What Kind Of Man Would Be Your Game Changer??

My game changer would be a guy who I have a (spiritual) connection to.

The last few guys I've dealt with met most of the other criteria. Black, ambitious, great careers, great hobbies, great personalities, genuine, but I don't connect with them...because we didn't belong together.
 
My game changer requirements have changed as I got older. My game changers as a young adult are half of what I would consider nowadays.
I absolutely do not believe I am difficult or that my standards are too high but I feel like I will never be satisfied by one man-not in the sexual sense at all.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
I feel you... I started writing out my "list" then tossed it because I would rather let the universe bring me what it knows I need rather than what think I want.

I'm so over negros that at this point I would only ask for tattoos, muscles, money & a big thang thang. I shouldn't be left to my own devices :laugh:
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You don't realize it now, but that is EXACTLY how it starts. This happened to me twice. Those lists are no joke. Write the list, lose the list, or forget about it, and then boom...exactly what you wrote in the list presents itself to you or at least some version of it. Lol It's scary but true. I first found out about this on the Oprah show years ago and I am not the type to watch Oprah. Lol Just happened to see my mom watching this episode, but I decided to write a damn list, don't ask me what happened to it. But not long after I met my ex. Made another quasi list and then this guy....
 
Solila said:
You don't realize it now, but that is EXACTLY how it starts. This happened to me twice. Those lists are no joke. Write the list, lose the list, or forget about it, and then boom...exactly what you wrote in the list presents itself to you or at least some version of it. Lol It's scary but true. I first found out about this on the Oprah show years ago and I am not the type to watch Oprah. Lol Just happened to see my mom watching this episode, but I decided to write a damn list, don't ask me what happened to it. But not long after I met my ex. Made another quasi list and then this guy....
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So basically....stay away from lists :giggle:
 
I have thought about this for a minute.
A man I do not have to shrink for or compromise any of what is important for. He has the intellectual,fun,sweet and sexy on lock. He is secure enough in his manhood to let me shine. Someone who genuinely cares for me,flaws and all.
 
Solila said:
You don't realize it now, but that is EXACTLY how it starts. This happened to me twice. Those lists are no joke. Write the list, lose the list, or forget about it, and then boom...exactly what you wrote in the list presents itself to you or at least some version of it. Lol It's scary but true. I first found out about this on the Oprah show years ago and I am not the type to watch Oprah. Lol Just happened to see my mom watching this episode, but I decided to write a damn list, don't ask me what happened to it. But not long after I met my ex. Made another quasi list and then this guy....
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I think you make a valid point. I recently starting writing down my thoughts, and interesting things have happened. :look:
 
SoopremeBeing said:
I think you make a valid point. I recently starting writing down my thoughts, and interesting things have happened. :look:
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You really have to dig deep down and write the things you genuinely want in a man. All the qualities. Don't consume yourself with it though. Literary just go about your daily business. The universe will start to do some crazy things. Lol
 
Lylddlebit said:
Mines is long y'all but this is cute so I wanted to add my story.



My husband was my game changer.







When I met him he had 2 things I would always use as an absolute to eliminate men from having the chance to date me on site. What he did(my experience with him) that to changed the game was:







  1. I knew him for 3 years before he expressed any romantic interest in me. Before then, I knew who he was but he always came across as a nice Christian man who I didn't think about outside of being cordial to at work.
  2. When he asked me out initially and I pointed out those two things he had that were absolutes when it comes to not dating someone who possessed them. Since I knew he possessed those two things I didn't want, I was not interested. As soon as I did, he acknowledged being aware of that then let me know the long list of character traits and life experiences that we actually had in common and were rare when compared to other people. He was very clear and correct when articulating that we were exactly alike and perfect counterparts for one another. That was very impressive. So I decided to take a chance on something I had never done.
  3. He meticulously observed/remembered the details about me. To the point that he can point out things and traits about me that I know I never told him and I would just expect people who grew up around me to know. He would then explain he knew those unique things about me because that mirrored traits and qualities he was sure of in himself.
  4. Even though he cared about me before I dated him he never once, in any way, disrespected the relationship I was in preceding mine with his. Once I knew he was in ministry I thought his kindness was a reflection of christ until after I was single and he flat out told me. “I definitely don’t treat women in general the way I treat you. I want to court you.” Yeah girl he actually said court and meant it. Those out of the blue shocking statements that are spot on are his ace in the hole.
  5. The minute people who mutually knew both of us discovered we were dating, they all agreed we were the perfect match saying stuff along the likes of “Yeah y’all are exactly alike, that makes sense, ideal couple, y’all got it right with each other” or “yep I get it, y’all make sense”. People who see us regularly call us their favorite couple.
  6. He didn’t tell me what he wanted to be. He simply lived the man who he was and his values an character matched me. In the few areas we aren’t exact matches we compliment one another to be a support for one another weaknesses.
  7. He is man: Whenever I need something done: house, car, mention an emotional need I see him go into “fix it mode” immediately and take tangible action to make things better.
  8. The worst emotional pain he ever went though. I did too. We experienced the same “event” so to speak. We were able to share that with one another and understanding one another's pain without making the other person”get it”. We know how we were hurt, we know how we relied on God to heal rather than carry around baggage. We know how we became victorious over pain and became stronger people as the result of the same type of experience. Even the worst thing that ever happened to us and how we overcame it is something we have in common.
  9. He is a minister. Now that I didn’t know until just before we started courting but when he told me that, how his life matched his title was obvious.
  10. He values strong black christian love and always has wanted nothing other than that.
  11. His crazy matches my crazy. We agree on what’s absolute. We agree on what's unacceptable. We demonstrate patterns of making the same life choices that produced the same consequences and rewards from his life to mine even before we knew one another.
  12. I dreamed about his personality (both excellent traits and vices)before I started dating him. I have had a recurring dream about a spouse’s character good and bad since I was about 14. It’s like my dreams taught me how he needed to be loved and how I would be fulfilled before we met. Then as we were dating realized how much he was like a recurring dream I had about a husband in the past that I didn’t believe actually existed.
  13. He, like me, was never promiscuous.
  14. He treats me “special”, before he met me he was a “together, gentleman” and a catch, but what really stands out to me is that he never allowed anyone else to see him and know him all the ways that I do now. Small stuff like I am the only woman he ever bought flowers for or grew his beard out for or big stuff like when we got married we both wrote our own vows make a difference. Don’t get me wrong it’s nice when you have a good man who is an overall gentleman but getting the same good treatment any girl he dates can get is different when compared to the man you love saving the special stuff just for you. It's a real tearjerker. He teases me because the thoughtful “just for me” stuff he does always has my eyes watering and I really just love my husband for who is is specifically, and exclusively is just for me.
I feel so blessed and downright lucky to have my husband. I never thought I would have more things in common with a person than I do my immediate family, then he revealed his personal side and it became clear that he was supposed to become just that(immediate family). He is a game changer because we both treat eachother better than anyone else has ever treated us and better than we have treated anyone else. It's like we saved the very best we have to offer special for one another.
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Awwww! This is beautiful, thanks for sharing! :cupidarrow:
 
He makes my salary or higher.
Wants to build generational wealth.
Business owner (or several businesses)
Adores me, loves me.
Loyal, Respectful.
Someone who would be a role model to our young son and daughter.
Someone I am sexually attracted to.
Someone who makes time for me.
 
movingforward13 said:
Someone exactly like the main guy I am dating personality and physically wise but has a PhD and makes $125K+, has a 8-9 inch, explorative in the bedroom. More generous than I am, encourages me to stay at home but doesn't mind if I work.

The personality is very key though, I can't deal with certain type of men. I need someone who takes control without overtly exerting control (if that make sense). Type A men scare me when they are aggressive. I need subtle aggressive manliness. Not a push over but definitely not someone who is going to control me/relationship. Everything else is negotiable.
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Ask and ye shall receive!! :lachen::lachen:
 
Chocoluxe said:
Ask and ye shall receive!! :lachen::lachen:
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Yessssss because there are just plenty for the picking.

*****

I been thinking long and hard about this question. My game changer is a unicorn. Been looking at more and more threads from other people- forums, Facebook, talking to other women in person... black men like this are scarce...
Either already married, homosexual or don't want to settle down because of the many options.

So now that I know I am looking for a unicorn- what do I do?
 
And I should explain- I am a "single mom" of two. I think if I were a childless woman, I would have a better chance of finding that unicorn *proven for me*
Most of those men don't have kids because they are building on their careers.
So unless I get lucky to meet a divorcee with all of this - which comes with other problems, I doubt I will find a guy that would take a chance. Again this is proven for me, so change think to believe...
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
There are many directions one could go in with this question. My non-negotiables (educated, taller than me, makes $100k+, family oriented, believes in a higher power, not white, in reasonable physical shape) are necessary but not sufficient. :look: So game changer to me means all the extra stuff and truthfully I don't know. I figure I'll know it when I see it. :look: The first time I fell in love I met the type of man I wanted at the time but thought I'd never find. It ran its course and after dating a lot of different men, striking out each time I thought I needed someone intellectual like myself. Then I met a man a couple years ago not at all intellectual but we had a connection. He just got out of a relationship so it wasn't the right time but it did get me out of a box I put myself in.

Through some family and personal drama since then I've learned a lot about myself and my game changer is a man who makes me feel emotionally safe yet challenges me, who gets me out of my comfort zone, supports my goals and dreams and a man who makes my heart race even when I want to unscrew his head. :abducted:I'm over boxing myself in as to what package he'll come in, aside from my non-negotiables.
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All of this .
 
A man who I connect with in spiritual beliefs, personal interests and shares my ambition. The last part would be the real game changer since I've yet to meet a man who was okay with my ambition (it's not that ambitious really) without getting defensive.
 
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