find success with:

1. Oyin Handmade
2. Qhemet Biologics
3. Komaza Care
4. Jane Carter Solutions
5. Hairveda
6. Shescentit

I have tried all but #5 (Shescentit is on its way this week ) and can attest to the fact that those are some solid lines.

One more thing: I see that you're already using top of the line products. But if you fail to consistently care for your hair or learn what it needs, it won't matter if you're using Joico or Junko. Part of the reason I big-chopped is because after 9 years of being natural I still didn't know how to adequately care for my hair. I feel you on the stress level you're currently experiencing, and though I am definitely experiencing stresses of different kinds school has really been a cause of great stress for me for the past several months. I also have had the same unfortunate experiences with braids. In fact, the last straw was having microbraids that ate up my hair and my edges. It was a huge wake up call that if I want to have healthy hair, I needed to stop hiding behind braids and human hair from another person's head and start learning what my hair's needs are. I am starting to relish every curl, from the extensive patch of curly 4A hair in the direct middle of my head to the penspring curls on the sides.

When my hair gets long enough, the next step will be for me to start frequenting some of the excellent natural hair care salons in my city. Why? Because it feels nice to be pampered and sometimes, having a knowledgeable stylist work on our hair makes us see it differently, in a more positive light. Maybe if you go to a natural salon and have someone style your hair in a different way, it will teach you different ways of keeping it and will also help you like it more.

I know this is long but I truly hope that this helps you. Oh, and one last thing: as Testimony said, I really do think that for natural hair breakage and split ends are somewhat inevitable. But there are definitely things to do to keep them at bay. I think stress might be exacting a greater toll on your hair than you might even realize, so as you use good topical aids, be mindful of what you put in your body and even stress management techniques.

Good luck!

 

[empressri]

When my hair gets crazy I don't wear it loose. Up in braids or twists it goes. I find that protective styles help. Due to wear and tear everyone will get splits, heck I only wear my hair straight twice a year and I get splits that need to be trimmed off, but the less I do with my hair, the better it flourishes.

 

[cmw45]

OP, I feel bad that you are feeling this way and I can relate. When I first when natural and my friends with chemically relaxed hair would ask me questions about the upkeep and how I felt about my hair I was always be careful to say only good things about being natural because I wanted to create a positive image of natural hair and for others to considering going natural; in this effort I spent a great deal of time and money on my hair. Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE my natural hair and I wouldn't trade my mental journey (and the understanding of myself as a beautiful black woman) in for anything. BUT, as a natural, there have been setbacks and disappointments. For example, I have experienced my first split ends EVER as a natural. When my hair was relaxed, it wasn't quite as long or thick but my ends definitely seemed healthier. The knots of curly strands and the splits caused by natural hairstyles that leave my ends exposed have wrecked havoc on my ends and sometimes I really do think it would be easier to relax. That being said, when I am getting my hair flat ironed (it has only happened three times in the three years that I have been natural) I have this intense fear that my napps won't revert. And it is that intense fear (LOL...) that lets me know I am not ready for a relaxer.

I didn't mean to hijack your thread, but I want you to know that I think there are plenty of other naturals that feel the way you feel and that I (and probably a lot of them) support you and whatever you make. *hugs*

CW

 

[mrsthiggy]

I can defintely relate as well, I'm trasitioning and I'm 4z with fine but dense hair. One of the ladies here mentioned keeping a notebook or hair diary on one of those threads where we fess up about our personal hair obsessions.That might help, if you record what you used and how your hair felt afterwards maybe, just maybe you will start to get to the point where you don't have to sacrifice so much hair to the Scissor God. Personally I have found that washing with shampoo once a month has worked well. Co-washing has been a God send and those funky ayurvedic powders.... So far so good. I have a detangler that I got from a book Chicorro mentioned the original recipe had glycerine, rosemary, thyme, peppermint and cedarwood . I doctored mine and added avocado mist, honeyquat, panthenol, silk & wheat proteins. ( I finally went to lotion crafters and got the last 3 items) I spray that directly onto my scalp then massage thru my hair, then i add a leave in so far Sallys GVP potion 9 has been the best for my texture,then I follow Oh what's that sisters name that just wrote a book? Anyway! She says to follow your leavin with a light oil then a sealer I use Coconut or babasu or as my light oil; for a sealer I went with Castor oil the first few times. But last time I knew I wanted to flat iron to check my progress ( 50% shrinkage can lead to hair length paranoia) so I used Gvp Silk remedy. I braid my hair and let it air dry. Gurl if nothing else it's worth a try. I have a maxi glide so I flat iron while my hair is still a little damp braid by braid one section of a 3 part braid at a time. Then I oil my ends every nite if flat ironed. If natural I use a combination of Optimum hair therapy-overnite and Excelsior anti breakage ( cant afford Mizani h20 on my ends. Sorry this is so long but I just winced when I heard how much hair you've had cut. Peace

 

[MekyakaKinkerbelle]

This is a great post. I think a lot of people feel that because someone has natural hair, they don't have to go through it with the ratty ends. For some, this is true, but for me, I have to really baby my ends.

What works for me, is keeping it in braids, using coconut oil on my ends, and using as many natural products as possible.

 

[glam-]

I can relate to this post. My natural hair is giving me fits lately, too. I don't know if I want to throw in the towel yet, and I know that I haven't been up on my DCs, etc, like I was in the earlier part of my journey- but fighting monster tangles is getting really old. What holds me back is that I'm not sure if I could get used to having straight hair all the time, plus, if I'm not committing the time and energy that I need to to my natural hair, what makes me think I could handle high maintenance relaxed hair.

 

[ToyToy]

I can relate to this. I have been natural for 3 years and have constantly battled split and shrivelled ends, even with trimming. When I was relaxed, I didn't even know what split ends looked like - honestly - and I once bleached, dyed and relaxed my hair all in the same month. So when I went natural, and I had all these knots and splits, I was a bit thrown off. I find that braiding nightly helps keep the knots and tangles at bay. I know it can be really, really, really frustrating, because you can do everything right, and the splits will keep showing up. I know just cut off what I can see and try not to obsess over it like I did during the first two years of being natural.

NB: Ever since I've stopped using so many different products on my hair, my hair has really turned around. I also stopped using shampoo (I only use Anita Grant shampoo bar or bentonite clay), started Henna-ing and also started to mix my own hair cream. I think keeping it simple and sticking to what works has really helped my hair, and I am only now, after three years of being natural, starting to enjoy my hair.

 

[Whimsy]

I'm just popping in to say I'm sorry you're feeling down about your hair right now.
And I'm glad you were able to vent and have so many people who really relate to your situation right now.
Welcome to the boards. There's so much info here I know you'll find some methods, products etc that will help you LOVE your natural hair and have it LOVE you back