What happens at the grocery checkout stays at the grocery checkout...?

Cendra

Cendra

Well-Known Member
So....I'm at the grocery store yesterday, waiting for my turn at the checkout. I turn to see a Caucausianish lady (could've been Middle Eastern mix) behind me. Out of nowhere a little person's full head of thick, woolly, dark brown hair comes bopping and lands between us. She looks up at me and I get a full view of her hair: sticking out (imagine Don King), matted at the roots, completely UNDONE with specs of lint (?!) here and there. Had to do a triple take and resisted the urge to share my horrified look with her mother. Father left the line and went to look for something.

My question to you is: do you say anything? WOULD you say anything? I wanted to ask her casually if she'd had any problems with the child's hair....it was so painful to see! But how can I do this without insulting, embarrassing, over-stepping, etc?

Is it even my job to edumacate her? I've seen this before, as I'm sure you have also, but this was the worst case I've ever seen. The mother had taken the time to comb her own hair, slapped on her makeup and looked presentable to the world. She didn't bother putting the child's hair into a ponytail, or at least under a hat (I'm in Toronto - it's getting cold) and the least she should know is that her daughter's hair will snap in this kind of weather.

Anyway, they shop in my neighbourhood so there's a good chance I'll see them again. How can I approach her?
 
You could perpetrate like you make a couple extra $$ doing kids' hair on the side, and offer to do the child's hair for like $7. If they take you up on it, you can teach them a crash course on caring for her hair.
 
Let's hope it was a Halloween party costume and not the child's real hair.

Unless she said something about the child's hair, I would not say anything.
If she did open the door to say she knew the child's hair was a mess, I'd offer her some product advice or the number of a stylist.
 
I don't know about this one. A kind gesture from a stranger can be so easily misinterpreted. For example: I was in the grocery store when this woman very kindly reached into her purse and handed me a business card thinking I was obviously in need of her services....She was a personal trainer. Even though I understood that she thought she'd be able to change my life for the better, I still felt like punching her in the face. :lachen:
 
Sometimes i feel like i would print cards with this website and the catch phrase " black womens hair resource" or sumthing like that.

Then just casually start dropping cards near these ppl or pretending they dropped it and hand it "back".

Because there is no tactful way to say "your hair looks like **** -here, this will help"

Also there is the guilt, my hair was always lovely when my mum did it, there were never any family members trying to promote a relaxer at 5( or ever actually) or any of the crazy stories I hear, here.

But I know by not speaking, what will probably happen.
 
curlyninjagirl said:
I don't know about this one. A kind gesture from a stranger can be so easily misinterpreted. For example: I was in the grocery store when this woman very kindly reached into her purse and handed me a business card thinking I was obviously in need of her services....She was a personal trainer. Even though I understood that she thought she'd be able to change my life for the better, I still felt like punching her in the face. :lachen:
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Next time turn that guilt into a discount!
 
There is a girl in my office with sum reallt **** braids! Everytime I look at her I shake my head. I want to offer advice but wont I have learnt to keep it to myself.

ETA:
I c u are new U will learn.
 
I saw a situation where a little girl had braids in her hair and her hair line was disappearing due to them being in so long. I was very tempted to let the mom know that her daughter's hair line was suffering/receding and she might want to give her hair a break from the braids for a while but I knew that this was a touchy subject and may not be received well. Sometimes it's best to just leave well enough alone. If it really concerns you though, you could casually ask what products the mother uses on her daughter's hair and suggest some items and even techniques for dealing with it. You just have to find a tactful way to go about it.
 
I probably would have surveyed the girl's hair long enough for the mother to realize I was looking at it....from there.....as a woman, she already knows what you are thinking. Sometimes, that is all that is needed....someone to stare at your shoes/outfit with a quizzical look....and then you start analyzing whether it's ok. She thought it was ok but once she sees the reactions of the general public, she'll have to go back to the drawing board and begin learning what to do with the child's hair. And, shame on black daddy for allowing the baby go around looking like a pickaninny....he knew better.
 
I know I wouldn't say anything but it does sound like she needs help. Her hair is definitely suffering and it will cause that girl so many problems as she gets older. From a bystanders perspective it looks like neglect. Matts and lent balls? There is no excuse and if that lil girl was white her parents would never let her walk around with dirty matted hair. They think b/c she is black it's okay. If they wanted to do something with her hair there is the Internet and also salons that could help her out. SMDH If ur gonna adopt a black child u need to research on all aspects of keeping them well cared for.
 
On a another note b/c I'm so pissed I probably would have said something like "aaawww look at her hair. She's so cute did u fix it like that?". That would open up room for conversation.
 
She doesn't really want to know or else she would have asked. Over the summer I wore my hair in more natural textured styles and one of my choirmates said to me (after I complimented her stlying of a wig she was wearing over her locks) "I do hair, when are you going to let me do yours? You need to let me do yours!" And gave me that look with it like - "you know your hair is jacked up". I didn't take offense too much other than she assumed to know what I needed more than me. I liked my hair and felt free. No way was I going to let her near my hair! Her locks aren't that tight and I don't need any extra issues!

Maybe the daughter likes her hair like that or whatever. We don't know what the situation is in the background. I've learned to MYOB unless they ask, and sometimes even then they don't really want to listen.
 
I say start with compliments, people always appreciate those, unless she knows in her mind it looks bad then she might think you're being sarcastic. Like tell her her daughter is so cute and her hair is so pretty, an what does she use in it an stuff, then maybe you can make a few product suggestions, stuff she can use to minimize frizz or make the 'style' kast longer or sommen.
 
curlyninjagirl said:
I don't know about this one. A kind gesture from a stranger can be so easily misinterpreted. For example: I was in the grocery store when this woman very kindly reached into her purse and handed me a business card thinking I was obviously in need of her services....She was a personal trainer. Even though I understood that she thought she'd be able to change my life for the better, I still felt like punching her in the face. :lachen:
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Ugh, I can totally relate. I was with a skinny friend in walmart and this ****** came up and handed me a business card.....she was selling Ardyss body magic. She completely ignored my thin friend! I knew she meant well but it still pissed me off.

I wouldn't say anything OP. Sometimes even when you mean well, it just doesn't work out. You never know how the person might misconstrue an act of genuine goodwill.
 
I seen a white lady in WM with a possible biracial child. Child's hair was in a sloppy ponytail, dry, and broken off. I think she seen my shocked looked cause when they cane back by the little girl had her Hood pulled over it.

I wanted to say something. Offer to do the child's hair,in this instance I font think it would have been a big deal. I'm shy and awkward so I didn't know how to start the convo. That's the only thing. How to break the ice.

excuse my typos i hate it as much as you.
 
I personally wouldn't. I have seen that same scenario and tried to scheme up ways to get the mother to ask me questions about my hair such as getting a product out of my cart and looking at it, playing with my hair, etc. It actually worked a few times. :lol:

If we're in the hair care isle, its easier for me to do some small talk about hair and products and that usually opens the gates too.
 
this is tough. but how many times has someone been "real" with you and thus spurred a change for the better? in my childhood- this little girl was me hair-wise. Neither of my parents knew how to take care or mine or even their fros. It was terrible. Whenever anyone offered hair advice, they lapped it up like water!

For all you know that woman may have looked at you and thought -(hrmm... she has really nice hair..she could probably help me with my daughters hair. how do i approach that though?) people have pride.

yea it may be none of your business but to be honest- everyday that we step out into public we are presenting an image to the world that is everyones business to see lol. I appreciate the times where i've been called out ( kindly and tactfully) on jacked hair or ugly clothes. in some cases i wish it would have happened sooner.

yea it hurts a bit but id rather feel the sting once and look good moving forward. Now, i'm consistently complemented on my hair and clothes becuase of the changes i made due to outside feedback. I think you should tactfully say or indicate something. If anything you'll make the mother aware of something she may have otheriwse thought nothing of.
 
Don't do it. Some chick walked up to me while I was on a date (a first date at that) and offered to "straighten that hair" for me. I was so offended.
 
i wudnt say anything... Lol i just envision it going down like a scene from dave chapelles "when keeping it real goes wrong" lmao!
 
You could just strike up a friendly convo, be friendly, make small talk, see where it goes. Like saying, "Your daughter is so cute, she reminds me of my little cousin." You know sumthin like that. Feel her out. She may mention it you and say she's overwhelmed or ask questions about how to do her hair.
 
Don't say anything. I hate it when people always try to push themselves on you. Women approach me all of the time like I or dd are in drastic need of their hair care services. Sometimes people have bad hair days and unfortunately mothers get lazy when it comes to the childs hair. It doesn't mean that you need to rescue them. You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. I am pretty sure if that woman wanted help she would have asked you or went to a beauty salon.

If you must push yourself on others then start with a compliment, stare at the hair for a long time and shake your head without saying anything or give a card like the others posters' said. Either way it still may not be well received or the woman may get the hint and take action.
 
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lustrous said:
yea it may be none of your business but to be honest- everyday that we step out into public we are presenting an image to the world that is everyones business to see lol. I appreciate the times where i've been called out ( kindly and tactfully) on jacked hair or ugly clothes. in some cases i wish it would have happened sooner.

.
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What gives someone else the right to comment on your/my clothes or hair just because I am out in public. Other people don't want or care for your/others opinions or they would ask. Maybe from a family member but even that gets tired real quickly but definitely not from a stanger.

I can see if you are in a beauty salon/store and they approached you or at the gym and a trainer approached you But to randomly approach someone in a grocery store about their hair or clothes and how you can help them is out of line.
 
I really like the idea of the business cards. I give my business cards out all the time and as long as you give it to more than one person in the store I don't see the problem even if you really was not trying to start a business but if you really want to give advise to people you could just sell your advise but not really selling it like she said offer a really cheap price and explain once they contact you that your job is to help them to care for at home because you can do their child's hair all day long what will happen once they get one if you don't know self care. and they this is the way to work yourself into their life.
 
dancinstallion;14550813[B said:
]What gives someone else the right to comment on your/my clothes or hair just because I am out in public.[/B] Other people don't want or care for your/others opinions or they would ask. Maybe from a family member but even that gets tired real quickly but definitely not from a stanger.

I can see if you are in a beauty salon/store and they approached you or at the gym and a trainer approached you But to randomly approach someone in a grocery store about their hair or clothes and how you can help them is out of line.
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it is really called caring about your fellow neighbor or just your fellow human being and what if that person just really don't know. but older generation are use to this because this is the way we were raised back in the day. the younger generation have no since of helping out their fellow man or being able to appreciate someone else caring about you even if they don't know you. not everyone is trying to be mean there are a lot of people that have a heart out there.
I'm just saying and not attaching so please don't start jumping on me.
 
Shadiyah said:
it is really called caring about your fellow neighbor or just your fellow human being and what if that person just really don't know. but older generation are use to this because this is the way we were raised back in the day. the younger generation have no since of helping out their fellow man or being able to appreciate someone else caring about you even if they don't know you. not everyone is trying to be mean there are a lot of people that have a heart out there.
I'm just saying and not attaching so please don't start jumping on me.
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Yup what if they don't know and just don't know how to ask or are too embarrassed?

Don't we all do that sometimes "*inside my head*damn those shoes are hot I really wanna ask her where she got them."
excuse my typos i hate it as much as you.
 
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