What does a guy really think when you have sex?

[BrittanyH26]

Ladies,

I decided to ask this question because I know that my LHCF sisters will not judge. I'm asking out of pure curiosity:

When things go too far or you have sex very early in your relationship, what does the guy really think? Is there ever chance that you two could develop to be more than just a physical attraction?

I'm curious.. please let me know based on experience or friend's experience.

 

[ShaniKeys]

Ladies,

I decided to ask this question because I know that my LHCF sisters will not judge. I'm asking out of pure curiosity:

When things go too far or you have sex very early in your relationship, what does the guy really think? Is there ever chance that you two could develop to be more than just a physical attraction?

I'm curious.. please let me know based on experience or friend's experience.

I wouldn't advise anyone to do that...have sex very early in the relationship, but of course people do differ so it is possible you get one of those good men that are out there, mature and secure ones that don't judge too quick...they're scarce though.

Good thread OP.


*activating lurkmode*

 

[intergalacticartist]

I'm guessing he would think you're a hoe and do that with every man you meet

 

[BrittanyH26]

Interesting. It baffles me, however, when girls that I know are very.. promiscuous...end up the main ones with boyfriends or significant others. I always thought that a man wouldn't want a woman like that. Recently, I've been seeing this going on, and I want to know what we, as women, think.

 

[Mortons]

To be totally honest, I have been in this situation and we ended up having a serious relationship. It may depend on the guy and what he knows/thinks about you even before the sex happened.

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

Some don't care and others will think you're a sl*t.
There is no rhyme or reason, and the double standard will always prevail.
Totally depends on the guy though.

 

[tiara76]

depends on the woman

that determines what the guy will think of her

the same guy can think the last 5 chicks he slept are "sluts" and has no respect for them

the next chick sleeps with just as soon and thinks she is the one

the situations had nothing to do with the man, even if he had the preconcieved notion in his head that thats what he was gonna think about women who give it up early...he would think it up until he met the woman who he didnt think that about who gave it up early

and everything to do with the woman

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

My philosophy is that if you even entertain thoughts of "what does this mean" then you probably shouldn't do it in the first place.

IDK, I'm grown. I don't really care what the guy thinks about it. I'm almost 30 years old.... If I choose to sleep with a guy "early," chances are that I'm not interested in having a LTR with him anyway.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

Some don't care and others will think you're a sl*t.
There is no rhyme or reason, and the double standard will always prevail.
Totally depends on the guy though.

Some also think it's fine until you break up... and then retain the right to call you a slut after the fact.

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

Some also think it's fine until you break up... and then retain the right to call you a slut after the fact.

Yep, guys are experts at that.
My ex told me what attracted him to me was all my tattoos ( i have plenty, but you can't see them when i am dressed)
As soon as things went sour, he told me the tattoos made me look trashy...Hmmm really?

 

[Raspberry]

Yep, guys are experts at that.
My ex told me what attracted him to me was all my tattoos ( i have plenty, but you can't see them when i am dressed)
As soon as things went sour, he told me the tattoos made me look trashy...Hmmm really?

Yup, that's how they do.. one ex told me I dressed too proactively after the fact - basically in jeans, skirts and tanks during the summer we were talking. I guess the fact he liked my body was my fault

 

[gn1g]

Yup, that's how they do.. one ex told me I dressed too proactively after the fact - basically in jeans, skirts and tanks during the summer we were talking. I guess the fact he liked my body was my fault

No actually he is probably mad because his friends liked your body.and mentioned it. along with other men that looked at you while you all were out an about. I LOVE IT!

 

[juju]

If you feeling uneasy about having sex early in a relationship chances are that during the act you will not even enjoy it.

 

[JustKiya]

I'll tell you what DH told me (we did the do on our second date, less than 2 weeks after meeting) - He's a man that likes sex. He appreciates good sex. If a woman isn't interested in having sex with him (or doesn't enjoy sex/have goodgood) - early on - he ain't interested in her - at all. Won't even stick around to see if she has deeper qualities.

Now. After the moaning is done, it takes being a well-rounded, relatively sane, intelligent, funny, well-spoken woman to keep him.

It definitely varies from man to man - you have to decide how you feel about it - that new dude's opinion ain't even worth factoring into how you should feel about having sex with someone - at any point in time.

 

[gmw]

I'll tell you what DH told me (we did the do on our second date, less than 2 weeks after meeting) - He's a man that likes sex. He appreciates good sex. If a woman isn't interested in having sex with him (or doesn't enjoy sex/have goodgood) - early on - he ain't interested in her - at all. Won't even stick around to see if she has deeper qualities.

Now. After the moaning is done, it takes being a well-rounded, relatively sane, intelligent, funny, well-spoken woman to keep him.

It definitely varies from man to man - you have to decide how you feel about it - that new dude's opinion ain't even worth factoring into how you should feel about having sex with someone - at any point in time.

LOL!!!!

 

[sky_blu]

Ive waited awhile and Ive given up the goods fairly quickly. But Ive also gotten to the point where if Im feeling him like that than I do what I do. Im too old to be playing around if I know what I want. Either way there wasnt a difference in the way I was treated by the guy Ive waited with and the guy Ive given it up quickly. Matter of fact the guy who had it rather quickly treated me better than the guy I waited with. Like someone said there is no rhyme or reason to it, it depends on the guy.

 

[darlingdiva]

I'll tell you what DH told me (we did the do on our second date, less than 2 weeks after meeting) - He's a man that likes sex. He appreciates good sex. If a woman isn't interested in having sex with him (or doesn't enjoy sex/have goodgood) - early on - he ain't interested in her - at all. Won't even stick around to see if she has deeper qualities.

Now. After the moaning is done, it takes being a well-rounded, relatively sane, intelligent, funny, well-spoken woman to keep him.

It definitely varies from man to man - you have to decide how you feel about it - that new dude's opinion ain't even worth factoring into how you should feel about having sex with someone - at any point in time.

ITA with the bolded. Although I knew my husband before we started dating, we slept together less than two weeks after we officially started dating. I think that a lot of the problems that women encounter in terms of dating and relationships stem from the fact that some of us spend to much time worrying about how a man will perceive us if we act in a certain manner instead of just being ourselves.

Even though many men and women view females who have sex early in a relationship as sluts, it's simply not the case. Furthermore, if a guy isn't mature enough to judge a woman on whom she is and what she does both inside and outside of the bedroom, then that's his problem.

 

[Theo]

I think it depends on the guy and on the woman. I'm sorry but if you're a hoe you're a hoe, doesn't matter how intelligent you are. However, sometimes you need to act a little hoeish to get the guy you want. I'm a firm believer in that. There are too many chaste holy Christian woman walking around single for me to believe otherwise.

 

[Raspberry]

I think it depends on the guy and on the woman. I'm sorry but if you're a hoe you're a hoe, doesn't matter how intelligent you are. However, sometimes you need to act a little hoeish to get the guy you want. I'm a firm believer in that. There are too many chaste holy Christian woman walking around single for me to believe otherwise.

Lol, this thinking is deceptive IMO. Yes, you can catch a lot of men through being sex or seductive means but that doesn't mean he was worth getting or that the results will be long term. Sometimes we get caught up in the game when the prize is an illusion.

Tiara76 said something that stuck with me recently about the difference between capturing a man's ego and capturing his heart. There are definitely proven strategies to manipulate and seduce a man's ego but capturing his heart doesn't have much to do with sex or games.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Interesting. It baffles me, however, when girls that I know are very.. promiscuous...end up the main ones with boyfriends or significant others. I always thought that a man wouldn't want a woman like that. Recently, I've been seeing this going on, and I want to know what we, as women, think.

Yeah they always have relationships, but how grounded is the relationship? Is it just a friends w/ benefits situation but in a "relationship" blinded by lust or is it sincere. Many times it's the latter if you ask me.

 

[gn1g]

I wonder what Mr. Harvey would say to this.

 

[Syrah]

Ive waited awhile and Ive given up the goods fairly quickly. But Ive also gotten to the point where if Im feeling him like that than I do what I do. Im too old to be playing around if I know what I want. Either way there wasnt a difference in the way I was treated by the guy Ive waited with and the guy Ive given it up quickly. Matter of fact the guy who had it rather quickly treated me better than the guy I waited with. Like someone said there is no rhyme or reason to it, it depends on the guy.

This is where I'm at. I get the notion of protecting yourself and being safe. What I don't understand is using sex as some negotiating or bargaining chip.

I, too, am to old to be denying what I want because I'm afraid of how someone may react to what I want. I'm of the notion that if we sleep together and I don't hear from you, me sleeping with you wasn't the problem - the problems existed long before we decided to lie down together.

And maybe it's my experiences. The dude I slept with on the second date, stuck around for 6 years. The dude who patiently waited 9 months didn't hear from ME shortly thereafter.

 

[syze6]

It hard to say. I'm not keen on a man gauging our relationship on how good the sex is or will be. I want a man to judge me and capture my heart and attention based on me as a person. If I got to swing from chadeliers and pass some sex test, that determines my longevity in his life,than he can kick rocks.

 

[BrittanyH26]

Thanks for responding ladies. Love hearing your opinions.

 

[glamazon386]

It depends on the man and what his intentions were from jump. If he was just trying to hit, it doesn't matter if it's sooner than later. Waiting won't necessarily make him stay. And how early is early? The first date? The first month? They say the average american couple has sex on the third date.

 

[Blossssom]

I'm guessing he would think you're a hoe and do that with every man you meet

And if you're a hoe, then what the hell is he?

 

[SelahOco]

I wonder what Mr. Harvey would say to this.

I was thinking the same thing. Steve's book has excellent points, and I recommend it to any young woman...because it will really help you face reality when women often deal in guessing and assumptions. His point on waiting 3 months to have sex, was a good one for many (if not most) people. But I think there are other perspectives out there.

I think to Tiara's point, a woman can carry herself in such a way that her sexuality is her very own. It's not something that a man can feel he "swindled" you out of or something that you give up just to get someone to like you.

If you want to have sex, and you can have sex and walk away from it feeling 100% good about you -- that's one thing. I think that energy (as opposed to a deseperate energy) would cause the man to see you as you are rather than what he supposes you are.

My caution is that most woman are not in this place. I think Steve's advice to wait 3 months is for a more broad circumstance. He's saying, don't have sex with him early, if you're gonna do it and then "wonder" what the man is thinking of you. If you care what he's thinking of you, don't have sex with him early. Period.

Of course, if you're waiting for marriage for religious and other reasons, you avoid a good deal of this problem. And you can "vet" a man in different ways by choosing to wait.

 

[SelahOco]

I think it depends on the guy and on the woman. I'm sorry but if you're a hoe you're a hoe, doesn't matter how intelligent you are. However, sometimes you need to act a little hoeish to get the guy you want. I'm a firm believer in that. There are too many chaste holy Christian woman walking around single for me to believe otherwise.

Honey, I doubt that has ANYTHING to do with their sexual habits. If a woman is sweet, fun, intellegent, rational and has a sense of humor...a dude will wait, sit next to her in church, propose, and get saved to keep her...all the while he's like this waiting for the cookie.

IMO, being chaste is the least of our problems. I see your point though...just had to get that out.

 

[FemmeCreole]

Ladies,

I decided to ask this question because I know that my LHCF sisters will not judge. I'm asking out of pure curiosity:

When things go too far or you have sex very early in your relationship, what does the guy really think? Is there ever chance that you two could develop to be more than just a physical attraction?

I'm curious.. please let me know based on experience or friend's experience.

men and women think differently

this is a question that should be posed to a cross section of men. .... women CANNOT answer this question accurately and besides it really depends on the guy.

 

[FemmeCreole]

And if you're a hoe, then what the hell is he?

somebody please give Bloss a cookie.....that is the truth