What is more important--Compatibility or Chemistry?

ScorpioBeauty09

ScorpioBeauty09

Well-Known Member
I'm curious what people think about this. I see them as two distinct things but IMO they are used interchangeably. So what are these to you? Which one is more important, if one is? Do you recognize both pretty easily in assessing potential SOs/FHs? Do you need to feel both before deciding if you like someone? Let's talk. Hoping I can get a discussion going.
 
Compatibility. When I think chemistry, I think of something physical, that you could have with a number of people. You probably won't be compatible with as many people as you have chemistry with.

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I have both with dh. Chemistry especially. He still makes my heart flutter, love when he touches me, how he touches me. Foundationally we are compatible: religion, importance of education, drug-free, very light drinkers, believe in home ownership, etc. We differ mostly on how we approach certain issues, a lot of it is that men are from mars women are from Venus stuff if that makes sense. I think having both chemistry and compatibility is very important. Much more of one than the other I think causes frustration though.
 
Compatibility.
Now that I'm getting older that trumps chemistry.
The older I get the less likely it seems that I will meet someone with both.
I now believe that chemistry can grow.
 
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In the past I wouldn't answer this way, but I'd have to say more weight on compatibility. By compatibility I don't only mean the obvious such as finances and goals, but personal compatibility. Someone that you genuinely like being around, someone that's there for you, someone who you can joke around with that's like your best friend, someone whose flaws you can accept and they accept yours just as you are. Someone you like as a person outside of them being your lover. Someone that's your partner, someone who shares very similar morals as yourself. I think if you have this the chemistry will be there, but maybe not in the same intensity as someone who you see and you just have that off that bat chemistry.
 
hopeful said:
I have both with dh. Chemistry especially. He still makes my heart flutter, love when he touches me, how he touches me. Foundationally we are compatible: religion, importance of education, drug-free, very light drinkers, believe in home ownership, etc. We differ mostly on how we approach certain issues, a lot of it is that men are from mars women are from Venus stuff if that makes sense. I think having both chemistry and compatibility is very important. Much more of one than the other I think causes frustration though.
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You're a lucky woman. It's hard to find both.
 
Thanks for the responses ladies.:grin: I'm hoping more will chime in too.

Both are necessary but I think chemistry comes over time. Chemistry isn't just physical attraction, IMO. There's emotional/mental/spiritual chemistry too. But I know when I'm first dating/getting to know someone I'm not assessing whether we have chemistry because I can't generate an emotional/physical attraction to someone I've known for all of 10 minutes.

Compatibility, like hopeful described--religion, personality, core beliefs on marriage, family, education etc. are what I look for first before chemistry even becomes part of the equation.

I've seen people confuse chemistry with compatibility and things not work out. I've even done it myself in the past.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
Thanks for the responses ladies.:grin: I'm hoping more will chime in too.

Both are necessary but I think chemistry comes over time. Chemistry isn't just physical attraction, IMO. There's emotional/mental/spiritual chemistry too. But I know when I'm first dating/getting to know someone I'm not assessing whether we have chemistry because I can't generate an emotional/physical attraction to someone I've known for all of 10 minutes.

Compatibility, like @hopeful described--religion, personality, core beliefs on marriage, family, education etc. are what I look for first before chemistry even becomes part of the equation.

I've seen people confuse chemistry with compatibility and things not work out. I've even done it myself in the past.
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Agreed with all of this ...
 
I view chemistry as an unspoken connection and I've had that with guys that I have not been compatible with. Compatibility is an absolute necessity for me in a relationship... However, I need to have chemistry with the person as well.
 
Both (can't pick one). Chemistry is extremely important and I would like for my future SO/DH and I do be compatible (some things are not deal-breakers).
 
I'd say compatibility; without it chemistry will fade. Some chemicals combinations are like fireworks- explosive but short lived...
 
Compatibility to me is more important. After dealing with frogs, I realized that Chemistry (which faded) is what kept me around. I think that chemistry can allow you to see things with rose tinted glasses or make you think that it will get better if you are not careful. My best relationships have been with guys that I was compatible with. With my current I feel like our "chemistry" is there bc of our compatibility if that makes any sense.
 
This is a good question OP and I won't likely be able to provide a solid answer. What I have noticed is that society has changed in the way it puts an emphasis on one more so than the other. Talking to my mother, it seems in her generation, compatibility was highly important but in my generation, chemistry seems to be more important. Personally, I'd like both but trying to meet a guy with both is like finding a needle in a haystack.
 
Oh wow...this is a GOOD question! :scratchch

I would personally prefer to have BOTH Chemistry AND Compatibility in a relationship with someone, because although chemistry is nice...if you're not COMPATIBLE with someone, then that is just a recipie for disaster. :nono: I learned this when having one of my friends as a roommate last year....:perplexed

So, I think that MAYBE (as much as I would like to have both), if I had to choose JUST one thing to have in a relationship, I would rather have compatibility than chemistry, because all of the chemistry in the world won't mean a hill of beans if you two don't have the same morals, values, basic upbringing, and compatible personalities. :nono2:
 
Compatibly.

Chemistry brought dh and I toghether, but compatibly has kept us going all these years.

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Amerie2304 said:
I love this article regarding the subject:

http://ardenleigh.typepad.com/blog/2012/04/chemistry-vs-compatibility.html
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Thanks for sharing that article! I loved it!:grin: So true. Especially this.

Pretty much none of this science behind why we fall in love and with whom has anything to do with whether we have actual compatible values and lifestyles with the person we're falling for.

So let's be clear on one thing. Yes, you will feel this way again about someone else. You're biologically programmed to! Mother nature is going to do all the work for you -- once you find someone basically passable, and then have consistent sex with him, your brain is going to go all haywire and make you feel crazy in love because that is what it is wired to do. Isn't that great? You're already set up for success where falling in love is concerned. Evolution desperately wants you to fall in love. It's got your back. You're good to go.

"Once an individual becomes receptive, he or she is in danger of falling in love with the next reasonably acceptable person who comes along." And then you have all that sex with them that releases all that oxytocin and vasopressin in your brains, and all of a sudden you're pair-bonded to them. And you're stuck in it. And trying to get out of it makes you feel like you're in a pit of quicksand, because that chemical attachment keeps bringing you back again and again. Sometimes for years. And it's only after you've been away from them for enough time that the chemical haze finally leaves your brain and you think to yourself Oh my god, what was I thinking? How could I have wasted so much time and never seen that person for who he/she really was? And then you feel like an idiot.
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StarScream35 said:
What I have noticed is that society has changed in the way it puts an emphasis on one more so than the other. Talking to my mother, it seems in her generation, compatibility was highly important but in my generation, chemistry seems to be more important. Personally, I'd like both but trying to meet a guy with both is like finding a needle in a haystack.
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This. When my mom talked to me about when she met my dad (they've been married 30 years), she didn't put it in those terms but compatibility played a big role in what brought them together and what has kept them together, especially during tough times in their marriage. I don't know how old you are but in my generation, all I hear people talk about is chemistry.
 
Compatability hands down. My ex fiance & I were sooooo connected but I was not attracted to him and it didn't matter. Now my recent ex & I have mad chemistry but we bump heads 24/7. I hate that. I could never be w/ him because of that.
 
I want both but compatibility trumps chemistry for me. I do have to have some chemistry though but it can be less than the level of compatibility I share with my partner.
 
You need both but I think Chemistry is more important. You can have varying degrees of compatibility & still be good. With Chemistry you either have the spark or you dont. Chemistry keeps the fire burning in the relationship...
 
both are important because over time compatibility or chemistry dying out or not being there can make a relationship fizzle. ppl are ever growing and evolving so its important that we as women be sure about what we want and set the bar high early on.
 
Depends...are your goals short term or long term? Short term goals will be successful with only chemistry, but if you're in for the long haul compatibility will be critical.

In my case this was how I felt once upon a time. I chose chemistry then found myself lusting for someone I was completely incompatible with. I had to learn that chemistry can come later as long as you have some measure of attraction to the person.

When I met my husband I was shocked that we were like 99% compatible....It wasn't so much about chemistry. But now....ooh baby we have fantastic chemistry.

Maybe because a man who takes care of his family and puts his wife first is just incredibly sexy.:grin:
 
Without compatibility you will be miserable with your mate. I've been married 11 years to someone I have great chemistry with but our lack of compatibility keeps us going at each other all the time. Really getting someone and them getting you will draw in chemistry, it's inevitable. There is nothing sexier than being with someone who really gets you and you them.

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Bublin said:
Hey @ElizaBlue how are you? How is married life treating you?
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Bublin

Hello Hello, and I am well and how are you honey? Married life is way more than I thought it would be. Chile had I known it would be so smooth and my jaws would be sore from grinning...I'd have done this looong ago.

Couse I had to wait for the right one too!:grin: Bliss!
 
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