WHAT??!! you ain't go no kids yet/when are you going to have kids?

[kurlybella]

so some of my ghettoist cousins had the nerve to ask me this and was like "you need to go on and have some kids."
now, they know i'm NOT married or in a committed solid long therm relationship (aka the jolie pitts type situation).

but i have lots of cousins that have kids and are not with the father/mother of their children. so to them there really are not many prerequisites to having children.

kind of goes like this: meet a guy, if his car/house is cute or if he seems to be nice, give it up. know nothing of his character or deep morals and even if you do and KNOW it's no good, give it up some more anyway. don't take bc or halfway take it, let him skeet skeet. tell everyone you are preggers and that it was an accident. dare any of the women of the family to act like they even know how bc works or halfway taking bc works. dare anyone to have any emotion other than ultimate pure joy and happiness for you. give birth. complain when he births other babies into the world with different women or goes to jail or flips out on you. act like you didn't know he wasn't any good. loudly proclaim you don't need a man anyway, that you are your kid's daddy too. turn on full blast woe is me mode. wait for child support check each month. repeat cycle in 2-3 years.

the excuses of "it was a mistake" "it was an accident" "i didn't plan for this to happen" "this is a blessing from god" is good enough for the many single moms/dads in my family as they all shake their heads in unison (because they also used the same excuses). and when they drop the last one, who is anyone to deny god. i digress. btw, we have about three "accidents" every other year. soon, the accidents will start having accidents. it's a really big problem on one side of my family but many turn a blind eye to it.

anyway, my cousin asked me this and i said i was not in a committed relationship and that i wanted to take my time to find a man that would be a good match for me.

there is a thread in the health section talking about how hispanics and blacks have an unhealthy perception of body weight and health.

and you know what, after seeing what happens on one side of my family (thank god it's not both sides) with all these babies and no stable families, and just yesterday i saw FIVE under 21 aged girls on the train pushing BABY strollers, i'd say that we also have an f'd up perception of family with 70% of our children being born to one parent homes.

if 70% of us are having "accidents" per year, something is just not right!!

but you know what, so many of us are in denial about this truth. it's a shame.

do you get asked often when you are going to have kids when you clearly are not married or are in a solid relationship?

 

[Zsazsa6275]

I haven't been asked that exact question. I do get asked if I want kids. And when I say I'm unsure, then I get that confused stare like "why would you not want kids?". Then, I have to proceed to lift my left hand and show how my ring finger has no ring. Even still, they stand there like they don't get it.

Like you ladylady, I want to find the best match for me. After that, maybe I will be open to having kids. Until then, I refuse to have any kids! It's hard enough work and adding a trifling man to that is not going to cut it!

 

[meecee]

Yep I get asked the question often and folks are genuinely shocked that my fiancee and I don't have any children. All of my cousins are popping out children left and right...and now I'm getting strange looks because I haven't. Well excuse me for wanting to finish school, get a decent career started, buy a house and get married first. I'd also like to raise my kids without depending on any type of public assistance. Unlike my lazy cousins who've been on welfare and section 8 since they were 17-18 years old. A lot of people in my family don't understand, but oh well. I'm not questioning your poor life choices, so don't question mine.

 

[Clem98tig]

My answer is simple:

No Carats = No Kids

 

[robot.]

i don't get this question, but my SO does. his mom always asks him when he's going to have kids, even was he was single, now that he's involved with someone, i think she expects him to have a kid every time they talk on the phone. it annoys him, but to me it's funny and i joke and say, "it's because they're from the old country."

 

[GypsyGoddess]

I feel you on this one.

I never felt it was fair to “accidentally” get pregnant. I believe the least thing I owe my unborn child is a father who wanted him/her. I am amazed at the number of women who get pregnant when they knew the relationship was only a “booty-call” relationship. And then, after the baby is born, she wonders why he doesn’t spend time with his child. Duh!!! He didn’t want that child to begin with!!!

I think there are still women in this day and age who believe that if they have a baby for a man then the man will stay with them. However, my own personal observation proves otherwise.

I remember I was in a laundromat once and a little girl (about 5 years old) who was sitting next to me on the sofa asked me if I had any kids. I responded, “No.” She then asked, “Why not?” I responded, “Because I am not married.” The child then looked at me as if she saw a horn grow out of my forehead. She couldn’t wrap her mind around my statement because I’m sure her mom was telling her that she didn’t need a man to raise her children. Well I am sorry, I don’t agree with that statement. IF YOU NEEDED A MAN TO MAKE THEM, THEN YOU NEED A MAN TO RAISE THEM!!!

I am tired of every one looking at me like I am strange and all those women who are having babies out of wedlock are normal!!!

I choose not to live my life that way.

 

[Vanity1]

I think the more the years go by, the less there is a stigma attached to having a kid outside of being married. And sadly, I think it is the norm by our social standards for our black men and women to have children out of wedlock. It is expected. I have had several people in my profession ask me if I have any kids, or how many kids do I have, black AND white. When I tell them none, I am not married yet, they get extremely quiet. Its as if I have hit them in the head or something.

I mean, when we live in a society where a teenage mother's pregnancy is publicized and even touted in a some ways, there is really a problem. Like my mother said, years ago, things happened. But you werent patted on the back for it, and they definately were not on t.v. if they were pregnant.

I really want to see EVERYONE take responsibility for their choices and stop bringing children into messes just because "babies are a blessing". Those babies have to grow up to be someone's student, coworker, husband and wife, and it just continues bad cycles.

 

[MizAvalon]

so some of my ghettoist cousins had the nerve to ask me this and was like "you need to go on and have some kids."
now, they know i'm NOT married or in a committed solid long therm relationship (aka the jolie pitts type situation).

but i have lots of cousins that have kids and are not with the father/mother of their children. so to them there really are not many prerequisites to having children.

kind of goes like this: meet a guy, if his car/house is cute or if he seems to be nice, give it up. know nothing of his character or deep morals and even if you do and KNOW it's no good, give it up some more anyway. don't take bc or halfway take it, let him skeet skeet. tell everyone you are preggers and that it was an accident. dare any of the women of the family to act like they even know how bc works or halfway taking bc works. dare anyone to have any emotion other than ultimate pure joy and happiness for you. give birth. complain when he births other babies into the world with different women or goes to jail or flips out on you. act like you didn't know he wasn't any good. loudly proclaim you don't need a man anyway, that you are your kid's daddy too. turn on full blast woe is me mode. wait for child support check each month. repeat cycle in 2-3 years.

the excuses of "it was a mistake" "it was an accident" "i didn't plan for this to happen" "this is a blessing from god" is good enough for the many single moms/dads in my family as they all shake their heads in unison (because they also used the same excuses). and when they drop the last one, who is anyone to deny god. i digress. btw, we have about three "accidents" every other year. soon, the accidents will start having accidents. it's a really big problem on one side of my family but many turn a blind eye to it.

anyway, my cousin asked me this and i said i was not in a committed relationship and that i wanted to take my time to find a man that would be a good match for me.

there is a thread in the health section talking about how hispanics and blacks have an unhealthy perception of body weight and health.

and you know what, after seeing what happens on one side of my family (thank god it's not both sides) with all these babies and no stable families, and just yesterday i saw FIVE under 21 aged girls on the train pushing BABY strollers, i'd say that we also have an f'd up perception of family with 70% of our children being born to one parent homes.

if 70% of us are having "accidents" per year, something is just not right!!

but you know what, so many of us are in denial about this truth. it's a shame.

do you get asked often when you are going to have kids when you clearly are not married or are in a solid relationship?

OMG!! You just described over half my family!

I tell them all the same thing:

Them:When you gonna have some kids/Why don't you have any kids? What are you waiting for?

Me:I'm not married, how am I going to have children?

Them:Girl, you don't need to be married to have kids. Half of the time these men leave anyway. If you wanna have kids, you can't wait on no man!

Me:Um, maybe you don't need to be married but I don't breed bastards.

Them:erplexed

 

[MizAvalon]

Oh, and why oh why, is it always the folks that are struggling like crazy that want you to join them in their misery?

Backwards, just backwards!

 

[Undefeated Queen]

so some of my ghettoist cousins had the nerve to ask me this and was like "you need to go on and have some kids."
now, they know i'm NOT married or in a committed solid long therm relationship (aka the jolie pitts type situation).

but i have lots of cousins that have kids and are not with the father/mother of their children. so to them there really are not many prerequisites to having children.

kind of goes like this: meet a guy, if his car/house is cute or if he seems to be nice, give it up. know nothing of his character or deep morals and even if you do and KNOW it's no good, give it up some more anyway. don't take bc or halfway take it, let him skeet skeet. tell everyone you are preggers and that it was an accident. dare any of the women of the family to act like they even know how bc works or halfway taking bc works. dare anyone to have any emotion other than ultimate pure joy and happiness for you. give birth. complain when he births other babies into the world with different women or goes to jail or flips out on you. act like you didn't know he wasn't any good. loudly proclaim you don't need a man anyway, that you are your kid's daddy too. turn on full blast woe is me mode. wait for child support check each month. repeat cycle in 2-3 years.

the excuses of "it was a mistake" "it was an accident" "i didn't plan for this to happen" "this is a blessing from god" is good enough for the many single moms/dads in my family as they all shake their heads in unison (because they also used the same excuses). and when they drop the last one, who is anyone to deny god. i digress. btw, we have about three "accidents" every other year. soon, the accidents will start having accidents. it's a really big problem on one side of my family but many turn a blind eye to it.

anyway, my cousin asked me this and i said i was not in a committed relationship and that i wanted to take my time to find a man that would be a good match for me.

there is a thread in the health section talking about how hispanics and blacks have an unhealthy perception of body weight and health.

and you know what, after seeing what happens on one side of my family (thank god it's not both sides) with all these babies and no stable families, and just yesterday i saw FIVE under 21 aged girls on the train pushing BABY strollers, i'd say that we also have an f'd up perception of family with 70% of our children being born to one parent homes.

if 70% of us are having "accidents" per year, something is just not right!!

but you know what, so many of us are in denial about this truth. it's a shame.

do you get asked often when you are going to have kids when you clearly are not married or are in a solid relationship?

This sounds like my younger cousin J. Two miscarriages and four babies before the age of 20. She had the nerve to tell me "**** you getting old! When you gon have some kids?" Ugh.

 

[MizAvalon]

This sounds like my younger cousin J. Two miscarriages and four babies before the age of 20. She had the nerve to tell me "**** you getting old! When you gon have some kids?" Ugh.

OMG-WHAT!!

Sad, just sad.

 

[Undefeated Queen]

OMG-WHAT!!

Sad, just sad.

Girl yes. It's so sad.

 

[drasgrl]

After my aunt's funeral last week one of my cousins asked me. She's a couple years younger than me and just had her second baby OOW four months ago. I rarely get asked that question thank God. I just gave her a look, not a nasty one, just a look like say what? Her mother (my first cousin who also had her OOW at a young age) them chimed in and said "dras ain't having no kids, she's a career woman"

 

[sillygirl82]

My answer is simple:

No Carats = No Kids

That is my new motto. I went to a family barbecue last week. One of my cousins (Mr. Three Kids and cheats on his babies' mama) asked when was I going to have kids. Before I could even respond, my little sister piped up and yelled "when she gets married! duh!"

I just want to do the right thing for my potential offspring. I can't be popping out baby after baby and then wonder why I'm poor or stressed out.

 

[nappysunflowers]

When I get ignorant questions like that, I ask, "Well, when are your kids gonna stop having kids?". My paternal grandmother has nine great-grandchildren, and my maternal grandmother (RIP) has five great grandchildren; not ONE on either side is legitimate. NOT ONE. All of them are OOW. I know my paternal grandmother is not happy, and I know my maternal grandmother wouldn't be either. So, as far as I am concerned, my fam can just leave me alone. I agree with the one author, no karats=no kids. No one raised me to be a baby's mama. I was raised to be someone's WIFE. Point blank.

 

[ntrlbeauty87]

See, that thinking right there saddens me. Because it's like, when are we going to do better? When are we going to teach our children that there's a better life if you just stay focused. But with this metality it's a destructive cycle and we wonder why our babies are having babies and why our men are leaving their children. When will young girls and women realize that they are better than being some fool's "baby mama". When will males step up and take their roles as MEN. I often wonder when this cycle will end and if it will end...or is it too late?

 

[feelfree]

When I get ignorant questions like that, I ask, "Well, when are your kids gonna stop having kids?". My paternal grandmother has nine great-grandchildren, and my maternal grandmother (RIP) has five great grandchildren; not ONE on either side is legitimate. NOT ONE. All of them are OOW. I know my paternal grandmother is not happy, and I know my maternal grandmother wouldn't be either. So, as far as I am concerned, my fam can just leave me alone. I agree with the one author, no karats=no kids. No one raised me to be a baby's mama. I was raised to be someone's WIFE. Point blank.

i know that's right!

I will be 31 in 3 days and am a teacher. Some of my students are on their 2nd and 3rd babies and they ask me "when you gonna have some kids?" I always tell them that each class of students i have are "my kids" and that is enough until my situation changes. I adore kids and would love to have some, though.