I feel you. However, I find that men tend to respond to non verbal behavior(i.e. the cold shoulder) more than me asking why, why? I want him to know that if we continue this friendship, that kind of ish ain't gon cut it. But I want him to really hear me so I want to be assertive but not emotional...Quit playing the "he should call me" game. Pick up the phone. Talk to him and see what's really going on.
Something does sound fishy, but call him up and talk to him about it. That way you're not sitting, on a message board, really wanting to know what happened, but waiting for him to pick up the phone...
When you were scheduled for a job interview on Friday and they cancel saying they will call you to reschedule, and it's Tuesday and you haven't heard from them - are you still waiting around for them to call you? Nah, pick up the phone!
Oh see you left the part out about him chilling in his city. I had plausible reasoning for everything you posed til you got to that. I would text or call and discuss it. Ask why he stood you up. Not in a confrontational manner, but more as a friend who was hurt or disappointed.
I would not call
Yes, he is playing the waiting game, so you play it too. You've already called! Keep that in mind. So, monkey-see, monkey-do. I would miss the first call, too. And at least get some kind of clue that he knew he was wrong. Whether via voicemail, text, or something.
Yes, we're all grown, but at the end of the day, we all respond to non-verbal cues.
Men don't like games when trying to figure us out. Yes, he will respond more visually/dramatically to you ignoring him, but once you are talking again, he will shake it off.I feel you. However, I find that men tend to respond to non verbal behavior(i.e. the cold shoulder) more than me asking why, why? I want him to know that if we continue this friendship, that kind of ish ain't gon cut it. But I want him to really hear me so I want to be assertive but not emotional...
Oh yea, I plan to talk to him directly..when he picks up the phone! Also, then why do they play them so much? He initiated this, not me...i'm totally down for talking I just really hate to have to pick up the phone first, especially when technically he never returned my phone call from Sat. Me and this pride.....Men don't like games when trying to figure us out. Yes, he will respond more visually/dramatically to you ignoring him, but once you are talking again, he will shake it off.
Now if you talk to him directly, he will understand that language. Put on your big girl panties and handle your business
We would so be friends IRL....See, that's how I feel. I think he didn't call because he figured I'd be calm by Monday and used a text as a way to feel me out....wrong move....I hate to play these games, but it's easy to block out someone asking why why why?....i still need to know what to say...there is so much I want to say, but I don't want it to come out wrong...Any openers?
Men don't like games when trying to figure us out. Yes, he will respond more visually/dramatically to you ignoring him, but once you are talking again, he will shake it off.
Now if you talk to him directly, he will understand that language. Put on your big girl panties and handle your business
You think so? hmm..... You know what's messing with me? And it's all yall fault for having me read that damn "Why men love bit#@es" book! ....j/k But,while I don't agree with everything that she said the core of the book is quite true.....there are certain things that men respond to (true life experiences) and I don't wanna come of as catty or needy.....You got that right. Great advice.
Now you know that was already in effect(at the bolded). You know.. I'm not even going to address the accident because we both know that is a lie so I won't waste my time. Basically, I just wanna let him know this is not how I do relationships.....but nicely of course. My question is what if I doesn't even bring it up?(which I have a feeling he might try to pull) Now that is what will piss me off, I can't continue the conversation if it's not at least addressed.....
he's married.
because we put up with situations like that and give him the benefit of the doubt, they continue to do what they do.
look at what he did and how foul it was.
only a crazy, irresponsible, uncaring man would do something like that.
that's an instant deal-breaker.
He's a little young to be married....believe me I would've found out some kind of way by now..too many people know him....i feel you on the insensitivity though....and definitely cowardice....i should pay a little more attention to the signsyou know that's a married-man-move, right? lol! you be, like, "do i have his home number? have i been to his house? can i just drop by when i want?" and stuff like that.
giiiiiirl, then if he is not married, then he is one insensitive person and is already give you cues on what's in store.
You are sooo right and it ain't looking good for him...OP: This is actually what I'm wondering too.
Even if he's not married though, it does sound like another gal in the picture, which...I'm thinking that's you were thinking anyway, especially w/ ya'll still more on a friends level.
But regardless, this would be the time to consider how much closer you'd like to get and continue w/ him .
You think so? hmm..... You know what's messing with me? And it's all yall fault for having me read that damn "Why men love bit#@es" book! ....j/k But,while I don't agree with everything that she said the core of the book is quite true.....there are certain things that men respond to (true life experiences) and I don't wanna come of as catty or needy.....
Thanks for your input
but, truthfully - from woman to woman...your "man" has got another relationship. there is no other reason why he would fake you out and then not be accessible and THEN act like nothing happened.
Now you know that was already in affect(at the bolded). You know.. I'm not even going to address the accident because we both know that is a lie so I won't waste my time. Basically, I just wanna let him know this is not how I do relationships.....but nicely of course. My question is what if I doesn't even bring it up?(which I have a feeling he might try to pull) Now that is what will piss me off, I can't continue the conversation if it's not at least addressed.....
I would not call
Yes, he is playing the waiting game, so you play it too. You've already called! Keep that in mind. So, monkey-see, monkey-do. I would miss the first call, too. And at least get some kind of clue that he knew he was wrong. Whether via voicemail, text, or something.
Yes, we're all grown, but at the end of the day, we all respond to non-verbal cues.
Ok, scenario.....There is a guy that you've been friends with for almost two years....you all talk EVERY day about 2-4x's a day. There is definitely an attraction there but you all have never been intimate. You only see each other every couple of months, but for good reason(that's a whole other topic) and it's mostly your choice.
So, you experience something that kind of brings your spirits down and he offers to take you out to get your mind off of things and he's really insisting. The day comes, you all talk earlier and he says everything is a go and call when you finish running errands. He's coming from another city. You call and no answer.....so you wait and he never calls back. Since you're one that understands cell phones do have caller id! you don't call again, because clearly he knew you all had plans anyway..This is a Saturday you don't hear from him until Monday! He sends a text saying " I hope your doing ok, i got into a pretty bad accident Sat. and shattered my phone, but call when you have a chance and let me know if you're ok"....Since it smells like bullsh#! you don't respond. The next day he sends a text saying "What's up". You don't respond to that either because you feel as though he should at least call!
So when/if he calls what do you say? Obviously livid about the way he handled it, you want to get your point across but also keep it classy. I would love to hear you all's thoughts on this....