What this dude did to me ....

[Aniyasmommy]

I feel like im finally ready to began dating and finding a love. Ive been hurt so bad that I have'nt been with a guy in about 3 years. I get asked out all the time and I turn them down. I throw out numbers all of that . I just did'nt feel ready. I felt like all my emotional baggage and low self asteem would ruin things before it started so I just didnt want to waste my time.

Right now Im starting to gain my life back . One big reason why I did not want to get in a relationship is because my mother has been single for close to 12 years and she is miserable. Absolutely miserable and I sorta shared in her misery. I knew that if I gone out met a guy etc. I would feel her jealously and hate because Im young in my 20's and I have my life ahead of me and she is getting old and very miserable in general.

Im sick of it and I want love . I want a partner . Im just mad at all the numbers I threw out
Anyway the one guy I was even remotely interested in was my type. He is GORGEOUS,Tall, SEXY, Masculine, Perfect Body Type, Perfect Teeth ...He is just everything I looked for in a man physically .

When I first moved in he was very nice to me and he asked if he could come and talk to me sometime and I batted my eyes and said yeah anytime and he smiled at me and said alrite ..

Something happened to turn him off of me. I dont know what it was but homebody never knocked on my door to get to know me. In fact he began to avoid me like the plague! All the other guys was asking me out and I turned them down and he began avoiding me.

I would walk in my building and he'd be sitting on the step and he would put his hood on and turn his body away acting like i was gonna walk up to him ..I was like WTF? It is not that serious.

He contuinues to do that . He will go out of his way to avoid me. A few days ago I was in the lobby and so was he and he was talking to his boys and he started talking about a girl he was with right in front of me. I was standing there like WOW

Im thinking somehow someway I must have turned him off. I dont know what to do . I put on some weight so maybe that's it ???Maybe I dont dress good enough and he likes women that dress up everyday ???

Right now Im trying to get in shape(not for him) and Im losing weight fairly quickly but Im still wearing all of my old clothes and a big winter jacket and I refuse to buy new clothes .

I want this guy.

I need to know what can I do to grab his attention . Im thinking that one day when I know he is outside I could show up noticably slimmer, in a banging outfit looking nothing short of amazing ...and have him look at me and get all hot and bothered I mean even if he isnt feeling my personality he obviously had to be attracted to me at some point so even if I just rub my sexy up in his face that'd be good enough for me

One of his friends asked me out and i was not with it I want HIM.

I aint gonna lie Im kinda pissed he played me like that. For awhile I was having all sorts of fantasies about us doing the deed...He is so gorgeous

I already racked my brain wondering what could have turned him off so dramatically ..I cant figure it out.

One guy did tell me that I looked angry all the time. He wasnt the first guy eithier. Another man made that same remark to me a few days later. I didnt even realize I was frowning and I look this way all the time LOL I was like what are you talking about ? He said I wish I had a mirror you look like you ready to fight 24/7

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

Based on your posts in the OT forum and now this one, you seem to have a long history of striving for relationships with people who do not want you.

 

[Aniyasmommy]

Based on your posts in the OT forum and now this one, you seem to have a long history of striving for relationships with people who do not want you.

Damn that is hella deep . Im not even going to lie you just ***** slapped me with the truth . Served it straight no chaser

 

[aribell]

Let. it. go.

Really though, why chase after this one? You said he was what you wanted physically, but that's not enough--not at all. He hasn't even earned your respect yet, why go out of your way to prove yourself to him? For whatever reason, he's not interested--or is playing games, whatever. But do not consider changing yourself for some guy you just think is cute. He could be complete scum as far as you can tell (talking about having sex with other women while a lady is present is just crass), and it'd be a shame to waste that much time and energy only to find out that he was doing you a favor by ignoring you.

Please do let it go. And wait for the others to call you.

 

[HoneyA]

This guy is just not interested. You are going to have to forget about this one. Get yourself together for you, get some joy in your life, put some good vibes out there and you will attract a guy who will love you as much as you love yourself. The guy you describe above is not remotely interested in having anything with you, he doesn't even sound as though he likes you enough to have you as a friend so he definitely doesn't deserve all the energy you are expending on him. Move on...

 

[Vintageglam]

OP

I just read your post and I'm like wow? Just don't know what to say?

Honestly I doubt you "want" this guy. I just think you want this guy to want you (if you get my drift?). Like another poster said you have a history of wanting people whom don't want you? How about just cutting these idiots loose and getting on with your life.

The Guy is being disrespectful and you still want him??? :shock:

Time to wake up. If not for you then you're children. It appears to me that you have more than enough on your plate without complicating matters further and behaving like a teenager with some looser in your building who can't even maintain normal adult relationships by staying polite to a neighbor. What sort of example would you be setting them and what sort of people do you really want to expose them to?

My advice KIM and stay away from this guy.

Juts my $0.02 & HTH's

 

[firecracker]

Great advice was given. Chile you shouldnt even consider a kneegrow that sits on a stoop with his boys!

 

[anon123]

..

All the other guys was asking me out and I turned them down and he began avoiding me.

How about going out with some of the guys who are interested in you?

 

[TayMac]

Doesn't seem like he has much to offer besides looks..

Let the man do the chasing. If he was into you, he would let you know without a doubt. Don't set yourself up for failure with this guy.

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

Aniyasmommy; I preface my comment by stating that this is only my opinion....

Based on some of your other posts, you really have a lot going on (family drama and the likes). It seems that maybe you should use the hiatus you are taking from your mom/brother to focus on you and your children. It seems that you need to strengthen your emotional resolve at this time and work on your self esteem as well. Once you get to a more comfortable place emotionally, maybe then you would be in a better position to ascertain the characteristics you want in a male partner.

just my opinion

 

[awhyley]

Despite him not showing interest being a good thing (cause he doesn't sound as if as has much relationship potential), I too am curious as to why he's giving you the cold shoulder. Have you asked his friends what his problem is? (If you haven't, don't bother because he's not worth your time). Why are you rejecting the friends? Are they not physically appealing? Are you only basing your selection on looks? You may wanna re-think that. (ETA: I don't know anything about your previous drama btw.)

 

[Vintageglam]

Despite him not showing interest being a good thing (cause he doesn't sound as if as has much relationship potential), I too am curious as to why he's giving you the cold shoulder. Have you asked his friends what his problem is? (If you haven't, don't bother because he's not worth your time). Why are you rejecting the friends? Are they not physically appealing? Are you only basing your selection on looks? You may wanna re-think that. (ETA: I don't know anything about your previous drama btw.)

I don't really think its productive to even give an ish why he is rejecting her or ignoring her. He sounds like a real looser. Can you imagine what being in a relationship will be like with a guy like this when they hit a hurdle? Will he just forget his manners then ignore her and pretend she is not there.

The way I see it AM you had a lucky escape from this guy. Like I said before KIM and spend some much needed time with your children.

 

[Aniyasmommy]

Thank you ladies. It gave me alot to chew on and you are right. Im going to forget about this guy. The other guys who asked me out I just simply was'nt attracted to . This guy is good looking but he reminds me of my ex . I noticed his boys were alot younger than him and he was a weed smoker. He definetly isnt my type mentally. Im going to forget about dating for now. I really dont think this is a good time. You remember the saying you attract what you put out ? Or you attract what you are. I definetly dont want someone who will use me in the long run. This was very sound advice ladies ty

 

[Crystal]

Are you the same Aniya'smommy that posts on the BV board?

You have a interesting life.

Don't know what to say, except re-read what you wrote and ask yourself "Are you serious?"

 

[OneInAMillion]

Thank you ladies. It gave me alot to chew on and you are right. Im going to forget about this guy. The other guys who asked me out I just simply was'nt attracted to . This guy is good looking but he reminds me of my ex . I noticed his boys were alot younger than him and he was a weed smoker. He definetly isnt my type mentally. Im going to forget about dating for now. I really dont think this is a good time. You remember the saying you attract what you put out ? Or you attract what you are. I definetly dont want someone who will use me in the long run. This was very sound advice ladies ty

It sounds like you've made the right decision already. When I read your post, it just sounded to me like he was interested in you, but he may have a girlfriend now (I got that from the part where you said he started talking to his friends about a girl he was with). Who knows...he sounds immature if that's the case and he decided to handle it by avoiding you. My main point is, don't think of his actions as a reflection of you (i.e. your appearance, maybe putting on weight, or not dressing up as you said). Whatever happened likely has nothing to do with you.

 

[Aniyasmommy]

It sounds like you've made the right decision already. When I read your post, it just sounded to me like he was interested in you, but he may have a girlfriend now (I got that from the part where you said he started talking to his friends about a girl he was with). Who knows...he sounds immature if that's the case and he decided to handle it by avoiding you. My main point is, don't think of his actions as a reflection of you (i.e. your appearance, maybe putting on weight, or not dressing up as you said). Whatever happened likely has nothing to do with you.

That's what my friend told me. I told her about it and she said he may have a girlfriend now and he is avoiding you because he knows he would have to turn you down if you approached him. In eithier scenario he's a goner .

 

[Aniyasmommy]

Are you the same Aniya'smommy that posts on the BV board?

You have a interesting life.

Don't know what to say, except re-read what you wrote and ask yourself "Are you serious?"

Really ??? What's so interesting ? Im confused am I the first woman to have a man ask her out than act like he's not interested ????
Am I the first woman to have family dysfunction? Lastly what diffrence does it make ? Ive already went through this on another post and was cleared. I refuse to do a back and forth everyone have freewill to ignore all of my posts if you feel im telling too much of my business.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I echo everyone else's sentiments completely.

I say LEAVE.THIS.GUY.ALONE. He sounds like trouble.

Trust me, I went through somewhat of the same thing you went through for YEARS with a guy that I was feeling. Only thing though was that he was worse because he could be hot AND cold. So, sometimes he would act like he could take me or leave me, but other times he would be all up in MY face. Talk about confusing! It was always a constant roller coaster with him.

Let me tell you from experience, it is NOT worth it. HE is not worth it. He seems to be either immature, playing games, not interested, or all of the above. Either way, this is NOT the way a MATURE man treats a woman that he's interested in. So, chalk his behavior up to mere disinterest and keep it moving. I wouldn't even give him the time of day if I were you. If you two happen to cross paths unexpectedly, you can be polite and say hello, but keep it moving as you wave hello.

If any guy is so "afraid" or "scared" that I like them to the point of giving me the cold shoulder or ignoring me, then he can go and shove it where the sun doesn't shine for all I care. That's a bunch of garbage right there.

I agree with others that maybe you need to focus more on YOURSELF right now instead of trying to get this man's attention if you're having other drama at home.

I also feel that perhaps you should focus on the guys who DO like you, or who already seem to have an interest in you instead of trying to attract a guy who hasn't noticed you, or worse...seems to be ignoring you on purpose in order to give you the "hint" to backoff. Trust me, trying to go out of your way to "attract" him or catch his attention will only result in making you feel cheapened, desperate, and frustrated in the end. Believe me. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Doing this puts a woman in a very compromising position from the get-go, and IMO I feel this type of "energy" can be sensed by a man even if you don't say anything.

Now days I have learned to try to just focus on the guys who ALREADY think that I'm wonderful and something special. That way, I'm not trying to prove myself to them, or attract THEM. They are trying to attract me, get MY attention, and show me why they are special enough to be with ME. Feel the difference?? Plus, there will tons of opportunity in the future when you WILL try to attract a man ,but the difference is that he would already have tried to win your heart first. NOT the other way around. There's nothing wrong w/trying to attract a man who has already made overtures or given you vibes of interest. But the difference is, you're not trying to attract him so that he will notice you or start to like you. He already has noticed you, and likes you, so you're just trying to give him an extra "TREAT"!

So yeah, you can do much better than this guy at your building. Besides, looks and body (although nice!!! ) aren't everything. That stuff goes away after you get old anyway. Focus on the men who treat you well, and who cherish you already, because THAT will never get "old" with age.

 

[ladylibra_30]

AM,

That dude can go kick rocks. Don't waste anymore space in your mind thinking about Mr. Man.

Be good to you and let menfolks do the same.

 

[MissJ]

You had one conversation with this guy, and this is your reaction? Wow!

 

[Aniyasmommy]

I echo everyone else's sentiments completely.

I say LEAVE.THIS.GUY.ALONE. He sounds like trouble.

Trust me, I went through somewhat of the same thing you went through for YEARS with a guy that I was feeling. Only thing though was that he was worse because he could be hot AND cold. So, sometimes he would act like he could take me or leave me, but other times he would be all up in MY face. Talk about confusing! It was always a constant roller coaster with him.

Let me tell you from experience, it is NOT worth it. HE is not worth it. He seems to be either immature, playing games, not interested, or all of the above. Either way, this is NOT the way a MATURE man treats a woman that he's interested in. So, chalk his behavior up to mere disinterest and keep it moving. I wouldn't even give him the time of day if I were you. If you two happen to cross paths unexpectedly, you can be polite and say hello, but keep it moving as you wave hello.

If any guy is so "afraid" or "scared" that I like them to the point of giving me the cold shoulder or ignoring me, then he can go and shove it where the sun doesn't shine for all I care. That's a bunch of garbage right there.

I agree with others that maybe you need to focus more on YOURSELF right now instead of trying to get this man's attention if you're having other drama at home.

I also feel that perhaps you should focus on the guys who DO like you, or who already seem to have an interest in you instead of trying to attract a guy who hasn't noticed you, or worse...seems to be ignoring you on purpose in order to give you the "hint" to backoff. Trust me, trying to go out of your way to "attract" him or catch his attention will only result in making you feel cheapened, desperate, and frustrated in the end. Believe me. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Doing this puts a woman in a very compromising position from the get-go, and IMO I feel this type of "energy" can be sensed by a man even if you don't say anything.

Now days I have learned to try to just focus on the guys who ALREADY think that I'm wonderful and something special. That way, I'm not trying to prove myself to them, or attract THEM. They are trying to attract me, get MY attention, and show me why they are special enough to be with ME. Feel the difference?? Plus, there will tons of opportunity in the future when you WILL try to attract a man ,but the difference is that he would already have tried to win your heart first. NOT the other way around. There's nothing wrong w/trying to attract a man who has already made overtures or given you vibes of interest. But the difference is, you're not trying to attract him so that he will notice you or start to like you. He already has noticed you, and likes you, so you're just trying to give him an extra "TREAT"!

So yeah, you can do much better than this guy at your building. Besides, looks and body (although nice!!! ) aren't everything. That stuff goes away after you get old anyway. Focus on the men who treat you well, and who cherish you already, because THAT will never get "old" with age.

Very sound advice...Me Likes I guess I have to give the guys I keep turning down a chance. I guess im too superficial. If Im not instantly attracted to the guy than I look for any ole thing that I feel may bother me. I gotta cut that out. Right now I dont think im in the position to try to date...It was a nice thought though but I guess my 3 year dry spell will have to contuinue

 

[Bunny77]

If Im not instantly attracted to the guy than I look for any ole thing that I feel may bother me.

And this is where a WHOLE lot of women mess up and in turn, screw up their dating/relationship lives. Then they wanna talk about how hard it is to find a good man.

Glad you noticed this pattern, and good luck working on it!

 

[~VicTorIAn~]

He didn't do anything to you.

Don't do it to yourself. Let it go.

 

[Vintageglam]

Is this thread still going.... ???

 

[Aniyasmommy]

You had one conversation with this guy, and this is your reaction? Wow!

Yeah well physically he is everything I ever wanted in a man...I wish I could take a picture of this guy .I was just wondering why he acted like he was interested in me and than suddenly changed so drastically but in eithier case he is not a potential mate. The first poster was correct in general I do tend to go for guys/ppl that do not want me .

 

[brownelovely]

Based on your posts in the OT forum and now this one, you seem to have a long history of striving for relationships with people who do not want you.

If this is the same poster from another board I frequented....these stories are the tip of the iceberg.

You heard it here first...it will be going down soon.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

I agree with you AM on needing more time. I'm talking, work on yourself to the point where a low life can't get you all riled up and ready to jump into something you don't need. You have two lovely children who need a mommy with a clear head. Get YOU together first.

 

[blaqueskimo]

From reading this post I think you simply read too much into it. Sometimes men or women will make simple small talk not intending to follow through( Give me your number or I'll stop by one day). Once you saw he really had no intentions of coming over or wanting to talk to you ,you should have let it go. After all you don't even know the guy he's just someone in the building.
I could see you being mad had he actually stood you up......but he didn't.
From what you wrote it would seem to me by now he probaly knows your looking at him now and isn't interested hence all the ducking and dodging you he's doing.