What just happened? Please advise...

Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

Has he ever lied to you or done you dirty before? Also, you may be attracted to each other but as of now you are still friends. Give him the benefit of the doubt. You will know after talking a little while if he was lying.
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

Oh see you left the part out about him chilling in his city. I had plausible reasoning for everything you posed til you got to that. :lachen: I would text or call and discuss it. Ask why he stood you up. Not in a confrontational manner, but more as a friend who was hurt or disappointed.
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

Quit playing the "he should call me" game. Pick up the phone. Talk to him and see what's really going on.

Something does sound fishy, but call him up and talk to him about it. That way you're not sitting, on a message board, really wanting to know what happened, but waiting for him to pick up the phone...

When you were scheduled for a job interview on Friday and they cancel saying they will call you to reschedule, and it's Tuesday and you haven't heard from them - are you still waiting around for them to call you? Nah, pick up the phone!
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

I would not call :nono:

Yes, he is playing the waiting game, so you play it too. You've already called! Keep that in mind. So, monkey-see, monkey-do. I would miss the first call, too. And at least get some kind of clue that he knew he was wrong. Whether via voicemail, text, or something.

Yes, we're all grown, but at the end of the day, we all respond to non-verbal cues. :yep:
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

MsNadi said:
Quit playing the "he should call me" game. Pick up the phone. Talk to him and see what's really going on.

Something does sound fishy, but call him up and talk to him about it. That way you're not sitting, on a message board, really wanting to know what happened, but waiting for him to pick up the phone...

When you were scheduled for a job interview on Friday and they cancel saying they will call you to reschedule, and it's Tuesday and you haven't heard from them - are you still waiting around for them to call you? Nah, pick up the phone!
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:lachen::lachen: I feel you. However, I find that men tend to respond to non verbal behavior(i.e. the cold shoulder) more than me asking why, why? I want him to know that if we continue this friendship, that kind of ish ain't gon cut it. But I want him to really hear me so I want to be assertive but not emotional...
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

Jessica Rabbit said:
Oh see you left the part out about him chilling in his city. I had plausible reasoning for everything you posed til you got to that. :lachen: I would text or call and discuss it. Ask why he stood you up. Not in a confrontational manner, but more as a friend who was hurt or disappointed.
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Yea, as I was re reading I remembered that but was too lazy to go back and edit....

itismehmmkay said:
I would not call :nono:

Yes, he is playing the waiting game, so you play it too. You've already called! Keep that in mind. So, monkey-see, monkey-do. I would miss the first call, too. And at least get some kind of clue that he knew he was wrong. Whether via voicemail, text, or something.

Yes, we're all grown, but at the end of the day, we all respond to non-verbal cues. :yep:
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We would so be friends IRL....See, that's how I feel. I think he didn't call because he figured I'd be calm by Monday and used a text as a way to feel me out....wrong move....I hate to play these games, but it's easy to block out someone asking why why why?....i still need to know what to say...there is so much I want to say, but I don't want it to come out wrong...Any openers?
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

crimsonvixen said:
:lachen::lachen: I feel you. However, I find that men tend to respond to non verbal behavior(i.e. the cold shoulder) more than me asking why, why? I want him to know that if we continue this friendship, that kind of ish ain't gon cut it. But I want him to really hear me so I want to be assertive but not emotional...
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Men don't like games when trying to figure us out. Yes, he will respond more visually/dramatically to you ignoring him, but once you are talking again, he will shake it off.

Now if you talk to him directly, he will understand that language. Put on your big girl panties and handle your business :yep:
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

Jessica Rabbit said:
Men don't like games when trying to figure us out. Yes, he will respond more visually/dramatically to you ignoring him, but once you are talking again, he will shake it off.

Now if you talk to him directly, he will understand that language. Put on your big girl panties and handle your business :yep:
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Oh yea, I plan to talk to him directly..when he picks up the phone! Also, then why do they play them so much? He initiated this, not me...i'm totally down for talking I just really hate to have to pick up the phone first, especially when technically he never returned my phone call from Sat. Me and this pride.....

and at the bolded...that's kind of why I haven't returned his texts because I feel like if I had jumped at the first text he sent he'd.. a) think i was just sitting by the phone waiting b) think that a text is sufficient communication when something like this transpires.....

Oh yea...yall haven't suggested what to say....when I get excited or upset I tend to talk really fast and ramble, so that's why I'm asking.
 
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Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

crimsonvixen said:
We would so be friends IRL....See, that's how I feel. I think he didn't call because he figured I'd be calm by Monday and used a text as a way to feel me out....wrong move....I hate to play these games, but it's easy to block out someone asking why why why?....i still need to know what to say...there is so much I want to say, but I don't want it to come out wrong...Any openers?
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Yes, girl: I am so with you and everything you're saying is what he's doing. I can't stand sneaky, trying-to-fill-me-out bull-ish :nono::mad:

Anyway, now as far as openers? I don't even know. I mean, he already gave you an answer to your "why" question w/ the whole accident bit. :ohwell: So, he's just going to come back w/ that as his answer. So, really I'd chill until he called, then let him bring up the issue (he'll probably try and randomly talk about the accident or make a joke about how ya'll didn't hook up, etc.) When he does, just say something like "Yeah, I missed you, but found something to do. But next time we decide to hang out, give me a better heads up" or something like that. Eh.

Oh and the next time he wants to get together, don't be available. I mean, you can be available for the next next time, but not the immediate one. For some reason that'll make a difference :up:
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

Jessica Rabbit said:
Men don't like games when trying to figure us out. Yes, he will respond more visually/dramatically to you ignoring him, but once you are talking again, he will shake it off.

Now if you talk to him directly, he will understand that language. Put on your big girl panties and handle your business :yep:
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You got that right. Great advice. :up:
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

he's married.
because we put up with situations like that and give him the benefit of the doubt, they continue to do what they do.
look at what he did and how foul it was.
only a crazy, irresponsible, uncaring man would do something like that.

that's an instant deal-breaker.
 
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Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

january noir said:
You got that right. Great advice. :up:
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You think so? hmm....:wallbash:. You know what's messing with me? And it's all yall fault for having me read that damn "Why men love bit#@es" book! ....j/k But,while I don't agree with everything that she said the core of the book is quite true.....there are certain things that men respond to (true life experiences) and I don't wanna come of as catty or needy.....

Thanks for your input:)
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

crimsonvixen said:
:lachen:Now you know that was already in effect(at the bolded). You know.. I'm not even going to address the accident because we both know that is a lie so I won't waste my time. Basically, I just wanna let him know this is not how I do relationships.....but nicely of course. My question is what if I doesn't even bring it up?(which I have a feeling he might try to pull) Now that is what will piss me off, I can't continue the conversation if it's not at least addressed.....
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Yeah, that would piss me off, too. :barf: Dang, he's getting on my nerves and I don't even know him.

I'm still for waiting until he calls. :up: Because it will only piss you off more if, God forbid, he doesn't answer, or tries to wipe his hands of it too fast. :nono::wallbash:
When you all do get a chance to talk on the phone, fill him out a bit to see if he's filling you out. If he's still bullishing a bit, then go ahead and just tell him that "Too bad we didn't get to hang out. But next time that happens, give me a better heads up". He'll say okay, probably go into the accident bit w/ random details of it. You can say, "yeah, okay", but then get off the phone before he thinks it's honkey-dory. Your first convo is to address the issue. You can go back being cool with him in your next convo (probably that next day).
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

you know that's a married-man-move, right? lol! you be, like, "do i have his home number? have i been to his house? can i just drop by when i want?" and stuff like that.
giiiiiirl, then if he is not married, then he is one insensitive person and is already give you cues on what's in store.
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

ms*x said:
he's married.
because we put up with situations like that and give him the benefit of the doubt, they continue to do what they do.
look at what he did and how foul it was.
only a crazy, irresponsible, uncaring man would do something like that.

that's an instant deal-breaker.
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OP: This is actually what I'm wondering too. :ohwell:
Even if he's not married though, it does sound like another gal in the picture, which...I'm thinking that's you were thinking anyway, especially w/ ya'll still more on a friends level.

But regardless, this would be the time to consider how much closer you'd like to get and continue w/ him :up:.
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

ms*x said:
you know that's a married-man-move, right? lol! you be, like, "do i have his home number? have i been to his house? can i just drop by when i want?" and stuff like that.
giiiiiirl, then if he is not married, then he is one insensitive person and is already give you cues on what's in store.
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He's a little young to be married....believe me I would've found out some kind of way by now..too many people know him....i feel you on the insensitivity though....and definitely cowardice....i should pay a little more attention to the signs
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

itismehmmkay said:
OP: This is actually what I'm wondering too. :ohwell:
Even if he's not married though, it does sound like another gal in the picture, which...I'm thinking that's you were thinking anyway, especially w/ ya'll still more on a friends level.

But regardless, this would be the time to consider how much closer you'd like to get and continue w/ him :up:.
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You are sooo right and it ain't looking good for him...
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

men and women are different in that men let you know up front what they are about in the beginning, but you have to be able to see them for what they are rather than for what you want them to be.

but, truthfully - from woman to woman...your "man" has got another relationship. there is no other reason why he would fake you out and then not be accessible and THEN act like nothing happened.

i'm really sorry to hear that you are going through that. luckily, you haven't invested too much in him (or have you?) so you can get out while you still have your wits about you.
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

crimsonvixen said:
You think so? hmm....:wallbash:. You know what's messing with me? And it's all yall fault for having me read that damn "Why men love bit#@es" book! ....j/k But,while I don't agree with everything that she said the core of the book is quite true.....there are certain things that men respond to (true life experiences) and I don't wanna come of as catty or needy.....

Thanks for your input:)
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You're welcome. Yes, there are certain things men respond to.
One thing I do know and I did not read the book and that is... "Real" men don't like b*t*hes at all.

Treat a man the way you want to be treated and if he isn't filling the role, you got to keep it moving. We spend too much time trying to "figure" people out. Stay friends and find someone else who'll be there no matter what! That will be the man for you.
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

ms*x said:
but, truthfully - from woman to woman...your "man" has got another relationship. there is no other reason why he would fake you out and then not be accessible and THEN act like nothing happened.
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i agree with this. it is the fact that he acted like nothing happened that seals the deal.
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

crimsonvixen said:
:lachen:Now you know that was already in affect(at the bolded). You know.. I'm not even going to address the accident because we both know that is a lie so I won't waste my time. Basically, I just wanna let him know this is not how I do relationships.....but nicely of course. My question is what if I doesn't even bring it up?(which I have a feeling he might try to pull) Now that is what will piss me off, I can't continue the conversation if it's not at least addressed.....
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If he wanna play a ***** move and not even say anything about it, that would be the last time we do anything together.
 
Re: WTF just happened? Please advise...

My sentiments exactly sista :yep: Plus he still haven't called, he would've called any other time, why haven't he called now :ohwell:. When he's ready to call he'll call, until then keep it movin.. Friend or no friend...

itismehmmkay said:
I would not call :nono:

Yes, he is playing the waiting game, so you play it too. You've already called! Keep that in mind. So, monkey-see, monkey-do. I would miss the first call, too. And at least get some kind of clue that he knew he was wrong. Whether via voicemail, text, or something.

Yes, we're all grown, but at the end of the day, we all respond to non-verbal cues. :yep:
Click to expand...
 
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You've basically heard both sides of the advice poll.

Wonder what you've decided now.

Ya know, I've been dealing with some foul stuff myself and NO MORE.

Let that brotha' get the machine OR if you happen to take his call, after he's called for the 3rd time, brush it off and act like you forgot about the date. Make him feel insignificant, by way of "Oh, I ended up doing something else" and that'll send a message straight on home to him.

Yep, it's a game, but it seems to be the "MARS" language that men understand.
 
What I would say would depend on whether or not I still wanted to deal with him anymore. Based on your situation, I probably wouldn't pick up the phone (ie. he's cut off), but if I did and he didn't explain himself from the door, he'd be DONE. His fingers obviously weren't broken from the "accident" because he texted you, so he could have just as easily picked up the phone IF he really wanted to. Your gut is already telling you he is playing games....is this someone you really want a relationship with, whether if it's just friendship or a serious relationship? I know I don't have time anymore for BS from GROWN men (being a college grad sounds grown enough to me). Don't fall for the okey doke. You DESERVE better...


crimsonvixen said:
Ok, scenario.....There is a guy that you've been friends with for almost two years....you all talk EVERY day about 2-4x's a day. There is definitely an attraction there but you all have never been intimate. You only see each other every couple of months, but for good reason(that's a whole other topic) and it's mostly your choice.

So, you experience something that kind of brings your spirits down and he offers to take you out to get your mind off of things and he's really insisting. The day comes, you all talk earlier and he says everything is a go and call when you finish running errands. He's coming from another city. You call and no answer.....so you wait and he never calls back. Since you're one that understands cell phones do have caller id! you don't call again, because clearly he knew you all had plans anyway..This is a Saturday you don't hear from him until Monday! He sends a text saying " I hope your doing ok, i got into a pretty bad accident Sat. and shattered my phone, but call when you have a chance and let me know if you're ok"....Since it smells like bullsh#! you don't respond. The next day he sends a text saying "What's up". You don't respond to that either because you feel as though he should at least call!

So when/if he calls what do you say? Obviously livid about the way he handled it, you want to get your point across but also keep it classy. I would love to hear you all's thoughts on this....
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