ok well first thanks for responding, 75 ppl lookin but no one got nothin to say!! lol. ANYWHORE yeah i dont take b.s. im blunt and i dont beat around the bush and i say slick **** a lot but its just joking around which is why i hate sensitive ppl. if im being mean ull know, i wont have a smile in sight. i like guys that can take it and talk **** back. i dish it out AND i can take it. i get irritated easily and i put negros "in check" i guess.
I think this might be the problem right here!!! LOL!
Trust me OP, I like to banter back and forth just like the next person, but honestly...I think over the years I've started to realize that that type of joking only works well w/people who are: 1) your BEST friends who have known you for years so they KNOW you're "just joking", 2) people who have a ROUGH tough interior who can take stuff like that, or 3) guy friends who DON'T like you romantically (and even some who don't can't take that type of banter from women....)
I'm just saying.... I've learned (the hard way) that although men have a tough exterior, they really ARE sensitive on the inside. Not all men can take harsh banter or "joking", especially from women who are "supposed" to be softer, calmer, gentler, etc. It kind of throws them for a loop. I've said some things in the past to guys who I actually was interested in, but because I was so "harsh" (joking of course), he didn't know how to take me and I think he was a little offended. I think guys don't know how to come across w/women sometimes who are a little TOO "rough around the edges". It kind of intimidates them a little. If they had ANY romantic feelings for you in the beginning, they will start to fade. Don't try to be "like a guy", because I've found that you only make a guy your enemy that way.
Men will start to see you as "equals" and will go for the jugular if ever put on the spot during a verbal war. Not pretty....
You don't want a man to see you as an equal...not a man who you are interested in at least. You want him to see you as the "weaker vessel" lol...as it says in the bible. It's true! I find I have waaay more success w/men when I appear "weaker", calmer, gentler, and more feminine.
I end up attracting more "manly" men as a default! But when I'm hard, brash, cut-throat, or aggressive, I tend to attract weaker men who I'm not even remotely attracted to lol.
Sometimes I think women can despise "sensitive" or "weak" men so much, (ie. "I don't want a weak man!") that they
ERRONEOUSLY assume that because THEY think that it is such a turn-off for a man to be weak, this means that THEY themselves should not show any sign of weakness or vulnerability either in order to be deemed "attractive" to a man. They in turn go the OTHER extreme and end up acting TOO harsh, TOO aggressive! But that is a fallacy! I'm not saying women should be doormats (because that's not attractive either), but what you'll find is that men actually LIKE the opposite of what they are. So, if you see your other girl friends getting guys and you're wondering why....take a look and see how they ACT around men who they might be interested in! Take a look and see how they treat their boyfriends!
oh of course! but i dont want to talk to everyone like im in an interview. iv been told before by my cousin to rephrase how i say things (ironically shes just as mean as i am...go figure) maybe i should start thinking before i speak because ppl are more sensitive then i thought....*le sigh* thats a lot of work!!
Yeah, I've had to learn that people are more sensitive than I thought as well. Oh well...I'm working on it myself!
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OP I get wanting a guy who can "take" what you dish out thing.
BUT what I've found over the years is that men... have feelings (gasp I know!) sometimes they get their feeling hurt easier than we do. Our little jokes especially if they like you can hurt.
Ish talking among friends is a lot of fun but when you're trying to build a romantic relationship you should spend less time shooting one liners. I got hooked on that back and forth banter myself and always thought that was part of my "charm." Had a lot of guy friends growing up so I got used to relating to men in a certain way. I didn't realize it was carrying over into my dating life until a really good guy friend I've known for years said "do you treat your dates the way you treat me?" It was just an offhanded comment but it got me to thinking. So I'm learning to communicate in other ways. I'm always going to have a big mouth but I've pared down my "routine." When you're dating you're trying to get to know someone and having a sharp tongue can put a block on that. You don't have to be a mush mouth pushover but you should exhibit qualities in communication that he can't just get from one of his boys.
I'm learning and I still catch myself going one joke too far but now at least I try to smooth it over with a comment to counter that. Adjust and keep it rolling.
Listen to her! This is excellent advice!
I was surprised too to learn that men are more sensitive than I thought. In fact, I would say they are probably MORE so because they have fragile egos. I think that women can sometimes take "joking" a little easier with other women, because we don't have fragile egos, and we know that our girl friends are just being "silly" when they joke/banter w/us. But for men....if a woman makes a "joke" at his expense...especially if other men are around, it can really bruise his ego badly.
He can start to have bad/negative feelings about you simply due to that. This does NOT cause a man to want to be around you in order to develop romantic feelings for you. For a man, the way a woman views him means just about everything. If you think about it, WOMEN are the driving force behind what most men do....if you REALLY think about it lol. So, if he encounters a woman who verbally "jokes" with him in a way that is too harsh, or even worse...EMASCULATING, he doesn't conjure up positive feelings for her. She now becomes his "opponent" instead of a woman that he wants to cuddle with, admire, care for, protect, etc. You see my point?
So, it seems like you have the physical part down pat. All you have to do is tone down the "jokes" and "banter" a little bit and see what happens! I notice that I'm actually more "feminine" or less "jokey" with guys that I just view as friends. I don't even have a desire to get into a verbal banter/flirtation with them because I don't like them "like that". But w/men that I'm actually interested in, I kind of have this URGE to want to banter with them, and maybe that's because I'm not good at flirting lol!! I'm working on that now so that I can appeal to the manly man. So, be a little "softer".... touch him lightly instead of punching him in the arm, compliment him nicely on his tie/shirt instead of cracking jokes about what he's wearing, etc. You see where I'm going with this?
After getting to know a guy for a while (I'd say at least a good 6 months), THEN you can start showing him your more "fiesty side".
But even then....keep it clean, and don't hit below the belt. Don't joke about anything that would bruise his ego. Seriously, men really are more sensitive than we think! Especially black men! Just remember that.
Don't worry though, I'm working on it too. I think that somewhere on this earth there is a man just right for you who won't be jaded by your "jokes", and will be able to roll w/the punches and dish them right back at you. But those types of men are really few and far in between. So, in the meantime, why not up your chances a little with men by practicing these few little pointers the ladies on here have given you? I think you might have more success w/men in general!
I wish you well!
