When Did This Become A Thing? Would You Consider This Cheating?

CoilyFields

CoilyFields

Well-Known Member
"I have something I wanna get off my chest..."

That's how both of these "taken" colleagues started their texts to me.

"I wouldn't have tried to act on it or anything..." is the excuse both of them made after I went in on them.

The fact that both of these grown BM said the exact same thing has me wondering is this the new way of trying to spark something then covering your bases?


I knew the first one liked me before, but I didn't think he still did or that he'd wait until he finally got a gf to say something.

The other is married and I stopped him before he could finish the sentence. What is spoken cannot be unspoken and what is heard cannot be unheard, Man! We were mad cool and have AP level chemistry but I was still stupid surprised that he started to go there.


Have yall heard those lines before? Would you consider what they did/said cheating?

If I didn't know them I would just consign them to the normal trifling band of cheaters but...they both surprised me! They were "good guys"...thas messed up...
 
If someone chose to get a gf and THEN decide to come on to me, we would have major beef. I would take that as an insult because to him I wasn't good enough to make me his A girl when he was single but I'm good enough to be your B girl when you're in a relationship. These men just want or like the attention you have been giving them.

They could be trying to cheat or they might just be testing the waters to see if they still got the juice, IMO. A blank stare and being kept at a distance is the least they would get from me. At most, they may get cussed out.
 
I have heard these lines before. From a married man "admitting" his feelings.
Cheating is when your right hand doesn't know what the left is doing i.e. he wouldn't do this in front of his wife.
Cheating also pertains to physical, emotional, financial, and mental fidelity. Up to the individual person on how serious they think it is.
 
ladysaraii said:
I disagree. They clearly were out to get something started, that to me is cheating on his part.
Click to expand...
of course they were. this is clearly betrayal with the intent to cheat clear! OP did not bite. Execution of the deed whether emotional or physical didn't occur here.

Without doubt, they crossed boundaries and were it me to find out an SO did this, would kick him to the curb.

I bet these men are seasoned cheaters and their lines are simply bait to see who will bite.
 
I do find it inappropriate and avoidable. How did they get your phone number? It's usually best to limit access to you from men that that you don't have a romantic interest in and who aren't family. Something as simple as access can come across as an invitation. My colleagues can't txt or call me in my personal line. They can email me on my work email or call me on my work phone they can txt me on a work device about work during work hours only. I know sometimes at work team have a roster of all employees but I reject that. You can't contact me on a personal line period if we don't have a personal connection and the expectations of using my work vehicles are clear.


I'm not saying your wrong the txt may have been on a work device, but if you don't like this I would examine your boundaries and what made them comfortable enough to go there.
 
Eta for context and transparency: my husband and I work for the same company. He didn't get my phone number until the day he asked me on a date and I didn't have his either until that day. Two different and defined lanes with different and defined expectations.
 
Bunnyhaslonghair said:
If someone chose to get a gf and THEN decide to come on to me, we would have major beef. I would take that as an insult because to him I wasn't good enough to make me his A girl when he was single but I'm good enough to be your B girl when you're in a relationship. These men just want or like the attention you have been giving them.

They could be trying to cheat or they might just be testing the waters to see if they still got the juice, IMO. A blank stare and being kept at a distance is the least they would get from me. At most, they may get cussed out.
Click to expand...

But the funny thing is, he doesn't have the juice at all! lol. It don't make no sense...

And yeah, I was insulted that he would think I would want to attach myself to a cheater. He got a serious lecture...with diagrams and everything lol.
 
movingforward13 said:
I have heard these lines before. From a married man "admitting" his feelings.
Cheating is when your right hand doesn't know what the left is doing i.e. he wouldn't do this in front of his wife.
Cheating also pertains to physical, emotional, financial, and mental fidelity. Up to the individual person on how serious they think it is.
Click to expand...

I think thats what annoyed me the most was that they acted like they just HAD to say something. Like the fate of the free world rested in their confession! You could have kept that to yourself sir and the world would have been better off!
 
Ivonnovi said:
So does the statement "we have AP Level Chemistry" loosely interpreted mean that "y'all really experience an instant attraction (like he could "get it")?
Click to expand...

In the strictest sense...ABSOLUTELY! (I'm ashamed yall...:badgirl:)

It was instant mental and physical attraction. It was uncomfortable for me cuz I'm not used to being attracted that strongly to someone, especially one who is taken. And for that reason, I tried to make sure to keep it strictly business.
 
Lylddlebit said:
I do find it inappropriate and avoidable. How did they get your phone number? It's usually best to limit access to you from men that that you don't have a romantic interest in and who aren't family. Something as simple as access can come across as an invitation. My colleagues can't txt or call me in my personal line. They can email me on my work email or call me on my work phone they can txt me on a work device about work during work hours only. I know sometimes at work team have a roster of all employees but I reject that. You can't contact me on a personal line period if we don't have a personal connection and the expectations of using my work vehicles are clear.


I'm not saying your wrong the txt may have been on a work device, but if you don't like this I would examine your boundaries and what made them comfortable enough to go there.
Click to expand...

The one with the gf...we hung out a few times outside of work (not often), so were friends. So he had my work and personal cell numbers.

The married one has my work cell. I refused to hang out with him because of my attraction. But we still have a lot of joint projects so calling or texting one another was not unusual.

Yeah, I did wonder why they both decided to go there...around the same time. Maybe it coincided with my divorce? Dunno.
 
Ahhh,...So I may have been fresh meat? Dang...

I was very private at work so no one knew about my separation or divorce until it was final. I'm glad they didn't know before that, cuz about half way through I went through a regressive stage of hurt that made me very desperate for attention and "love". I would have been super easy prey.
 
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