what is your take of men who came out of fatherless homes?

[Nedeaj]

*edit*

Hi ladies! I rarely post on here but was talking about this topic with a friend. What is your take on it?

In your personal experiences, do you think that men reared in a single parent home (mom only) have issues later on in life dealing with women and their relationships with them?

 

[Blossssom]

It's an individual thing, hon.

Just because a man was raised by a single mother, doesn't mean he will be anything negative.

Plenty of men were raised with both parents, and they are locked up today... justifiably locked up.

Get to know the man and learn his character, regardless of his family dynamics.

 

[Cincysweetie]

I think EVERYBODY has issues. If it's not a result of coming from a fatherless home, it's something else. That's why you have to get to know the person to see what he is all about. I know for me personally, knowing and inquiring about one's home life and childhood is VERY important because I feel that environment does effect a person. But I don't believe that all men reared in single parent homes struggle with the same issues, so while one may have trouble with relationships another might not--it depends on the person and his situation.

 

[Amina]

Hi ladies! I rarely post on here but was talking about this topic with a friend. What is your take on it?

Do you think that men reared in a single parent home (mom only) have issues later on in life dealing with women and their relationships with them?

ITA with Blossssom.

 

[Laginappe]

It's an individual thing, hon.

Just because a man was raised by a single mother, doesn't mean he will be anything negative.

Plenty of men were raised with both parents, and they are locked up today... justifiably locked up.

Get to know the man and learn his character, regardless of his family dynamics.

I agree and at the same time admit to having a personal bias against men raised in female households. Just personal experience - raised by one, dated more than a few... friends with many more....

But I'm all for giving everyone a chance...at least...

 

[MizaniMami]

I'm not going to lie. It bothers me (in my current situation). My man came out of a situation where his mother was with his dad for YEARS, had 3 of his children, AND adopted his other son (when she was about 18) and he NEVER married her. He eventually went off to jail for drug related things, got out, and moved on with his life.

I worry because some guys are just like their dads. I wonder if he will do the same for me. But I am strongly confident he isn't like his dad, he never was into the drug thing (his dad was heavenly) and most importantly he is his own person. But yeah, truthfully, I have often wondered about that. Sometimes history has a funny way of repeating itself. It's been like that with most men in my life; my brother, uncles, and my own dad

 

[Blossssom]

Yea, that's what I say, Lag. Give everybody a chance!

 

[ekomba]

Hi ladies! I rarely post on here but was talking about this topic with a friend. What is your take on it?

Do you think that men reared in a single parent home (mom only) have issues later on in life dealing with women and their relationships with them?

I used to think that as i was raised by my two parents and very sheltered but i also noticed that it mostly depended on the relationship they had with their mother. I know that my husband at 7 was separated from his brothers and spent his childhood in foster homes switching so even though he s a nice sweet person. He keeps a lot to himself as if he has no emotions. i mean after high school his dad asked him to come live with him and his new wife but he refused i guess is not emotionally attached even though he cares for him. and even though he loves his family, he s not the type to write to his family or spend a lot of time. I guess he s even surprised how am close with my family and they really adopted him and his not used to all the attention. Before me he was in a relationship for 2 years, we been together 3 years but he told me 2 years ago, he never felt this way and never knew what love was before he never ever say i love you to anybody before meeting me and one day when we watched kramer versus kramer i forgot the title with dustin hoffman when the take the kid he was really sad hum i m even sure i saw a tear but he acted all man up so i wouldnt think he s weak. haaha i know i added in his life just as much as he added in mine cause he s very protective always worried about me

I do think that some men i even see my father who lost his father young (he was eaten by her crocodile on the zaire river) who grew fatherless tends to overprotect their family and give them all the things that they missed as her childhood, to be the best dads and not feel the way they felt. they act almost as dads haha i know you would think i m my hubby s kid sometimes but i notice the men have more problems and issues with women ( life fear of you abandoning them or leaving them, jalousy) but the way he treats you i think depends on the relations he had with his mom. My mom always told me to know how a man gonna treat you watch how he interacts with his mother and siblings women that is cause he will treat you the same respect or not respect you.
Some men do repeat the same traits of their fathers if they were absent and they felt it they can be against commitment and refuse marriages. i think any men behaviour can be traced down to his past/childhood that s why the first dates/months for me is like interview session i grill you without looking like it with all your past info blabla

 

[ekomba]

I think EVERYBODY has issues. If it's not a result of coming from a fatherless home, it's something else. That's why you have to get to know the person to see what he is all about. I know for me personally, knowing and inquiring about one's home life and childhood is VERY important because I feel that environment does effect a person. But I don't believe that all men reared in single parent homes struggle with the same issues, so while one may have trouble with relationships another might not--it depends on the person and his situation.

I totally agree with you Cincysweetie, specially with this it s a case by case and what that individual went through in his life . it all plays a part

 

[Amina]

I used to think that as i was raised by my two parents and very sheltered but i also noticed that it mostly depended on the relationship they had with their mother. I know that my husband at 7 was separated from his brothers and spent his childhood in foster homes switching so even though he s a nice sweet person. He keeps a lot to himself as if he has no emotions. i mean after high school his dad asked him to come live with him and his new wife but he refused i guess is not emotionally attached even though he cares for him. and even though he loves his family, he s not the type to write to his family or spend a lot of time. I guess he s even surprised how am close with my family and they really adopted him and his not used to all the attention. Before me he was in a relationship for 2 years, we been together 3 years but he told me 2 years ago, he never felt this way and never knew what love was before he never ever say i love you to anybody before meeting me and one day when we watched kramer versus kramer i forgot the title with dustin hoffman when the take the kid he was really sad hum i m even sure i saw a tear but he acted all man up so i wouldnt think he s weak. haaha i know i added in his life just as much as he added in mine cause he s very protective always worried about me

I do think that some men i even see my father who lost his father young (he was eaten by her crocodile on the zaire river) who grew fatherless tends to overprotect their family and give them all the things that they missed as her childhood, to be the best dads and not feel the way they felt. they act almost as dads haha i know you would think i m my hubby s kid sometimes but i notice the men have more problems and issues with women ( life fear of you abandoning them or leaving them, jalousy) but the way he treats you i think depends on the relations he had with his mom. My mom always told me to know how a man gonna treat you watch how he interacts with his mother and siblings women that is cause he will treat you the same respect or not respect you.
Some men do repeat the same traits of their fathers if they were absent and they felt it they can be against commitment and refuse marriages. i think any men behaviour can be traced down to his past/childhood that s why the first dates/months for me is like interview session i grill you without looking like it with all your past info blabla

OFFTOPIC
Sadly, your husband's story is the story of the majority of Foster children. I am happy he has found love in you.

Too often I see ex-foster children (myself included) too afraid to open up to anyone, simply been hurt too many times to count.

 

[Nedeaj]

It's an individual thing, hon.

Just because a man was raised by a single mother, doesn't mean he will be anything negative.

Plenty of men were raised with both parents, and they are locked up today... justifiably locked up.

Get to know the man and learn his character, regardless of his family dynamics.

I didn't post this as a one sided "this how they are all" deal, more of a what have your experiences been if you have every dealt with a man from a single parent home.

 

[Blossssom]

I didn't post this as a one sided "this how they are all" deal, more of a what have your experiences been if you have every dealt with a man from a single parent home.

Unfortunately, that's the way it sounded. Maybe you should re-word it, so others won't be as confused as those who responded are.

 

[Nedeaj]

Unfortunately, that's the way it sounded. Maybe you should re-word it, so others won't be as confused as those who responded are.

Edited.

 

[Blossssom]

Edited.

Cool! Let me re-read it and re-answer

 

[ekomba]

OFFTOPIC
Sadly, your husband's story is the story of the majority of Foster children. I am happy he has found love in you.

Too often I see ex-foster children (myself included) too afraid to open up to anyone, simply been hurt too many times to count.

aww i hear you Amina and i regret that saddens me a lot to see kids living and growing up like this and i plan to be a foster parent and i always wanted to open an orphanage cause that saddens me. Yeah my husband in the 3 years have known him has really blossomed. He used to see life like everything was going for the worse like we dont have blabla and me coming from a different perspective as seeing the glass half full and always positive i think always encourage him and celebrate little things. he never celebrated christmas or received any gifts so he was really marked but now he plans stuff he wants us to go to florida to the beach, it s good to see him going back to school when he taught his dreams was shattered cause i m like life is what you make it you are not your past. You dont choose your family but you can chose the outcome and just make your life better cause we all have our own issues and can all grow it benefits everyone. I m learning too lol

 

[charmingt]

There is a book entitled Fatherless America by David Blakenhorn which deals extensively with this subject. It goes deep into such things as are being discussed in this thread.

 

[DragonPearl]

Yes, I think that men reared in a single parent home (mom only) have issues later on in life dealing with women and their relationships with them. But, I also agree with the comment made by Ekomba. In fact, I think how a man feels about his mother is the most important indicator of how he will treat you.

but the way he treats you i think depends on the relations he had with his mom. My mom always told me to know how a man gonna treat you watch how he interacts with his mother and siblings women that is cause he will treat you the same respect or not respect you.

 

[Laginappe]

In fact, I think how a man feels about his mother is the most important indicator of how he will treat you.

I used to think this was a good test but not so much anymore. Every man I've dated has had decent-to-close relationships with their moms. My experience with fatherless men have been issues with their expectations of the role a woman would take in their lives.

And come to think of it, I was close to my dad, but that relationship had very little to do with how I conducted myself in a romantic relationship...I think....

 

[Nedeaj]

I used to think this was a good test but not so much anymore. Every man I've dated has had decent-to-close relationships with their moms. My experience with fatherless men have been issues with their expectations of the role a woman would take in their lives.

And come to think of it, I was close to my dad, but that relationship had very little to do with how I conducted myself in a romantic relationship...I think....

In my experiences also I've come across men who were VERY close to their moms. I don't believe that is a very good test either. In some cases they end up looking for mom and not a s/o.

I agree with what most said, it's an individual thing but there are usually some underlying issues that are present from being reared in that situation.

Just to make it clear, this is not a put down to anyone.

 

[MizAvalon]

It's an individual thing, hon.

Just because a man was raised by a single mother, doesn't mean he will be anything negative.

Plenty of men were raised with both parents, and they are locked up today... justifiably locked up.

Get to know the man and learn his character, regardless of his family dynamics.

 

[Poohbear]

It's an individual thing, hon.

Just because a man was raised by a single mother, doesn't mean he will be anything negative.

Plenty of men were raised with both parents, and they are locked up today... justifiably locked up.

Get to know the man and learn his character, regardless of his family dynamics.

EXACTLY!

 

[CreoleInDC]

Yes, I think that men reared in a single parent home (mom only) have issues later on in life dealing with women and their relationships with them. But, I also agree with the comment made by Ekomba. In fact, I think how a man feels about his mother is the most important indicator of how he will treat you.

What she said.

A man needs to learn how to be a good man from a good man...just as a woman needs to learn how to be a good woman from a good woman. If positive role models aren't around to fit that bill...it will be difficult to learn something as an adult that should have been a natural progression throughout life and THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH NOW. *SIGH*

 

[BAP28]

I THINK THEY TEND TO HAVE ISSUES NOT ALL BUT SOME.. AND WHEN DATING ANYONE WHETHER A WOMAN OR MAN ALL MUST CONSIDER THEIR UPBRINGING.. I ALWAYS ASKS QUESTIONS ABOUT AN INDIVIDUALS UPBRINGING EVEN MY FRIENDS BECAUSE IT TELLS A LOT ABOUT WHY THEY ARE THEY WAY THEY ARE- PEROSNALITY SOCIALLY, MENTALITY-WISE.. THE OTHER DAY I JUST REALIZED DEEP DOWN INSIDE MY FEMALE BESTFRIEND IS THE WAY SHE IS BECAUSE HER BEHAVIOR WAS ACCEPTABLE GROWING UP…SHE IS SLOWLY CHANGING BUT A LOT OF HER NEG. PERSONALITY TRAITS AND BAD HABITS COME STR8 FROM HER UPBRINGING I LUV MY HOMEGIRL TO DEATH BUT SHE HAS SOME ISSUES…NOW BACK TO THE MEN.. A MAN WHO DID NOT GROW UP WITH A FATHER CAN EITHER BE A GOOD MAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO TREAT WOMEN BASED UPON HIS SURROUNDINGS OR HE COULD BE A JERK BECAUSE HE HAS NEVER REALLY LEARNED HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN AND THE MEN AROUND HIM DON’T TREAT WOMEN GOOD EITHER.. SO IT COULD BE A DOUBLE-EDGE SITUATION.. BUT EVERYDAY I REALIZE PPL ARE THE WAY THEY ARE BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY CONSIDER ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR

 

[dlewis]

My father and husband came from one parent households (mothers only) they are both great men and fathers. Even though their fathers were active in their lives, they have issues like everyone else I know.

 

[EishBuhgeish]

My bf is a product of a fatherless household. His father is incarcerated and from time to time they speak on the phone. While he doesnt appear resentful or angry at his father, he does seem to be rather aloof and distant, like they havent got a THING to talk about. As far as our relationship goes, he's great. Attentive, affectionate, compassionate, respects women to the utmost..his mother did an excellent job, WITHOUT DAD.

I imagine if his dad were around, it would have probably done more harm than good....

 

[kombov_dymond]

I think nothing of it. It all depends on how much positivity he absorbed from his environment. I know great men that have come from single mom households that respect women. I have had more trouble with men that came from 2 parent households. They were the ones that witnessed their dads dog their moms out on a regular basis, and learned to do that to their women.

 

[SocialWorker29]

I can only speak from my own experience, when I dated men who grew up raised by their mothers (none or very limited contact with a father figure) they were not the best of guys to be in relationships with. I always felt like there were basic things about being in a relationship and ways of treating women that they did not do or show. It's hard to explain, I guess.
I would not trade my Dad for the world. I guess the way my Dad treated me and my mother helped me develop my expectations of men and how men are supposed to treat women. Sometimes I feel like that is something only a man can teach another man. But I know there are exceptions.

 

[MissYocairis]

*edit*

Hi ladies! I rarely post on here but was talking about this topic with a friend. What is your take on it?

In your personal experiences, do you think that men reared in a single parent home (mom only) have issues later on in life dealing with women and their relationships with them?

I am relatively conservative, but I have to say, on this issue, it purely depends on the MOTHER. If the mother is a respectable, good woman, I think the son will do much better than if the mother has some careless practices such as bringing various men around the child throughout his young life, and talking bad about the child's father and talking bad about men in general in front of the child.

The problem comes in when the mother conducts herself in ways that do not foster self-respect and self-love and respect for women. And, of course, condemning the boys' father in front of him and all men in front of him will only tear down his own self-worth and condition him to expect women to tear him down. And, of course we've heard the old addage, "women raise their daughters and love their sons." Beating his ass and not taking excuses and not MAKING excuses for inexcusable behavior has to happen.

But, if the mother is consciencious about who is around her son. If she doesn't speak ill of his father. Doesn't speak ill of men around him. Gives him age-appropriate responsibility as he grows and does not baby him but gives him expectations to live up to so that he can take his place as a man, then you will have a man who is just fine for a relationship.

 

[EishBuhgeish]

I think nothing of it. It all depends on how much positivity he absorbed from his environment. I know great men that have come from single mom households that respect women. I have had more trouble with men that came from 2 parent households. They were the ones that witnessed their dads dog their moms out on a regular basis, and learned to do that to their women.

Exactly!!!!

 

[Laginappe]

I can only speak from my own experience, when I dated men who grew up raised by their mothers (none or very limited contact with a father figure) they were not the best of guys to be in relationships with. I always felt like there were basic things about being in a relationship and ways of treating women that they did not do or show. It's hard to explain, I guess.
I would not trade my Dad for the world. I guess the way my Dad treated me and my mother helped me develop my expectations of men and how men are supposed to treat women. Sometimes I feel like that is something only a man can teach another man. But I know there are exceptions.

I agree. Looking back on my track record the common denominator wasn't neccesarily being raised in a fatherless home - it was the level of contact with their fathers that seemed to be the problem.