What should HE do??

[FlawedBeauty]

Okay so heres the scoop. I have a friend that wants to call it quits with his woman. He lives with her and her three children, one of which is theirs (their child may be like 3 yrs old).

Now, the problem is she doesn't want to let him go, and he doesn't want to be with her but he doesnt just want to leave her and the kids because she's got nothing. And I do mean nothing, he pays all the bills, she doesnt work and is not on welfare (cash assistance). Even takes care of the other 2 kids as well as his because the other father doesnt at all. Basically if he left she would be arse out.

Now he's tried to compromise with her and tell her that he will still take care of her until she gets on her feet but they just can't be together, but shes not tryin to hear all that. He spent the night away from his house and went to his mother's to clear his head a bit. So she starts calling the mothers house nonstop and before u know it she ends up over there and starts with the drama.

He asks me what I think he should do but i dunno its tough for me to say because on the one hand thats a grown woman and oh well if she can't support herself but on the other hand they have the kid so if shes s*** outta luck so is his child. What would u tell him??

 

[ThickHair]

He needs to man up. When a man has a solid plan he usually follows through. He has no plan. SO he must want to stay with her and the drama.

 

[MsBoinglicious]

^^^ Agree

He needs to have a plan and stick with it so she knows he means business! She probably think he playing and not taking him seriously?

Kind of OT: Why do all the lazy women get the good men? Damn! Sh*t I work for mine, have no kids and can't find a descent man in this city!

I see, I need to have a couple of kids and not work to attract a man. Instead of upgrading myself I should be downgrading? Somebody help me out!

 

[Nyssa28]

She brought drama to him after he offered to support her until she gets on her feet?! It's time for him to go, she's taking his kindness for weakness.

 

[ThickHair]

Kind of OT: Why do all the lazy women get the good men? Damn! Sh*t I work for mine, have no kids and can't find a descent man in this city!

I see, I need to have a couple of kids and not work to attract a man. Instead of upgrading myself I should be downgrading? Somebody help me out!

I hear ya. Can't find a man who wants to cater to me. Note to self, I need to do not a dern thing and become lazy and birth a couple of kids.

 

[brsugarbabe]

He decided to take care of her with two kids and impregnated her with a third child. He can't just get up and leave.

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

I agree with the others.
He needs to MAN up.
Take his child with him. If he does not have custody, get it. And leave her alone;
she will probably keep this going forever if he doesn't.
Clearly he has not manned up yet and told her to STFU, since she is causing all kinds of drama. I swear, some men need to check their women.

 

[TayMac]

He has created a monster by allowing her to live off of him. She is accustomed to it so quite naturally she will act a fool when all that is about to be taken away. My question is why does he want to call it quits all of a sudden?

He needs to get out, send her a check and tell her to keep her distance or all she will get is child support. Oh..and he needs to get a lawyer. She is probably one of them that will use THEIR child as bait or whatever to get back at him.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

He needs to take his baby and get to stepping. That woman will never try to get on her feet if she knows he'll come back once she starts bringing the drama.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Where was he asking you for advice on what to do before he tripped and stumbled into her vagina?

I'm sorry, I'd have no patience for this "Friend" and would have a hard time not throwing this all into his face instead of trying to help him figure out what to do NOW. I'd change his nickname to dumb-dumb, that's all I'd have to say to him or contribute to the situation.

 

[1Aleeesha]

She brought drama to him after he offered to support her until she gets on her feet?! It's time for him to go, she's taking his kindness for weakness.

I don't think that's the case... She sounds like a woman who does not want to loose her man... Not saying that the way she acted is correct - she was out of control of her emotions...That's what it sounds like tome.

He decided to take care of her with two kids and impregnated her with a third child. He can't just get up and leave.

He has created a monster by allowing her to live off of him. She is accustomed to it so quite naturally she will act a fool when all that is about to be taken away. My question is why does he want to call it quits all of a sudden?

He needs to get out, send her a check and tell her to keep her distance or all she will get is child support. Oh..and he needs to get a lawyer. She is probably one of them that will use THEIR child as bait or whatever to get back at him.

Where was he asking you for advice on what to do before he tripped and stumbled into her vagina?

I'm sorry, I'd have no patience for this "Friend" and would have a hard time not throwing this all into his face instead of trying to help him figure out what to do NOW. I'd change his nickname to dumb-dumb, that's all I'd have to say to him or contribute to the situation.

The bolded.

 

[Sugar Brown]

Don't know what they have been through to make him feel like it's time for him to leave but there are children involved so I don't think it's going to work for him to make a plan and tell her how it's going to be and have that be that.

It sounds like this is going to be a process that they will have to figure out together.

 

[Nyssa28]

I don't think that's the case... She sounds like a woman who does not want to loose her man... Not saying that the way she acted is correct - she was out of control of her emotions...That's what it sounds like tome.







The bolded.

She might not want to lose him but she can't make him stay. Folks get hurt/killed for acting on emotions rather than logic. Lil momma just needs to accept it, get a job and keep it moving.

 

[MizzBrown]

He decided to take care of her with two kids and impregnated her with a third child. He can't just get up and leave.

The hell you say!

Unless they got something in writing (AKA Marriage license) He is NOT obligated to take care of her and the other two kids. Just HIS child....He can get up and leave and there isn't a damn thing she can do about it.

He can take the child with him or help support HIS child. Meaning sending the money to go towards HIS child either by a verbal agreement or they need to go to court.

I can already see her calling him talkin bout the $700 he sent last month wasn't enough and her OTHER kids need this and that..That's too bad..Where are their daddies?

And taking care of her means taking care of all FOUR of them which he aint supposed to be doing....When he goes and finds someone else, then what? He can't take out his new girlfriend cause he's still footin' the bill for the old one and her two OTHER kids?

 

[gn1g]

Are you involved with him romantically?

 

[FlawedBeauty]

negative. i think i should have worded my post differently. he knows what he has to do but was asking how to go about it so as to produce the least drama possible since she may get hostile. he was askin me since i'm a chick but im like dude i dunno im a chick but im not crazy lol

Are you involved with him romantically?

 

[frankie]

So he wants you to give him a step by step guide on how to walk away from his family?

Tell him no thanks, you don't want any part of his mess.

 

[FluffyRed]

What's changed?

She was like that when he met her, I'm sure.

He got her pregnant again, and NOW he wants to raise up?

(also, I know a man like this. He's an engineer and he is always gravitated to welfare mothers, so he can be big daddy. Single childless women bore him, but he won't admit it)

 

[FlawedBeauty]

why the dbl standard with the replies. anytime i see a member posting about being unhappy everyone chimes in saying get out if ur not happy. now that its a man not happy he's ditchin his family?

 

[Denise11]

That's because he is ditching his family!

He is leaving them with nothing. He can't play daddy to these kids and then when the relationship is over, pretend like none of that ever happened. I'm sure those kids has developed some kind of bond with him. You can't just leave children like that. They don't understand that. Tht can be devestating to them. And he has to fix that situation before he leaves. For the kids sake especially.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

i guess u didn't read my post. "Now he's tried to compromise with her and tell her that he will still take care of her until she gets on her feet but they just can't be together, but shes not tryin to hear all that."

so why is it whenever i come across threads when a woman has kids, the man has zero ambition, doesnt work, she is supporting everything, and he is basically a loser everyone wants her to run for the hills. there is no talk of her ditching her family, its all about her needing to get away from this bum a** dude cuz she can do better so what, a guy has to stay miserably in a relationship to try and tough it out but us women are too good for all that and better get the f up out?? again

That's because he is ditching his family!

He is leaving them with nothing. He can't play daddy to these kids and then when the relationship is over, pretend like none of that ever happened. I'm sure those kids has developed some kind of bond with him. You can't just leave children like that. They don't understand that. Tht can be devestating to them. And he has to fix that situation before he leaves. For the kids sake especially.

 

[TayMac]

When a woman leaves, (more than likely) the kids come with her. Nobody should stay in a relationship where they are miserable but my question still remains...what has changed?

I don't see it as him ditching the family but he IS leaving her in a tight spot although he is being generous by offering to support her for a bit more.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

they used to be happy. now its just constant fighting and arguing. he feels very unappreciated, said no matter what he does its not good enough. he doesnt want to end up in a situation where he has to end up calling the cops on her because he's worried about what will happen to her other kids as the father is not around and no one in her family is equipped to take care of them, she comes from a real effed up family. i think he said it started going down hill after they moved in. she stopped working, he began busting his butt to pay all the bills, meanwhile all she did was sit at home and complain about this and that.

When a woman leaves, (more than likely) the kids come with her. Nobody should stay in a relationship where they are miserable but my question still remains...what has changed?

I don't see it as him ditching the family but he IS leaving her in a tight spot although he is being generous by offering to support her for a bit more.

 

[Crystal]

OP,
I read what you wrote and I understand everything you're saying...

He lives with her, she has three kids, one of them is his, he takes care of everyone and everything financially, and will continue to do so but he's ready to bounce.

Unemployed women with kids can get all kinds of assistance and benefits, things my hardworking butt could never get- Section 8, food stamps, daycare, job assistance, free diapers, similac, all kinds of vouchers, etc...

Because your friend sounds like a decent guy in a messed up situation, my advice would be for him to start looking into these benefits for her, if she's not going to do it for herself. So when he bounces, he can do so with a clean conscious.

At the end of the day, his only responsibility is to that 3year old child but he doesn't sound like the type of guy that could abandon the other two, but they do have a mother and she needs to Woman up and realize her meal ticket is about to exit left.

I'm amazed at some of the responses here.. it sounds like your friend is "Manning up" and trying to handle a situation he's created. A lot of dudes would have have just left her in the dust. Man or Woman, no one should stay in a situation where they're unhappy.

Break-ups are difficult and she'll probably trip for several months even longer but she'll eventually meet Baby Daddy number 4 and it will be over.

 

[MD_Lady]

IMO, he needs to take his child and go (there's a chance that any payments which are sent might not be put to the best use). OT, this is a prime example of why people should approach family planning with extreme caution.

 

[frankie]

He's unhappy, she's crazy, and he doesn't want to be a deadbeat...I think I got it right.

Here's my suggestion: 1) Tell him to move home with his mother (since that's where he went to clear his head that one night, and hopefully he can live there for free/almost free). 2) Open a bank account with the live-in girlfriend's name on it, then each month he can deposit the amount of money it took to run the household while he was the man of the house. 3) Arrange a visitation schedule to visit with all the kids, since he's the only daddy they know. 4) Then pray that the live-in girlfriend isn't the type to abuse her children.

Not necessarily in that order.

 

[Dee-Licious]

He needs to get a lawyer (he got the money she doesn't) get sole custody of his child and bounce FOR GOOD.

Tough titty that she didn't pick better baby daddies for her first 2 and she needs to woman up and support her own kids that she laid down and made WITHOUT having the foresight to lay down with a man that would support the kids HE made.


I don't see why ole dude should have to pay for kids not his when he's not living with them or married to the mother.

 

[Transformer]

If he's gonna leave....he need to really leave and take his biological child. Guilt shouldn't keep him there...but baby #4 might make he do so.

I have nothing against women with children that have made unwise selections in their babies daddies....but he's also not that bright. Should have kept it "wrapped" until he knew her better!

 

[mlj]

Why are you up in his busines??? You know a lot to be his "friend".

He needs to Man Up, Take care of his responsiblities, He knew she had others kids before they got together. THEY decided for her to be a stay at home mom and he take care of the money side. NOW that he is tired of playing house he wants to leave. Well ,he should have thought of that BEFORE the 3rd child. There is no easy solution here, But this is their issues, not yours.

Stay out of it Sweetie, Be a better friend by allowing Them/him to work on their issues, (alone).

You're only getting one side of the story(his)