what's wrong with me??

L

L.Brown1114

Well-Known Member
I cant have a long relationship to save my life. I see my friends and my sister doing it all the time but for some reason I cant. i have long time guy friends where feelings were there at one point on both ends or one end but never a serious deep relationship. idk if its me or the guys im picking. I generally date black men who are serious around other people but goofy around me (i dont like my man to be goofy in public its embarrassing cuz its a big turn off to tell a joke and no one laughs and they all awkwardly look away and change the subject) i digress... my sister told me i have a strong personality and that may be a factor so does that mean i have to tone my personality down around men and only act like myself around females and family?? i tried it a couple of times but it just comes off as me being awkward and fake. iv done the e harmony evaluation to see what type of guys i should be dating and i got all white guys so idk if im even dating the right race!! the only good relationship i had was with a giy who loved my strong personality but i couldnt love him cuz i fall in love with guys who control the relationship but maybe i have to be the one controlling it in order for it to work?? i feel like the person being controlled in the relationship always loves the person whose controlling more than they love them and i dont want to spend the rest of my life with some one i dont love with all my heart! is my only option be in control and live a life mediocre life or be controlled and love a man who forgot to love me back??
 
L.Brown1114 said:
so does that mean i have to tone my personality down around men and only act like myself around females and family?? i tried it a couple of times but it just comes off as me being awkward and fake.
Click to expand...

Never change who you are, to gain some love.

As the saying goes ''Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.''

I don't believe in looking for love, love will come find you.

You'll find your Yang, and together you can be Ying-Yang. Just chill baby gurlll.... unless you're 50, I duno why you stressing. :grin:
 
Chocolatelove2010 said:
Never change who you are, to gain some love.

As the saying goes ''Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.''

I don't believe in looking for love, love will come find you.

You'll find your Yang, and together you can be Ying-Yang. Just chill baby gurlll.... unless you're 50, I duno why you stressing. :grin:
Click to expand...


idk i guess i just feel like im 20 and there are ppl with long relationships in middle school and i still havnt even had one yet!
 
L.Brown1114 said:
idk i guess i just feel like im 20 and there are ppl with long relationships in middle school and i still havnt even had one yet!
Click to expand...


Ok, here's some advice I'd give ya.. which is more than just love yourself. Even though that's important.. you can work on other things.

Ermm I can write an essay but the truth is Men are very visual creatures. Wear heels, and clothes that flatter your body. Dress elegantly, but sexy at the same time. You say that your strong character may be what scares men away, well just be more feminine around them.

I never used to be girly, and although I had guys like me... they'd always see me as one of them. But then I got into heels, make up etc... and now these men are just animals. :look: Sheesh

How do you dress now? Do you like to dress girly? Do you do your nails.. do you put on perfume?
 
Last edited:
Chocolatelove2010 said:
Ok, here's some advice I'd give ya.. which is more than just love yourself. Even though that's important.. you can work on other things.

Ermm I can write an essay but the truth is Men are very visual creatures. Wear heels, and clothes that flatter your body. Dress elegantly, but sexy at the same time. You say that your strong character may be what scares men away, well just be more feminine around them.

I never used to be girly, and although I had guys like me... they'd always see me as one of them. But then I got into heels, make up etc... and now these men are just animals. :look: Sheesh

How do you dress now? Do you like to dress girly? Do you do your nails.. do you put on perfume?
Click to expand...


yes i am very girly perfume, cute clothes, hair done most the time, makeup when needed. i wear flashy stuff and everything. and i know im pretty iv been told multiple times so the only left in my opinion has to be my personality. i can attract them but can never keep em :sad:
 
Ok. When you say strong personality, can you give me examples of what you mean.

Are you bossy? Everything has to be your way? Or.. you just don't take any BS. Just elaborate what you think it is that perhaps scare these men away...
 
Chocolatelove2010 said:
Ok. When you say strong personality, can you give me examples of what you mean.

Are you bossy? Everything has to be your way? Or.. you just don't take any BS. Just elaborate what you think it is that perhaps scare these men away...
Click to expand...


ok well first thanks for responding, 75 ppl lookin but no one got nothin to say!! lol. ANYWHORE yeah i dont take b.s. im blunt and i dont beat around the bush and i say slick **** a lot but its just joking around which is why i hate sensitive ppl. if im being mean ull know, i wont have a smile in sight. i like guys that can take it and talk **** back. i dish it out AND i can take it. i get irritated easily and i put negros "in check" i guess.
 
L.Brown1114 said:
ok well first thanks for responding, 75 ppl lookin but no one got nothin to say!! lol. ANYWHORE yeah i dont take b.s. im blunt and i dont beat around the bush and i say slick **** a lot but its just joking around which is why i hate sensitive ppl. if im being mean ull know, i wont have a smile in sight. i like guys that can take it and talk **** back. i dish it out AND i can take it. i get irritated easily and i put negros "in check" i guess.
Click to expand...

lol @ 75 people looking but not responding.

Well try this.

1) Smile more often :grin: (no man wants to see a rude face lol)

2) Stop calling men sensitive.

3) Be nice. No more meanie.. Aiiiiiiiiiight

It seems that you're rude (sometimes) to guys, and expect them to be rude back. But instead they just KIM (keep it moving). Perhaps you come across too aggressive. Be a little more soft, and gentle. These men wanna cuddle ya, not go to war with ya.

Hope that helps.
 
A little OT, my husband does this

(i dont like my man to be goofy in public its embarrassing cuz its a big turn off to tell a joke and no one laughs and they all awkwardly look away and change the subject)
Click to expand...

I love that he's comfortable enough with himself that he can dance alone and tell stupid jokes where he's the only one laughing.
 
L.Brown1114 said:
ok well first thanks for responding, 75 ppl lookin but no one got nothin to say!! lol. ANYWHORE yeah i dont take b.s. im blunt and i dont beat around the bush and i say slick **** a lot but its just joking around which is why i hate sensitive ppl. if im being mean ull know, i wont have a smile in sight. i like guys that can take it and talk **** back. i dish it out AND i can take it. i get irritated easily and i put negros "in check" i guess.
Click to expand...

Dang girl, you sound hard. I believe there is someone for everyone.:yep:

Now let me get out of your way.
 
dlewis said:
A little OT, my husband does this



I love that he's comfortable enough with himself that he can dance alone and tell stupid jokes where he's the only one laughing.
Click to expand...

i love these type of men too...
sorry i have no advice
 
dlewis said:
Dang girl, you sound hard. I believe there is someone for everyone.:yep:

Now let me get out of your way.
Click to expand...


but thats the thing im not!!! i dont speak slang or curse a lot so maybe its how i say it. i can make a simple sentence cut u and say the same sentence in a nice way. i guess its the way i say things. lol @ ur husband, i dont get embarrassed easily but theres just something about awkward silences that get to me
 
L.Brown1114 said:
but thats the thing im not!!! i dont speak slang or curse a lot so maybe its how i say it. i can make a simple sentence cut u and say the same sentence in a nice way. i guess its the way i say things. lol @ ur husband, i dont get embarrassed easily but theres just something about awkward silences that get to me
Click to expand...

Do you think, maybe, you could learn to rephase the sentence in a nice way? In the working world, wheather you work for yourself or someone else, you can't really talk to people like that without consequences.
 
Chocolatelove2010 said:
lol @ 75 people looking but not responding.

Well try this.

1) Smile more often :grin: (no man wants to see a rude face lol)
i smile and laugh ALL THE TIME!!!
2) Stop calling men sensitive.
i dont say it to their face :rolleyes:
3) Be nice. No more meanie.. Aiiiiiiiiiight
ok ill try :yawn:
It seems that you're rude (sometimes) to guys, and expect them to be rude back. But instead they just KIM (keep it moving). Perhaps you come across too aggressive. Be a little more soft, and gentle. These men wanna cuddle ya, not go to war with ya.

Hope that helps.
Click to expand...

thanks! i guess i have to tone it down a bit until he gets too attached to let stuff like that bother him.
 
dlewis said:
Do you think, maybe, you could learn to rephase the sentence in a nice way? In the working world, wheather you work for yourself or someone else, you can't really talk to people like that without consequences.
Click to expand...


oh of course! but i dont want to talk to everyone like im in an interview. iv been told before by my cousin to rephrase how i say things (ironically shes just as mean as i am...go figure) maybe i should start thinking before i speak because ppl are more sensitive then i thought....*le sigh* thats a lot of work!!
 
lol those people with long term relationships in middle school need some guidance because middle school is too soon for a serious relationship even if it does last at that age it shouldn't be a focus but you're 20 take your time and the right one will accept and love you for you
 
dlewis said:
:lachen: It's really funny. I don't dance in public so when we go to functions he'll be the only one dancing alone and oftentimes it ends with everyone around him chearing him on. It's really a site to see.
Click to expand...

LOL, That kind of man is waaaaaaaaay more fun than the one who never wants to socialise with others or crack a joke.

Nothing is more sexier than a man who can bring a room to life, and make you smile instantly :grin:
 
L.Brown1114 said:
oh of course! but i dont want to talk to everyone like im in an interview. iv been told before by my cousin to rephrase how i say things (ironically shes just as mean as i am...go figure) maybe i should start thinking before i speak because ppl are more sensitive then i thought....*le sigh* thats a lot of work!!
Click to expand...

Maybe once you pratice it some it won't seem like so much work. And it'll open things up and you won't appear to be angry.:yep:
 
Chocolatelove2010 said:
LOL, That kind of man is waaaaaaaaay more fun than the one who never wants to socialise with others or crack a joke.

Nothing is more sexier than a man who can bring a room to life, and make you smile instantly :grin:
Click to expand...

That's def my husband. Yest I was sitting outside and as soon as he got out of his truck I'm on the ground laughing.:nono: He is a trip.
 
L.Brown1114 said:
ok well first thanks for responding, 75 ppl lookin but no one got nothin to say!! lol. ANYWHORE yeah i dont take b.s. im blunt and i dont beat around the bush and i say slick **** a lot but its just joking around which is why i hate sensitive ppl. if im being mean ull know, i wont have a smile in sight. i like guys that can take it and talk **** back. i dish it out AND i can take it. i get irritated easily and i put negros "in check" i guess.
Click to expand...

I'm scared of you! :lol: You mean you do this with people you know already, right? I'm assuming you don't do this to complete strangers...right? I'm very blunt and to the point with people I know.


Anyway, I don't think there'e anything 'wrong' with you...you just haven't met the right person yet :yep:
 
L.Brown1114 said:
I cant have a long relationship to save my life. I see my friends and my sister doing it all the time but for some reason I cant. i have long time guy friends where feelings were there at one point on both ends or one end but never a serious deep relationship. idk if its me or the guys im picking. I generally date black men who are serious around other people but goofy around me (i dont like my man to be goofy in public its embarrassing cuz its a big turn off to tell a joke and no one laughs and they all awkwardly look away and change the subject) i digress... my sister told me i have a strong personality and that may be a factor so does that mean i have to tone my personality down around men and only act like myself around females and family?? i tried it a couple of times but it just comes off as me being awkward and fake. iv done the e harmony evaluation to see what type of guys i should be dating and i got all white guys so idk if im even dating the right race!! the only good relationship i had was with a giy who loved my strong personality but i couldnt love him cuz i fall in love with guys who control the relationship but maybe i have to be the one controlling it in order for it to work?? i feel like the person being controlled in the relationship always loves the person whose controlling more than they love them and i dont want to spend the rest of my life with some one i dont love with all my heart! is my only option be in control and live a life mediocre life or be controlled and love a man who forgot to love me back??
Click to expand...

Couple of things
1. If you seem desperate for a relationship it can be a turn off. at 20, come on, you have time don't worry if you have not found your prince yet because at 20, even 30 some guys have some maturing to do.

2. If people keep telling you to rephrase how you say things and you find peope are sensitive around you ITS NOT THEM, ITS YOU. I am assuming your cousin loves you and is only trying to help you. If everyone around you is sensitive the one connecting factor is you - then you need to walk around with a voice activated tape recorder in your pocket and tape how you speak to people. Then at the end of the day or maybe a week later listen to it and see HOW you sound. I have a feeling you will be surprised.

3. Never change who you are for a relationship. The person will not be getting to know the real you and will not love the real you. They will love the image you project. If you are changing yourself - do it for your own benefit.

4. Relax and don't worry about people embarrassing you or themselves. Its life - trust me one day you will be waaay more embarrassed. Think about your weave flying out the window of a crowded bus, your breast pads falling out of your bra and on the floor, going to the gyno and farting during the pap smear. Trust me someone not finding something funny pales in comparison.
 
OP I get wanting a guy who can "take" what you dish out thing. BUT what I've found over the years is that men... have feelings (gasp I know!) sometimes they get their feeling hurt easier than we do. Our little jokes especially if they like you can hurt.

Ish talking among friends is a lot of fun but when you're trying to build a romantic relationship you should spend less time shooting one liners. I got hooked on that back and forth banter myself and always thought that was part of my "charm." Had a lot of guy friends growing up so I got used to relating to men in a certain way. I didn't realize it was carrying over into my dating life until a really good guy friend I've known for years said "do you treat your dates the way you treat me?" It was just an offhanded comment but it got me to thinking. So I'm learning to communicate in other ways. I'm always going to have a big mouth but I've pared down my "routine." When you're dating you're trying to get to know someone and having a sharp tongue can put a block on that. You don't have to be a mush mouth pushover but you should exhibit qualities in communication that he can't just get from one of his boys.

I'm learning and I still catch myself going one joke too far but now at least I try to smooth it over with a comment to counter that. Adjust and keep it rolling. :yep:
 
qchelle said:
I'm scared of you! :lol: You mean you do this with people you know already, right? I'm assuming you don't do this to complete strangers...right? I'm very blunt and to the point with people I know.


Anyway, I don't think there'e anything 'wrong' with you...you just haven't met the right person yet :yep:
Click to expand...



oh goodness no! to complete strangers i'm as sweet as pie :grin:...unless of course your rude to me then i get a tad bit funky towards you but not rude.
 
You are only 20 you have plenty of time, trust me or anyone who says this. Middle school and High School relationships don't really count in my opinion. Out of all of those couples in HS very few of them get married.

BTW, maybe the guys who act silly around you in private are comfortable enough to loosen up around you.
 
There's someone for everyone out there, honey. Don't ever think for one bit that there is something wrong with who you are. U just haven't met the guy that fits ur puzzle. You are only 20, and although it may seem like the end of the world being alone at this moment, your life is just beginning. The 20's are the time where you learn a lot about yourself.

Take some time to evaluate the men you have been seeing. Where are you meeting these guys. Perhaps, you should venture out to someplace new.
 
OP, apart from the good advice being given in this thread, I simply want to emphasise that 20 is *much* too young to be worried about never having been in a long relationship.
 
Hi again OP. I'm bored and should be sleeping, so I thought I'd respond again :look:

Btw, I'm 20 as well :wave:

Two good friends of mine are in a similiar 'situation'. They're 20; have never been in a relationship...long or short. They often talk about how they're afraid they're going to end up alone; try to figure out 'what's wrong with them' and what can they do to better their chances at a relationship. We (me and the rest of our friends) tend to brush their concerns to the side--yes, even us group of 20 yr olds who are currently dating, etc--with the 'you're young; calm down; it ain't that serious; you got time'.

But I can kinda see where they're coming from. Watching the rest of your friends date and be in relationships and do this thing that you want to...I'm sure this can be frustrating. And I completely understand how this can make you feel like there's something wrong with you. Because everyone else you see/in your age group is doing it...so why not you? I get it :yep:

But again, I say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You just haven't found the right person yet. And there's nothing wrong with that.

I just thought I'd offer that up so you won't go thinking you're alone in this situation. You're not.

Oh, and as for me. I don't want to get married til I'm 32. So when I'm 35 I guess I'll start to worry about long relationships :lol:

ETA: A few of my friends have been with their SO for YEARS I tell you, YEARS! Like some middle school, 9th grade type shyt :lol: I can't even imagine! IMO, that's umm strange :look: but I bet some of them will end up marrying that person. I mean, hey, whatever works for them :lol:
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

E
What's Wrong With Me?
Replies
13
Views
514
PeaceFlow
P
janiebaby
Finally figured out what's wrong with me!!!!
Replies
29
Views
866
naturalagain2
naturalagain2
MrsBKJ
Fathers day gifts for hubby
Replies
4
Views
74
Nyssa28
Nyssa28
L
have you found your soulmate yet??....I have, he just doesn't know it yet
Replies
5
Views
222
L.Brown1114
L
G
Are your guy friends REALLY just friends - Platonic Relationships.
Replies
22
Views
531
gymfreak336
gymfreak336
Back
Top