What if your friends/family don't think your SO is attractive?

isawstars

isawstars

Well-Known Member
The title explains it all... But does that change anything even if he has attractive qualities (ie: romantic, polite, always makes you laugh)?

It bothers me when friends tell me I can "do better." I mean... my man isn't flavor flav or anything. I actually thought he was incredibly hot until my friends said these things. But since my friends say talk about how great of a person he is, it doesn't bother me as much... however, now I wonder if they're right.
 
Girl...do they have Men?

You better love your Man and keep it moving. Don't let something as ignorant as other people telling you your man is unattractive keep you from having what may be the love of your life.

IF the man treats you well and he's attractive in your eyes that is all that matters.

Please!!

ETA: Gee, this is making me mad as I think about it. Are you sure these are real "friends"?
 
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They're not the ones who have to go home with him so...

And if you don't like what they're saying about him you need to check them and demand for them to respect your choices.
 
First off, it's incredibly rude for them to say that to you.:nono:

As long as your man is doing it for you, I wouldn't worry about it. Looks aren't going to help you raise children nor will looks hold your hand while you're lying sick in a hospital bed somewhere. Folks really need to get their priorities straight.

If he is attractive to YOU, then tell everybody to kick rocks!
 
Do they think he's UGLY or just not drop dead attractive, or as attractive as men you've dated in the past? There's a difference.

Part 1: I'll admit, I'm shallow to a certain extent, but then I'd like to think EVERYONE is. What gets me making eye contact with you across the bar/club/hotel/airplane/line to go through security and take off my shoes/meeting/networking event or wherever else I meet a man, is not your personality. What makes my stomach do flips when we make eye contact is not your personality. Does it mean you've got to be a dime? No, but I'd like to like looking at you and vice versa.

Part 2: "can do better" comes from a lot of places...and sometimes when people say that it has LITTLE to do with your man specifically.

The truth is, what is "doing better" matter if you're happy? You probably can do better, shoot, we can all do better. I've been working for the same company for 4 years, I'd probably be making $10-$15K more a year if I moved on, but I'm happy where I'm at...and there are things beyond MONEY which I stand to lose by leaving to pursuit money ALONE. Attraction isn't just about looks - and what you stand to lose by chasing that dime who's so insecure because he's been convinced the only thing he has to offer the world is good looks is much greater than what you stand to gain by leaving a brother who for right now, makes you happy.

You're happy.

...for right now, what else matters?
 
Don't care. And I don't understand why people even feel the need to say stuff like this to people. I've never told someone that I thought their man was unattractive. Attractiveness is subjective anyway.

I have learned, though, to listen to friends if they think I'm with someone who does not treat me well. If friends have reservations about his temperament, etc. I will take it into consideration, but not looks. They're opinion on that doesn't affect me at all.
 
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See, I can't subscribe to where the ladies are coming from, because I've met and/or interacted with some of my friend's "dudes" and told them that they could do better.

Maybe brother wasn't on his A game. Maybe he was making comments he shouldn't have been making. Maybe he gave us reason to believe he's taking advantage of her, or not being true to her like he claims.

...Is telling your friends that "they can do better" always 100% a bad thing?

...I still say "grain of salt".
 
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These are the type of friends that will talk about your man until you dump him, then date him behind your back. What I'm trying to say is WHO CARES what they think? Does this man treat you right? Makes you smile, laugh? Respect you? Next time one of them say something, you need to check them, and check them HARD!
 
msdeevee said:
Girl...do they have Men?

You better love your Man and keep it moving. Don't let something as ignorant as other people telling you your man is unattractive keep you from having what may be the love of your life.

IF the man treats you well and he's attractive in your eyes that is all that matters.

Please!!

ETA: Gee, this is making me mad as I think about it. Are you sure these are real "friends"?
Click to expand...
What she said.

Now keep it moving.
 
The only time I'd tell a friend a guy is not attractive is when she is first checking him out or on the first few dates before she becomes emotionally attached. After that, she's made up her mind & I think it would be wrong to say that.
 
MsNadi said:
See, I can't subscribe to where the ladies are coming from, because I've met and/or interacted with some of my friend's "dudes" and told them that they could do better.

Maybe brother wasn't on his A game. Maybe he wasn't making comments he shouldn't have been making. Maybe he gave us reason to believe he's taking advantage of her, or not being true to her like he claims.

...Is telling your friends that "they can do better" always 100% a bad thing?

...I still say "grain of salt".
Click to expand...

I'm assuming that she means they are talking about his looks. In the original post it says, "the title explains it all". So I take that to mean that they feel she can get a better looking person. She also says that she thought he was hot until they started saying these things.

Attractiveness is subjective so a person's feeling about anyone else's mate's level of attractiveness should be kept to themselves.
 
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Hey! I actually had the same thing happen to me (twice :look:)

One friend told me - 'You are waayyy out of his league (lookswise)

My whole thing is this, when I was in 8th grade I cared about stuff like that, but now I'm older, a good man is, a good man. Like someone else said, I can't subscribe to where your friends are coming from, but maybe he didn't bring his A game when they met him.

Por ejemplo, when I met my bf's friends I looked amazing, was extra polite and all that nonsense bc I had to impress them. I know that sounds whack, but that's just how things are.. he prob didn't look his best..

But I'm not sure how this would deter you from having a great relationship. It's not like he;s mistreating you, is rude, or simple (dumb) right? They just aren't physically attracted to him? They aren't dating them.. just saying
 
To me all that matters is that I find him attractive... but my friends would comment negatively on my ex's physical appearance, and deep down inside I didn't find him attractive (this was before they said anything.)

On the other hand, my friends think my new boyfriend is cute etc and I agree with them. And if they said otherwise I'd still find him attractive; doesn't matter what they think, I think he's hot.
 
it wouldnt matter as long as your happy. In that he treat you like a Queen , keep pushing. Sometimes your friends will ruin a great thing.
 
MsNadi said:
See, I can't subscribe to where the ladies are coming from, because I've met and/or interacted with some of my friend's "dudes" and told them that they could do better.

Maybe brother wasn't on his A game. Maybe he wasn't making comments he shouldn't have been making. Maybe he gave us reason to believe he's taking advantage of her, or not being true to her like he claims.

...Is telling your friends that "they can do better" always 100% a bad thing?

...I still say "grain of salt".
Click to expand...

This was exactly my point. :yep:

These types of observation I listen to...stuff about his character or temperament. Those are things that, if they are right, will affect me and my happiness. But when it comes to looks, it doesn't matter if I'm blind to his "unattractiveness." That won't change what he is to me and our relationship won't change because of it.
 
Don't worry about what other people say or think about your man's appearance, how YOU feel is the only thing that really matters because after all, you are the one that is with him!
 
If he is attractive to YOU that is all that matters. Don't mind them, you are the one who is dating them. Do they want to share? Is that why they care. As someone said, tell them to kick rocks. I would never say that to a pal about her man. Especially if he was good to her in all respects. Now, if he was a jerk, you best believe I would be like, '...and he isn't even good looking anyway."
 
My now ex-friends have said that me too but I still found dude attractive.

I had a "friend" lecture me about being shallow cause i'm only attracted to good-looking guys. i came to find out she was throwing herself at them behind my back afterwards.

Do you and ignore what they say.
 
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Man, who cares what other people say about him. If you don't see anything wrong w/ how he looks or whatever, then what's the problem....
 
My SIL had a troll (I mean "friend") like this in her life. Wouldn't you know the troll/friend wanted my SIL's man. :rolleyes: She did protest a WHOLE LOT!!!
 
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