What she said to me

[sterry]

I was waiting for my daughters to get out of their ballet class, when a woman with whom I talk to at times commented on how well kepted my daughters' hair is.
I thanked her. She proceeded to say that her friend had adopted a little girl and didn't have any idea how to care for her hair. I replied "the basic wash, condition style"
"Oh no" she said, this little girl is COLORED!
I was shocked and replied "Oh really what color.. blue green?" I know that I should not have stooped to her level, but I was angered from what she stated because of her ignorance. Any other time I would have given someone else advice that may have multicultural children or just had lack of knowledge about their hair without hesitation. But not this time. I told her I only knew what worked best for my children hair (one type 3a and the other 2) That it was best to go to her local store and look at the various shampoos and conditioner available.
It is amazing what people still say today.
I get silly remarks like this all the time with my daughters.
I can only pray that that the ignorance will stop. I believe since there are so many races that we should educate ourselves on behalf of understanding differences.
Especially if we are going to involve ourselves with other races.

 

[Nyambura]

[ QUOTE ]
sterry said:
..."Oh no" she said, this little girl is COLORED!
I was shocked and replied "Oh really what color.. blue green?" ...

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL!

I actually think that was a pretty good comeback, hee hee! I don't know where you live Sterry, but where I live comments like that are, unfortunately, not uncommon.

 

[diamond_nh]

I'm glad you said something. She needs to know that what she said was not only wrong but ignorant. What was her reaction?

 

[Nessa]

lol.

 

[sterry]

Her eyes widen.

I knew she realized what she said.
I am really suprised at such comments. That one can be so bold as to say such a thing. I have never really encountered racial remarks and most of them have been towards my children.

 

[brittanynic16]

I am also glad you said something. If you wouldn't have said anything she might have thought that was okay.

 

[Supergirl]

VERY good comeback!

 

[Allandra]

I haven't heard the word colored (used that way), in a long time.

 

[sterry]

I have heard the word colored used twice. Once was by a stylist who said she had never been taught how to care for colored people hair. And this women.
She kept telling me how her friend was panicking because the hair was getting longer and now she had to comb it.
I thought to myself "What were you doing before"
Sickening!

 

[Crystal]

Are you white Sterry? Maybe she felt comfortable she could talk to you like that. It's a stupid comment regardless but if you're black it's down right disrespectful.. shoot we haven't been colored for years.. We're African-Americans- this year that is.

 

[ms_kenesha]

I think a lot of white people really do not know about black hair (nor care to know) and although you said "the basic wash, condtion, style" for a white woman with type 1 hair to do that on someone with a 3-4 hairtype is not going to be so basic. They'll wash the hair with some really drying shampoo, put in the conditioner for a hot minute, and tug all the poor child's hair out during the styling process. It really is a mystery to them and I would have corrected her about the "colored" comment, but I would've given the lady my phone number so that she could call me and I could help her with her daughter's hair.

I was surfing the web one day and there was a white woman who had adopted black and bi-racial children and she was using her website to spread information that she learned from black women on how to do her daughter's hair. Well, I emailed her and gave her some more advice and a little better advice on how to handle her daughters' hair and to share with the rest of the white community that adopt black/bi-racial children. She was very thankful and happy for my advice and product recommendations.

 

[sterry]

Hey Ms Kenesha,
I am not Caucasion. I believe she felt comfortable though. Her husband and my husband attended the same High School and had often visited.
That's still no excuse. The fact that she began the subject with my daughter's hair led me to believe that the little girl that was adopted was not of her race.
I do believe they both had no idea how to take care of Afro-American hair, but there is a such thing as etiquette.
I know she realized what she had said when I responded as I did.

 

[silk]

ok, I really don't get it. What did the woman do wrong? Why were you upset with her? Please explain. Is the term "colored" derogatory?

 

[bellydancer]

[ QUOTE ]
sterry said:
I can only pray that that the ignorance will stop. I believe since there are so many races that we should educate ourselves on behalf of understanding differences.
Especially if we are going to involve ourselves with other races.

[/ QUOTE ] PREACH!! That goes for everybody! Black on white, white on black on hispanic on asian on native american on indian on biracial, triracial multicultural and everything else in this world.

 

[qtpi]

Well said bellydancer!!!

 

[Angelicus]

I remember when I was in foster care, I had horrible experiences with one caucasian foster mom. She had no idea what to do with my hair, She'd have me looking like Buckwheat mixed with Alfalfa and Heidi. I would forever get burned ears from a curling iron, always had lint in my hair. It was dry and almost red-colored

But her biological daughter (who was about the same age as I) ALWAYS had nice looking hair, used the best hair products, and was washed everyday.

I've realized that I have come a long way.

 

[sterry]

Hey Silk,

I would say that the term is derogatory. It was used during 1920's to describe blacks or Afro-American or however we are politically called today. It has fallen out of favor and often not used by most.
Just like the term "Afro American" can be taken out of context as well... to say that all blacks are from Afica.
Anyway this is a site for hair. I will try to keep it there.
I was bothered by her term and found it impolite.

 

[Lilydrake]

Well said, Sterry.

 

[72792]

I think you handled the situation with class and a very good reply to "colored". I'm African-American and my older aunts grew up in a very prejudiced period of time in Alabama. Today they will slip and describe someone as colored. My generation has stayed on them about the word and they've gotten way better. They said they used it only because the whole time that they were growing up there were signs saying, whites only, coloreds here. It's a shame to come so far and still here it today. I think you handled it very well.

 

[Country gal]

My experience has been that older whites still use the term colored. It's their nice way of not saying [** potty mouth **]. When younger whites use the term Colored, I tend to think that they use the word [** potty mouth **] all the time.

 

[sterry]

I have often been ask by mothers of bi-cultural children about hair care.
And as I have stated I give them advice. Some of the children have hair that is damaged from dryness, locked from lack of combing or short and patchy from hair being twisted too tight or washed everyday. I had encountered a beautician who's daughter is bi-cultural and she had allowed her daughter's hair to lock up at three from not combing. (While she continued to style, color, trim and comb hers )She then had to cut off all her hair and at the age of four and a year later applied a relaxer. Now there are some who do this in our own culture, but the mere thought of neglecting a child's hair because you haven't combed it is ridiculous. As she stated " She is panicking because now her hair is getting longer and she has to comb it" This coversation and the "colored" word just made me gasp.

 

[DDHair]

My grandmother said colored up until she died at age 98 two years ago, so a lot of older Black people and White people did and still do call anyone who is not Caucasian, colored. It does not surprise me at all and I guess because I am in the South, if someone said it, it would not surprise me, it might upset me a tad, but I am not shocked that people are still not politically correct. Shoot, as many of us know, Black people called themselves colored until the 60s when songs like, "I'm Black and I am Proud" came out, and they thought that being called Black was offensive.

Anyway, I wonder if it will help to write out a regimen for the little girl's hair care to help the mommy out, because as many have said, lots of White people do not know anything about our hair and naturally they might think we take care of our hair a little differently, since our hair is a different texture. For example, I know that we could wash our hair everyday, but I really didn't know it could be good for you until maybe 2 years ago, I always thought that was a White thing.

That's ridiculous about that beautician. Now she can do everybody else's hair for some change, but can't even do her daughter's hair just out of love and care.