WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH

[camilla]

OK LADIES I AM A LITTLE NEW TO THIS MARRIAGE THING 5 YEARS

I WAS RAISED IN A CHRISTIAN FAMILY WHERE DIVORCE WAS NEVER TALKED ABOUT.

LET ME START OF BY SAYING THAT I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND I BELIEVE THAT HE LOVES ME ... BUT I THINK THAT THERE IS A VERY THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE

MY PARENTS WERE MARRIED FOR 26 YEARS BEFORE MY DAD PASSED MY FATHER SCHOOLED US ON THE MALE MENTALITY EARLY, IF WE NEEN ANYTHING COME TO HIM OF EARN IT OURSELVES DO NOT DEPEND ON A MAN FOR ANYTHING( FUNNY BECAUSE MY MOM WAS A STAY AT HOME MOM) TOLD US THAT WE WERE BEAUTIFUL AND GAVE US ATTENTION SO WE WERE NEVER LOOKING FOR A MALE TO VALIDATE US

HIS MOM WAS A ROLLIN STONE WITH SEVERAL KIDS BY DIFFERENT MEN WHO DUMPED THEM ALL ON ONE MAN AND LEFT
HIS DAD WAS IN ANOTHER COUNTRY
I FEEL THAT HE HAS NEVER SEEN A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP HE ASLO SAYS THAT HE TRYING BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER REALLY TAUGHT OR HAD AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT A FAMILY MAN SHOULD BE

WE WENT TO COUNSELING ONCE MY PASTOR IS WAS FINE BUT DID NOT TOUCH ON ALL ISSUES
ENOUGH RAMBLING HERE IS THE ISSUE
HE GOES OUT...ALOT MON -THUR HE IS HOME WE HAVE AN ACTIVE SEX LIFE AND YOU WOULD THINK HE IS THE PERFECT HUSBAND DURING THE WEEK CUDLE AND WATCH MOVIES COOKS ETC UNTIL THE WEEKEND I WORK FULL TIME AND DO A SEASONAL SECOND JOB TO HELP PAY STUDENT LOAN OFF
WE HAVE TWO KIDS 13 AND 2 AND A DAUGHTER WHO LIVES OUT THE COUNTRY FROM A PREVIOUS
WHEN I MET HIM THIS WAS NOT AN ISSUE HE LIVED IN ANOTHER STATE THAT WAS ONE OF THE THINGS I LIKES ABOUT HIM LAID BACK WENT OUT ABOUT TWICE A MONTH HARD WORKER WHEN HE MOVED HERE ALOT OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY LIKE ABOUT 20 MIN AWAY
HE IS ALWAYS OUT EITHER IN THE CLUBS OR AT FRIENDS HOUSE PLAYING DOMINOES. I GO WITH HIM SOME TIMES BUT I EXPLAINED TO HIM THAT I CAN NOT GO OUT EVERY THU-SUN AND HE SHOULD NOT AS WELL THAT WE ARE PARENTS. MOST OF HIS FRIENDS AND BROTHERS ARE SINGLE AND DO NOT HAVE THE SAME RESPONIBILITIES THAT HE DOES THE ONES THAT ARE MARRIED ARE RIGHT OUT THERE WITH HIM WIVES AT HOME WITH YOUNG BABIES
LAST MONTH HE CARE IN AT 6AM I WAS ON FIRE:210:
THIS PAST WEEKEND HE WALKED IN THE HOUSE AT 8AM I AM READY TO WALK THERE IS NO REPECT I TALKED ABOUT HOW I WAS NOT HAVING IT
I AM READY TO WALK

 

[ClassicChic]

Have you considered professional marriage counseling? You've already been counseled by your pastor and stated that you did not feel he touched on all of the issues.

 

[meka]

God will let you know when enough is definately enough! While you are waiting to hear from Him, PRAY, PRAY, and PRAY some more. Begin to cast the devil out in Jesus name. Bind his hands and let him know where he belongs. That is all Im going to say about that.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Consider professional counseling but be proactive. Set your foot down. Kick him out and let him stay with those friends. DO NOT BE SEXUALLY ACTIVE WITH HIM. Protect yourself until you both come to a decision. I hope you all can work this out to where he is a traditional father. He's giving you excuses. Surely, he knows that's not proper, to be gone Thu-Sun and roll in at 8am. There are many men out there who didn't have a traditional family growing up but you know what? They understand what is important and have vowed to provide in a way their parents never did. He's skirting the issue. Put your foot down today.

 

[camilla]

THANK YOU LADIES I am in prayer but I AM JUST TIRED i found out i have a heart condition yesterday and i have to take care of myself and my kids i have no more energy to give to this relationship right now pray for me please

 

[ladyofvirtue]

Hey Cam,

You must step back, and continue to seek GOD's direction as to what you should do. Whether we want to accept HIS gudiance or not, when we really seek HIS voice, HE will tell us what to do, (sometimes instantaneously, sometimes gradually).

This situation is wearing you down and it is slowly killing you. Your children need you to be here for them. So, please take care of your self mentally, physically and spiritually.

I'll be praying hard for you.

PM me if you'd like.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

I am so sorry to hear this. I will pray for you. I don't have much advice to offer. I am very grateful for a devoted husband.

Take care.

 

[Dee Raven]

I know this is going to sound strange, but maybe you can take a moment to think about what his needs are. Why is going out every weekend staying out all hours? If you get to the bottom of why you both do what you do, then maybe you can reach a compromise where both of your needs are being met.

 

[camilla]

I know this is going to sound strange, but maybe you can take a moment to think about what his needs are. Why is going out every weekend staying out all hours? If you get to the bottom of why you both do what you do, then maybe you can reach a compromise where both of your needs are being met.

i think that he NEEDS to PARTY i am a great cook, clean, AND like monique said i am the FBIA our love life has always been GREAT so i can not think of any thing else he is from the islands and always tells me that the womans job is be at home and take care of the kids and husband but who takes care of me (besides god)
HE treats me like a bird in a cage that he lets out to play with when he wants but NO one else can see me or hear my song

 

[camilla]

I Just want to say thank you ladies for ALL your input i respect all opinions and i am very grateful

 

[natural2008]

You are in my prayer.

 

[camilla]

yes but its hard to tell when someone keeps repeating there actions do you think that is gods sign to leave

 

[Evolving78]

i am going to pray for peace, strength, and understanding for you. i am going to pray that you dh becomes convicted in his mind and heart for the disrespect that he is bring to the home. i pray against all demonic spirits that are trying to take place in your home and marriage. i pray that the Lord gives you the courage and stamina to fight this battle and for you to allow his will to be done.

be still my sister and listen for the Lord's plan of action. do not act or jump too soon.
i have been in your shoes and still struggle, but it is all a process and i had and i'm still learning how to be still. i make way too many fast moves out of hurt and anger. i have two babies as well, so i know this is just not about me and my feelings. this situation is bigger and know that you can't fight this battle alone. only discuss things with your pastor or come here. don't talk to any family or friends IRL. they will only complicate things and make the situation even more confusing. my head is still spinning. LOL!
what ever happens, always have your plan together. God Bless you! pm Ms. Honey or Nice and Wavy too. they has wisdom and good advice.

 

[Evolving78]

yes but its hard to tell when someone keeps repeating there actions do you think that is gods sign to leave

from my experience, i looked at my life and things around me and knew that leaving at the time would have been a big mistake. i wanted to leave so bad, but i knew that was the hurt talking and i couldn't see the big picture. see if you are questioning yourself about leaving, then you need to just stop and wait. now you have some folks that will leave over something like this in a minute and will be cool with it, but this doesn't sound like the case right now. you are hurt because he is being disrespectful, but it seems like he is trying to get a rise out of your or trying to see how far he can go. you do need to talk to him, but pray first, pray until it hurts. pray until you have clarity and a pure understanding of what the Lord is leading you to say. every time i would confront my dh, it was done out of anger and i would make matters worse. he has called the police on me! you don't want it to get out of hand like that or end up in jail. if you do need some time to go away to get your thoughts together, then do so.