What happens at the grocery checkout stays at the grocery checkout...?

[lesedi]

Nope, don't get involved. If the mother was really interested in finding out about black haircare, she would have googled already. What's to say that she will follow the advice you give her anyway?

 

[dancinstallion]

it is really called caring about your fellow neighbor or just your fellow human being and what if that person just really don't know. but older generation are use to this because this is the way we were raised back in the day. the younger generation have no since of helping out their fellow man or being able to appreciate someone else caring about you even if they don't know you. not everyone is trying to be mean there are a lot of people that have a heart out there.
I'm just saying and not attaching so please don't start jumping on me.

See this is what I mean. "HELPING OUT" so to tell someone I can do your hair because I need to help you and your situation. This is not helping out. I have a different intake on helping out your neighbors or strangers. Helping out is when someone is carrying too many bags and you offer to help. someone looks distraught or lost and you offer to help.

Don't help me with my hair or attire while I am at the grocery store.

Yup what if they don't know and just don't know how to ask or are too embarrassed?

Don't we all do that sometimes "*inside my head*damn those shoes are hot I really wanna ask her where she got them."
excuse my typos i hate it as much as you.

That is completely different because this is something you like. You like how the person is dressed and you should have asked so nothing is wrong with that. NOT you don't like how the person is dressed and you really wanted to ask them to take your haircare or fashion advice.

 

[lilyofthenile]

I have had people approach me with business cards while I wore my hair naturally in a neat style.

I'd say, don't. The thing is, their reaction, could definitely be unpredictable. I wouldn't take the risk.

 

[leiah]

I started growing my son's freeform locs only a few months ago. His hair looks the way you described. It gets shampooed and oiled. No detangling, no hair cuts.

It's at a pretty awkward stage now so I usually keep a hat on him when we go out. I brought him into work the other day and took his hat off because it was warm inside and everyone laughed!

I'm also pretty light in complexion. A lot of people don't think i'm black at all.
I've grown nice locs this way before, and his father has locs down to his butt that he grew the same way. I know exactly what i'm doing and I would be pretty upset if someone offered me "advice".

I'm hoping a winter in wooly hats will speed up the process because when I go out I always wonder what people are thinking. No one has said anything so far though.

 

[NIN4eva]

I wouldn't have said anything. If the woman took the time to care for herself she knew her child's hair was a mess. I look at it as a form of abuse, emotionally. All I can do is stare serious daggers at parents like that, there are too many resources out there these days...

Of course once I get my license I can hand out cards as "a new stylist building her client base.", etc. It also about being tactful.

 

[loved]

Ugh, I can totally relate. I was with a skinny friend in walmart and this ****** came up and handed me a business card.....she was selling Ardyss body magic. She completely ignored my thin friend! I knew she meant well but it still pissed me off.

I wouldn't say anything OP. Sometimes even when you mean well, it just doesn't work out. You never know how the person might misconstrue an act of genuine goodwill.

I know the feeling. Someone I know kept telling me she had something to get me in shape after my pregnancy - like I really needed anyone mentioning my weight as my belly turned into a pumpkin. Turns out she was selling body magic. I can't even say what I wanted to do to her.

I wouldn't have said anything about the child's hair. I lived in a place where a lot of them adopted black children from overseas & their solution was to cut the hair into TWAs.

 

[Kirei]

What gives someone else the right to comment on your/my clothes or hair just because I am out in public. Other people don't want or care for your/others opinions or they would ask. Maybe from a family member but even that gets tired real quickly but definitely not from a stanger.

I can see if you are in a beauty salon/store and they approached you or at the gym and a trainer approached you But to randomly approach someone in a grocery store about their hair or clothes and how you can help them is out of line.

Exactly.

I'm am mom and DD has bad hair days, hell she is having one now with one side of her in braids and the other side out (she only let me take out one side so far ). The braids are old and when we went out I threw her hair in one big ponytail and yes it has lint.

The thing is you don't know that woman or that child and maybe that child was just having a bad hair day and the mom just took her hair out of braids, plaits, ponytails or whatever and was planning to wash it that night?

I also want to know what her color had to do with it? Some white women can hook a black head up with some cornrows and beads!

 

[EccentricRed]

I probably wouldn't say anything. I normally don't say anything unless I am approached about it first.

There are woman I see in town, and she has 2 daughters who's hair looks like that. The Mom is a sistah that had something like a 2-3a curl pattern. Her hair always looked nice and under control. She would bring those girls around and their hair just would be sticking up everywhere and looked so dry. There hair was about NL, so it could not be pulled back either. It appeared that their mother put relaxers in their hair, but had no clue what to do with their hair type, so she just did not do anything. I saw a lot of people who wanted to say something, but everyone would just sit and glance at each other with these distressed faces...

 

[Cendra]

OK.
Well, I didn't think this would generate such strong opinions but I read every response, thank you very much!
There are quite a few of your points that I hadn't even considered - if the child liked her hair this way; was it a Halloween costume; she was in between braidings, etc. Very valid points.
Selah339 - hair colour mention was solely for descriptive purposes. She actually had a very nice, thick head of hair. Shame that it was in such a state.

You've all given me much to think about as I'm still on the fence...to approach or not to. But the next time I see them, I definitely have some great ideas on how to do it, if I do decide to apprach.

 

[lustrous]

What gives someone else the right to comment on your/my clothes or hair just because I am out in public. Other people don't want or care for your/others opinions or they would ask. Maybe from a family member but even that gets tired real quickly but definitely not from a stanger.

I can see if you are in a beauty salon/store and they approached you or at the gym and a trainer approached you But to randomly approach someone in a grocery store about their hair or clothes and how you can help them is out of line.

lol i just typed a response to this and when i backspaced i lost it all. urghh

in short- i randomly approach people if I think they look great in something. (generally clothes) a sincere compliment is always welcome in my book. but i think you mean doing it in a contemptuous way. in that case, i'm with you.

I wholeheartedly disagree with commenting on a complete stranger's weight or hairstyle in a way that says " you clearly need my help" Even in context it is rude as fudge. As long as i'm clean and neat i'm good. My mom thought my natural puff was unruly. i didnt care. she got that message and we let it drop. if she had said it looked dirty or matted - i would have cared and taken that seriously.

I would like to respectfully disagree on your comment "Other people don't want or care for your/others opinions or they would ask." Not to sound pretentious but I think alot of people do care even if just on a subconscious level. There are certain things i will not leave the house without doing because i don't want to be seen in an bad light. (i.e brush my teeth, shower etc.) presentation is HUGE. I wish i could deny that but in some cases thats all people judge you on. instead of fighting it, i make it work for me and look presentable even if i'm going to pump gas

when i was "called out" - it was by my best friend and in a very kind and tactful way. i really appreciated it and to this day I still do. i needed help with my self maintenance as a young girl and she had my back. i dont get get offended when someone negatively comments on something that is completely baseless. But if the comment has even a glimmer of truth about something i feel is a point for improvement in my life - i take is a constructive criticism. i agree that there is a fine line between out of line and inappropriate. I suppose if there is doubt, leave it out. ( the comment that is)

 

[dancinstallion]

lol i just typed a response to this and when i backspaced i lost it all. urghh

in short- i randomly approach people if I think they look great in something. (generally clothes) a sincere compliment is always welcome in my book. but i think you mean doing it in a contemptuous way. in that case, i'm with you.

I wholeheartedly disagree with commenting on a complete stranger's weight or hairstyle in a way that says " you clearly need my help" Even in context it is rude as fudge. As long as i'm clean and neat i'm good. My mom thought my natural puff was unruly. i didnt care. she got that message and we let it drop. if she had said it looked dirty or matted - i would have cared and taken that seriously.

I would like to respectfully disagree on your comment "Other people don't want or care for your/others opinions or they would ask." Not to sound pretentious but I think alot of people do care even if just on a subconscious level. There are certain things i will not leave the house without doing because i don't want to be seen in an bad light. (i.e brush my teeth, shower etc.) presentation is HUGE. I wish i could deny that but in some cases thats all people judge you on. instead of fighting it, i make it work for me and look presentable even if i'm going to pump gas

when i was "called out" - it was by my best friend and in a very kind and tactful way. i really appreciated it and to this day I still do. i needed help with my self maintenance as a young girl and she had my back. i dont get get offended when someone negatively comments on something that is completely baseless. But if the comment has even a glimmer of truth about something i feel is a point for improvement in my life - i take is a constructive criticism. i agree that there is a fine line between out of line and inappropriate. I suppose if there is doubt, leave it out. ( the comment that is)

lustrous, Ita with the bolded. Sometimes I do get offended when someone make a baseless negative comment because it is baseless and negative. If there was a hint of truth in it then I wouldn't get offended.

 

[doll-baby]

I wouldn't say anything unless she asked me. On several occasions I've had mother's of biracial children ask me for tips in managing thier daughter's hair. I always refer them to LHCF as well as any quality products that I know or.