When did you know it was over? has any woman

Great read. I am curious to read comments from people where the man is great and everything anyone would want, but the woman is just in a different place and needs something else. Has anyone been in that situation? Walked away from it? Any regrets?
 
This thread is deep. I'm married to a man that is really good to me. He's a great provider, great father, etc. But, I was pressured at 23 to get married and I wanted more kids (we have 1 son). We got married and then after a couple of miscarriages I finally got pregnant. We found out that we have the same mutated chromosome, therefore our baby had a very rare disorder. So, we had our baby girl and she died 30 years later. Three years later (today) we're still not able to have kids. Lastly, my heart is not in it. Last year we almost separated because I told him how I felt and I backed out because I was scared. Now, I'm just miserable and don't know how to move forward with expressing that I want a separation. It's really a bad feeling to be in silence because your scared to hurt the innocent party.
 
JustKiya said:
I knew it was over when he got in an accident, and I was a lil disappointed he walked away from it. :look: I filed a couple of weeks later (and the only reason I waited so long was I wanted to be sure he couldn't legally file for alimony), and I'm the happiest I've ever been in my LIFE.
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Damn ,that's cold ! Lol
 
I have been married for 10 years, together 12. I finally woke up out of a trance after years of lying and cheating. I started therapy recently and she informed me I was married to a Narcissist who was emotionally abusing me, which made so much sense after she said it.

Our relationship started off with him being dishonest, though I didn't realize it at the time. This man was/is so charming people can't believe the things I tell them about our marriage. For years he treaed me like I was lucky to have him and I didn't appreciate him. He was never home and was talking to other women before and after we got married. When we moved to another state he became jealous and possessive. Spent years accusing me of cheating on him, wanting to know where I was, going thru my phone, writing me nasty letters/texts at work. Just crazy!

We recently separated a few weeks ago and I feel so at peace. Even though I am starting over in some ways I don't even care. I would rather be happily single than miserable married. The sad thing is I know so many women who are still pretending to be happy because they are too scared to leave.
 
MissM I am sorry you went through that. The silver lining is that you can heal, move on and start over. It seems daunting at first but once you do, your life will be so much better. Take it from us! JustKiya said she is so much happier now, and I would also have to agree. I am so happy now and I keep reflecting on my past life being married and it is sooooo much better now.

Hang in there...your happiness is around the corner. You don't know it yet but you are a role model for those other women that you know that are in the same situation.

Hugs to you!
 
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skegeesmb said:
I knew our relationship was over when he would never say he loved me and all we did was fight. After 12 years of being together and I knew we should have gotten divorced in 2011. He gave the other girl the attention he used to give me.

He told me he was not sexually attracted to me at all, that I was fat (I'm not), and he was not sorry in anyway that he had an EA and a PA for months and justifying it blaming me.

We haven't officially divorced but I'm thinking by the end of this year I will. We maxed out my CC's trying to live a baller lifestyle that he wanted. While I was the one that just wanted to save and buy things.

I feel bad for him because he believes he's keeping the house which he WON'T be able to afford. I don't want it. He thinks I'm going to be a military spouse that takes him for everything. I won't and I'm not. I'm walking away with my stuff. I know I will have my own home within 3 years after our divorce is final. He doesn't pay bills, hasn't paid bills, hasn't ever filed taxes, I've done it all.

I can do it all by myself. I knew it was over when I watched him sleep and I wanted to take my hand and smash his face as hard as I could.
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It's a thin line between love and hate...i feel you on that one.
 
I knew it was over when I asked him to go to counseling and he made every excuse in the book as to why he could not go. Also when I went away for 6 mths to the bahamas and did not miss one part of him. I knew it was a wrap, even when I filed for divorce I was not hurt one bit. I just prayed to God and asked him to allow me to forgive my Ex and guess what I am at peace with myself, and wish him well.
 
THicknLong said:
I knew it was over when I asked him to go to counseling and he made every excuse in the book as to why he could not go. Also when I went away for 6 mths to the bahamas and did not miss one part of him. I knew it was a wrap, even when I filed for divorce I was not hurt one bit. I just prayed to God and asked him to allow me to forgive my Ex and guess what I am at peace with myself, and wish him well.
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Dang, six months? That's a long time! I had to read it twice to make sure I read it right.
 
Yes hun.. 6 months. girl my ex was a manipulative SOMETHING else!!!.. He made me feel like I did something wrong and he would pick arguments just so he could spend time with his side tramps!!! (reason I say tramps is because they knew he was married). When it all came down to it. He had a kid, I went through periods of blaming myself and woke up one day and realized that I was the best thing he would ever had. He would have had two kids because one of his women had a miscarriage and I had enough when I found out even our friends knew he was doing these things. On my 6 month vacation he emailed sent my parents apology letters and to be honest I was really over it all. I spent enough time crying over something I did not create. I found out his son was conceived dueing our marriage and also found out he had a son when he was 5 mths on this earth.

shortycocoa said:
Dang, six months? That's a long time! I had to read it twice to make sure I read it right.
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I am so sorry you went through all that! Hopefully now you are in a better place. I wish you well and hope you have a wonderful new beginning....*hugs*
 
*hugs* Trust I am in a wonderful place. I am accomplishing so many things that I never thought I could. God has definitely taught me what it is to forgive and move on. I have a man in my life that appreciates what I am trying to accomplish and not trying to rush me into anything, allowing me to complete my goals. He is God fearing!!!! Who knows he is willing to wait on me so he might be the one..lol. I do believe this has taught me what I want in a man, no man I have dated since my ex has not treated me like a QUEEN!!!.. So in all honesty I can say God has seen me through it all.

For the ladies also dealing with this trust put God first and he will definitely show you the path!!!

shortycocoa said:
I am so sorry you went through all that! Hopefully now you are in a better place. I wish you well and hope you have a wonderful new beginning....*hugs*
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its been over a year since I walked away from my marriage and I must say I'm happier because of it. I'm grateful I made a decision and acted on it. I just got word that the judge accepted my default filing so next up is court. I didn't want anything from that marriage, infact I left with my clothes and my ring. He has everything else and I don't care what he did with it......I'm just happy to have peace in my heart. I'm rebuilding everyday. My faith is strong and I believe I will regain everything I lost and more. I have no negative words to say about him or myself. I boil it down to making a wrong choice about a life partner and now put myself and my feelings first and when a person shows me who they are, I believe them!

Last year had to be one of the best years of my life and I'm grateful to everyone who helped me make last year possible. This year is all about new things and I'm soo excited. I'm soo blessed. Soo ready to move forward.

Be strong ladies.
 
An_gell said:
^^ Your post just touched my heart, because I feel the same way. I just filed last month, and I'm so at peace with it. Its time for me to start taking care of me.
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I'd just like to add that I don't discount this experience. It taught me so much about myself and how much I need to think for myself and not be afraid of anyone's opinion or expectations. Life is short and we don't get any time back so if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, move on, learn the lesson, forgive, rebuild, and move forward.

Bless you and your journey. Make sure you do things that help you stay focused on building yourself and your spirit. I take a boxing class to help release any periodic anxiety but take cafe of you!!!!
 
nychaelasymone said:
I'd just like to add that I don't discount this experience. It taught me so much about myself and how much I need to think for myself and not be afraid of anyone's opinion or expectations. Life is short and we don't get any time back so if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, move on, learn the lesson, forgive, rebuild, and move forward.

Bless you and your journey. Make sure you do things that help you stay focused on building yourself and your spirit. I take a boxing class to help release any periodic anxiety but take cafe of you!!!!
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nychaelasymone- Great post. I especially love the bolded.
 
nychaelasymone said:
I'd just like to add that I don't discount this experience. It taught me so much about myself and how much I need to think for myself and not be afraid of anyone's opinion or expectations. Life is short and we don't get any time back so if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, move on, learn the lesson, forgive, rebuild, and move forward.

Bless you and your journey. Make sure you do things that help you stay focused on building yourself and your spirit. I take a boxing class to help release any periodic anxiety but take cafe of you!!!!
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nychaelasymone, thanks sis and may God bless you as well. I so needed to read that post and thank you for sharing. Take care.
 
I think by the end of next year I will be free. Sex is a chore, seeing him naked makes me want to vomit. I tried to make it work really i did but after he had an EA that put me and our kids at risk for AIDS I just couldnt see him as a man, the protector. I know he is sorry and its been 4 years but I cant. Now everything he does ticks me off down to the way he chews his food.
Once i get these affairs in order I am out!
No I dont have AIDS. Test came out negative and took another one 6 months later to make sure.
I wish no ill will to him but I can love him if i cant like or trust him. Just time to move on.

Never thought i would say all of that to strangers and cant even say it to family. They say i walk around angry all the time but now that i am at piece with my choice my headaches are gone and i find myself smiling.
 
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