What should I do?

[TRINITY05]

ok ladies, I am going natural, I am 3 months post. I usually do one week wearing a wig (usually to work), and thoe other I will hot press. Last night my husband kept complaining that I wasn't wearing my real hair, and he is tired of seeing the wig . I explained to him that I was going natural and he didn't understand why I was going natural now after so many years.
If it was up to him, I would be wearing my own hair everyday and getting relaxers every 6-8 weeks like I was doing before. Personally I am tired of relaxers and I want my own natural hair back, but my husband doesn't understand this. Ladies what should I do? Do I need to leave him or get a relaxer?

The week that I am wearing my wig, I usually wash, blow-dry and put in two braids. He doesn't like the braids and tells me that I am lazy about curling my hair.

 

[life_is_great]

ok ladies, I am going natural, I am 3 months post. I usually do one week wearing a wig (usually to work), and thoe other I will hot press. Last night my husband kept complaining that I wasn't wearing my real hair, and he is tired of seeing the wig . I explained to him that I was going natural and he didn't understand why I was going natural now after so many years.
If it was up to him, I would be wearing my own hair everyday and getting relaxers every 6-8 weeks like I was doing before. Personally I am tired of relaxers and I want my own natural hair back, but my husband doesn't understand this. Ladies what should I do? Do I need to leave him or get a relaxer?

The week that I am wearing my wig, I usually wash, blow-dry and put in two braids. He doesn't like the braids and tells me that I am lazy about curling my hair.

I understand what you are feeling. My husband didn't like it when I decided to go natural. He made rude comments about my hair being nappy and he said he hated how my hair looked. To please him, I started straightening and curling my hair. That was 2 years ago, we're divorced now. You just need to decide what's more important to you. Your happiness or his happiness.:

 

[itismehmmkay]

ok ladies, I am going natural, I am 3 months post. I usually do one week wearing a wig (usually to work), and thoe other I will hot press. Last night my husband kept complaining that I wasn't wearing my real hair, and he is tired of seeing the wig . I explained to him that I was going natural and he didn't understand why I was going natural now after so many years.
If it was up to him, I would be wearing my own hair everyday and getting relaxers every 6-8 weeks like I was doing before. Personally I am tired of relaxers and I want my own natural hair back, but my husband doesn't understand this. Ladies what should I do? Do I need to leave him or get a relaxer?
The week that I am wearing my wig, I usually wash, blow-dry and put in two braids. He doesn't like the braids and tells me that I am lazy about curling my hair.

I can see what he's saying so perhaps you can find a happy medium. Maybe there are some other styles that you could do, such as rollersets or so. Does he like to play in your hair?

 

[Nola Darling]

Maybe you should get your natural hair professionally styled so that he can see your natural hair at its best.

 

[Caramela]

Maybe you should get your natural hair professionally styled so that he can see your natural hair at its best.

That is sound advice

 

[TRINITY05]

ok good idea, but it is hard right now because I'm not fully natural. Rollersets are hard to do when you have inches and inches of new growth. I guess this would be another thread but now I thinking about when I relaxed my hair all those years, was I doing it for myself or for the likes of others like boyfriends/people on the job/friends.

 

[Caramela]

ok good idea, but it is hard right now because I'm not fully natural. Rollersets are hard to do when you have inches and inches of new growth. I guess this would be another thread but now I thinking about when I relaxed my hair all those years, was I doing it for myself or for the likes of others like boyfriends/people on the job/friends.

How many inches? Would it be easier to style if you cut off the relaxed portion?

 

[lana]

I think hair is the same as weight when it comes to relationships, you guys have to work with each other...compromise. Imagine him all of a sudden wanting to get in touch with his natural hair...maybe wearing kinky twists or dreadlocks. No there is nothing wrong with these styles, but imagine if you hated how they LOOKED on your man. Perhaps he wants to see you take good care of yourself and look "kept up" so to speak. Sticking your hair under a wig, might not actually be the way to go.

 

[bluediamond0829]

i think thats really a sore subject...but i feel that if they(men) were able to accept you before with the straight hair..then it shouldnt make you feel less than a person by wearing your hair natural...you are still shld be beautiful and someone he wants and needs in his life...

but i think maybe you shld look into seeing if there is something that you both can compromise with...what about sewins, weaves...

men are a trip we accept them when they balding and all there changes but yet they cant accept women(well some of them)

i knw the new guy i met and have been seeing when i asked him about hairdos since im going natural. Stated he isnt into afros and says they are too 'afrocentric' i was like what....so if he doesnt really want to be with me because of a hairdo then peace out because there are more men out there tht wld be more than willing to accept me as i am...(as u can see im not married)..but just your situation made me think of ur situation and its more hard with being married...

 

[Farida]

Human beings are sadly...human.

We tend to fall in love with what we saw when we met. Things change and it depends on what aspects of your physical self are more important than others. Sometimes the change is slow and subtle and we get accustomed. Sometimes it is drastic - and hair is a drastic change because it happens quickly.

Some men will not be sexually attracted to their wives if they gain weight. Sad.

Some men will not be sexually attracted to their wives if they lose weight. Sad.

You need to discuss with him just how much of a problem this is to him. How heavily does it weigh in his min? People may not agree with me but if it is a really big problem and you can't find a happy styling medium then you may need to revert to your relaxer or try and keep your press for a longer period.

I just don't think it is worth destroying a marriage over hair choices. That is if it is that big of an issue. The thing about marriage is sometimes we have to suppress "me" for him or us.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

Maybe you can give him a time frame on the wig. You are not going to be wearing the wig permanently. It is just for the transition phase. I am transitioning right now, too. So I understand what you are dealing with. Maybe you could show him pics of natural hairstyles and see what he likes. Your natural hair is you. Your personality has not changed. The things that he fell in love with about you have not changed. Find some styles that will resemble your hair six months post to a year and see what he has to say. Explain that you are trying to avoid heat damage at all cost! Otherwise, get a good stylist and tell them your dilemma. You might have to try updos for a minute.

 

[TRINITY05]

Thanks ladies for your advice.
I will work on this problem. We will talk about it and hopefully come to a medium. I need to find some pictures of some natural hairstyles so that I can show him. If anyone has pictures please post.