What does it mean to be 'marriageable'? And do you consider yourself that?

[Maracujá]

This is a spinoff of this particular post: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showpost.php?p=10652494&postcount=54

I was just wondering: what does it mean to be 'marriageable'? Does it mean the same for men and women? Do you consider yourself to be 'marriageable'?

 

[YankeeCandle]

To me, marriageable means ready to leave your single life behind and legally join households with another person. This could mean finished with all the schooling you want, having had the types of experiences you wanted to have while still single, or any other thresholds you need to cross before you are ready and able to legally manage a joint household with someone.

ETA: if you are not mentally ready to take that step yet still do, it can cause problems in the marriage down the line. I have seen it happen in some friends' divorces.

And, nope, I am not "marriageable" at this time. I have a man who wants to marry me, but I am not ready for that final (and finality-filled) step.

And I believe this can apply to anyone and is not dependent on the genitals we were born with.

BUT, based on our genitals, many more women than men in the West have been socialized to be "marriageable" (or eager to make themselves appear so) than have men.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I got that from guys since I was 18. A guy I was dating recently said "oh wow you're wifey material, theres no messing around with you" almost as if I was untouchable to him untill he was ready to settle down.......its not like I ever bring up marriage.....its usually the guy so that's wierd.

I'd love to settle down with the right guy and like the fact that men always say that I'm "marraigeable" as you put it, but maybe I come off too...idunno formal? I'm not sure...it probably has to do with the fact that I'm still a virgin....people really put me on a pedestal for that and I'm trying to find a happy balance.

Anywhoo people say that about me all the time it can be a double-edged sword....still working on honing that quality in me to be unimposing asset.

 

[lizzyb168]

marriageable is basically the opposite of a girl who runs around all day like a headless chicken.

When your marriageable, you know what you want in life, your focused, calm, collected. You dont give it out to anyone who wants it, but wait for the right person. Your very focused on building a solid foundation for a future and are probably someone who would be a calming influence on your spouse.

 

[phynestone]

From what I've seen, almost anyone is marriageable. The question is, will you be married to the right person?

Yes, I will be marriageable in a few years, after I've traveled a little more and finished my education.

 

[ambergirl]

From what I've seen, almost anyone is marriageable. The question is, will you be married to the right person?

Yes, I will be marriageable in a few years, after I've traveled a little more and finished my education.

So true. Everyone can get married. Marriage isn't a prize for only the chosen few...the trick is how to be happily married.

 

[zenith]

Lets be honest here, no one will ever know all they need to know about their spouse before you say "I DO".
Also you will not be able to finish doing all the things on your to-do list while still single and then get married. One's list keep growing and growing as time goes on.

IMO, it's not about getting married, but staying married (happily and content) is what counts (making one marriage material).

 

[jamaraa]

Marriageable..umm, hard question. :scratchch: This answer is as individual as each person.

In terms of women, I basically think it means that a woman has left behind some of the "messiness" of youth and is willing to grow up a bit, at least in theory. She must seem interested in other people past herself and not be addicted to "instant gratification". Most people seem to seek a partner that has some measure of maturity and having some emotional control/stability. A person w/ no control over their impulses is a big .

Then there's attitude thing. More than anything else, I suspect, the "marriageability" of a woman is judged by that. If you can't control your temper, can't handle not always get your way w/o resort to "White woman's tears" LOL , lack the ability to resolve conflict in socially acceptable means and timely manner, and lack a certain "softness"...most sane men will .

Most sane people don't wish to always have or be wary of conflict w/ another person. It's incredibly unpleasant and limits the ability to share. Many women have marriageability issues for these reasons...they simply want it all on their terms and will rage until they get it. True story!

 

[YankeeCandle]

Lets be honest here, no one will ever know all they need to know about their spouse before you say "I DO".
Also you will not be able to finish doing all the things on your to-do list while still single and then get married. One's list keep growing and growing as time goes on.

If someone's not mentally on board with joining all of their future life, household, reputation, and legal status and ventures to another person, that is T-R-O-U-B-L-E waiting to happen in the marriage down the line.

I suppose I don't understand why indeed such a person should get married before they are mentally on board with it. What for? Just because time is going by? Just to get married for the sake of it? erplexed

People should get married when they organically, from their own perspective, feel comfortable, ready, and eager to. Not because others have said: "it's time, already!"

Until then, they are mentally not "marriageable," IMO. And as long as they are honest about it with their dates or partners, and the latter accept that, there is nothing wrong with not being marriagable yet (or ever ).

 

[jamaraa]

I finally went and re-read Sipp's post and other who commented further on the matter. Yes, sadly, I agree w/ the sentiments (re American BW and marriageability) and have expressed them many times myself.

 

[newbiemom]

I have heard this from a few bf's. My dh says all women have catagories and some are the wifey kind. They get the ring and the house and some are the good for only one thing and they get the motel/hotel and bounced out. I think for men it means that he is willing to leave the foolishness behind and wants to be a family man, financially and emotionally ready to take care of the family.