What should I do, Long Distance Relationship?

Danene5

Danene5

New Member
I don't mind sharing with you ladies. I have been in this LD relationship for almost 2 years. And I don't have a clue about what to do in my situation. I am going to let you all read our e-mail conversation. Please let me know what you think. I do love him deeply and I don't want to leave.
Him:

gm, u have no idea how much aggrevation i am getting, i unable to find a job that is not cu service crap, i am one of the biggest sinners alive, i dont go to church here b/c i dont like them, i dont get to church period, b/c i am a sinner, there fore i dont think God is listening to me, then i think he is listening b/c of the opportunity in b more that he gave me, i just aggrevated, i hate my job, and its started to get to me, i dont quit b/c i dont have the balls, and u bothering me about talking to you all the time, i mean dang can i get a break sometimes, can i just chill and relax, i am not the man for you, thats just that, i am not the man for any one, i just need to stay by my self, and satisfy my own needs, i am just not compatible w/ ne one

Me:
[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif][FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]Question #1 Are you trying to say that I don't want to spend time with you? I try but you are always doing something on the weekend. I try not to inconvenience you because I know that you are a busy man.[/FONT]

[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]Question #2 Are you trying to say that I am not supportive? Being supportive means being there and I think that I have. It is hard to be supportive of and for someone that doesn't let you know what there next move is. I do understand that you are trying to make moves and I have nothing to say about that, There are many things that I could have said but chose not to because I want you to be happy.[/FONT]

[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]Question #3 You thought about V-day? Apparently not because the first time I heard anything about B-More was when I was upset at work and told you that I didn't care about where I would go, and that I just needed to get away. And I sent you a message on myspace reminding you of that. You never mentioned B-more then eithier. What am I supposed to think.[/FONT]

[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]Question #4 I didn't say that on my voicemail. I stated that I was tired and that I was going to bed early if you got the message b4 11pm give me a call if not then we would have to talk on today.[/FONT]

[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]Question #5 respect your B-more trip?? I can't respect what I don't know.
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[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]Question #6 explain yourself? I am not asking you to explain yourself or the decisions and choices that you choose in life. I am asking you to let me know so that I can be supportive and be there for you. You make that impossible when you feel that I am out to get you in some type of way,[/FONT]

[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]Maybe, you'll understand maybe you won't but I just wanted you to see what I felt.[/FONT]


[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]----- Original Message ----
Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2008 9:18:22 AM
Subject: Re: email as requested

Him: you know what u wanted to do, you know what go on ur curise and have fun, obvisously you didnt wanted spend to much time w/ me, so u walking around w/ attitudes. guess i need a supportive woman, that understands i am trying to make moves, so have fun in what ever you decide to do. and if u ever decide to talk to me again you have the number. this is a new year and new beginnings. ps i thought about v-day, i had already schedule my time to go to b more and if you cannot respect that, i cannot respect you, thats a plain as i can put it. bout last nite u said if i didnt call you by 11 you would call later, so you can call when you get time. but once again if you cannot respect my b-more trip i cannot respect you. when i say i want to see you, i am dead serious, any way i am tired of explaining my self to people like i am child. so have fun and remain blessed in you life endeavors, i am done. i get aggrevated at work, off work, and every where, only peace i have is when i am at the gym. so i am done. love ya, may God bless

[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif][FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]Me:I was grown and called you and you didn't answer. But I am disappointed rather in the decisions that you choose to make regarding us. But I can't be upset with you doing you, like you do. Of course, you know that I wanted to spend time with you on V-Day. And that is impossible at this moment, because you thought only of yourseld as time pasted by. But what else could I ask for. And you can't say that I didn't let you know. Because I told you that 3wks ago. But I will just book a short cruise at that time, since I can't be with you.

[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]----- Original Message ----
Sent: Monday, January 21, 2008 10:11:06 PM
Subject: Re: email as requested

Him: once again, it is not me that does not care it is you. for some reason you holding grudges and if you are going to do that, you can do that by urself. yeah my life is busy, but not once have i said i was to busy for you. if you wanna act funny keep it to urself. i am sick and tired of this back and forth w. you, if you feel i am not benefit you should find a man that is. its like i get aggrevated at work and then come home to you acting funny, if i did something open your mouth and say something, i dont have time for the guessing game all day, its coo sometimes. so what i need from you is to weigh the good w./ bad and if one i weighs the other you know what you have to do, and if you have something to say, be grown and call me,

[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]Me"Well you asked for it, I will make it short and simple. I am starting to belive that you don't give a damn about me and my feelings count for nothing to you. I come behind everything else. Which I can expect, unfortunately. If you have too much going on in your life at this time to be bothered with me. Please let me know.


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out of the whole thing, this part stood out to me:

i am not the man for you, thats just that, i am not the man for any one, i just need to stay by my self, and satisfy my own needs, i am just not compatible w/ ne one

from him saying that, I'd move on.
 
locabouthair said:
out of the whole thing, this part stood out to me:

i am not the man for you, thats just that, i am not the man for any one, i just need to stay by my self, and satisfy my own needs, i am just not compatible w/ ne one

from him saying that, I'd move on.
Click to expand...

Umm, yeah....thanks for saving me the trouble of reading, loca.

I really think this is pretty self explanatory, hun.

He's not playing games, he's not bullshytting, he's telling you straight up he doesn't wanna be with you. Not all men are that kind, trust me. :rolleyes:

Time to roll.
 
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((((Danene))))))

You don't need this kind of confusion. He sounds immature. I bet he has some serious mood swings!

He asks you to give him a break. Do just that.
He says he's a sinner - believe him.
He is trying to make you feel bad for going on a cruise. Trying to guilt trip you so you don't enjoy yourself.
He blames you for everything.

If you don't feel at peace, or happy when you communicate with him. If he makes you feel anxious. Let him go.
 
From what I read, he is telling you that he doesn't want to be with you. And I don't mean to be crass but I've learned to believe people when they show you who they are.

You will be okay :bighug:
 
Danene5 said:
Where are the good looking fish???

How about he just asked me to go to Baltimore with him tonight.
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you won't find them if you stay with him. You've been with this guy for two years. What exactly are you expecting to come out of the relationship? It sound like you guys may not be communicating. You guys seem to be on different pages as far as what's up with the relationship and each other.
 
Keen said:
you won't find them if you stay with him. You've been with this guy for two years. What exactly are you expecting to come out of the relationship? It sound like you guys may not be communicating. You guys seem to be on different pages as far as what's up with the relationship and each other.
Click to expand...

We aren't communicating like we should be. At least that is what I think. I would like to have a long term committment. He states that he talks on the phone at least 6hrs a day at work and that he is tired at night when he comes home. And doesn't want to talk on the phone. I can't think of an alternative to that.
 
Danene5 said:
We aren't communicating like we should be. At least that is what I think. I would like to have a long term committment. He states that he talks on the phone at least 6hrs a day at work and that he is tired at night when he comes home. And doesn't want to talk on the phone. I can't think of an alternative to that.
Click to expand...

Well it sound like you see where he is coming from. Ask him how would he want to communicate given his work and preference. I don't know what your alternatives are if you to live withing a short driving distance. Maybe he has a solution that he has not shared with you but like another member said, if he tell you that he is not the man for you then maybe you should listen to him.
 
I'm sorry, now he asks you to go to Baltimore with him after you told him about your cruise? or did i get that wrong? (not being sarcastic). Like the other ladies, he told you that he did not want to be in a relationship and that he was not the man for you. A man who truly loves you will never let those words utter from his mouth. The simple fact that he tried to flip the script on you to make you feel bad for going on your cruise, speaks volumes. That was damn test he threw to you and you're failing! If you jump and ditch your plans to go to Baltimore with him, you will piss away any (if) respect he had for you. Since you both have been together for 2 years, I'm pretty sure he knows how your mind works and how to twist things so that you're the one feeling bad, not him. He probably started thinking if you went on that cruise, you would find the fish is biting ( as the other ladies stated). So, since he still wants you by his side, while he plays head games, he throws you a bone. I don't mean to make you feel bad about how you feel because we all have ( I know I have!) been there. And I wasted damn near 5 years of my life! Girl, don't go. Be strong and start standing by your words and actions, don't renigh because of love because even though the mind is telling you common sense, love can truly make you a foolish fool.
 
locabouthair said:
out of the whole thing, this part stood out to me:

i am not the man for you, thats just that, i am not the man for any one, i just need to stay by my self, and satisfy my own needs, i am just not compatible w/ ne one

from him saying that, I'd move on.
Click to expand...

girl I couldn't even read the rest after that, there was no need to. Danene chiika it's time to let go and let something new come into your life. Don't hold onto something you are always going to be confused about.

One thing about relationship: when things are going well you are PROVIDING advice to others, you are all rosey and everything is positive.....

it's when it's going sour and it's time to reevaluate that you start to ASK for advice and wonder about the negative. You got the signs girl believe in them.
 
Studio_gal said:
((((Danene))))))

You don't need this kind of confusion. He sounds immature. I bet he has some serious mood swings!

He asks you to give him a break. Do just that.
He says he's a sinner - believe him.
He is trying to make you feel bad for going on a cruise. Trying to guilt trip you so you don't enjoy yourself.
He blames you for everything.

If you don't feel at peace, or happy when you communicate with him. If he makes you feel anxious. Let him go.
Click to expand...


Red flags all over!
 
Sounds to me like he is sick of the relationship and is basically finding his way out by trying to prompt you to end it so that he doesn't have to. Hence the, "I'm not the man for you." and the like sentiments.

That is just, "it's not you, it's me," remixed.
 
Co-signing everything else the other ladies said... AND... his spelling and grammar sucks. :p

He just comes off as ignorant all around! Move on.
 
1-lol yea his spelling and grammar DOES suck
2-im not sure if i agree completely w. everyone whos saying cause he said hes not the man for u that he really doesnt want to be w. you. ive said that to guys too but didnt mean it. its either i was pissed or fed up or thought i meant it at the time but really didnt. he DOES sound like he's testing u tho.. big time
3-guy obviously doesnt kno what he wants. i dont think he flat out doesnt want to be w. you. he just sounds confused. like maybe he does but he knows its not gonna work
4-you should def go on the cruise. but i kno its hard. if i was in ur position and i loved him as much as it seems like u love him i might want to change my plans and go to bmore w. him too. i kno its easier said then done but i think he'll respect u more if u stick to ur word and go on the cruise.
5-i think u need to see what else is out there. maybe not completely let go of this guy but slowly start seeing other ppl. it'll help u detach urself and help u realize if u really want to be in this relationship or not.
 
Girl puck him and feed him fish! (well thats if you haven't already)

Time to keep it moving cuz he isn't feeling you but he damn sho is feeling himself from the tone of his emails. Dastardly bastid. Oh my bad I forgot he was your dude and not mine:lachen:
 
When I read your post all my past bad experiences and those of my friends came flooding back...so please forgive me if what follows is a little harsh. It's from hard-learned lessons about men...

Anytime a man even hints at the possibility of needing the proverbial "space", you MUST give it to him. And give him WAAAAY more than he initially intended to have. He can't be allowed to do this push pull back and forth crap....you have to give him enough time to work out his own thoughts. For some reason, men cant really do that when we're chatting them up.

Also, please believe him when he says he is a sinner and he has no time for you and is not the man for you or anyone. He is not lying. He has already admitted to not having the balls to quit his job...he wont miraculously grow some so he can be straight with you.

Also, does it make any sense for him to be too tired to talk to you after he gets home from work? You are supposedlty his one and only SO and he cant even spend phone time? You are LD...what...are u supposed to text each other? If he can't hack actually having to "have a conversation" he shouldn't have signed up to be your SO. Also, if he's kvetching about making a phone call, the other areas in which he is lacking must be numerous.

He sounds just like my ex with the initials AH...lol Best of luck to you and God bless.
 
firecracker said:
Girl puck him and feed him fish! (well thats if you haven't already)

Time to keep it moving cuz he isn't feeling you but he damn sho is feeling himself from the tone of his emails. Dastardly bastid. Oh my bad I forgot he was your dude and not mine:lachen:
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U are too crazy!!

Trust, the response I had in my head was almost like I was the one in the situation, I had to tone it down, LOL.
 
locabouthair said:
out of the whole thing, this part stood out to me:

i am not the man for you, thats just that, i am not the man for any one, i just need to stay by my self, and satisfy my own needs, i am just not compatible w/ ne one

from him saying that, I'd move on.
Click to expand...


Absolutely!! Please move on.
 
it sounds like your gonna stay with him and continue to entertain his bullish--

i will say just remember the advice the ladies here provided it is really good advice

why dont women feel like they can do better--

why hold on to someone who has let go of your hand--let him go--

why not take back the control of your life, your heart and overall the situation

i would tell him babe i love you as a man and person but i am ready to give you your space and take all the time you need clearing your head and getting your mental together--

do you its a new year--dont go into another yr dealing with the same bullish--
 
runwaydream said:
-im not sure if i agree completely w. everyone whos saying cause he said hes not the man for u that he really doesnt want to be w. you. ive said that to guys too but didnt mean it. its either i was pissed or fed up or thought i meant it at the time but really didnt.
I was thinking this same thing. Me and my SO have both said this to each other at one time or another. We didn't mean it though. But it sounds like you two need to sit down and talk to each other in a calm manner to really figure out if this relationship is right for you both. You should not continue to waste time in a dead end relationship.
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Is he too far, whereas you cannot take a trip to speak to him in person? If not, I would show up there and have a face-to-face discussion. Sometimes, its difficult to judge true feelings via text or over the phone.

HTH
 
abenyo said:
One thing about relationship: when things are going well you are PROVIDING advice to others, you are all rosey and everything is positive.....

it's when it's going sour and it's time to reevaluate that you start to ASK for advice and wonder about the negative.
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THis is soooo true. In some relationships I stayed on the phone asking my friends for advice. It didnt even have to be horrible stuff, but basic stuff like, "do you think he likes me? He didnt call today. Should I text him or wait for him to call?" I've done the "analyzing emails" thing too. But when a guy was REALLY, REALLY into me, there was absolutely NOTHING I needed clarification or advice about...except, maybe what I should wear on the date.
 
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