What would you do in this situation?

What would I do? Depends on whose name is on the lease. If it's yours, I'd kick him out. If it's both of yours, I'd move out. Either way, I wouldn't be with him in any shape or form.....

Yeah, it could be grief causing him to act like this. Maybe. But grief doesn't give you open season on me - esp. when you can still respect other people. :nono:
 
He needs to see a therapist...so give him 2 options...in order for him to stay...he needs to see a therapist...if not he has to move out...no if ands or buts...I know that you may feel as if you are doing him wrong during his grief but there is no excuse for him to treat/handle you with disrespect including his immediate family...also if he doesn't have insurance through a job...you can contact your church for referrals and depending on where you are in Texas with all the universities out here you can also reach out to them and find out their counseling programs which often times are very low cost and next to nothing...support him if he decides to go to therapy and if he wants you there...great!...but don't tolerate no b.s. sometimes when you give an inch they will take a mile...
 
Run--don't walk out of this relationship. Grief is not a reason to hurt and disrespect someone. Whatever issues he is having is not a reason to mistreat you. He has shown you in numerous ways that he doesn't love you. His actions speak loud and clear. He has continually demeaned you with his horrible statements. You stay in this relationship much longer and he'll have you believing that mess. He's a grown man and you're not responsible for what happens to him if you end this relationship. Don't allow his misguided notions of "love" manipulate you into staying with him. You have already been hurt, don't allow him to hurt you any longer.
 
I would not give him an ultimatum, I would just be all action and walk. Men are action oriented and when we tolerate bad behavior, it sends a strong message to them. Talking will not work at this point. If you want him to treat you well you have to change the way you react to him because it's the only thing you can change in the situation.
 
Bellamystic said:
"that's why u can't have kids".
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There is no future with a man who let this come out of his mouth.

I am not the type to run into threads hollerin "Leave Him Girl", but you need to get this dude out of your life immediately. What you have described is not love, it's sickness and the longer you stay the more the sickness you share with this man will fester and eat away at you.
 
100% agree. Men respond to action. Stop talking and do something. If you dont do something and just keep talking, I guarantee he will continue what he is doing.

Spiffy said:
I would not give him an ultimatum, I would just be all action and walk. Men are action oriented and when we tolerate bad behavior, it sends a strong message to them. Talking will not work at this point. If you want him to treat you well you have to change the way you react to him because it's the only thing you can change in the situation.
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We can't explain his change in behavior, but whatever the reason, it is UNACCEPTABLE!!!
Don't put up with that crap of he loves you just because he says so. He wasn't always like that, so it's not like this was the normal treatment that you were used to. It's time to go.
 
He sounds depressed. :(

Either way, you shouldn't have to stand for his poor treatment. :nono: He doesn't sound like he is invested in the relationship anymore.

I'd "take a break" from him, kick him out of MY house, and enjoy a toxic-free good time by myself. His words and actions are toxic and hurtful. :nono: You can do better than this man.

Like others mentioned, men respond to ACTIONS...not words.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
There is no future with a man who let this come out of his mouth.

I am not the type to run into threads hollerin "Leave Him Girl", but you need to get this dude out of your life immediately. What you have described is not love, it's sickness and the longer you stay the more the sickness you share with this man will fester and eat away at you.
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I was coming in to say the same thing. I might have been able to take his moodiness based on his mom's passing but calling me ugly and saying "you can't have kids" Is meant to hurt you-intentionally. That's emotional abuse and it sounds like he's got alot of passive aggressive behavior going on too.

I'm also one of these that isn't really willing to "work" that hard with someone I'm not married to. This is just a classic example of someone that is wasting your time and you will probably end up wasting five years with. I'd leave now
 
Bellamystic said:
Right before we moved in together, his mom died.
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He was probably getting ready to act a fool when ya'll moved in together anyway...his mother just happened to have died at this time.

Bellamystic said:
he says hurtful things during the time of the break up like: "you're ugly" "no one is gonna want u after me" "that's why u can't have kids".
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:eek2: Giiirrrlll what else does he need to say or do for you to leave him? I can't understand how you could share a bed--hell, a dwelling, with anyone who could let such evil and hateful words roll off of their tongue in your direction. You need to end this so called relationship and start making arrangements to move out NOW. And not to teach him a lesson in hopes that he get his ish to together either...No, you need to just be gone. I can only see it getting worse from here. Someone who would could claim to love you and say something like that to you, I would not let my gaurd down around. Watch your back!
 
Wow! And you're still with him!

Wow! Let me ask you this.. What's your self worth?

Do you honestly think that's the best you can do?

Honey, think outside the box. Step back and look at the whole picture.

You already know what to do and don't need confirmation.

Life is too short.. move on!
 
He needs to go. Its not your job to be his verbal punching bag and if you don't take some action, things will continue this way and you will grow more and more miserable. A man will only do you what you let him and if you let him continue to live with you and give him all the benefits of being together while treating you this way, he has no reason to change.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
There is no future with a man who let this come out of his mouth.

I am not the type to run into threads hollerin "Leave Him Girl", but you need to get this dude out of your life immediately. What you have described is not love, it's sickness and the longer you stay the more the sickness you share with this man will fester and eat away at you.
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Thank you. He has to go. There is nothing else you and he need to talk about and where he lays his head is his problem, not yours. Let a grown man be a man. He is showing you who he is. He'd make a horrible husband. He's emotionally abusive. Get him out of there before he drags you down even further. Why are y'all living together anyway? You've only been dating a year girl. You have given him a LOT. He doesn't seem to want nor appreciate it or you. I know you love him but what he is doing right now with you is not love.
 
Girl RRRRUUUNNNNNNN!

Don't walk to the nearest exit (figuratively not literally).

He's said all, and done all he can do to show you who he is.

We need to stop feeling sorry for "broken" men who will do nothing but bring us down to the lowest regions of our souls. Pray he gets the help he needs and mail him a get well card later.

In the meantime....

RRRRUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!
 
He's a lie, you are really cute! Be glad you don't have any children with him! I'm really sorry you're going through this, but I'd listen to what some of the ladies have said. You do not deserve to be his verbal/emotional punching bag. Please know that you are worthy of much, much more. Please reach out to your family and friends so you can get help in case things get dicey. Good Luck.
 
awhyley said:
Am I the only person not understanding the significance of this?? :perplexed
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I'm assuming it is significant to the op or she wouldn't have included it as one of the "hurtful things" he's said. Not being able to have children is a great source of pain for a lot of women, and for a so-called loved one of any kind to throw that in their face is vile at the very least...I don't see why this is hard to understand.
 
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He and I would have to sit down and talk. If through the talking it still isn't reaching him then he needs to leave. I understand that people change when a loved one passes on but the way he's acting is ridiculous.
 
Ok seriously if any man, my husband included said any of those things to me, he'd get his walking papers stat, and my brothers would meet him out back and kick his "you know what" up and down a dark alley. You better get this jerk out of your life before he does some major psychological damage to you. Tis all.
 
Bellamystic said:
Me and a guy stay together. Right before we moved in together, his mom died. Before then, he treated me good. Then, it seemed after his mom died, he started to act different. I would ask him do he love me, but he wouldn't say anything, only sometimes he would say it. I would try to hug him & he pushes me off of him. I complain to him about us not spending enough time together and his response would be "we live together." It's like he thinks because we live together that that is enough. He only kisses me and hug me when we have sex. When his mom was living he always wanted me around him. I don't want to make it seem that the passing of his mom may be the only reason, but I noticed a pattern. We do still have a sex life and I know he's still satisfied. We have been dating for a year now. Sometimes I would break up with him, but he always insist on coming back but then he says hurtful things during the time of the break up like: "you're ugly" "no one is gonna want u after me" "that's why u can't have kids". Some of those things really hurt me. One night I cried myself so hard in front of him just to let him see how much he's been hurting me and he says. "stop crying, what are you crying for?" He claims I'm the only one he has ever loved like this, but I don't know. When we finally have time to be spent together, he would rather put his friends first or go spend the whole day at his aunt's house. He always ask me for things, but he's like that with everyone. Then, his friend treats him bad when they hang up but for some reason, he shows him the upmost respect. When it comes to me and his sister we get treated wrong. I don't know what to do because we stay together. i don't want to kick him out because I do love him and I know he will not have a stable place to lay his head. He isn't the easiest person in the world to talk to either. I would try but he would ignore me, change the subject or accuse me of trying to argue.
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Can we say "red flags" ?????

Just leave him alone, he probably needs therapy, but you can't do that.
 
OP, I know you love this man but he doesn't love you. Yes there will ALWAYS be arguments with your DH/SO but even in arguing there are boundaries and lines you do not cross. It really isn't your job to try to "fix" him or wait this one out (allowing him to grieve). I am in agreement with Zaynab on this one...he isn't your hubby, there is nothing to work on.

It also sounds as if he's gotten into your head regarding your self-esteem and self-worth...when a man wants to keep you under his thumb and make you think you can't do better he resorts to comments such as the ones you referenced...
you're ugly" "no one is gonna want u after me" "that's why u can't have kids
Not trying to be funny but this reminds me of Celie and Mister in The Color Purple.

I think you know what you need to do and I pray you have the strength to do it
 
awhyley said:
Am I the only person not understanding the significance of this?? :perplexed
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To taunt someone about a medical condition is horrendous enough. To use such an intimate and sensitive subject to try and break a person down is just evil. I may be reading more into the story than is there, but based on experience I can guess that there is a painful reason that they both know why she can't have children.
 
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I think you need to figure out why you are putting up with this man treating you this way? Why are you sexually satisfying someone who is not giving you what you need emotionally?
 
You know what you need to do...it's all on you. Shacking with and sexing with an ugly mouthing, disrespectful man is not a good thing at all. You are not his therapist and you owe nothing to anyone except yourself. You DO believe you are worth more than that, right?:perplexed.
 
LHCF2009 said:
He and I would have to sit down and talk. If through the talking it still isn't reaching him then he needs to leave. I understand that people change when a loved one passes on but the way he's acting is ridiculous.
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Talk about what? That's not her husband, she has no reason to work anything out with him.
 
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